How are your 2012 resolutions going?

Here’s how to make them work.
Many of us make resolutions at the start of the new year.  Singles often decide that now is the time they want to meet someone.

The trouble is that as the days tick by then it becomes harder and harder.  Life gets in the way and the best intentions are forgotten.

But…..we don’t want that to happen to you!   As a Dating site we can make it really easy for you to meet wonderful singles, just as long as you put a little bit of effort in.

Here are our top three tips to make sure you stick to you goals:

1) Write down your plans.  The very act of writing them down proves you mean it.  Write up a shopping list about all the qualities you are looking for in a partner, then set out a plan and timetable.  I.e  I will message five people each day for the next month.

2) Make sure the goals are realistic and achievable.  That means you are more likely to achieve them.  So don’t aim to high or bite of more than you can chew.

3) Tell your friends.  If you discuss your plans then they can help.  They’ll also be able to keep you motivated and focused.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’ve seen a recent increase in “sunglasses” photos

So here’s why you should avoid this big mistake.

Sunglasses photos are a bad idea at the best of times, which is why we have a “no sunglasses” policy on main photos.  Despite this ( and despite a clear illustration when uploading) , lots of people still ignore this. I find this all very odd, especially as we are now in Winter!

So what’s so bad about it?. Well, sunglasses hide your eyes and part of your face. The eyes are very important when it comes to both trust and attraction.  To hide the eyes is therefore potentially misleading.
Other users are entitled to see what you really look like otherwise, it could just lead to disappointment later for both parties. I am sure you would be disappointed to turn up on a date and the other person did not resemble the photo.

A dating site is partly about trying to get attention but this must not be achieved by using props or accessories. In order for everyone to have a fair chance, and to ensure that our website is regarded as high quality, all the main photos must be reasonably consistent so that what differentiates the photos is peoples real true features, not props. Hence the main photo must be a head-shot and no sunglasses.

The bottom line is this: Please do not choose an image with sunglasses as your main profile image or will get suspended.

You can have sunglasses in other shots in your album.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

The start of a new year is the best time for dating.

So make sure make the most of it!

It’s the start of a new year…again.   The time when we all reflect on our lives and make a resolution to sort them out once and for all.  For some of us, this means working on our love lives and finally doing something to start meeting new people.

If this is you, you are certainly in the right place.  January is the busiest time of year for the Asian Single Solution as we have many new members who are also looking for the same thing.

As we have lots of new readers to the blog, here are some quick tips:

1) Make sure you have a great profile and a brilliant photo.   Otherwise nobody will know where to find you!

2) Do take a paying membership.  There’s no point having a basic account as it’s like having a lovely car and not putting any petrol in it.  It won’t get you anywhere.

3) Be proactive.  Don’t wait for others to find you, but take the initiative to contact the people you like the look of.  That way YOU do the choosing and are in control.

4) Sign up for some events.  Our amazing parties are legendary and really are the best way to meet new dates and new friends very quickly. Don’t worry if you’re a bit nervous as we have the best hosts in the business to look after you.

5) Don’t give up.  It might take a few dates to meet Mr or Miss Right or it might take 80.  If you stop at 79 you’ll never know how close you were.

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s another question for the Dating Guru

Is Flirting bad?

“Dear James, I’ve also been brought up to believe that flirting is manipulative and deceiving.  Therefore I make a point of avoiding it. What do you think about it all? ”

Hi,

Many thanks for your question.  I love to try and help as many Asian Single Solution members as possible. I’ve head other people wondering about this same subject.

First of all, flirting is certainly not about trying to manipulate anyone.  It’s about making them feel good and making their day just a little bit better.  It’s not about trying to be someone you aren’t, but rather about relaxing and enjoying life a little more.  Everyone can flirt – just look at any baby or toddler and watch how they get attention.  However, it’s something many of us forget as we grow up.

Flirting is an essential part of dating and without it you’ll really struggle to come across as warm and friendly.  It’s all about being playful and interacting with the other person in a gentle and entertaining way.

If you’d like any help with flirting, then get in touch with me directly and perhaps we can arrange a one to one coaching session.

Alternatively, if you have your own dating related question that you’d like me to answer then please do drop me a line at the email address below.   The best questions will be answered right here in this blog.

Happy dating!

James Preece  – The Dating Guru

james@asiansinglesolution.com

Are you letting your partners ex get in the way?

Stop making this big dating mistake!

We’ve all got a dating past.  So why do so many people allow it cause problems and get in the way of new relationships?

The biggest issue is that it’s easy to feel second best and to compare yourself to their ex.  You might wonder if you are good enough or if they might come back on the scene and spoil things.

Remember that if they still wanted to be together then they would be. But they aren’t and your partner has chosen to be with you.  So you’ve won the prize.  What’s the point in feeling you have to continue to compete?

The only time a conversation about an ex is useful is when you talk about what went wrong.  If you find out the reason they broke up then you can avoid making the same mistakes.  We all do things wrong but the big secret is to learn from them and not repeat the same errors.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Sometimes it’s hard to pick up whether someone is interested.

But are you picking up the wrong signals?

Dating can be quite complicated at times. How do you know if a date is going well or if it’s time to make your excuses and leave?

Everyone has heard about basic body language and we are constantly ( even subconciously) searching for indicators of interest.

If you want to be able to tell if someone is interested, then it’s not as easy as looking for a flick of their hair, lick of their lips or the way their feet are pointed.  If they laugh at your jokes are they being polite or do they genuinely find you funny?  Or perhaps they are laughing at you or just because they are a little nervous?

The ony way you can really find out what’s going on is to communicate.  If you like someone then let them know.  If you aren’t keen then let them down gently.  Don’t string them out or keep them hanging for ever.  Mixed signals are a waste of time and confusing for everyone.

Yes, body language can offer clues but you must look for a selection of them in quick succession.  Folded arms might show they are bored, but they could just be cold.  However, if they are yawning and looking into the distance too then it’s pretty obvious you should up your game fast!  A chain of positive body language signals might reveal things are looking up.
Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Matchmaking software and tests are popular right now

But do they really work?

Matchmaking software aims to examine members’ core beliefs and characteristics to give them a reliable idea of the type of people they should be dating to get a long lasting relationship.   I was recently asked about my thoughts on this so I thought I’d share them here.

I believe that this sort of profiling might well be useful, but is most probably flawed due to two well know psychological effects.

Barnum Effect:  The problem with any form of test is that people are rarely honest about themselves.  The Barnum (or Forer effect) is the idea that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that they believe are specifically for them, but are in fact general enough to apply to a variety of different people.  Sof if you give someone the results of a personality profile then they’ll choose to accept the bit they likes or overlook the ones they don’t.

Placebo Effect:  If you tell someone that they have been matched with the very latest state of the art findings then they’ll subconsciously find themselves working hard to fill in the gaps.  This may or may not be a good thing. On one hand, they’ll put more of an effort into making a relationship work.  On the other it doesn’t really matter whether your matches are real not not.

I really don’t know how accurate these tests really are.  From my experience,  the secret of successful dating is all about chemistry.  There are obviously certain things that are vital when it comes to matching.  This could be religion, race, age etc.  However , most people have relatively open mind and will surprised by who they actually really do get on with.

So, what do you think about all this?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Best Wishes,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Is double dating twice the fun?

Or does it make it twice as difficult?

It’s an interesting predicament that most singles find themselves in from time to time.  You and a friend both have dates lined up and you think it might be a good idea to meet them at the same time. After all, there’s more fun in a group isn’t there?

Of course, this type of scenario comes with it’s own set of problems that you wouldn’t get on a one to one night out.

What if one of your fancies your friend’s date instead?  Who decides where to go?

On the plus side, more people means more conversation and less chance of it drying up.

The reality is that it’s only ever going to work if you are all quite similar in personality. Otherwise one person will dominate the conversation or another might be too shy and let everyone else do the talking.

My advice is to give it a go every once in a while, just to spice your dating life up a bit.   You can get feedback from your friend after the event and see how you think each other did. They are likely to give you an honest answer and you can discuss your next step.  You never know, you might even learn a thing or two.  Just make sure you pay attention to YOUR date and don’t flirt with the other person.

Double dating can work byt don’t make a habit of it as you won’t get to know someone properly if you aren’t on your own.   You don’t need anyone else to hold your hand!

If you’ve got a funny or interesting double date story then please email it to me at   info@asiansinglesolution.com

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Women and Men both think differently.

So make sure you know what to discuss on a date.

1) Talk about family as women want a man who is close to them. It shows stability, loyalty and a kind nature.

2) If you’ve got a pet, children or nieces/nephews/god children then talk about them – women want to know that you’ll make a good possible father to their future kids.

3) Don’t bring up past relationships, but talk about the future instead. Keep discussions positive.

4) It’s important that you talk about what you are passionate about. By doing so you will naturally get enthusiastic and this will rub off on your date.

5) LISTEN to her own dreams and passions and show that you are interested in them too.

6) Don’t try and offer advice if she talks about a problem.  She doesn’t want a solution, just the chance to air her thoughts.

7) If you are looking for a serious relationship then now is the time to ask them if they want the same. If not, don’t waste any more time.

If you want to know what women like to talk about, just buy some female magazines.  Keep up with pop culture and showbiz gossip and you’ll never be stuck for words.

9) Men like to talk about facts and figures but this just bores women.  So instead, paint pictures with your words.

10)  Most importantly, show them you are interested by whatever they have to say.

Do you have your own thoughts on this?  Ladies, what would you like a man to talk about?  What should they avoid?

Happy dating!
James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

How do you end a relationship that’s not working?

Text, Phone Call, Email or in Person?

You won’t fall in love with everyone that you date so sometimes you have to bite the bullet and end it.  It’s the fairest thing to do as you’ll be setting them free to meet someone more compatible.  In today’s modern age there are many ways you can end it using different technologies, but you shouldn’t always take the easiest way out for you.   Remember their feelings and the effect it will have on them.

I’ll be writing about exactly what you should say in a future blog, but today I’m going to tell you the etiquette as to HOW to go about it.

Here’s my quick guide to the correct way that you should end it:

1)  You’ve not dated,  just emailed, texted, phone calls etc.
This is the easiest of all as you’ve not had enough time to really get to know each other.  Therefore it’s perfectly fine to end it however you wish.  This could be a text or a phone call.

2) Just one date.

If you’d definitely decided that you don’t want to see them again then a text or email will do.    While I’d always suggest attempting a second date if there’s the slightest spark, I know the reality is that you won’t like everyone you meet.  So there’s no point meeting them again just to let them down.  The best way is a quick email or text the next day letting them down gently.

3) A short term relationship – 2 – 4 dates

This is where is starts to get complicated.   If things haven’t been intense, then a short email should be fine.  If the dates have been passionate then you really ought to give them a quick phone call.

4) A long term relationship – more than 4 dates

Any more than 4 dates means things are getting serious and you might even have slept together by now.  For this reason you absolutely HAVE to end it in person.  The only exception would be if there is a distance barrier.  Tell them you need to talk and stop any indication that you are interested in them.  By this I mean don’t put kisses on the end of emails or tell them you are missing them – otherwise it will complicate matters when they try to understand everything.

However you end it, it’s important that you DO let them know about it.  This might sound an odd thing to say, but many people think it’s better to just disappear and not reply to phone calls, emails, texts.  Treat the other person with respect and the same way you’d like to be treated.  Read my blog on the “Ghost Date” for more info on this!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

P. s  What are thoughts on how to end a relationship?