Is their ex getting in your way?
Sometimes people stay friends with their exes, but this can make it hard for a new couple. Here are some tips if you are worried about how to handle them:
1) Communicate. If their ex is getting in the way then you need to talk things through before problems build up. Find out what went wrong and what caused them to break up. Make sure there are no feelings left or questions unresolved. If you are worried about them getting in the way then it’s up to your partner to reassure you, not the other way around.
2) Give them Space. Let them meet every now and again if they are friends. They are entitled to have their own friends and they must at some point have had lots in common. If they feel like you are pressurizing them, they might panic and become defensive, which will cause tensions and arguments.
3) Don’t display signs of jealousy. Even if you are, then never ever let her know. Instead, be overfriendly with her and show her how happy you are with your partner. Always smile, laugh at his jokes, hold his hand and show her you are completely non-threatened by her.
4) Don’t compete. Keep in mind that you’ve already won as he’s chosen to be romantically involved with you. So don’t feel you have to outdo her or fall into the trap of constantly comparing yourself to her. It’s you that he wants to be with so it’s game over for her.
5) Don’t try and make him jealous or her angry. It can be tempting to flirt with other guys or try and wind her up, but game playing will only backfire on you. There’s no need to create barriers or problems if they don’t exist in the first place.
6) Get to know her – you might just make a new friend. You never know, she might even be more worried about what you are thinking than the other way round. At least if you know her and how she thinks then you have the strong advantage.
7) Make sure you have a wide social circle yourself. That way you have other people to talk to and aren’t dependent on your partner. He’ll know that you have other options and places to go to, which will make him realise life goes on without him.
Be cautious. If there are three of you in the relationship and she’s causing problems then take action. Just because he’s happy with you, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want him back. Watch out for warning signals like secret text and phone calls, him wearing clothes she likes or him simply disappearing.
9) Trust him. It can be hard, but it’s only through trust that a relationship can develop. Take his word that they are just friends….at least until something happens that makes you doubt otherwise!
10) Give it time. It might be an annoyance or inconvenience but don’t worry. She will eventually meet someone else and will be off the radar and out of your life. You don’t have to deal with her forever!
James Preece, Relationship and Dating Expert for Asiansinglesolution.com
