Archive for December, 2020

Profession? Why do you ask?

Tuesday, December 29th, 2020

Some of our new applicants seem to baulk at the most basic question. “Please tell others what you do for a living?“. So if it is so controversial, why do we ask this?

Don’t be phased by relevant questions.

We have always primarily aimed our services at professional people, those that we identify with ourselves. Typically that means graduates, entrepreneurs and those who have embarked on a career path thriving on personal challenges and self improvement.

From a dating context, what you do for a living really does matter and this helps us judge if you are likely to find a match on this service. We can agree that for some of you, your career does not define you. However, that sort of misses the point because it does define you in ways that are helpful in finding a suitable match.

This isn’t the 18th Century, where all that seemed to matter was your looks and family background, portrayed on TV by programmes such as Bridgerton. Our members expect to meet someone they find attractive as first and foremost, that is a given. For dating, that may be all that matters. However, for a successful and long term paring then a match must usually be someone with a similar attitude to finance, similar education and equality in your work. If you wish to have children with someone then you will want to ensure you meet the right partner with the right characteristics you would want in your offspring.

It is not about someone being better or worse but compatibility. Without getting too much into stereotypes, men will seek a lady of equal or lower socio-economic group, power, education and earning level. A lady will usually avoid anyone who is of a lower social group, less professionally successful or less educated than themselves.

When asked what you do for a living, always explain this in simple but helpful terms. Talk about your passion for the work and the benefits that it brings to you and others. Help people understand what type of person you are. Do you work in a skilled trade, do you have a professional qualification.

What to avoid

These are some of the things we see, and we actually find really pointless and annoying.

  • Avoid using job titles unless you also add a description
  • Never say “Ask Me”. Its so dull and misses the point about helping people decide if you are compatible
  • Never say who you work for without saying what you actually do
  • Don’t be vague and never just say what industry you work in. e.g. I work in healthcare, or I am self employed. That just isn’t helpful as it could be anything. There are plenty of self employed cleaners as well as dentists and accountants. Describe what you do.
  • Never say how boring your job is. Sounding passionate and enthusiastic are attractive qualities.
  • If your job is genuinely secretive, then discuss in general terms. e.g Police detective. “I don’t wish to discuss it here but it requires a degree and I have worked up through several promotions. It is a very interesting and varied role. I manage a team of 12 people.” Ask us how to present it.”

We accept that not everyone is successful, or loves their job. However, the point is that you must combine honesty with saying something that is actually going to be attractive to the observer. By sounding enthusiastic and talking about how you help others in your career you can overcome a lot of the negativity you might otherwise convey. If someone isn’t going to be a match then accept that and seek someone at your own level. Hiding your profession will not help you in the long run.

Always, ask us for advice, if you want a better way or writing your profile.