There comes a time in the happiest of relationships when you won’t see eye to eye.

This is quite normal behaviour.  After all, if you agreed on everything life would be very dull.

However, disagreements can quickly become arguments which can escalate to major rows.  It’s important you learn to keep things on the first level so you don’t allow them to escalate.

A common destroyer of relationships is seeing it as a competition rather than a joint effort.

When people see themselves as opponents rather than partners, they often try to use unfair tactics such as using insults or perhaps shutting down completely.  Alternatively, they might do the opposite and fight fairly and try to outsmart the other person using logic and being overly nice.    But ultimately these are both two sides of the same kind  Both strategies  are employed as a way to “win” the argument.    They are trying to be the “good” partner and prove that the other person is in the wrong, not them.

If this sounds like you then you need t0 learn to stop doing  it.

The best way to end an argument is to apologise, even if you know deep down that you are right. This will nip it in the bud before things get worse.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Struggling to find time for dating ?

You aren’t alone.

People often tell me that they find it hard to make time for online  dating in their busy lives.  They work all day and are too tired in the evenings to do anything proactive.

I agree that online dating can often be time consuming.  It takes a while to search for people you like the look of, compose witty messages and keep the banter going.

But really it doesn’t have to be.   The object of the game is to get their attention quickly and then arrange a meeting while the interest is there.  You don’t have to write long essays back and forth for weeks.  The first message only needs to be a few lines long – just enough to get them intrigued. After a couple of replies, speak on the phone for ten minutes and then arrange your first date.  Endless messages only build up unrealistic expectations and prevent you from ever meeting up.

Here’s a quick tip which will help you find time for dating….turn off your television!  It’s the biggest time waster there is and it’ s main function is a “partner replacement.”   Most people spend all their time either  staring at it or looking forward to seeing it again.

Believe it or not, studies have shown that watching too much television can actually triple your urge for material things.  Just think how many adverts you watch, consciously and unconsciously. On top of this, every hour you watch a day makes you 5% unhappier!

You only need to spend about 20 minutes a day to make online dating work.   If you knew it would guarantee some fantastic dates, would you be able to find time to do it then?   Picture the end result before you start and you’ll soon be able to fit it into your busy lifestyle.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

In today’s blog I’m going to be looking at the subject of jealousy in relationships and how you can avoid it.

Jealousy can be a funny thing.  It can creep up when you least expect it and small worries can quickly become big problems if not dealt with.

The theory is that jealousy is an evolutionary process that protects us when there is a threat to reproducing.

Women tend to feel threatened by younger, more attractive rivals. Men are more wary of others who earn more money than them.  However, it’ s just people that you can be jealous of but rather anything that distances you from your partner.  This could be work, hobbies, friends of family.  The threat can be real but is quite often imagined.

Too much jealousy can destroy happy relationships, especially if you are constantly questioning each other.  It’s uncertain relationships that have the biggest issues.  If you aren’t clear about the direction you are heading in or if you are both being faithful then it’s only natural to want to question things.

My advice is to talk about any issues as soon as they come up. Ask yourself what you are really worried about and never forget that you wouldn’t be together if one of you didn’t want to be.  It might also help to talk to friends too as they’ll be able to offer you a different perspective on things.   Above all, keep calm and don’t interrogate or you’ll find yourself pushing them away rather than bringing you together.

Studies have shown that a little bit of jealousy can actually be good for a relationship.  It can make you work harder, keep you both on your toes and spice things up. After all, isn’t it good to know that someone wants want you have?

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Compliments are a strong currency when it comes to flirting and getting to know someone. But it’s so easy to get it wrong!

You know what it’s like to get a compliment.  You might be flattered but you will often be suspicious too.  Perhaps you’ll think they are being insincere or trying to get round you in some way.  The same goes for when you give one yourself. So here is a simple tip to help you get round this problem:

Do it via a friend!

Yes, it’s that easy.  Tell a mutual friend how wonderful you think the person you are interested in is.   Don’t go over the top and don’t make them aware of what you are up to. Instead, just throw the compliment into the conversation.  Make sure it’s nothing too sexual or personal either. You could say something along the lines of “He’s really entertaining or I loved her necklace.” You can bet anything that your mutual friend will have passed the message on within 24 hours.

By delivering compliment through a third party the impact doubles and they’ll instantly become more believable.  A compliment that someone overhears is must more powerful that one that they actually hear.

You can also use this tip to get some of the glory from someone else’s compliment too.   If you hear someone saying good things about a friend, then tell them all about it.   When they feel good from hearing this, they’ll tie you in to the “feel good” emotion that it triggers.

Just remember to only keep it to compliments.  You don’t want to associate yourself with any negative comments to idle gossip.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’m purposely making this blog a little controversial – in the hope that some of you will add your own thoughts!

So today’s blog is all about a common subject of discussion….height.

Why do so many women complain that there aren’t enough tall men?  Do shorter men suffer when it comes to getting dates?

There does seem to be a link between social deprivation and height. Studies have shown that men over 5ft 10 are more likely to get married and have children.

Interestingly, research has proven that the opposite is true with women.  Women of below average height ( under 5ft 2) are more likely to have a husband and kids.

This might be because taller women often reach puberty later than shorter ones and are deemed as less fertile, although science doesn’t back this up.

We’ve found that many of our female members on our online dating site are looking for a man at least 4 inches taller than themselves.

The theory is that short women look for taller men as they want to make sure their children are born with average height.
The good news is that once you meet face to face then height usually stops being an issue.  Common sense comes into play and other factors such as looks, personality and sense of humour will always in over.
So my advice is for women to be more realistic and you’ll end up with more dates.  If you are only short yourself then don’t set your expectations too “high.”

Likewise, if you are a tall lady then it’s daft to make yourself even more so wearing high heels as you’ll just make things harder for yourself.

Finally, if you are a shorter man then make the most of everything else you have going for you!

Well, that’s my opinion – what’s yours?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I got asked an interesting question today that I’m going to discuss here with you.

When you first meet someone, is it OK to kiss them on the cheek or should you just shake their hand?

My advice would be to keep in mind it’s a date – so a quick peck on the cheek is perfectly acceptable.

Start with a big smile and keep it to the one cheek. Needless to say, you should stay away from air kissing and going anywhere near the mouth.     Definitely avoid the double “continental” kiss.

Yes, they might back off but if you start with a handshake you are more likely to finish with one at the end of your date.  Be brave and take a small risk and it might just pay off.

After all, most people will appreciate it if you take the initiative.  Handshakes are for friends and business meetings.

I’d be interested to hear what you think is the best way to start a date?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

How many people do you meet each day?  One ?  Ten ?    The reality is that you could be missing out on meeting hundreds!

Whenever you go out you have the opportunity to talk to other singles – whether it’s on your way to work, your lunch break or just waling down the street.

Here are some opportunities you might be missing with some tips to maximise them:

1) Bookstore.   You might have to cheat a little here, but it’s worth it.  The easy way to approach someone you want to talk to is to take note of what they are reading.  Find a similar book, stand near them and ask if they’ve read it.   Tell them you are new to whatever subject it is and would like to learn about.   It doesn’t matter what – cooking, goldfish or synchronised swimming.  It’s the very fact you appear to have a mutual interest that will help you both bond.

2) Shop.   This is my personal favourite.  Go into any shop with the idea that you have to buy a present for someone of the opposite sex – perhaps your mother, neighbour or favorite Uncle.  Walk up to someone that catches their eye and their opinion.  People LOVE to be asked what they think !

3) Park. Where do single people hang out at lunchtime when they don’t have anywhere else to go?  That’s right, the park!  Take a packed lunch and enjoy the sunshine. If noting more, it’s a great chance to people watch.

4) Bus Stop or Train Station.   Nobody likes waiting for public transport and it can be incredibly dull.  All you have to do is walk up to someone you fancy and ask if they’ve been waiting long – instant conversation starter!

5) Attend a Seminar or a Talk.  Many people go to these on their own and there are plenty of chances to chat before, during and afterwards.  You can find information about these in Metro or your local free newspaper.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

We tend to get the same questions every day so here are some of our answers to the most popular ones.

1) Why isn’t anyone sending me messages?

We get asked this question a LOT.   You need to contact people, not the other way around!

Not proactively sending 5 to 10 new messages per week is like joining a gym and not going – Even members who get lots of emails still need to be proactive to target the people they want, rather than the members who tend to send out lots of messages.

We have loads of new members joining each month, so you should easily find 10 to 20 people you like, to message/wink/add to favourites each month. Oh and have some great photos and log in regularly too to boost your chances.

2) I dont look my age. Can I come to the younger parties?

We must get asked this question every day.

It’s funny how everyone tells us how “people think they are ten years younger.” What they are forgetting is that this isn’t the point. It’s irrelevant how you look – our members are paying to meet people in the correct age categories.

We have to have age limits in place for the good of everyone. Guests need to be within a certain age range to make sure they only meet suitable people.

Having said that, we can sometimes be a little flexible on age limits. If the average age of the guests if higher than average then we might be able to let a few people in.

3) Why can’t I pay for one message at a time?

No, for many reasons! This is a bit like going into a supermarket and asking to buy an egg. It costs a lot of money to develop and run the site and as such we have to charge for it. If we allowed people to buy just one credit or reply to one message then it would simply have to cost about the same as a one month membership. The second reason is that we absolutely want you to have dating success. This means you needs to take control and message a lot of people. The more effort you put into it then the more results you will have.

4) Can you tell me why women’s tickets are more expensive that the male ones?

Generally speaking they aren’t – the prices are the same. It’s just that the earlier you book then the cheaper the tickets. As women buy earlier than men then tickets go up in price quicker so it just appears.

However, for some events it’s supply and demand and we have to take action to ensure even ratios. It’s always worth remembering that we always charge more for last minute tickets if they are available so booking early is always the best police.

5)  Do you get many successes?

Absolutely We get many success stories each day.  We find that people who are the right calibre and proactive will soon meet someone. Always remember to keep positive, realistic and make sure you are the best “you” possible.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Some people can get nervous when it comes to talking to a potential date on the telephone.  Instead, they’d rather just text or email until the first date.  However, it’s really nothing to be scared of and the telephone can be used to your advantage if you know how!

1) The telephone forces you to lose one of your most power senses – eye contact.  The other person can’t see you nodding your approval or shaking your head so you need to make up for this.  Instead say things like “I hear you” and “I agree” and they’ll know you are both in sync.

2) Keep the first conversation short.  I always suggest you limit your first chat to ten minutes.   Use it to mainly just to establish a first date.  If you spend two hours chatting away before you’ve even met, what will you talk about when you finally do?

3) Treat the call as if you are auditioning.   Imagine they are sat opposite you and overact!   Even though they can’t see you, if you gesture when you speak it will make you sound more engaging.   I find that standing up helps you sound your best as it’s easier to breathe.

4) Most importantly – smile!     Try saying this line out loud now  “I’m having a wonderful day.”   Say it three times, once with no expression, once with a big grin and once with frown.  Do you see how smiling can lift your mood and makes you sound so much friendlier?

5) Work the answerphone.  This tip is valid for when you leave a message as well as your own voicemail recording.    The last thing you want is for somebody to be turned off just because of your ten second message.  Keep it simple, warm and friendly. No gimmicks, no sound effect and no jokes.    Smile when you record it and keep it short and sincere.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s a quick little secret if you want to accelerate intimacy with a stranger.

When you are talking, use the word “We” every now and again.

For example, you could say something along the lines of “What lovely weather we are having right now,” or “We ought to move away from that draft,”

By doing this you’ll confuse their subconscious mind and they will automatically place you in their future.

They instantly build rapport and create a sense of “togetherness”

Two other sneaky words you can also use are “us” and “our.”

If you meet at a party you could say “They’ve put a on a good event for us tonight.”

Don’t overdo this or you’ll be rumbled, so use this tip sparingly and they won’t know what hit them!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.asiansinglesolution.com