Do you have a destructive or dysfunctional habit that’s stopping you from getting dating success?

We take a look the ways some people can sabotage themselves on a date and how they can fix this.

First of all,  you need to work out what exactly you are doing wrong.  Then it can be easy enough to put things right.

This can usually fall in to one of three things:

Too Needy,  Too Negative or Too Picky

1)Too Needy

You are so desperate to get a partner that you accept anyone who shows any interest.  You go out on dates purely for the sake of dating and often end up sleeping with anyone who pays you any attention.  You get upset and angry when you don’t hear back from the straight away and ruin possible relationships by being too keen or demanding.

Sometimes you think that this person will be able to fix your life or you’ll overlook major issues thinking that you can change them yourself.

The Cure:  Take a step back.  If you need to, have a break from dating and only ever date someone you think you really will have a great future with.

2)Too Negative

You’ve had some bad experiences in the past and don’t want to  let yourself get hurt again.  Therefore you focus on your past rather than looking to your future.

Your date doesn’t want to hear about how bad your life is or hear about your faults and insecurities.

The Cure:   Challenge yourself to be positive.  Wear something that you feel great in and keep your body language upbeat and friendly. Work out all the things in life that you enjoy and that are going well for you.   Everyone is different so don’t expect them to treat you the same as your ex.

3) Too Picky

Nobody is able to meet your high standards and as such you won’t give anyone a chance.  You’ll come across as rude and defensive rather than a possible partner.  Perhaps you won’t make the effort on a date as you’ve already decided it’s not going to go anywhere before you’ve even met.

The Cure:    Take the opportunity to find out more about your date.   What do you have in common?  Are you enjoying their company?  Above all, work out what really is important to you and let anything else go.  You aren’t perfect so why would they be?

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Are you struggling with dating?  Not having the success you want?

In today’s blog I’m going to motivate you to keep at it!

Many people seem to give up far too easily and quickly when it comes to dating.  Perhaps they will join an online dating site, send out some messages and then get disappointed when they don’t get many replies.  Or maybe they’ll attend a singles event and not find anyone they like there.

Rather than keep at it, they’ll think”Oh, I’ve tried that and it didn’t work.  Now I can cross that off my list.”

We know that it can sometimes seem exhausting if you don’t get get instant results but dating is a trial and error process and the more you do then the better you’ll get at it

Yes, you’ll make mistakes at the start but please don’t give up.

You need to keep in mind that these things really do work!  Every day we get success stories sent to us from people who struck lucky.  The secret is to keep at it – like most things in life you get out of it what you put into it.  Otherwise it’s like joining a gym, going twice and then quitting because you weren’t miraculously fit and muscular.  These things can take time.

One person said to me recently that they’ve calculated they would have to send out 100 messages to get 10 replies back which would lead to one or two dates.  They just didn’t have time to be sending out so many messages each week.

My reply to him was that he was thinking about the negative side of things rather than the reality.  What if one of the first people he met up with turned out to be his Miss Right?   He’d then be able to stop messaging people.  Therefore, he should spend more time making sure he has the best profile, photos and messages possible right from the start.  He can then be sure he’s equipping himself with the best tools for the job.

The more work you put in at the start, then the quicker you’ll see the results!

If you ever find yourself tempted to give up then get a friend to help you.  Ask them to send out some messages with you or attend events with you.  That way you’ll get a whole new perspective on things.

Finally, we are here to help if you ever need motivation. All you need to do is ask.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

In today’s blog I answer another member’s dating problem.

How do you avoid the dreaded “friends zone”?

Dear James,

I hope you can help me.  I don’t seem to have a problem getting dates but I always seem to end up in the “just a friend” category after.  We’ll have a good time and I’ll be looking forward to seeing them again, only to be blown out. They’ll tell me I’m a lovely guy but they just seem see me as a friend.  What can I do about this?

G

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Dear G,
Many thanks for your email.  It’s very easy to get stuck in the friends zone if you don’t make your interest clear.

I’m going to show you how to move on from friend to boyfriend.

1) Be flirty.   You need to try and escalate things physically.  Stay clear of anthing creepy of course,  but you do have to lightly touch her every now and again. This can be as simple as touching her arm or giving her a quick hug at the start of the date.  Once you are sure she is comfortable, step it up a little. Perhaps you can give her a high five or hold her wrist while you pretend to be interested in her watch.

2) Be a a Man.  Women need to respect your masculinity if they want to date you. This means paying the bills, being confident and not chasing them round like a lovesick puppy.

3) Be Romantic.  If you want her to feel romantic towards you then you need to set the scene.  Take her to romantic places, buy her small gifts and treat her like she’s the most important person you’ve ever met.   If she feels special then you’ll be making her feel good too – meaning she will want more of it!

4) Make your interest clear.  How will they know you like them if you are too nervous to tell them?  Bite the bullet and make your move.  If you delay it she’ll assume you only want to be friends and it’s very hard to turn it round.

5) Remember all is not lost.  Many friendships do eventually turn into relationships and can often be longer lasting because of it.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

You might think that if you send out enough messages, with your personal contact info, you will get results.

Wrong.

For many reasons we advise against this. Here are the top 5 reasons why it doesn’t work.

1. Speaking to someone you know is hard enough, so why would anyone call a total stranger without even a cursory online chat first? Men might but women won’t.

2. If you’ve given out your number too early, you won’t know who is calling. Imagine the scene.

“Hi, its me from the site”

Sorry, who is calling?

“er….. sorry, who? Which site? Please just hold the line while I check your profile.”

Embarrassing isn’t it? and that is if they call, which they probably won’t, so you’ve blown your chances.

3.  Ladies in particular may not want to reveal personal information like a phone number without getting to know you online first. Once the other person has your details there is no going back. Ultimately, you cannot avoid this, but at least get to know a little about them first.

4. Just giving out your number in the first message might make you appear unselective or indiscriminate at best, or desperate and lazy at worst.

5. If someone emails you outside the site, then like point 2 above, it is much harder to know who is messaging you and to keep track of who is who.

Our advice would always be to chat online first. You can use the messaging system, or our live chat feature. You can always agree a time to chat online, at a time that suits you both.

Make it easy for the other person by asking short simple specific questions about them or something in their profile.

If you are nervous about giving your number out, then register for a personal number. This is an 07 number that you can have diverted to your mobile. Some sites charge a nominal fee for this such as UK2numbers.co.uk other sites might be free. Just remember if you dial out your number is going to be displayed, unless you type 141 in front of the number. Once you feel comfortable you can swap proper numbers but it doesn’t hurt to keep your number private the first time you chat.

Remember – use the site for messages, that is what it is there for.

Paul Ergatoudis

Dating Expert and Director at www.AsianSingleSolution.com

So you’ve been together a while and you want to settle down.  You’d love to get married but how long should wait to propose?

Wedding Ideas magazine recently ran a study to find out exactly how long people leave it to get engaged.

The results were very interesting. They showed that most couples will get engaged within two years of their first date. For the next three years after that  proposals are very rare.  Then they pick up again rapidly between five and ten years.

However, if you have to wait longer than that then chances are you’ll never get engaged.  Only  four per cent of couples will get married who have been together this long.

Interestingly, short “whirlwind” romances – where they had been together for six to eight months resulted in 6.8 of all engagements.

Rachel Morgan, the Editor of the magazine added this : ‘Couples tend to hold on until their incomes are secure before making an announcement”

These results seem to indicate that if you’ve been waiting over ten years then perhaps it’s time to move on if you aren’t happy.  Some men get comfortable with the way things are are don’t see the point in officially getting married.  After all, they’ve already got everything they want!  However, they might not realise you want to get hitched so maybe it’s time to drop some not so subtle hints!

The good news is that if you’ve been together for two years then the odds are you’ll be getting engaged soon!  If you do – and met through us – don’t forget to let us know!

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

It’s time to get a bit spooky now.

There’s a strange dating phonemenon that you’ll come across quite a bit.

You’ll go out on a date or two and everything will be going well.   Then suddenly the emails, texts and phone calls stop.

They have completely vanished, never to be seen again.  You try your best to contact them but you don’t ever hear anything back.

Where have they gone you wonder?  Maybe they’ve lost their phone, caught a terrible cold or been abducted by aliens.  You’ll spend hours going over the possibilities about why they’ve disappeared.

This will also happen all the time with online dating.  You’ll start chatting and look forward to getting to know them – when they cut you off cold.

The truth is that there are endless reasons why they’ve gone, perhaps they have got back with their ex, or circumstances have changed. Just maybe they will call you soon as phones DO get lost and stolen, people do go away with work, they do get ill etc and all manner of crazy things can happen in people’s lives, but ninety nine times out of a hundred there’s one major factor that causes this.   Brace yourself, the reality can be hard to come to terms with….they just aren’t interested!

Sadly, you’ll probably never know the true reason why.

My advice is just to accept it and move on. Don’t take it personally, but look at the good things you’ve learnt from the experience.

Get straight onto arranging lots of other dates with new people, so you are never in the position where you have to keep waiting to hear back from one person.

Lead an active, busy life and you won’t have time to worry about these things.

Perhaps one day a UFO will land and bring them all back!

If you’ve done this to someone else it’s very unfair.  You don’t want to hurt their feelings so you decide to cut off all contact instead.  This is actually very cowardly and leads to confusion.  It’s much better to say you weren’t feeling it and wish them luck finding someone who deserves them.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Some people struggle to put together a half decent online dating profile.

So today I’m going to make it easy for you!
There is a simple “Four Step” Formula that you just need to follow.  I’m going to break it down into very small steps:

Step One:  Introduction

First things first – who are you and what are you doing on the site?   This is your chance to capture their imagination and get their attention. If this bit isn’t good then they’ll get bored and won’t read any further.   Keep it short and simple – it’s a taster not a life history.

Step Two:  About You.

The second part of your profile  needs to be your “advert” where you get to sell yourself.  Write about what you like doing, what you have offer and why people should be interested in dating you.  Why are you different from all the other people on the site?

Step Three:  About the Person You are Looking For.

Work out what’s most important to you and what you want in a partner.  Don’t be tempted to make a list of things you don’t want.  This just makes you look like a negative person.

Step Four:  End on an invitation.

This is one of the most important sections.   Give the reader the opportunity to get in touch.  Ask a question or invite them to suggest something.  Don’t be tempted to say “Get in touch” or “Drop me an email” as that’s not enough.

One final tip for you.   Don’t be tempted to write too much. People have busy lives and want to be able to get a quick idea of what you are like and who you are.   You can save in depth debates and three page anecdotes for when you meet!  It should be long enough to hook them in, but short enough to intrigue them.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Summer is here and the sun is shining.  It’s the best time of year for dating so you need to make the most of it – it won’t last long!

Here are some great date ideas we know you’ll love:

1)Take a trip to the seaside.   If you have an Oyster Card then you can get return train tickets for an amazing £5 return until the end of July!  You can choose from Brighton, Bognor Regis or Southend.  Check out the Daysoutguide for more info.

2) Hampton Court Palace.  This is most famous for it’s huge outdoor maze.   Stay close together and have fun trying to get out.  You’ll be amazed at how much you enjoy it!

3) Boating. Both Regents Park and Hyde Park have famous boating lakes.  You can hire a small rowing boat and take your date out for a leisurely afternoon on the lakes. If you really can’t be bothered then there are plenty of boats trips available near the Thames.

4) London Zoo.  This really does make a wonderful date as there is so much to see and talk about.  Everyone has a favourite animal so why not sponsor one for your date while you are there?

5) Picnic in the Park.  This isn’t a new idea but it’s still of the best as it’s so easy to do.  Just pack a picnic basket and head somewhere romantic. Make sure you pack strawberries, cream and champagne to make it unforgettable.

6) A show under the Stars.  There are plenty of big music concerts and films at this time of year, all outside.   We particularly recommend the Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre.

7)  Watch the Sun set.   Take full advantage of one of nature’s loveliest views – the sun setting.   You can either do this from the top of a hill or a roof terrace restaurant.  The choice is yours.

Ice Cream Parlour.  We all loved this when we were kids so you can bring back happy memories instantly.  Harrods and Selfridges have their own parlours but there are plenty of independent ones too. Just remember – you’ll need one dessert and two straws!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s a new dating question for the Dating Guru:

Dear James,
I have been dating this guy, J, for only a few days. He has an ex girlfriend that still harasses him constantly for his attention and
for sex

I am at a disadvantage because I have asked him to wait before we sleep together and he does not like or respect the idea

I don’t really know what usually goes on in a guy’s mind but him being impulsive and his ex girlfriend constantly sending him sexual beams, I am sure he is about to sleep with her and dump me

I know he misses the sex with her because he’s still attracted to her and she obviously misses him

I don’t know what to do. Please advise!

C
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Dear C,

Thank you for writing to me. I can see why you are confused.

This guy is definitely playing games with you in an effort to get you to sleep with him. How do you know his ex keeps texting him for sex? If he cared about you he’d either block her from contacting him OR would be respectful another not to tell you about his. Instead, he’s using it against you to try and force you to do something you don’t want to to.

The bottom line is that if you don’t feel ready – don’t do it! It’s only been a few days after all. If you have to wait six months until you want to have sex then he needs to understand that.

He sounds like a selfish jerk anyway. If he doesn’t get what he wants from you then he’ll soon go back to his ex. If you DO sleep with him he’ll get bored soon enough and start looking for his next conquest. This isn’t love, it’s lust. He needs to the sex to boost his own ego. Whatever you do, you’ll always be worrying which doesn’t make a happy relationship.

My advice?  Talk to him and try and reach an agreement.  If he still continues to tease and pressure you then dump him. You’ll soon find someone better who deserves to be with you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s a dating problem answered.

Dear James,

I’ve  been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks now.  We get on great and things are going well…but he’s just a bit too keen!   He texts me several times a day and gets upset if we don’t speak every evening.  I do really like him but I can’t breathe!   What should I do?

Nisha

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Dear Nisha,

Thank you for your email.   It’s a difficult situation as you need to  tread carefully.  If you play harder to get then he might try even harder.  But if you don’t then he’ll put you off and it will be too late to do anything.  That would be a real shame if you do like each other.

Some people need constant reassurance that all is going well and they are worried they might lose momentum if they don’t show they are interested.  However,  the adoring puppy look isn’t a sexy one.

My advice is just to be honest with him.  Tell him you really like him but he needs to back off and give you some space.  Set boundaries and make sure he sticks to them.

If he does this properly you might even find that you have the urge to contact him more.  Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and you’ll miss his constant contact!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com