Archive for 2010

Your dating questions answered

Monday, December 13th, 2010

We’ve had lots of dating questions after last week’s blog.


Here are some answers to a few of them.



Dear James,

Should one consider star signs when dating? Or should they be ignored and people should work hard at making things works out?


Hi H,
I think star signs should only be considered as a bit of fun. Otherwise, you’ll end up making decisions that rule out 11/12ths of the population!

Most people don’t take star signs seriously. There’s no evidence they have anything to do with people’s personality at all. Dating is hard enough anyway without trying to complicate it further.

So yes, focus on what you DO have in common and make things work if you like each other.


Q) Dear James, I’ve got a second date lined up and want to impress her. The trouble is that money is a bit tight. Where can I go that won’t cost the earth, but looks like it does!  Thanks, S

A) Hi S, you really don’t have to spend lots to impress someone.  If they expect it they are just money grabbing anyway!   However,  you need to make it look like you’ve made an effort.  I’d suggest you take a look at some of the great deals you can get on the new “offers” websites like Groupon and Groupola.  You’ll be able to book amazing restaurants and experiences at a fraction of the price.  For example, I’ve seen afternoon tea for two at £12 rather than £35 and three course dinners with drinks for less than a tenner each. Keep your eyes open and you’ll find plenty of bargains.  The best thing is that they need never know how cheap it really was!


If you have a question, email me now at [email protected] and I’ll do my best to help.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Our Dating Guru’s Quick Tips

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

James Preece is the The Dating Guru for the Asian Single Solution.


Read some of my quick tips here:

1) I met someone at a recent Asian Single Solution singles party and we swapped numbers.  How long should I wait to contact them again?

Some people like to wait a few days to give the impression that they are busy.  This is a bad idea as they will probably have met other interesting people.  A good plan it to make sure you say goodbye to them when you leave, which makes sure you are fresh in their minds.  Then send them a text the next morning saying you enjoyed meeting the and call them that evening to arrange a date!

2) How can I give the impression that I’m powerful, self confident and someone they would like to be with?
Sitting in an higher position will subconsciously generate respect.  Therefore, always try and sit in a more elevated seat than them, perhaps on a table or edge or a chair if necessary. That way they will literally have no choice but to look up to you!

3) I’ve joined the dating site and I’m not getting many messages.  How can I get more interest?

This is a very common mistake.   You need to remember that you in competition with everyone else on there.  If you don’t play the game you’ll pass by unnoticed.  You need to be proactive and spend time contacting people you like.  It’s not up to THEM to find you – but for you to get in touch with them first.  The only way you can possibly avoid putting in the work is to have an amazing photo and then log in regularly.  If you can get their attention with the photo then you’ll naturally get more emails.
I’ve helped 100s of people find love and am a dating advisor for many magazines, newspapers and websites.  If you’d like any personal one-to-one help then please do check out out my website below.  Discount for all Asian Single Solution members.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Muslim Site Launches

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Today our new site for British Asian Muslim Professionals launched.

This will allow us to focus the marketing on getting more good calibre Muslim singles onto the site. This is better for all of our Muslim members.


If you are Muslim then this will affect your membership so please note the following.

1. All Muslim Profiles have been copied over to the new Muslim site.

2. Existing Muslim profiles on have been deactivated but are still on the system. We will delete those in a few weeks once the migration is complete.

3. When you log into you will receive a message that your profile has been moved and you will be redirected. All messages between you and other Muslim members have also been moved. Memberships and credits have been moved over.

4. If you need to access your account eg for messages, or have any other questions about the service, please contact support. [email protected]

5. We are running introductory offers of 50% off  memberships, so if you are Muslim, get onto the site now and upgrade whilst its cheap.

6. The site is new so we cannot guarantee that it will be free of errors. If you notice any error, please email us to [email protected]

Announcing the Asian Woman Bachelor Dating Night

Monday, November 15th, 2010 and Voodoo Entertainment proudly present The Asian Woman Bachelors Party 2010


Read this blog to find out more.

We wanted to let you know about this amazing party that will be in two halves. The dating event starts at 7pm and the after party from 10pm.

Dating Event

Before the after party, join up to 200 single Asian professionals for the  singles party.
*Girls get the chance to speed date the Bachelors
*Optional speed dating rounds of 30 minutes for all guests
*Ice Breaking activities with prizes of Vodka and fruit shots
*Lots of friendly hosts and model scouts
*Tickets include entry for the after party

The event will be held at the Exclusive Revolution – America Square.

This is the most hotly anticipated jamboree of the season and a great excuse for you to dress up and party, Flaunt your favourite outfits, wear those new shoes and get dressed up to your heart’s content, thus adding your own sophistication and glamour to a night of celebration.  The afterparty will include announcement of the winning Bachelors, live music and other entertainment.

So, What Are You Waiting For? Book Your Tickets Now Before Its Too Late and Be Prepared For An Unforgettable Night!

Click the image to book.

Best Wishes,

James and Paul

What makes a good photo?

Monday, November 8th, 2010

Everyone knows that to get online dating success you need to have a great photo.

But what exactly IS a great photo?

Use a photo that looks like you, but on a really good day.

There’s not point uploading a photo that has you with other people in it.  Firstly, it won’t be clear which one is actually you.  What if the viewer likes the look of one of your friend instead?   Also, some guys thing it’s good to add a photo surrounded by lots of women.   Yes, it can make you look popular but it also makes you look like an idiot who is trying to hard to impress!

A clear, head and shoulder headshot is always best and it’s the only kind of photo that we allow as your main headshot.

I see a ridiculous amount of photos with sunglasses or hats – completely pointless as it makes it look like you have something to hide.

Secondary photos can break from this rule.  In fact, many people will want to see a full body shot so they can see your body type and how you dress.

Never forget the power of a first impression.  If you haven’t already done so, do read our “Dumbest Mistakes Guide” for more information.
Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Rules of Online Chat

Monday, November 1st, 2010

As you know we’ve got a fun “online chat” feature on the site.


But are you using it properly?

Online chatting can be a great way to get to know people quickly.  You can search to see who it logged on at the same time you are and begin a conversation straight away. You’ll be able to talk with users from all over the UK who are looking for a fun conversation.

The thing to remember is that online chat is just for entertainment purposes only!  It’s not a substitute for actually getting to know someone. It’s so much better to talk on the phone or meet face to face.

I’d also like to remind you that you are looking for serious dating, there isn’t much point restricting your searches to “users online ” only.  Many people don’t have the time to chat during the day and you’ll have a much better success rate if you send proper messages instead. The chances that your perfect match will online at exactly the same time you are slim.

So instead, just enjoy the chat feature for what it is – fun – and send out emails to anyone you like too.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Happy Diwali 2010

Monday, October 25th, 2010

We wish you a happy Diwali 2011

Happy Diwali

From all at The Asian Single Solution

How NOT to date!

Monday, October 25th, 2010

We’re always being told what not to wear, what not to eat and what not to do in life.


Just for fun, here’s my fun guide to how NOT to succeed at dating.

1)  Write a long checklist of every single feature you want in a partner – and don’t even consider dating anyone who doesn’t meet at least 99% of these criteria.  Why should you settle?

2)  Don’t bother washing or shaving before you meet up.  You don’t want to look like you’ve made an effort, just in case they don’t like you.

3) Keep your date waiting for at least 30 minutes and don’t apologise or explain it.  They’ll think you must be incredibly busy.

4)  Work out how to use the calculator on your phone.  You’ll be needing that at the end of the date, to work out how much you both have to pay for your share of the bill.

5) Only talk about yourself.  What’s the point in finding out about them when your own life is so interesting.

6) Make sure you eat with your mouth open.   For bonus points, try and be rude to the waiter.

7)  Tell them all about your ex in great detail. Bring photos and call them during your date.

8 ) Text the other person relentlessly after the date,  once per hour every hour – you don’t want them to forget you exist !

9) Staying home alone on a Saturday evening is a much better plan that going out to a singles party.   You might not meet anyone or have fun, but at least you’ll know who might win The X factor.

10) If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try again. Go on, give up now. What’s the point?

Needless to say, these tips are all tongue in cheek and are some of the things you must definitely NOT do.

Don’t blame me if you use them and they go wrong!

Good luck,
James Preece – The Dating Guru

Thanks but no thanks

Monday, October 18th, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to talk about online dating etiquette.


This will apply to everyone, whether you are sending or receiving messages.

One of the biggest frustrations with online dating is that you can send a message and while it will be read
you won’t hear back from them.  So you might end up waiting and waiting to hear back only the message will never come.

As a Dating Expert I always advise that you treat people in the same way you’d like to be treated – with good manners.  They know you’ve opened and read the message

The trouble is that many people are uncomfortable with rejecting someone they aren’t interested in.  That’s fine, but it’s not really about rejection but a matter of politeness.

To make it easy for you we provide several “pre-written” replies that you can send to save you time.

So if you aren’t interested you can just send one of those instead.  You can say you don’t feel you are right for each other,  don’t have time for dating or you’ll get back in touch when you have more time.  It only takes a few seconds.

Of course, there are the odd people who can’t handle rejection and will reply asking exactly why you aren’t there type of why you don’t
want to get to know them.

My advice is to just block them rather than waste your time debating it.   Once blocked they can’t contact you again and you’ll be free
to correspond with people that you do like the look of.

If you get a message saying the other person doesn’t think you are a match, don’t stress about it.  Instead, be appreciative of the fact they made the effort to let you know where you stand. Everyone likes different things so just move on and contact more people you do like.  You’ll eventually make a good connection if you put some effort it.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Safety in Numbers

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Has anyone ever asked for you phone number and you really felt uneasy about it?

Well there is a simple solution, and its called a ‘Personal Number’.

Your phone number is precious

Here’s how it works.

When you apply you get given a new number beginning 07. Its set up so that any calls to that number are automatically re-directed to your mobile number. Hence you can receive calls but never have to give out your real number.

In the event that you keep getting unwanted calls, you can easily just terminate the re-direction and get  anew personal number.

Of course once you call the other person, you may give the game away so make sure you type 141 before you dial. Most mobiles also allow you to withhold your number.

If you would like to try this, email us with your mobile number [email protected] and we will set it up for you for free.  It will never cost you anything.

We have 10 numbers to start with, so if you;d like one get in touch ASAP.

For the person calling you its slightly more than calling a normal mobile number. Typical charge is 35ppm from a BT landline.

Making a great first impression

Sunday, September 26th, 2010

Last week we told you about last impressions, so this week is all about first ones!


If you want to make a fantastic first impression, stand out from the crowd, build rapport instantly and impress people then there is one thing you need to do above everything else. ….


Yes, this is a painfully obvious tip but it’s one that many many people overlook.  It’s the number rule for flirting but we are amazed that a small number of people come to our events and don’t smile.  Even when we welcome them on the door, they look grumpy and don’t even acknowledge our hellos.  They’ll stand in the corner and look grumpy and this makes it very hard for anyone to approach them.  We realise that this might be because they are nervous, but you really don’t need to be.  You just need to step out of your comfort zone a little and realise that everyone is in the same boat. Remember our hosts are always there to help you.

If you are bit a shy then it’s easy to fake a smile. Think of something that makes you laugh or picture a happy memory. A warm smile will make you seem friendly and confident and instantly puts everyone at ease.  Think these happy thoughts before you enter the venue and you’ll feel so much better.

Just don’t go overboard of you’ll end up looking a little gormless!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How To Say Goodbye

Monday, September 20th, 2010

The way you say goodbye is just as important as the way you say hello.


We all know we have to work hard to make a fantastic first impression.
We smile warmly, shake hands firmly and put lots of effort into showing an interest, saying
and doing the right things.

But how often do you think about your last impression?

This is the final time you’ll have contact, so you want to make sure you create long lasting
memories that will stick with them long after you’ve parted.  This is especially true when it comes to meeting other guests at singles parties. You’ll meet so many people that you’ll be starting and stopping conversations throughout the evening.

The best thing you can do is to keep the positive feelings flowing.  You can do this by making
them feel good and paying them a small compliment.  It’s easy – just say something along the lines of:

“It was so good to talk to you, Rachel”  or “I just loved chatting with with, John.”

If you have genuinely enjoyed meeting them and want to see them again then you need to make sure you do all you can to help this happen.
I’d advise you to carry business cards with you at all times.   These need to be professionally printed as they’ll be acting as a memento afterwards. The classier they look, then the more likely they’ll want to hang on to them.

If you don’t have business cards, it’s easy to get some made up for a low cost.   They just need to have your name, email address and phone number on them.   The perfect finishing touch is a great photo so they’ll remember who you are.

There’s nothing wrong with making a provisional plan to meet again there and then.   You can say:

“What steps do we have to take to talk again?”

This give them the chance to suggest a date or to exchange numbers. If they give you their own cards or details, then call them up the very next. There’s little point in hanging around trying not to seem too keen.

Always at least attempt to politely exchange contact details.  You won’t have lost anything as there won’t be any way of contacting them afterwards anyway!

Even it you have no intention of chatting again, there’s no harm in sending them away in a good mood.  They’ll be more encourage to go up and approach other people that way.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Should cheating be forgiven?

Monday, September 13th, 2010

Wayne Rooney, Tiger Woods, Ashley Cole, Peter Crouch, Vernon Kay


Why do some many celebrities cheat?.  It’s either naked photos by text, saucy emails or full blown affairs.  So what makes famous, talented people with beautiful partners go and risk losing everything they have?

But is this just part and parcel of being a celebrity and therefore something we shoudl accept?

It’s a horrible feeling if you find you’ve been cheated on.   Everything you believed turns out to be a lie and you suddenly find you can’t trust or believe anyone ever again.  It’s a truly hideous experience.

Studies predict that “60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair.”  That’s a shocking statistic and the more celebrities that get caught will only lead to other men thinking it’s acceptable.  They just want to be like their heroes so follow the examples they might set.

So why is this so common with celebrities?

There can be various reasons that they might justify their behaviour:

1) Constant Pressure

Money, power and privilege can be dangerous to relationship. They are in the public eye so much that women throw themselves at them day in day out, so it gets harder and harder to turn them down. To make things worse, their friends or teammates actively encourage them to play the field.

2) Attention Seeker

Many celebrities crave media attention and need to have their egos constantly stroked. They could even argue that any publicity is good publicity.

3) Sense of Entitlement

Sometimes they believe that they can do what they want as they have earned that right by the very nature of being a “celebrity.”

4) Impunity

Perhaps they cheat because they believe that their spouse will stay with them “no matter what”  just because of who they are and what they might risk losing. This is usually money and media attention.

5) Getting away with it. Each time you cheat and get away with it, the easier it is to do again.

So what do you think?   Should cheating celebrities deserve another chance?  Please take a second to enter our survey –  and do add your own thoughts to this blog.

James Preece – the Dating Guru

Will you be our eyes and ears?

Monday, September 6th, 2010

We have so many lovely members and want you to have fun meeting them.


However, every now and again we find someone not playing by the rules.

This is true on all dating sites and in every aspect of life, but that doesn’t mean we don’t take it seriously.

We really do have to rely on you, our customers, to let us know when someone isn’t behaving on the site.

You are our eyes and ears. While we can monitor messages on our site, it’s out of our hands once you decide to talk on the phone or go on dates.

As you are the ones dating, you are the ones who need to tip us off if you have a bad experience. We don’t tolerate rudeness or offensive behaviour from any of our members and we expect everyone to be respectful and considerate.

If you have a bad experience, please don’t let if put you off. There are 1000s and 1000s of decent people on our website and we’d hate you to miss out on meeting them.

Don’t judge them by the poor behaviour of one individual.

Every day we get wonderful feedbacks which show that our members are not only genuine but meeting partners through our website.

We are NOT a casual dating site, but one that helps bring people together for serious, quality relationships.

So please do let us know if you come across one rotten apple. If they have posted something inappropriate in their profile or aren’t what they seem in real life then we need to know about it. We’ll always suspend ( and ban if necessary) unsuitable people on our sites, especially if we have several complaints.

All you need to do is let us know!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

It has never been a better time to join us

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

We like to think that we are the leading British Asian dating service. Here is why.

We have grown over 400% since January 2009, now attracting 30,000 individuals to our website every month, making 90,000 visits.


What that means for you is that there has never been a better time to join to find your partner.

In August 2010 our clients viewed 1,331,744 pages, which I think is pretty phenominal. If you have a great profile, with a great photo, we are offering you the best chance of success. We wish to thank you and all of our clients for making the site so successful. Please continue to tell your friends about us as its word of mouth that counts.

If you want more stats, then consider that in August 2010 30,000 individuals used our site. Of those, nearly two thirds used it on 5 separate occasions in August 2010 alone. That means we have serious people looking for serious relationships.

We also continue to have a very even male:female ratio on the database. 51% male and 49% female. Measured as profiles that are visible on the site.

Why are you reading this? Get searching and contact people right now.

Paul and James and the team.

How to become an Alpha Male

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to look at a common dating topic – the mystery of the Alpha Male


So what exactly is an Alpha Male?

The term is sometimes used to refer to a man who is powerful or in a high social position

In nature, attraction between mates is determined by the survival of the fittest philosophy. The mate that is chosen is the one that is most likely to breed strong, healthy offspring. In many animal societies the alpha male will be the only male in the pack, and it will be his job to impregnate the females in order for the species to survive.

So in dating, the alpha tends to be the one who gets all the women!

However, contrary to popular belief, this isn’t through being rude, arrogant, macho or cocky.  Instead, here are the five best ways you can learn to become and Alpha Male:

1) Be Confident.  This is the number quality that a woman will look for in a man so it’s the key thing all Alpha Men possess. Be relaxed and comfortable in your surroundings. It always help to dress up whenever you go out as it gives the impression you are high status and sure of yourself.

2) Be Masculine.  Show off your muscles, achievements, or skills to get people to think of you as dominant.  Know who you are and never be afraid to express your true personality.  An Alpha man  Doesn’t fear doesnt’ care what other think of him or of being judged.

3) Take the lead.  As an Alpha Male, you need to take control.  In fact, most women expect it as they they want to be looked after.  For example, don’t ask where they would like to go on a date – but surprise them instead.

4) Know what you are worth.  Respect yourself. you value yourself as equal to or above everyone else including any girl you approach. You need women to realise that you have a lot more to offer than other men and they need to be the ones to impress you.

5) Don’t be too serious.  As always, dating is about fun.  You need to demonstrate that you have a good, almost cheeky sense of humour.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Going the distance – long distance relationships

Friday, August 20th, 2010

Making a Long Distance relationship work


The upcoming “Drew Barrymore” film is all about long distance relationships so I wanted to write something about it for you.

Sometimes we end up dating people who don’t live near us. It’s so easy to meet people from all over the world using the internet that that this can be 8 miles or 800 miles.  These relationships can be hard to keep going but they can work.

Here are my dating tips so you can keep the spark going!

1) Communicate often.  Make sure you talk as often as you can and send regular emails and texts. Talking on the phone is vital as you need to be able to hear their voice. Without hearing them speak it’s very hard to work on any form of romantic connection.

2) Try and see each other as often as you can, even if it means sacrificing things. The times you do spend together will be all the more powerful.

3) A long distance relationship is built on thing – Trust.   You don’t want to have to be worrying about what the other person might be getting up to.

4) The same rules for dating apply, even if you aren’t seeing each other as much.  You are still together so don’t be needy, demanding or controlling or they will quickly destroy everything.

5) What’s the long term plan?  Will one of you eventually move near the other?   If neither of you has any intention of relocating then the relationship then be clear from the start and set a time limit.

6) Do something at the same time, like watching a film or reading the same book.

7) Use Skype – the most loved tool for long distance lovers. Free calls over the internet and you’ll be able to see each other on webcam too.

8 ) Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to spot a liar

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Being able to tell when someone is lying is a very useful skill, whether it’s in dating, business or in your general day to day life.


However, it’s easy to get it wrong if you don’t know how to do it properly.  Of course, everyone tells the odd fib from time to time but these are mostly tiny white lies.   Here are some tips on how to get the bigger picture and spot the giveaways:

1) Watch the eyes.  Liars will often use prolonged eye contact or try to avoid looking at you at all.

2) Listen out for what they say. Saying things like “To tell you the truth”, “To be honest…” or “No word of a lie”   then they are usually doing the opposite.

3) Look to see how rigid their body is, as the stiffer they are then the more chance they are telling you a lie.  They might not be wanting to give any clues away so will fold their arms, cross their legs and freeze like a statue.

4) Everyone has a “tell” which is a slight nervous reaction to something.  This could be something as simple as brushing the hair out of their eyes, a little giggle or a sniff.    The idea is to note how often they do it, and if it’s frequent it might well be covering up deceit.

5) Liars will try and hide the palms of their hands, so be cautious if they have their hands behind their backs, under the table to grasped together tightly.

The same rules apply for spotting lies as for any other body language – you need to look for several signs together to be certain.

We all scratch our noses or shuffle our feet, so don’t be too quick to judge!

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Help us raise £2000 for Pakistan

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Our Appeal has now Closed. Thank you to everyone who took party

Upgrade to 3 months Premium and we will donate 100% to the Pakistan Flood victims appeal.


We have reduced the 3 months Premium, from £30 to £25. We will also give 100% of this payment to the Flood appeal.

Its win win. You get to give to this Emergency appeal, and get your upgrade, and you get a small discount which you can lock into for as long as you keep your membership live. The target is £2000. We will end the appeal at midday Wednesday so act now.

Background information

Over 1,000 people are reported to have died with that number likely to rise as more information becomes available. About 2.5 million people are believed to have been affected by the floods which may worsen as further rain falls and water moves downstream. In the aftermath of the floods there is a serious risk to survivors from potentially deadly diseases which will spread as a result of contaminated surface and drinking water.

The Disaster Emergency Committee has opened the ‘DEC Pakistan Floods Appeal’ and special broadcasts will run from Thursday (05.08.10) on the BBC, ITV, Sky, Channel 4, Channel Five and independent radio stations.

The money raised will help fund the life saving work in Pakistan of the DEC’s Members and their partners.

The money raised will support the efforts in Pakistan of the DEC’s members which are the leading UK aid agencies.

Finding Love Against the Odds

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

As an Asian Muslim, when I got divorced I thought my chance at love was over.


However,  I  found love again through Asian Single Solution. Here’s my story!


I got married at a young age and was naive at the time, we’d been married for a year but things didn’t work out. He eventually left me without a goodbye, whilst I had tried my hardest to try and mend the relationship.

In our culture and society I was considered an outcast as I was separated. This had it’s effect on me and my family. Eventually I thought it was time to move on and started actively looking for a partner.

I found it really hard at first because of the stigma attached. Most Asian men would not even look at my profile when I mentioned I was separated. I then eventually had to hide the fact I was married.

I met a guy through your site [] and we started emailing each other at first, we really ‘clicked’. I eventually told him the truth about my past after 3 days of having emailed him and told him that if he felt he wanted to end it here then that would be fine with me.

We actually said goodbye to each other, but two days later he came back to me and apologized, asking me to forgive him and that he had never ‘clicked’ so well with someone before. We eventually met each other and found one another attractive and overall enjoyed each other’s company.

It wasn’t till later on that we realised that we actually lived round the block from each other and that our sisters were best friends when they were younger. Our parents even knew each other.

So here we are 4 months on and still very strong. Things have become ‘serious’ in that we actually both think we could have a future together (Asians always think long term when we meet someone). However there are complications in that I do not think his parents will accept me as I have been married before (if things were to get to that point).

Dating Problems Solved: Who should pay?

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I answer a member’s dating question.


Should a guy really pay for everything on a first date?


Dear James,

Should a guy pay for dinner and drinks on a first date?

I recently had a date with a girl who I met for drinks. It went really well and I took her out to dinner straight after.  I very much got on with her and hoped to see her again. Traditionally a guy would normally pay for the girl, but I had gone on a date with another girl previously who was adamant that she should pay for herself, even for a soft drink. With this in mind, I decided that we should split the cost for dinner. Later on it pertained that she wasn’t impressed and expected me to pay for everything. She didn’t appreciate it and ended it quickly. I didn’t mind but I am really confused now.

In today’s society women want their independence and I assumed they are generally happy to pay their own way (at least on the first date). It also spells to me that the guy is not “paying” his way into a potential relationship.

I’m not a miser and I’m happy to spend on my family and friends but I think that if you are complete strangers then I wouldn’t want her to take advantage from the off. A couple of close female friends of mine also agree with me, but I think for the future I would like to know the best way to go about it.



Dear Z,

Many thanks for your question. I feel your frustration, I really do.  Dating can be really expensive for a guy and it’s hard working out whether you should pay or not.

However, there’s one basic rule that we always suggest you stick to – the man should always pay!

The reasoning behind this is that it’s the man’s job to be a gentleman and take care of the lady.  You have to show her that you are a good provider and it’s something that goes back to cavemen times.  Above all, it shows that he can take the initiative and lead.

With that in mind, the woman should always at least offer to split the bill, but the man should not let her on a first date.

When it comes to dinner AND drinks then the rules can change slightly.   If the woman doesn’t at least offer to get a few rounds in then it could be seen as her taking advantage.

Going back to the lady who insisted she pay for her own drinks, did you ever see her again?  I’m guessing not.   If someone makes a point of not letting you pay, she’s pretty much telling you she’s not interested and doesn’t want to lead you on.

So I’m afraid you do have to open your wallet if you want to get more dates…..and you’ll get bonus points for tipping the waiting staff well.   If you can’t afford it then forget dinner and stick to drinks.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to break bad dating habits

Monday, July 26th, 2010

Do you have a destructive or dysfunctional habit that’s stopping you from getting dating success?


We take a look the ways some people can sabotage themselves on a date and how they can fix this.

First of all,  you need to work out what exactly you are doing wrong.  Then it can be easy enough to put things right.

This can usually fall in to one of three things:

Too Needy,  Too Negative or Too Picky

1)Too Needy

You are so desperate to get a partner that you accept anyone who shows any interest.  You go out on dates purely for the sake of dating and often end up sleeping with anyone who pays you any attention.  You get upset and angry when you don’t hear back from the straight away and ruin possible relationships by being too keen or demanding.

Sometimes you think that this person will be able to fix your life or you’ll overlook major issues thinking that you can change them yourself.

The Cure:  Take a step back.  If you need to, have a break from dating and only ever date someone you think you really will have a great future with.

2)Too Negative

You’ve had some bad experiences in the past and don’t want to  let yourself get hurt again.  Therefore you focus on your past rather than looking to your future.

Your date doesn’t want to hear about how bad your life is or hear about your faults and insecurities.

The Cure:   Challenge yourself to be positive.  Wear something that you feel great in and keep your body language upbeat and friendly. Work out all the things in life that you enjoy and that are going well for you.   Everyone is different so don’t expect them to treat you the same as your ex.

3) Too Picky

Nobody is able to meet your high standards and as such you won’t give anyone a chance.  You’ll come across as rude and defensive rather than a possible partner.  Perhaps you won’t make the effort on a date as you’ve already decided it’s not going to go anywhere before you’ve even met.

The Cure:    Take the opportunity to find out more about your date.   What do you have in common?  Are you enjoying their company?  Above all, work out what really is important to you and let anything else go.  You aren’t perfect so why would they be?

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

Don’t give up!

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Are you struggling with dating?  Not having the success you want?


In today’s blog I’m going to motivate you to keep at it!

Many people seem to give up far too easily and quickly when it comes to dating.  Perhaps they will join an online dating site, send out some messages and then get disappointed when they don’t get many replies.  Or maybe they’ll attend a singles event and not find anyone they like there.

Rather than keep at it, they’ll think”Oh, I’ve tried that and it didn’t work.  Now I can cross that off my list.”

We know that it can sometimes seem exhausting if you don’t get get instant results but dating is a trial and error process and the more you do then the better you’ll get at it

Yes, you’ll make mistakes at the start but please don’t give up.

You need to keep in mind that these things really do work!  Every day we get success stories sent to us from people who struck lucky.  The secret is to keep at it – like most things in life you get out of it what you put into it.  Otherwise it’s like joining a gym, going twice and then quitting because you weren’t miraculously fit and muscular.  These things can take time.

One person said to me recently that they’ve calculated they would have to send out 100 messages to get 10 replies back which would lead to one or two dates.  They just didn’t have time to be sending out so many messages each week.

My reply to him was that he was thinking about the negative side of things rather than the reality.  What if one of the first people he met up with turned out to be his Miss Right?   He’d then be able to stop messaging people.  Therefore, he should spend more time making sure he has the best profile, photos and messages possible right from the start.  He can then be sure he’s equipping himself with the best tools for the job.

The more work you put in at the start, then the quicker you’ll see the results!

If you ever find yourself tempted to give up then get a friend to help you.  Ask them to send out some messages with you or attend events with you.  That way you’ll get a whole new perspective on things.

Finally, we are here to help if you ever need motivation. All you need to do is ask.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Why am I always just the friend?

Monday, July 19th, 2010

In today’s blog I answer another member’s dating problem.


How do you avoid the dreaded “friends zone”?

Dear James,

I hope you can help me.  I don’t seem to have a problem getting dates but I always seem to end up in the “just a friend” category after.  We’ll have a good time and I’ll be looking forward to seeing them again, only to be blown out. They’ll tell me I’m a lovely guy but they just seem see me as a friend.  What can I do about this?



Dear G,
Many thanks for your email.  It’s very easy to get stuck in the friends zone if you don’t make your interest clear.

I’m going to show you how to move on from friend to boyfriend.

1) Be flirty.   You need to try and escalate things physically.  Stay clear of anthing creepy of course,  but you do have to lightly touch her every now and again. This can be as simple as touching her arm or giving her a quick hug at the start of the date.  Once you are sure she is comfortable, step it up a little. Perhaps you can give her a high five or hold her wrist while you pretend to be interested in her watch.

2) Be a a Man.  Women need to respect your masculinity if they want to date you. This means paying the bills, being confident and not chasing them round like a lovesick puppy.

3) Be Romantic.  If you want her to feel romantic towards you then you need to set the scene.  Take her to romantic places, buy her small gifts and treat her like she’s the most important person you’ve ever met.   If she feels special then you’ll be making her feel good too – meaning she will want more of it!

4) Make your interest clear.  How will they know you like them if you are too nervous to tell them?  Bite the bullet and make your move.  If you delay it she’ll assume you only want to be friends and it’s very hard to turn it round.

5) Remember all is not lost.  Many friendships do eventually turn into relationships and can often be longer lasting because of it.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

Who is calling?

Monday, July 12th, 2010

You might think that if you send out enough messages, with your personal contact info, you will get results.


For many reasons we advise against this. Here are the top 5 reasons why it doesn’t work.

1. Speaking to someone you know is hard enough, so why would anyone call a total stranger without even a cursory online chat first? Men might but women won’t.

2. If you’ve given out your number too early, you won’t know who is calling. Imagine the scene.

“Hi, its me from the site”

Sorry, who is calling?

Sorry, who is calling?

“er….. sorry, who? Which site? Please just hold the line while I check your profile.”

Embarrassing isn’t it? and that is if they call, which they probably won’t, so you’ve blown your chances.

3.  Ladies in particular may not want to reveal personal information like a phone number without getting to know you online first. Once the other person has your details there is no going back. Ultimately, you cannot avoid this, but at least get to know a little about them first.

4. Just giving out your number in the first message might make you appear unselective or indiscriminate at best, or desperate and lazy at worst.

5. If someone emails you outside the site, then like point 2 above, it is much harder to know who is messaging you and to keep track of who is who.

Our advice would always be to chat online first. You can use the messaging system, or our live chat feature. You can always agree a time to chat online, at a time that suits you both.

Make it easy for the other person by asking short simple specific questions about them or something in their profile.

If you are nervous about giving your number out, then register for a personal number. This is an 07 number that you can have diverted to your mobile. Some sites charge a nominal fee for this such as other sites might be free. Just remember if you dial out your number is going to be displayed, unless you type 141 in front of the number. Once you feel comfortable you can swap proper numbers but it doesn’t hurt to keep your number private the first time you chat.

Remember – use the site for messages, that is what it is there for.

Paul Ergatoudis

Dating Expert and Director at

When should I propose?

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

So you’ve been together a while and you want to settle down.  You’d love to get married but how long should wait to propose?


Wedding Ideas magazine recently ran a study to find out exactly how long people leave it to get engaged.

The results were very interesting. They showed that most couples will get engaged within two years of their first date. For the next three years after that  proposals are very rare.  Then they pick up again rapidly between five and ten years.

However, if you have to wait longer than that then chances are you’ll never get engaged.  Only  four per cent of couples will get married who have been together this long.

Interestingly, short “whirlwind” romances – where they had been together for six to eight months resulted in 6.8 of all engagements.

Rachel Morgan, the Editor of the magazine added this : ‘Couples tend to hold on until their incomes are secure before making an announcement”

These results seem to indicate that if you’ve been waiting over ten years then perhaps it’s time to move on if you aren’t happy.  Some men get comfortable with the way things are are don’t see the point in officially getting married.  After all, they’ve already got everything they want!  However, they might not realise you want to get hitched so maybe it’s time to drop some not so subtle hints!

The good news is that if you’ve been together for two years then the odds are you’ll be getting engaged soon!  If you do – and met through us – don’t forget to let us know!

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Vanishing Date

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

It’s time to get a bit spooky now.

There’s a strange dating phonemenon that you’ll come across quite a bit.


You’ll go out on a date or two and everything will be going well.   Then suddenly the emails, texts and phone calls stop.

They have completely vanished, never to be seen again.  You try your best to contact them but you don’t ever hear anything back.

Where have they gone you wonder?  Maybe they’ve lost their phone, caught a terrible cold or been abducted by aliens.  You’ll spend hours going over the possibilities about why they’ve disappeared.

This will also happen all the time with online dating.  You’ll start chatting and look forward to getting to know them – when they cut you off cold.

The truth is that there are endless reasons why they’ve gone, perhaps they have got back with their ex, or circumstances have changed. Just maybe they will call you soon as phones DO get lost and stolen, people do go away with work, they do get ill etc and all manner of crazy things can happen in people’s lives, but ninety nine times out of a hundred there’s one major factor that causes this.   Brace yourself, the reality can be hard to come to terms with….they just aren’t interested!

Sadly, you’ll probably never know the true reason why.

My advice is just to accept it and move on. Don’t take it personally, but look at the good things you’ve learnt from the experience.

Get straight onto arranging lots of other dates with new people, so you are never in the position where you have to keep waiting to hear back from one person.

Lead an active, busy life and you won’t have time to worry about these things.

Perhaps one day a UFO will land and bring them all back!

If you’ve done this to someone else it’s very unfair.  You don’t want to hurt their feelings so you decide to cut off all contact instead.  This is actually very cowardly and leads to confusion.  It’s much better to say you weren’t feeling it and wish them luck finding someone who deserves them.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Perfect Profile Formula

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

Some people struggle to put together a half decent online dating profile.


So today I’m going to make it easy for you!
There is a simple “Four Step” Formula that you just need to follow.  I’m going to break it down into very small steps:

Step One:  Introduction

First things first – who are you and what are you doing on the site?   This is your chance to capture their imagination and get their attention. If this bit isn’t good then they’ll get bored and won’t read any further.   Keep it short and simple – it’s a taster not a life history.

Step Two:  About You.

The second part of your profile  needs to be your “advert” where you get to sell yourself.  Write about what you like doing, what you have offer and why people should be interested in dating you.  Why are you different from all the other people on the site?

Step Three:  About the Person You are Looking For.

Work out what’s most important to you and what you want in a partner.  Don’t be tempted to make a list of things you don’t want.  This just makes you look like a negative person.

Step Four:  End on an invitation.

This is one of the most important sections.   Give the reader the opportunity to get in touch.  Ask a question or invite them to suggest something.  Don’t be tempted to say “Get in touch” or “Drop me an email” as that’s not enough.

One final tip for you.   Don’t be tempted to write too much. People have busy lives and want to be able to get a quick idea of what you are like and who you are.   You can save in depth debates and three page anecdotes for when you meet!  It should be long enough to hook them in, but short enough to intrigue them.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to Heat Up your Love Life

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Summer is here and the sun is shining.  It’s the best time of year for dating so you need to make the most of it – it won’t last long!


Here are some great date ideas we know you’ll love:

1)Take a trip to the seaside.   If you have an Oyster Card then you can get return train tickets for an amazing £5 return until the end of July!  You can choose from Brighton, Bognor Regis or Southend.  Check out the Daysoutguide for more info.

2) Hampton Court Palace.  This is most famous for it’s huge outdoor maze.   Stay close together and have fun trying to get out.  You’ll be amazed at how much you enjoy it!

3) Boating. Both Regents Park and Hyde Park have famous boating lakes.  You can hire a small rowing boat and take your date out for a leisurely afternoon on the lakes. If you really can’t be bothered then there are plenty of boats trips available near the Thames.

4) London Zoo.  This really does make a wonderful date as there is so much to see and talk about.  Everyone has a favourite animal so why not sponsor one for your date while you are there?

5) Picnic in the Park.  This isn’t a new idea but it’s still of the best as it’s so easy to do.  Just pack a picnic basket and head somewhere romantic. Make sure you pack strawberries, cream and champagne to make it unforgettable.

6) A show under the Stars.  There are plenty of big music concerts and films at this time of year, all outside.   We particularly recommend the Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre.

7)  Watch the Sun set.   Take full advantage of one of nature’s loveliest views – the sun setting.   You can either do this from the top of a hill or a roof terrace restaurant.  The choice is yours.

8) Ice Cream Parlour.  We all loved this when we were kids so you can bring back happy memories instantly.  Harrods and Selfridges have their own parlours but there are plenty of independent ones too. Just remember – you’ll need one dessert and two straws!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Dilemma: Should I Give In?

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Here’s a new dating question for the Dating Guru:


Dear James,
I have been dating this guy, J, for only a few days. He has an ex girlfriend that still harasses him constantly for his attention and
for sex

I am at a disadvantage because I have asked him to wait before we sleep together and he does not like or respect the idea

I don’t really know what usually goes on in a guy’s mind but him being impulsive and his ex girlfriend constantly sending him sexual beams, I am sure he is about to sleep with her and dump me

I know he misses the sex with her because he’s still attracted to her and she obviously misses him

I don’t know what to do. Please advise!


Dear C,

Thank you for writing to me. I can see why you are confused.

This guy is definitely playing games with you in an effort to get you to sleep with him. How do you know his ex keeps texting him for sex? If he cared about you he’d either block her from contacting him OR would be respectful another not to tell you about his. Instead, he’s using it against you to try and force you to do something you don’t want to to.

The bottom line is that if you don’t feel ready – don’t do it! It’s only been a few days after all. If you have to wait six months until you want to have sex then he needs to understand that.

He sounds like a selfish jerk anyway. If he doesn’t get what he wants from you then he’ll soon go back to his ex. If you DO sleep with him he’ll get bored soon enough and start looking for his next conquest. This isn’t love, it’s lust. He needs to the sex to boost his own ego. Whatever you do, you’ll always be worrying which doesn’t make a happy relationship.

My advice?  Talk to him and try and reach an agreement.  If he still continues to tease and pressure you then dump him. You’ll soon find someone better who deserves to be with you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Problem: Too Keen

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Here’s a dating problem answered.


Dear James,

I’ve  been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks now.  We get on great and things are going well…but he’s just a bit too keen!   He texts me several times a day and gets upset if we don’t speak every evening.  I do really like him but I can’t breathe!   What should I do?



Dear Nisha,

Thank you for your email.   It’s a difficult situation as you need to  tread carefully.  If you play harder to get then he might try even harder.  But if you don’t then he’ll put you off and it will be too late to do anything.  That would be a real shame if you do like each other.

Some people need constant reassurance that all is going well and they are worried they might lose momentum if they don’t show they are interested.  However,  the adoring puppy look isn’t a sexy one.

My advice is just to be honest with him.  Tell him you really like him but he needs to back off and give you some space.  Set boundaries and make sure he sticks to them.

If he does this properly you might even find that you have the urge to contact him more.  Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and you’ll miss his constant contact!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Competition Blog: Dating Tips on Chivalry

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Here’s another dating tip from our “Perfect Fashion Show” Blog competition :


Money and looks always attractive but poise and authority more so;

‘The persona of chivalry’

He/ she has:

An air of sociability and hospitality
Unrushed , calm and always has time
In control of life and never stressed
Naturally charming to everyone
Rarely loses temper and never in public
Can seemingly handle any situation
Is patient and left unruffled by lifes daily irritations Modest yet confident and cultivates an air of authority

By N.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Competition Entry: Hair today – gone Tomorrow

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Here’s a funny entry for our Perfect Fashion Blog Competition – ends this afternoon!
As many of us asian females are aware, many of our asian males do have requirements (yes, and these can stretch to a list lol). One such requirement is the traditional long lustrous hair which Bollywood Belles used to don with such grace (reality snippet : they were wigs most of the time, sorry to break the fantasy of any bollywood heros).

Anyway, I had a pic posted of myself : I tried to find the most flattering pic I could, difficult job, as Im not blessed with being naturally photogenic, or <laughingly> naturally “anything”, everything requires effort.

This particular photo had me with long lovely hair. However, as we all know, (girls) one trip to the hairdressers can change that in a snip ! (You’ve got quite a few split ends, you know the usual hairdresser admonishments) Behold, my long lustrous mane was severely reduced to a short bob cut almost. Mortified, as I had a date, in a few days, I shrieked and freaked out on the phone to my friend, who furtively suggested donning a wig !

Where on earth am I going to get a wig I wailed. As friends go, she whipped out a wig .. don’t ask me how she had a wig in her closet ; lets not go there. Anyway, amidst much laughter in attempts to fit it … I decided to wear it. The day of the date, arrived. My dears, I strode into London on the tube, confident in my long lustrous WIG. I met up with my date at a suitable central location in London.

We propped ourselves on a bench, and dears, I was mortified to discover that my date, was staring incredulously at my hairline.

My eyes widened as I saw his eyes nearly popping out and I could feel the wig, was sliding backwards : it was so long, unknowingly, Id been sitting on it, causing the wig to slide, to reveal my own hairline. .. OMG ! I gasped and rattled an explanation – I just had to tell the truth, no matter how unladylike I was looking : my own hair  was appearing and looking very dishevelled, not to mention sweaty under that damn wig.

The date ended in riotous laughter and oodles of embarrassment on my part.

Never again.

Conclusion is, you go as you are, and no matter how or what you look like on the outside, if the other person is for real, and they like you for real, that’s what counts, not the length or breadth of your hair or any other part of you.


Dating someone with a special diet

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

Eating out is one of the most common dating activities. However, it can come with it’s own problems.


What do you do if you are a vegetarian or have some other dietary requirement?

If you’ve made a major lifestyle choice to be a vegan or vegetarian then you’d be better off stating this before you go on a date. By being open from the start you’ll avoid any embarrassing situations.

Of course, If you’ve met online then your date should hopefully have already spotted this. If you get a chance to put it in your profile then always do so.

If you simply don’t like eating certain food or have an allergy then it’s probably best not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, choose foods that don’t contain these items. You’ll want to focus on what you DO like rather than what you don’t.

After a few dates it’s fine to mention it but don’t let it spoil the romance of your first meal together.

So what do you do if YOU are the meat eater and your date is a vegetarian? While it’s true that you aren’t about to stop eating certain foods, you do want to create the best impression possible. Therefore, rather than avoiding the meat dishes, search out the best vegetarian ( or vegan) restaurant in the area. You’ll get extra brownie points and will also get to try some delicious new meals.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Competition Blog Entry : One member’s dating story!

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

Here’s a”guest” blog from “R” – for our wonderful “Perfect Fashion Show” Competition.


If I had a pound for every time someone asked me why I was still single, I would be cruising around the Med in a luxury yacht with my harem of male Dolce and Gabbana models, most probably not giving a damn about my single status.

I agree on paper, it doesn’t quite add up.  I’m an attractive, professional, financially secure woman living in a large metropolis with an abundance of available and desirable men.  Or so you’d think.  But here I am, getting incredulous looks and raised eyebrows when I confess to being single at the ripe old age of 38.

Take the conversation I had with a minicab driver who drove me home after a boozy night out.  ‘How old are you?’ he asked, ‘38′ I replied.  ‘Oh my God, really?’ he said, with a forceful emphasis that I find African minicab drivers have down to perfection.  When he then learned that not only am I that old, but also single and childless, his eyes nearly popped out of his head.  ‘Oh dear, oh dear, 38 and still single.  And no children either.  Oh dear’ he repeated, shaking his head vigorously.  ‘Thanks a lot mate’ I think, but what am I supposed to say?  ‘Actually I’m a serial killer who’s killed all 5 of my husbands and buried them under the floorboards.’  Oh well, he did say he thought I looked a lot younger, although that might have been when he realised there was no chance of a tip otherwise.  Hmm.

I find the cruelest people are old distant relatives, and when you factor in that mine are Indian, it gets even worse.  They really know how to dig the knife in.  The most notable comment was from a wizened old crow who said ‘Older single women are like last week’s food rotting in the fridge.  No-one wants them any more.’  Well at least I don’t have whiskers growing out of my chin, grandma!

So, to answer the question once and for all, here’s my theory.  I don’t think I had any idea of who I was, and what I wanted, until I was well into my late twenties.  In fact, I cannot recognise the ‘me’ that I was before that time.  I have no doubt that whoever I may have married at that time would not suit me now.  Unless they also changed in the same way as I have done, i.e. beyond all recognition.

So, next thing I know I’m 38 and according to minicab drivers and old women, completely on the shelf.  Great.  I wouldn’t mind so much, but it’s not as though these people have fared much better.  As I said to the minicab driver ‘So how about you?’  He replied ‘Oh, I’m divorced’.

I wonder if any of these people can believe that this 38 year old single woman is quite happy with her lot.  Ok so I’m single, but I’m content.  So excuse me if I’m not spending every waking hour formulating a cunning plan to ensnare a man.  And then crying into my wine glass when it fails.

Don’t get me wrong, should a suitable man come along, I’m not going to turn him down.  I’ve accepted that my ‘meeting Mr Right’ phase is a bit later than the conventional standard.  I can even guarantee that he won’t say ‘she just wasn’t the person I thought she was’ a few years down the line.  Because I’ve already been through that.  And I was considerate enough to do it own my own, rather than whilst in a relationship.  I should be lauded rather than made to feel like a freak.

So next time I get the withering ‘So you’re still single’ look, I’m going to say ‘Yes, isn’t it great I’ve chosen to wait until the time is right.’  And you know, this shelf is not as uncomfortable as you might think!



If you have want to win a pair of tickets to our upcoming “Perfect Fashion Show” worth £250 then read our blog to find out more.

Competition Blog Entry – Is Silence good or bad?

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Here is a “dating question” for our new “blog competition”


Dear Dating Guru,

When Dating, are Silent moments good or bad?



Dear N,

Dating is all about getting to know each other, building a connection, then attraction and beyond.   The majority of this is done through talking to one another – asking and answering questions.

If you are both sat there without saying anything then it can quickly become awkward.   This can stop the date from flowing and you’ll be unlikely to have a second.

For this reason, you have to have a wide range of “conversation starters” under your belt to keep up the momentum.  These don’t have to be too complicated, just discussions about family, holidays, ambitions, beliefs, funny anecdotes etc.   It’s easy to find topics to talk about – just pick up a paper and read the headlines if you get stuck.

However, silence isn’t always a bad thing.   There are times when you will need to sit back and enjoy each other’s company without saying a word.  This is a fantastic opportunity to process the date so far and really think about everything that’s been said.      It’s also a great chance for non-verbal communication.  You can look deep into their eyes or play with your hair in a flirty, fun manner.

The bottom line is :   Make sure you have plenty to talk about but you don’t need to fill in every silence just for the sake of it!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

If you have want to win a pair of tickets to our upcoming “Perfect Fashion Show” then read our blog to find out more.

Competition: Win Perfect Fashion Show VIP tickets!

Monday, June 7th, 2010

We have an amazing competition for you that we are only running for the next few days.


The Asian Single Solution is sponsoring the Perfect Asian Fashion Show on Sat 19th June.

We’ll be hosting a table at the event and have two pairs of PLATINUM VIP tickets worth £250 up for grabs.

The event will take place the Millennium Mayfair Hotel and will include a reception with canapes, a three course meal, fashion show and live entertainment from Navin Kundra and Angrej Ali.

To win your place you need to send us something for our blog.  This can be one of the following:

1) Your best dating tip

2) A short funny date story

3) A dating question for us to answer

Email them directly to :

[email protected]

The best blogs will be featured and the top two will win a pair of tickets.

Closing Date: Competition ends midday Friday 11th June, so write now!

For more details and standard tickets at £75 or £65 for Premium members, click here

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Why you Shouldn’t Try to Win Arguments

Friday, June 4th, 2010

There comes a time in the happiest of relationships when you won’t see eye to eye.

This is quite normal behaviour.  After all, if you agreed on everything life would be very dull.

However, disagreements can quickly become arguments which can escalate to major rows.  It’s important you learn to keep things on the first level so you don’t allow them to escalate.

A common destroyer of relationships is seeing it as a competition rather than a joint effort.

When people see themselves as opponents rather than partners, they often try to use unfair tactics such as using insults or perhaps shutting down completely.  Alternatively, they might do the opposite and fight fairly and try to outsmart the other person using logic and being overly nice.    But ultimately these are both two sides of the same kind  Both strategies  are employed as a way to “win” the argument.    They are trying to be the “good” partner and prove that the other person is in the wrong, not them.

If this sounds like you then you need t0 learn to stop doing  it.

The best way to end an argument is to apologise, even if you know deep down that you are right. This will nip it in the bud before things get worse.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Do you find it hard to make time?

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Struggling to find time for dating ?


You aren’t alone.

People often tell me that they find it hard to make time for online  dating in their busy lives.  They work all day and are too tired in the evenings to do anything proactive.

I agree that online dating can often be time consuming.  It takes a while to search for people you like the look of, compose witty messages and keep the banter going.

But really it doesn’t have to be.   The object of the game is to get their attention quickly and then arrange a meeting while the interest is there.  You don’t have to write long essays back and forth for weeks.  The first message only needs to be a few lines long – just enough to get them intrigued. After a couple of replies, speak on the phone for ten minutes and then arrange your first date.  Endless messages only build up unrealistic expectations and prevent you from ever meeting up.

Here’s a quick tip which will help you find time for dating….turn off your television!  It’s the biggest time waster there is and it’ s main function is a “partner replacement.”   Most people spend all their time either  staring at it or looking forward to seeing it again.

Believe it or not, studies have shown that watching too much television can actually triple your urge for material things.  Just think how many adverts you watch, consciously and unconsciously. On top of this, every hour you watch a day makes you 5% unhappier!

You only need to spend about 20 minutes a day to make online dating work.   If you knew it would guarantee some fantastic dates, would you be able to find time to do it then?   Picture the end result before you start and you’ll soon be able to fit it into your busy lifestyle.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Avoiding the Green Eyed Monster

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to be looking at the subject of jealousy in relationships and how you can avoid it.


Jealousy can be a funny thing.  It can creep up when you least expect it and small worries can quickly become big problems if not dealt with.

The theory is that jealousy is an evolutionary process that protects us when there is a threat to reproducing.

Women tend to feel threatened by younger, more attractive rivals. Men are more wary of others who earn more money than them.  However, it’ s just people that you can be jealous of but rather anything that distances you from your partner.  This could be work, hobbies, friends of family.  The threat can be real but is quite often imagined.

Too much jealousy can destroy happy relationships, especially if you are constantly questioning each other.  It’s uncertain relationships that have the biggest issues.  If you aren’t clear about the direction you are heading in or if you are both being faithful then it’s only natural to want to question things.

My advice is to talk about any issues as soon as they come up. Ask yourself what you are really worried about and never forget that you wouldn’t be together if one of you didn’t want to be.  It might also help to talk to friends too as they’ll be able to offer you a different perspective on things.   Above all, keep calm and don’t interrogate or you’ll find yourself pushing them away rather than bringing you together.

Studies have shown that a little bit of jealousy can actually be good for a relationship.  It can make you work harder, keep you both on your toes and spice things up. After all, isn’t it good to know that someone wants want you have?

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Compliment Currency

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

Compliments are a strong currency when it comes to flirting and getting to know someone. But it’s so easy to get it wrong!


You know what it’s like to get a compliment.  You might be flattered but you will often be suspicious too.  Perhaps you’ll think they are being insincere or trying to get round you in some way.  The same goes for when you give one yourself. So here is a simple tip to help you get round this problem:

Do it via a friend!

Yes, it’s that easy.  Tell a mutual friend how wonderful you think the person you are interested in is.   Don’t go over the top and don’t make them aware of what you are up to. Instead, just throw the compliment into the conversation.  Make sure it’s nothing too sexual or personal either. You could say something along the lines of “He’s really entertaining or I loved her necklace.” You can bet anything that your mutual friend will have passed the message on within 24 hours.

By delivering compliment through a third party the impact doubles and they’ll instantly become more believable.  A compliment that someone overhears is must more powerful that one that they actually hear.

You can also use this tip to get some of the glory from someone else’s compliment too.   If you hear someone saying good things about a friend, then tell them all about it.   When they feel good from hearing this, they’ll tie you in to the “feel good” emotion that it triggers.

Just remember to only keep it to compliments.  You don’t want to associate yourself with any negative comments to idle gossip.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

A Tall Order

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

I’m purposely making this blog a little controversial – in the hope that some of you will add your own thoughts!

So today’s blog is all about a common subject of discussion….height.


Why do so many women complain that there aren’t enough tall men?  Do shorter men suffer when it comes to getting dates?

There does seem to be a link between social deprivation and height. Studies have shown that men over 5ft 10 are more likely to get married and have children.

Interestingly, research has proven that the opposite is true with women.  Women of below average height ( under 5ft 2) are more likely to have a husband and kids.

This might be because taller women often reach puberty later than shorter ones and are deemed as less fertile, although science doesn’t back this up.

We’ve found that many of our female members on our online dating site are looking for a man at least 4 inches taller than themselves.

The theory is that short women look for taller men as they want to make sure their children are born with average height.
The good news is that once you meet face to face then height usually stops being an issue.  Common sense comes into play and other factors such as looks, personality and sense of humour will always in over.
So my advice is for women to be more realistic and you’ll end up with more dates.  If you are only short yourself then don’t set your expectations too “high.”

Likewise, if you are a tall lady then it’s daft to make yourself even more so wearing high heels as you’ll just make things harder for yourself.

Finally, if you are a shorter man then make the most of everything else you have going for you!

Well, that’s my opinion – what’s yours?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Kissing *before* a first date?

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

I got asked an interesting question today that I’m going to discuss here with you.

When you first meet someone, is it OK to kiss them on the cheek or should you just shake their hand?


My advice would be to keep in mind it’s a date – so a quick peck on the cheek is perfectly acceptable.

Start with a big smile and keep it to the one cheek. Needless to say, you should stay away from air kissing and going anywhere near the mouth.     Definitely avoid the double “continental” kiss.

Yes, they might back off but if you start with a handshake you are more likely to finish with one at the end of your date.  Be brave and take a small risk and it might just pay off.

After all, most people will appreciate it if you take the initiative.  Handshakes are for friends and business meetings.

I’d be interested to hear what you think is the best way to start a date?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Where to meet new People

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

How many people do you meet each day?  One ?  Ten ?    The reality is that you could be missing out on meeting hundreds!


Whenever you go out you have the opportunity to talk to other singles – whether it’s on your way to work, your lunch break or just waling down the street.

Here are some opportunities you might be missing with some tips to maximise them:

1) Bookstore.   You might have to cheat a little here, but it’s worth it.  The easy way to approach someone you want to talk to is to take note of what they are reading.  Find a similar book, stand near them and ask if they’ve read it.   Tell them you are new to whatever subject it is and would like to learn about.   It doesn’t matter what – cooking, goldfish or synchronised swimming.  It’s the very fact you appear to have a mutual interest that will help you both bond.

2) Shop.   This is my personal favourite.  Go into any shop with the idea that you have to buy a present for someone of the opposite sex – perhaps your mother, neighbour or favorite Uncle.  Walk up to someone that catches their eye and their opinion.  People LOVE to be asked what they think !

3) Park. Where do single people hang out at lunchtime when they don’t have anywhere else to go?  That’s right, the park!  Take a packed lunch and enjoy the sunshine. If noting more, it’s a great chance to people watch.

4) Bus Stop or Train Station.   Nobody likes waiting for public transport and it can be incredibly dull.  All you have to do is walk up to someone you fancy and ask if they’ve been waiting long – instant conversation starter!

5) Attend a Seminar or a Talk.  Many people go to these on their own and there are plenty of chances to chat before, during and afterwards.  You can find information about these in Metro or your local free newspaper.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

Hey Mr DJ – a quick survey

Monday, May 17th, 2010

We know that we can’t please everyone, but we definitely take on board everything our guests say.

So we’d like to hear your thoughts about DJs and our big Saturday parties.


We hear two common things at the events:

a) Why isn’t there a DJ?  I want to dance!


b) The DJ is too loud, I want to talk to people!
So what do you think we should do?   Is dancing or talking the most important thing to you?

Please take  a second to let us know.  If you have any further comments or suggestions please email us directly at [email protected]

James Preece – The Dating Guru

New Live Chat Feature

Saturday, May 15th, 2010

update – as of 18th May we have temporarily removed the chat feature as it is slowing the site down. Please bear with us.


After many requests our live chat feature went live on Friday.

This is a beta version, which means that it’s still under development – its almost impossible for us to test until its under full use. If you get the chance to use it, please send your feedback to us. email [email protected]

To use the chat you must be  Premium member and you can chat with any other Premium member. If you are a Premium Plus member, you can invite anyone, including basic members to chat.

You can see who is online, from the profile view once logged in. You can have up to two sessions running concurrently.

This chat is a new feature under development. So I must say that  it doesn’t yet form any part of your agreement with us at the moment. Let us know how you get on.


Paul Ergatoudis


How to Work a Room

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Any party or event is an amazing opportunity to meet new people but I know it can often seem a bit scary.

Some people find it really hard to do this so I’m going to give you some great tips to help.


Guests worry they will left on their own or even worse, they will get stuck chatting with the same group of people all night.

This doesn’t have to be the case at all. Keep in mind that people who attend these events are generally open to talking to you.

If they hated the idea of making new contacts they’d just stay at home wouldn’t they? It’s not like going up to a random person in a bar – you already have something common.This can be a mutual friend, hobby or just the very fact you all quite fancied the idea of coming along.

The very first thing you should do, once you’ve made your entrance and got yourself settled, is do a quick scan of the moment.  See who you might be interested in and who is already talking to who.    It will also help to make note of where the bar and toilets are so you make a hasty exit if it become necessary.

When you’ve got a drink, carry it in your left hand which will keep your right hand free for the initial handshake.  There’s nothing worse that offering a freezing hand or having to juggle your drinks.

Then all you have to do is go up to someone and say “Hello, I’m ———.  Is this your first time?”     The ice is quickly broken and you’ll have something to chat about.   Stay away from asking closed questions that only require a one or two word answer and don’t outstay your welcome.

Finally, try and speak to as many people as possible. Even if you aren’t attracted to them it’s always useful to introduce yourself.  You never know how they might be able to help you and it’s better to talk to “anyone” rather than look lost.   You’ll also be able to sneak yourself into any conversations they are having later!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Your most popular questions

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

We tend to get the same questions every day so here are some of our answers to the most popular ones.


1) Why isn’t anyone sending me messages?

We get asked this question a LOT.   You need to contact people, not the other way around!

Not proactively sending 5 to 10 new messages per week is like joining a gym and not going – Even members who get lots of emails still need to be proactive to target the people they want, rather than the members who tend to send out lots of messages.

We have loads of new members joining each month, so you should easily find 10 to 20 people you like, to message/wink/add to favourites each month. Oh and have some great photos and log in regularly too to boost your chances.

2) I dont look my age. Can I come to the younger parties?

We must get asked this question every day.

It’s funny how everyone tells us how “people think they are ten years younger.” What they are forgetting is that this isn’t the point. It’s irrelevant how you look – our members are paying to meet people in the correct age categories.

We have to have age limits in place for the good of everyone. Guests need to be within a certain age range to make sure they only meet suitable people.

Having said that, we can sometimes be a little flexible on age limits. If the average age of the guests if higher than average then we might be able to let a few people in.

3) Why can’t I pay for one message at a time?

No, for many reasons! This is a bit like going into a supermarket and asking to buy an egg. It costs a lot of money to develop and run the site and as such we have to charge for it. If we allowed people to buy just one credit or reply to one message then it would simply have to cost about the same as a one month membership. The second reason is that we absolutely want you to have dating success. This means you needs to take control and message a lot of people. The more effort you put into it then the more results you will have.

4) Can you tell me why women’s tickets are more expensive that the male ones?

Generally speaking they aren’t – the prices are the same. It’s just that the earlier you book then the cheaper the tickets. As women buy earlier than men then tickets go up in price quicker so it just appears.

However, for some events it’s supply and demand and we have to take action to ensure even ratios. It’s always worth remembering that we always charge more for last minute tickets if they are available so booking early is always the best police.

5)  Do you get many successes?

Absolutely We get many success stories each day.  We find that people who are the right calibre and proactive will soon meet someone. Always remember to keep positive, realistic and make sure you are the best “you” possible.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Single Solution Party

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

While the UK is gripped with Election Fever, we thought it might be fun to think what we’d do if we ran the country.

Here, for your entertainment, is the Single Solution Party Manifesto:


“A country is at its best when the bonds between people are strong and when we love each other. Today the challenges facing Singles in Britain are immense. Our society is overwhelmed by nauseating lovey dovey couples, single supplements and nagging parents. But these problems can be overcome if we pull together and work together. If we remember that we are all in this together.

Some politicians say: ‘give us your vote and we will sort out all your problems’. We say:  We can help you get more dates. More dates means more fun and more adventure.

Yes, this is ambitious. Yes,  it is optimistic. But in the end everything is just politicians’ words without you and your involvement.

How will we expect to find love unless we understand that we are all in this together? How will  you get more matches unless every single adult spreads the word about our website ? How will we revitalise the dating world unless people stop asking “When will Mr or Miss Right come to me” and start asking ‘What can I do to find them?’ Britain will change for the better when we all elect to take part, to take responsibility for our own dating lives – if we all come together. Collective strength will overpower our problems.

Only together can we can we have bigger, better singles parties. Only together can we grow the Single Solution Database.  Only Together can we teach people the secrets of what men and women really ought to know about each other. Together we can make dating work . And if we can do that, we can do anything. Yes, together we can do anything.

We promise to bring down the costs of Dating by giving every Single professional £1000 tax breaks.  We promise to end Single Supplements on holidays.  We promise to keep thinking up new ideas for our Singles Parties and to constantly innovate our Online Dating Site.  We promise to help you find a partner…..

So our invitation today is this: join us, to form a new kind of government for Britain.

Join us – the Single Solution Party. ”



How to use the telephone

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Some people can get nervous when it comes to talking to a potential date on the telephone.  Instead, they’d rather just text or email until the first date.  However, it’s really nothing to be scared of and the telephone can be used to your advantage if you know how!


1) The telephone forces you to lose one of your most power senses – eye contact.  The other person can’t see you nodding your approval or shaking your head so you need to make up for this.  Instead say things like “I hear you” and “I agree” and they’ll know you are both in sync.

2) Keep the first conversation short.  I always suggest you limit your first chat to ten minutes.   Use it to mainly just to establish a first date.  If you spend two hours chatting away before you’ve even met, what will you talk about when you finally do?

3) Treat the call as if you are auditioning.   Imagine they are sat opposite you and overact!   Even though they can’t see you, if you gesture when you speak it will make you sound more engaging.   I find that standing up helps you sound your best as it’s easier to breathe.

4) Most importantly – smile!     Try saying this line out loud now  “I’m having a wonderful day.”   Say it three times, once with no expression, once with a big grin and once with frown.  Do you see how smiling can lift your mood and makes you sound so much friendlier?

5) Work the answerphone.  This tip is valid for when you leave a message as well as your own voicemail recording.    The last thing you want is for somebody to be turned off just because of your ten second message.  Keep it simple, warm and friendly. No gimmicks, no sound effect and no jokes.    Smile when you record it and keep it short and sincere.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

New Web Server

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

On 29th April 2010, our website received a major hardware update as we moved the website onto a new server.

This unfortunately required a few hours of down time.  If you tried to use the site during this time, we apologise for any inconvenience.

Hopefully you will see some improvement in the speed of the website. This will also enable us to add new features such as the live chat which will be launched shortly.

Do let us know if you experience any issues with the site, or if you have any other feedback.


Paul Ergatoudis


One minute dating tip

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Here’s a quick little secret if you want to accelerate intimacy with a stranger.


When you are talking, use the word “We” every now and again.

For example, you could say something along the lines of “What lovely weather we are having right now,” or “We ought to move away from that draft,”

By doing this you’ll confuse their subconscious mind and they will automatically place you in their future.

They instantly build rapport and create a sense of “togetherness”

Two other sneaky words you can also use are “us” and “our.”

If you meet at a party you could say “They’ve put a on a good event for us tonight.”

Don’t overdo this or you’ll be rumbled, so use this tip sparingly and they won’t know what hit them!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Asian Woman Magazine Partnership

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

We are delighted to announce that is now working in association with Asian Woman Magazine.

As part of this new partnership we will be sponsoring the AsianWoman Bachelor Hunt 2010


Asian Woman Magazine boasts a readership of over 100,000 per issue, making it the biggest Asian publication in the world.

The Asian Woman Bachelor of the Year is the annual spectacular of the year.


Selected from their  infamous Top 50 Bachelors and voted by you as well as an industry panel, the lucky Bachelor will be featured in AW Magazine and win some fantastic prizes.

If you’d like to nominate someone ( or even yourself) then click here to register:

Why you should always be proactive

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

We recently ran a survey on the Asian Single Solution website which asked the question:

“Do you message people first or wait for them to contact you?”


The results surprised us:

I contact them first –  55%
I wait for them to email me  –  45%

We’ve noticed that there that a few very proactive users on the website who contact a lot of people at once.
These members then think its great that they are getting messages, but don’t realise that these people are probably also in discussions with 20 – 30 others too!
So what usually happens is that they send a few messages back and forth but it never actually goes anywhere.  This can be confusing.

The problem is that because they are getting messages they forget to target the people they want.  They think that all they have to do is sit back and wait for people to contact them rather then doing anything themselves.
Just relying on these very proactive members  is not a good strategy!
Instead, always keep in mind that even the very best profiles with the best photos have to keep working at it. There are so many singles on the database that it’s only the ones who make a real effort that will get the results they deserve.  After all, if you wanted anything else in life – such as a job , a car or a holiday – you would do something to make it happen wouldn’t you?  So why should your love life be any different?

So do make sure you always make the first move and contact as many people you like.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Spring Party Review

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

We had our big Hindu & Sikh party last Saturday and we are pleased to say it was a huge success.


The event took place at one of our most popular venues – The Abbey in Victoria – and sold out with over 210 guests.

We had optional speed dating, ice breaking activities and the return of DJ Titch later in the evening which got everyone dancing.
We’ve had some great feedback about the party so here are some of the comments:

“Brill ideas fantastic venue why did i not find you guys earlier!!!”

“Too many pretty ladies to pick from!”

“You guys really do organise the best parties in London!”

“Staff: very friendly and helpful!”

Our next one is on Sat 8th May and we’ve just confirmed the return of DJ Titch for this.

Remember to book up early as we hate to turn people away, but these really do get full quickly!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Interesting Dating Statistics

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Here are some very interesting dating facts you might enjoy.


Did you know:

1) In the Uk, over 15 million people are estimated to be single.

2) Just over half of them are actively looking for a long term relationship.

3) 75% of these people have not had a relationship for over 18 months.

4) The average number of dates each of them will have in one year is just four.

5) Amazingly, 1 in 4 people don’t brush their teeth before going out on a date.

6) Just over 43% of people Google their date before they meet up with them for the first time.

7) The place with the highest percentage of single people in the UK is Lambeth in South London.

8 ) Over 4.9 million people in the UK have visited a dating website in the past year.

9) One in three admits to lying on their online dating profile.

10) One in five married couples aged between 19 and 25 met online.

11) British men are the least confident in Europe.

12) 88% of women don’t mind a bald man.

13) 3% of people who want a serious relationship will send a text immediately after a first date.

14) One in five people end up marrying someone they work with.

15) However, over half of all workplace relationships are over within six months.

16) Men spend up to ten times as much buying drinks and meals for potential partners than women. However women match the cash spent dating, as a result of the amount they invest in preparation before a date.

17) The most popular day of the week for a first date is a Saturday.

18) According to one reports, people spend an average of £38 a year on lucky pants!

19) A whopping 8 Billion Pounds is spent on Dating in Britain every year.

20) A date in London will cost twice the amount of anywhere else in the UK.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Problem: What should I do?

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010


Hi James

I hope you are well? – I am looking for some advice

I am 37, divorced, and have a 5 year old son. I had an arranged/ introduced marriage. The conclusion of this, was that I married the wrong girl, but the great thing was my son. I am separated for over 2 years, and am legally divorced, and awaiting for the financial separation to be concluded.

I hope you can appreciate that it has taken me about 12 months, to even walk outside of the house, and immmersed myself in work. I have regained alot of confidence, lost weight, and havn’t felt physically this good in years.

Here I am now, that I believe that I am not old, I still have the opportunity to find the “right” woman. This is the first time in my life I am being selfish, in the divorce, and getting my life back, I love my son very much. He is apart of me, and am never going to let him go.

I am really struggling to find / meet women that are willing to accept that I have a son. I have worked it out it is my relationship with with ex wife that is the problem, not my son. Indian girls are not willing to accept this, as in our community I am a social outcast.

I am very confident, sucessfull man. I have figured out what I want, and even to an extent what women want. I am mature, sophisticated, intelligent. Nothing would make me happier than to meet my equal in life, and someone in that we can make each other happy.

Though, I have been on few first dates, and I can talk to women, approach them, but basically nothing. I go to many social events, I find them better than the internet method

So what do I do? – it is very difficult to handle, and am thinking of taking myself out of this, and giving up, but the desire not to give up (I am very determined and driven person), is keeping me going, but the knock backs are begining to hurt.

I am really not sure what to do. I know my life is going to be tough, but I really want to meet someone!


Many thanks for your email – I’m only too happy to help.

Firstly, well done for taking steps to get your life back on track. It can be so hard to regain focus after such a bad experience. The positive thing is that you’ve got a son who you are clearly so proud of.

Let me reassure that not all women will be put off by the fact you are divorced and have a child. Attitudes are changing. A few years ago as site like ours was considered “taboo” but now it’s the market leader for professional Asians and more and more people are joining that ever before. Stop thinking of yourself as an outcast and realise that it actually works in your favour. It shows that you are capable of reproducing which subconsciously makes you more attractive to women who want kids of their own! Many studies have shown that “fathers” are considered more loving, compassionate and intelligent that men without children.

The important thing to do is to mention your son in your profile. Yes, there are women who will stop reading at that point but most will want to keep reading. If you make it very clear from the outset ( rather than a secret you have to announce later) you’ll only be talking to women who you can have a long term relationship with.

I’ve had a good look at your profile and you seem to be getting lots of interest which is fantastic. I know one or two of the women you are going to be meeting and they are lovely.

Oh, and you really ought to write more about yourself in your profile. Your emails are great that you send out but do run them through a spell checker as women can be quick to judge on that ;)

You say that you enjoy the events so keep going with that. We have events all the time and you’ll soon make new friends. Treat it as a social night without any expectations and you never know who you might meet! Also, accept any invitations that you get and make sure you are putting yourself “out there” as much as you can.

Finally, please don’t give up! You’ve only been using the site for a few months. Your adventure has only just started to enjoy every moment of being single that you can. After all, when you meet someone again you don’t want to have missed out on all the fun of dating!

If you’d like any more help then do contact me directly via my website:

I coach people one to one to get the dating results they really want.

Good luck!



Do you have a dating problem you’d like me to answer?

Get in touch now.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Why have my messages vanished?

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

I often get messages asking where emails have disappeared to on the site.

Well, in order to keep things running smoothly, messages are automatically deleted after 60 days.

However, if the other person deletes the message, or deletes their profile, the the message will also disappear from your inbox/sent.

It’s worth noting that messages in bold haven’t been read yet. This is usually because they’ve not yet logged in or aren’t able to read messages as they don’t have credits or a membership.

If you are keen to hear from them, it’s always worth sending another message “reply paid” as that might encourage them to write back!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Ten biggest turn offs in dating

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

I’m the UK’s top Dating Guru,  and people always tell me their biggest dating turn offs.  These can be tiny things, but some come up over and over again.  It’s time for you to read and learn in case you are making the same mistakes!


1) Bad Body Odour andpersonal hygiene. This usually tops most people’s list of turn offs. It goes without saying that you should take a shower, shave  and smell nice if you want to attract other people.

2) Smoking. This is not just extremely anti-social but it gives you terrible breath and shows you don’t take your health seriously.  Funnily enough, it seems that even smokers don’t want to date other smokers!

3) Avoiding direct eye contact. Always remember that eye contact is crucial so don’t stare at the floor. If you look nervous then it just gives the impression that you have something to hide.

4) Assuming the world revolves around you. You really don’t need to talk endlessly about yourself or stare at the mirror the whole time. Focus on the person you are dating and make them feel like the centre of your universe.

5) Being Negative.  There’s really nothing worse than being a “victim” and talking about all your problems on a date. It’s just not attractive! Instead, try and see the positive side of everything and remember to laugh and smile often.

6) Being a cheapskate. We say this time and time again but men should always pay the bill on the first date but the woman should at least offer. If you are stingy with money then you are probably stingy with your time and affection too.

7) Not having a photo on your online dating profile. This is major error that many people seem to make. If you don’t have a photo or demand to see one before sending out yours, then it shows insecurity and the strong possibility that you have something to hide. Even worse are photos with sunglasses or hats. Why would you wear the hat if you had a lovely head of hair?

8) Being too sexual or too keen.  There’s nothing wrong with showing that you are serious about dating but don’t take things to far or too fast.  You don’t need to jump into bed right away or make plans for the next five weekends on your first date.  Take a little time to get to know each other slowly. Give yourselves time to miss each other.

9) Not making it clear when you aren’t interested. Some people think they are being kind by not directly rejecting someone. Instead they just ignore calls, emails and texts and cut off all contact. The trouble with this is that nobody gets any closure and it just stretches it out. If you have to, be polite and honest rather than give them hope. It’s kinder in the long run!

10) Trying to change them. It can sometimes be easy to overlook the flaws in a relationship. Instead, you think that you will be able to sort them out and get them to work on the things you don’t like. Wrong! Focus on the things you do like about them. Everyone has flaws and they just make is human. If you were both perfect life could be very boring indeed.

I’d love to hear about your own dating turn offs. Add a comment on this blog or email me at [email protected]

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The 5 top women that men avoid

Monday, March 29th, 2010
If you’ve been wondering why you aren’t doing well at the dating game, could it be that you are one of these 5 types of women that men avoid?


1) The Gold Digger

She’s just out for your money and you both know it. She needs a man to pay for everything and take her to nice places, just so it boosts her ego and makes her feel good. She never gives, but instead with her it’s just take take take me shopping.

Typical profiles include the words ” You’ll be paying”

2)  Little Miss Stalker

Watch out for the lady who needs constant reassurance that everything is ok.   She’ll get upset if you don’t call and text her at least 20 times a day.  If she doesn’t know exactly what you are up to every second of the day she will do her best to find out anyway.  She’ll turn up at your work and try and hack in to your email. Woe betide any other lady who even breathes near him.

If this is you, take a step back and give him space!  If you’ve got concerns that take some time to talk about it.

3) The flake

She’d love to meet up this week but something’s just come up. How about next week?  Oh so sorry, my cat’s ill, can we do it the one after that?

Men do find “ditsy” a little bit endearing but it can soon become very rude and annoying.

If you want to make him feel special you need to make time and don’t let him down.

4) The party girl

Sure, we can hang out, but can I invite some of my friends?

Even if you do get her on her own, she’ll want to get drunk as soon as possible.  You won’t  be able to tie her down to meet you as she’ll always be off at some party of another.

Fun for a while, but there’s no long term possibilities as you’ll soon get bored of each other.

5) The Princess

This lady is so caught up in her own little fantasy world that she finds  it hard to cope reality. She’s been so spoilt and brainwashed by her parents that she thinks that Mr Right is magically going to appear and whisk her away to a Disney castle.  When you do go out with her she’ll expect you to do everything and will only be disappointed that you don’t live up to her unrealistic expectations.

Don’t worry, ladies, I’ll be writing a new blog about the men YOU should avoid too!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Ten of the best dating headlines

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

We all know that a good headline will get your better dating results.  We’ve put together a list of the ten best openers we’ve heard so you can get an idea of what to write yourself.


1) Is this Ebay?  I’m up for auction – highest bidders only!

2) New girl on the block needs a tour guide

3) Can I ask you for directions?

4) Fabulous people deserve to be together, don’t you think?

5) Towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought…

6) I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist!

7) 94.5% of all statistics are fabricated

8)  This is really just shopping for guys – two of my favourite things combined!

9) Experimental cook needs food taster

10) Where’s “Clever Opening Lines for Dummies” When You Need It?

Do leave a comment with the best opening line you’ve seen as we are collecting the best ones.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to make the most of Premium Plus

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to be writing about our Premium Plus Membership to make sure you are taking full advantage of it.


There are two options that you get when you decide to upgrade on our site. The first is Premium Membership, which means you can contact anyone you wish, read messages and get huge discounts off most of our events.

The second option, for the more results orientated dater is our Premium Plus membership.  This is our best selling membership as it offers the best value and the biggest returns.

The trouble with most dating sites that is you never know if the person you are contacting is a paid up member.  If they aren’t ( and don’t have any credits) then they won’t be able to read or reply to your message. Premium Plus gets round this frustrating problem and keeps you totally in control.

The other big advantage is that most people are just Premium members, so you’ll have an huge advantage on them.  You’ll get more replies if you use it properly.

However, some it seems that some Premium Plus members aren’t remembering to “send a free credit” when first contacting someome.  So, we just wanted to remind you that the option is there when you go to send a message.

There’s also another bonus feature that you can use too.  If a member has added their mobile phone number to the site then you’ll also see a button to send them a text.  This will instantly alert them to the fact that you’ve contact them. It’s completely free to use and well worth using it!

Finally, do make sure you follow our basic tips when you send messages.  They are:

1) Have a great photo

2) Have a fantastic profile

3) Write an intriguing, carefully crafted email to each person

4) Keep at it!

If you need any help then get in touch.
Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Success Stories

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Here’s a selection of our recent feedbacks.  We’ll be regularly updating this blog page so you can see the fantastic success rates our customers have:

June 2010

“Hi Paul / James and team I think your site is great, helpful and easy to use. I have found my match after so long and thank you all so much for making this happen!” MN

“Honestly speaking, I feel what you guys have done with SS, and achieved with your brand (for what its worth) – is awesome, overall” SM

“Thanks a ton for creating a sit exclusively for Asians as I believe that is a good way to meet like minded Asians.” AM

May 2010

“Great site – recommended to friends” CL

“A fine service to humanity !” AM

“Great venue, relaxed atmosphere, good guests, helpful staff” MV

“The service was brilliant, I got to know alot of nice people who are now mates” MA

I had a really enjoyable time on Sat.  Much more so than anticipated I might add!” RK

“The magician was brilliant and you should give him more work!” AD

“Thank you for all your support, it was really good being with you..” HM

“Very good site and well organised events” BP

“Venue was right size for turn out, good facilities. Great music and good bar service.” NN

“The event was great. The Ice breaker with the cards worked really well and the staff were really friendly and helpful. It exceeded my expectation and was a light relaxed friendly environment. ” HS

“Excellent. one of the best sites on the web” SR

April 2010

“I would just like to let you know that I met my now husband not last October but the one before last at one of your events. We had a wonderful wedding on April 7th. We are eternally grateful to the singlesolution for bringing us  together. Long live the Singlesolution!

“I thoroughly enjoyed Saturday’s party which was the first I’d attended for some time” MW

“Just to let you know I am seeing someone who I met through the website!” HP

“Good Services and has helped me to find someone with my busy lifestyle”  SC

“Pretty good, as I managed to find my man on the site!” SP

“I really enjoyed using this site and found it great to meet some prospective partners. Thanks and keep up the great work.”  IM

“I think your parties are great, probably the best of all the singles parties – I would recommend them to my single friends – wishing you continued success.” SH

March 2010

“You guys rock!” BP

“Great site.. met a few very decent guys on your site whom I am now friends with. would definitely come back if iI was single again. Thank you!” DN

“This is a very good service and I have recommended to many of my single friends” HD

“Well organised and very civilised events” PK

“I went to your valentine event and all the staff, the organisation, let me say, was brilliant. Thank you again, and will keep you posted!” MM

“I think you are on to a good thing with this whole website.  The turnout was marvellous on Sat despite the transport probs..
I liked the magician he was a nice guy.  All in all a good event.”  JV

“I wanted to thank you so much for creating this website. I joined a few years back, attended a couple of events, which were unsuccessful for me. But through the website (which is great) I met my perfect match. I was beginning to think there was no one out there for me but this website proved me wrong. We are due to get married at the end of this year. Thankyou so much. S L and A P”

“Great events with professional and friendly hosts”  RH

FEB 2010

“I loved the speedate event I went to on Valentines..the first one I went to. Staff were great too. I have met someone and going to see how it goes. Thanks again. You guys have been great.” MM

“The Valentine’s event was well organised and good fun. I spoke to lots of interesting people and the speed dating was much less intimidating than I had expected. The first young lady I met was lovely, and we’ve been on a few dates since, so watch this space… To anyone thinking of whether or not to bite the bullet, do it: you never know who you might meet!” NM

“Good range of events and wide variety of people attending.” JG

“Well run, probably the best about” JM

“I met someone elsewhere but  I think your site is fantastic. Keep up the good work!”

Have you ever fibbed on your profile?

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

We often hear the myth about how the online dating world is full of liars, each trying to make themselves sound better than then really are.  However, this certainly isn’t the case at all. According to a new survey by Kansas university, researchers have found that most people are honest, especially the confident ones.


The study also showed that both men and women were equal in terms of the few who did tell fibs.  Men lied about sexual partners  and women lied about their weight.

According to the study,  members  of the online dating site were no more or less likely to lie about themselves than people who find dates the old fashioned way through work, recreation or via friends.

If someone is confident and sucessful then they don’t need to make things up.  It was only the people who were unhappy about their life choices who steered away from the truth.

5000 internet daters were apparently interviewed for this research…..but that could have been a lie.

Eli Finkel,  associate professor of social psychology at Northwestern University , said the study results came as little surprise:

“These findings lend empirical validation to my longstanding assumption that the typical person using modern dating approaches doesn’t differ much from the typical person using traditional dating approaches,” he said.

“There was probably a time when people using dating services were different in important ways from the general dating population,” added Finkel, “but that seems to be less and less true as modern dating approaches become increasingly popular. Online daters, speed-daters, and the like seem to be just like the rest of us in most ways. That this intuition extends to truth-telling among online daters is important validation of that general point.”

From our own experience, the biggest lie people seem to tell is about age.  It can seem easy to shave a year or two off in the hope of netting someone more useful.  Just remember that one day you’ll have to admit the truth and it could instantly ruin any trust you’ve built.  It’s better to be honest from the outset so you don’t need to keep worrying about being found out.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Lots of emails?

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

Here’s an interesting thing that we’ve noticed.  Its seems that some people get lots of interest and get lots of emails……only to never reply to them!


What we’d really like you to do is at least reply to more of these people, even if its to say “thanks but no thanks.” It’s just plain old courtesy.  To make this easy for you we even  have standard responses such as “thanks but I’m not looking at the moment”  or “You aren’t my type.”  It only takes a few seconds and they’ll at least know that you have acknowledged there existence.

Some people don’t reply because they don’t want to have to pay for the service which is quite strange. If you aren’t serious about meeting someone then why fill out your profile in the first place? If you start making the effort and communicating with people then you’ll soon start making new friends and lining up dates.  If you want to learn to swim you have to start by putting your toe in the water after all!

We also advise sending a credit with a message to make sure the recipient can read it just in case they are new the site.  Oh and don’t worry, if you do send a credit they can only reply to your message, not save it to contact someone else!

If you really aren’t interested in making contact with anyone or are perhaps currently dating then it might be a better idea to hide your profile.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Will love happen when I stop trying?

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

There’s a well known saying that you’ll find love when you stop trying and don’t expect it.   People say that if you just forget about finding someone then they’ll find you anyway.


So should you stop looking?

My advice is absolutely not!  While I do believe it’s true to a certain extent, it’s also a fantastic excuse to do refuse responsibility.  If you are a happy, positive frame of mind and ready for love then it will come your way. The big secret is that you do have to give it a helping hand.

If you want to get something in life, whether it’s love, money, a new job or even a holiday then you need to take action.   For example, if you’d like a new job then you’d polish up your CV, send it out to prospective employees and attend some interviews.   You just wouldn’t sit back, do nothing and wait for one to find you.  Event if one magically does then you can guarantee it won’t be the best one you could possibly dream of.

So what should you do?  Well as well as the obvious things like going out on dates, why not try and do more for yourself.   Use your spare time to go out and get a new haircut, hit the gym or buy some new outfits.  Take the chance to sign up to learn some new skills, such as dancing or cooking. They will all help you feel and look amazing, which will therefore make it easier to meet someone wonderful.  If you enjoy your life and enjoy being who are then others will naturally want to share it with you.

The bottom line is this: Love will find you in the end but you need to help it along the way by being open and ready for it!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to make the first approach

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

This week’s blog is all about something I know a lot of people find hard.  Every day you see lots of interesting people that you’d love to start a conversation with.  You imagine what it might be like to get to know them. Perhaps it might lead to a new friendship or possibly more.  But how exactly do you approach them without coming across as a nutter or getting rejected?


There’s no big secret to this, it’s all about “attitude”    Approach them with the aim to just have a friendly conversation rather than anything more.   If you put too much pressure on yourself you’ll just make it awkward.

One of the most important things to remember is to be spontaneous. Don’t even think about whether you should talk to them or not – just do it!   You don’t have to fancy them as every approach is just practice for the next one. Above all, have fun.    If you can get their attention right away when they aren’t expecting it they won’t have time to be defensive.

I suggest you approach people everywhere except clubs and bars ( as they will be on their guard and “expecting” to be approached.)   The best places are bookstores, supermarkets, public transport and coffee shops. Many many singles  hang out in coffee shops during their lunch hour. Just sit in one for a while and watch who comes in.

Finally, when you do approach them, have a question to ask them.  Ask them which coffee is best as there are so many choices, or if they have read a certain book.   It doesn’t really matter WHAT you say, just make sure you smile and put them at ease.  Don’t ask questions that rely on simple yes/no replies as you want to get into discussions with them.

The more people you approach then the easier it will be next time. Before long it will just come naturally and you’ll find they will  even approach you first!

There’s a fantastic course aimed at men which I do recommend you have a read of, which teaches these skills in more detail:

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Guest blog: How to dress to be your most attractive and fabulous self!

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Hi! Let me introduce myself……I’m Louise Gillespie-Smith and I have been a personal stylist for just over 6 years, my company is called Create Yourself. The main thing I love about my job is helping people accept themselves for who they are and to really make the most of themselves through how they dress, plus of course I really love the shopping! I often get asked about what is best to wear when going on first dates so James has invited me to write you all a little something to help you really knock your date’s socks off!!


Following are my top 5 tips on how to look your most attractive and most fabulous:

1)      Take some time to prepare: If you want to be looking your best pamper yourself a bit before the date, make sure you smell nice, enjoy the process of getting ready and get a good night’s sleep beforehand to ensure you are not turning up hung-over and yawning to death. Men make sure you have cleaned your teeth…..I know I don’t need to say this to women as they know the importance of not showing up with bad breath!!

2)      Be yourself: With studies showing that image and body language is 55% of what matters most in first impressions it is really important to be feeling comfortable in what you are wearing, confident that you look your best and that you are conveying the real you. Until we really know someone we can only judge them by how they come across and a big part of that is through their image. There is no point trying to be something you are not, if they don’t like you for who you really are then they are not worth it anyway! There are all sorts of ways of doing this by using colours, styles, accessories and make up. Have a think about your key personality traits that you would like someone to know about you and then take some time to consider how you can express this through what you wear.

3) Make an effort but don’t go over the top: You need to get the balance between making an effort and feeling comfortable. It’s important to feel comfortable so you are not distracted by hurting feet, pulling skirts or tops down but at the same time you want to look like you have made an effort, heels are always a winner for dates as they lengthen and slim your figure, plus wearing them gives you that extra boost of confidence and sexiness. However don’t go for totally over the top ones that will cripple you in seconds.  If heels just are not you though then don’t wear them, the most important thing as I said above is to be yourself.

4) Wear the right colours: The right colours, especially close to your face can really make you look vibrant, healthy and even younger! The wrong colours can drain you, make you look ill and highlight any redness or lines on the face. The most flattering colours for you share the same characteristics as your own natural colouring so for example if you have dark hair then deep colours will suit you more than very pale ones. Or if you have a golden undertone to your skin then colours with a yellow base will look fantastic where as blue based colours will drain the warmth away from you.

5)      Enhance your best bits: take some time to consider what your best bits are for example are they your; eyes, your bust, your bum, your legs, your stomach etc? Then think how you can show that off. It’s a waste of time and energy worrying about the bit’s you don’t like (plus it won’t make you feel very good about yourself) instead focus on how to enhance the great bits about you.

Please do feel free to email me if you have any specific questions about what to wear or what not to!! [email protected]

Star signs and dating

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Sometimes we need every little bit of help we can possibly get when it comes to dating.  This can mean seeking advice from every possible source, no matter how weird or wacky it can be.   For example, there are many people who do believe in star signs. We once had a lady who rang up and asked how many “Librans” we had on the database.  She’d only consider dating them as she’d been told they were compatible with her own.

So just as a bit of fun, we’ve researched which star signs come out best when it comes to dating.


Pisces (February 20 – March 21) Empathetic, openhearted and intuitive

Aries (March 21 – April 20) Their fiery nature makes them extremely irresistible and exciting.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Sensual person who craves physical affection and affection. Only the best will do.

Gemini (May 22 – June 22) These are the best to talk to

Cancer (June 23 – July 23) Deeply emotional and family orientated

Leo (July 23 – August 23) Love to be the centre of attention

Virgo (August 23 – September 23) They love to help others and put them first

Libra (September 23 – October 23) Librans can be the most romantic people

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22) Can be emotionally perceptive and intuitive

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21) Impulsive and adventurous

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20): The most dependable

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19) Aquarians are the most friendly of all the star signs

Do these fit in with your dating experiences?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

What NOT to say in your profile

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to be focussing on some of the very worst things you can put in your profile.  These are genuine comments that we see each and every day, over and over.  I’ll tell you what they are and explain quickly why writing them can be a VERY bad idea:


1)”Timewasters need not apply”    You aren’t inviting people to view a car, but to meet you.  Don’t be bossy, but try and come across as warm and friendly.

2)”I can’t believe I’m doing this”   This shows instant negativity which is a big turn off to most people. You are suggesting that you are embarrassed to be on the site and therefore hinting you are embarrassed to be contacting them.

3) “I’m not going to say what I want, but what I DON’T want!”  Again, instant negativity.  Why not spend the time writing about what you do like, rather than what you don’t.

4) “You’ll be paying”!   Are you just after them for their money?  Never write this, even if it’s just as a joke.

5) “I give great massages””  Do you really.  We haven’t even spoken yet and you are already getting overtly sexual. Bad idea!

6) “I am a funny, clever person with a good sense of humour”  The irony of this is that funny, clever people would never write this in their profile – instead they would write something funny and clever!

7) “Ask me for photo”   You clearly can’t be bothered to put one up so why should anyone be bothered to ask?

8 ) “Hello how are you?”  This is just incredibly dull, especially if it doesn’t lead on to something wonderfully interesting…..and they rarely do.

9) “Lol!”   You aren’t a teenager, you are a successful, intelligent adult, so never write things like this. You already know that you should avoid text speak….don’t you?!

10) “I’m not a paying member”   So why are you even on the site?   Would you sit outside a gym and tell everyone you aren’t going to pay but you expect to still get fit? This sort of comment guarantees automatic suspension so never ever write it!

If you’ve seen event worse profiles than these then do comment on this and let us know!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The best way to mess up a first date

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

I’ve had a lot of emails about my blog post on the top things never to say on a first date.   A lot of people have told me about other very strange things people have said to them but there’s one thing that crops up scarily often.   I’ve heard this so many times that I wanted to share it with you.  If it’s happened to you too then let me know!

It’s what I call the “empty wallet” story…

To summarise, it goes like this.  The man invites the lady out on a date – perhaps for some drinks or a meal.  They get on well and at the end of the evening the bill arrives.  The man goes to open his wallet only to be stunned that he’s somehow left all his money ( and credit cards!) behind.

“Oh dear,” he says, ” I seem to have come out without any cash.  Would you mind paying now and I’ll get it next time?”

As if there would even be a next time. I’ve even heard a version of this where the man has ordered the most expensive items from the menu and the lady has just had salad and  a mineral water.  Another lady did foolishly agree to cough up and arranged another restaurant date only for him to try exactly the same trick again!

Men, this is absolutely not cool or funny.  This can’t be an accident and nobody goes out without any money.  Your main job on a date is to make the best first impression you possibly can.  If you refuse to pay then it makes you look mean, tight fisted and downright rude.   On top of this it will make you look incredibly stupid and you’ll undo any good work you might have made during the date.

So the bottom line is bring enough money to cover the date and act like a gentleman.

Of course it’s not just men who do this.  Many women expect the men to pay and will “forget” to bring money with them as a test.  Again, this is wrong. While the man should generally always pay on the first date, the woman should at least offer.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Yet another Single Solution Wedding

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

We get success stories every single day, but thought we’d share this one with you:

“I have tried various methods in the past to meet my future partner, such as speed dating and other matrimonial websites, but unfortunately was not happy with the quality of people and the service provided.

I was recommended your site by a friend of mine so I  thought I would give this a chance. I registered myself with single solutions and at the same time booked myself on a “Casino Event”. I thought this would be a great way to meet people and expand my social network. I am very pleased that I decided to try this avenue as I met my future partner at this event. We are now engaged and due to get married in August!

I definitely encourage others to attend such events as it is a unique way of meeting like minded professionals. The casino event was fun and well organised. There was no more than 30 people at this event which mean’t I had a chance to interact with everyone in the room. I sure did get my moneys worth!

Thank you once again for your excellent services”
We wish them every happiness.   There’s another Casino party fast approaching so do book up for that – perhaps you’ll be lucky!
James and Paul

How to meet people at the gym

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Everyone knows that gyms can be great places to meet other singles.  They can attract, healthy, sociable people who care about how they look and you’ve already got something in common. But things just aren’t that easy!  For starters, most people are plugged into their Ipods which makes conversation almost impossible.

However, if you know the secrets then you soon start having much better success rates. Here are some of my top tips to help you :


1)  Keep an eye on people’s  jewellery.  Stay clear of wedding rings, but other jewellery like necklaces and big watches can work as  a great icebreaker. Just ask them “doesn’t that get in the way?!”

2) Join a class. People don’t wear headphones and you’ll get to talk and get to know the other class members, both before and after the session.

3) Never ever be sleazy or take things too far.  There’s a fine line between catching someone’s eye or leering at someone in tight spandex.  If you want to be able to go back, keep things low key and friendly.

4) The best time to approach someone is when they are “between” sets or machines or by the water fountain.  I’d never recommend interrupting someone when they are on a cardio machine.  It’s dangerous and if you stop them they’ll just get annoyed.

5) Here’s a great tip to break through the dreaded Ipod barrier. Lots of gyms have free postcards, so find one and write “Hello!” on the back in big letters.

Walk up to someone you like who is wearing earphones, smile at them and hold out the sign.

Most people will be amused and intrigued enough to stop what they are doing and chat to you.

6) Watch out for the people who aren’t trying to hard. They are there for the attention, not for a serious workout so they’ll be more open to talking to you.  They are easy to spot as they’ll be walking on the treadmill, lifting extremely light weights or stretching. They are usually also watching out to see who is looking at them too!

7) Smile. Yes,  it seems simple, but many people at the gym don’t bother smiling. When you catch their eye, instead of blushing and looking away –  smile.  You might just entice them to come talk to you.  If you look friendly and approachable then other people will want to come and chat with you too.

8 ) Go during weekend evenings. If they are at the gym at that time then there’s a pretty good chance they will be single.  Anyone in a relationship would probably be with their partners as this is peak “couple” time!

9) Take time to befriend to the receptionist when you enter and leave the gym.  If you bond with them, they’ll often have the inside scoop on who is single, who is dating who and what times the members are usually there.

10) Become a Regular. Exercise increases your libido and you’ll look better.  So, the more you go to the gym then the fitter you’ll get and the more people you’ll get to know.  If people see you are popular this acts as “social proof” and they’ll want to get to know you too.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Ten things never to say on a first date

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

We’ve put together a list of the ten things you should never talk about on a date;

1) You remind me of my Dad/ Mum
2) My psychic told me we’re going get married
3) Can I borrow some money?
4) I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired
5) I used to come here all the time with my ex
6) I won’t drink much tonight because it makes me really really horny
7) Excuse me a minute. My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour
8) It’s sad, but I’ve come to accept that I’m never going to meet someone as clever as me.
9) I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being better looking.
10) Are you going to change your Facebook status to “in a relationship” now?

If you’ve heard a worse one, email us at [email protected].  There will be a prize for the best ones.

While these are all to be taken with a pinch of salt, there is one thing that you genuinely should never ever talk about on a date – your ex.  You’d be amazed how many think this is an acceptable subject to bring up in conversation.  Rather than focus on your past,  spend the time talking about yourself and your date.  Find out what you have in common and use the opportunity to get to know each other.  Your relationship with your ex is over but you have the chance to start something new, so make them feel like they are the important ones now.
Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Social Networking Flirting: Is it cheating?

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

With the popularity of online social websites such as Facebook, Myspace and Twitter, flirting can take on a whole new dimension.  They offer exciting new opportunities to meet new partners and chat up new love interests. I’m going to write an article soon about how to flirt and meet new people via these avenues, but for now I’m going to talk about online fidelity.

Just this week,  married celebrities like Vernon Kay and Ashley Cole have been caught “virtually cheating” online with other women. They’ve texted sexual images back and forth, thinking it to be safe ground.

If you are seeing someone, what are the rules when it comes to using these sites?  Is it ever ok to flirt with complete strangers you’ll never meet, or add your exes?

Social networking sites can be addictive, especially if you’ve got something lacking in the real world.  It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy environment and flirt with exes or new people. It feels completely safe and something nobody every need know about. People love an ego boost, so if a hot girl or guy tries to get in touch it can be very tempting to continue.  It connects you to those you otherwise wouldn’t meet or renew friendships with people you weren’t too concerned about.

The thing is, many people still see it as  cheating, even if it’s just emotionally. Instead on focussing on your relationship and making your partner happy, you are giving attention and energy to other people instead.

J.M. Kearns, author of ‘Better Love Next Time says: ” “Social Networking sites are a neutral tool that can be used for innocent or guilty purposes. If they are  talking to an ex through the public forums, they may just be keeping in touch.” But if they are only using the site’s private forums, that could be a different story.  If this is becoming an issue then you need to start setting the boundaries.”

I’d advise that you if you find yourself entering risky territory then take a step back.  If you are in a relationship then it’s never ok to take things beyond friendship with anyone else.  How would you feel if you found out your partner was doing it?  If you have to can’t stop then you need to work out what’s missing from your relationship.

Of course, if you are single then flirt away!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Valentine’s parties – did Cupid find you?

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Once again we had our biggest and best parties of the year for Valentine’s day.

We had two Hindu & Sikh parties-  the London one at the Abbey and the Birmingham party at the Pitcher and Piano.

At The Abbey we had a complete sell out with over 220 guests.  The icebreaker got everyone mingling and the evening was soon in full swing.

Later in the evening, we had our new DJ who got the dancefloor jumping and the tunes flowing.

We saw quite a few matches at the parties so if Cupid sent you a little arrow we’d love to hear all about it!

The year has only just started and we’ve got many more exciting events lined up and are planning some very special evenings for you.

James – The Dating Guru

Dumped because of a mobile phone

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

Here’s an amazing story thats was so funny and strange we wanted to share it with you.

Apparently a man called Darren in Winnipeg, Canada, was dumped this week after his girlfriend found saucy texts on his phone. The messages were things like ” Booty Call,” “Where U at” and “be there soon.”   Not surprisingly, his girlfriend was furious to find them stored on his mobile.


But all wasn’t as it seemed.  It turned out that the messages were pre-installed generic texts that came with the phone.  He took it back to the shop to complain and demand an explanation.

‘At first, we didn’t believe him,’ said shop assistant Mike Ford, “but when we looked at a couple of the same phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages.’

Darren now wants the phones to be recalled and the messages removed, to stop others from having ‘to go through the hell I’m going through.’

So the lesson to be learnt here is that the first, most obvious conclusion isn’t always the right one!
James Preece –  The Dating Guru

What’s the fuss about Valentine’s?

Monday, February 8th, 2010

As the 14th February approaches, many people’s thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day.   For some, it’s day to enjoy with a partner, but for many singles it can be quite a depressing time!  In fact, some people refer to Valentine’s as Singles Awareness Day…aka SAD.


But it really doesn’t need to be that way.  In fact, it can be the best day of the year if you in the right mindset.

Here are some top tips to help you get the most out of it:

1) Instead of feeling frustrated for not having a significant other to spend the day, singles can spend Valentine’s Day in a constructive manner by expressing love and affection for people around them.  Be greatful for the people you have in your life, not the ones you don’t.

2) Be your own Valentine.  Give yourself a special treat, such as booking a spa session, cooking your favourite meal or buy a new outfit. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever truly anyone else.

3) Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity!

4) For ultimate feelgood factor, do something great for somebody else.  You’ll feel amazing if you go out of your way to help another person. Perhaps you could have tea with a lonely elderly relative or donate your time to a local charity.

5) Get out there and enjoy yourself.  Valentine’s Day if probably THE best day of the year for singles.  You’ll have more free cash, more time and less pressure than couples, so make the most of it!  Get your other single friends together and hit the bars where all the other singles will be partying.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

P.s The Asian Single Solution will be running two big Singles parties (London and Birmingham0  on Saturday 13th February 2010.  Book up now and join over 250 gorgeous guests.

Where are the older Indian men?

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

We are often asked to run older events, e.g. 30s and 40s. Whilst this is our most popular age group for we just dont seem to get many British Asian men over 40.


It struck me last night why this is, and it seems obvious.

According to wikipedia the flow of Indian immigrants peaked between 1965 and 1972,

So by deduction 2nd generation Indians would  have only been born in any significant numbers after 1965. Assuming new entrants to the UK took a few years to settle, this would have meant a gradual increase in the birth rate, that would put the majority of 2nd generation indians in the UK at age 40 or less. For anyone to have been born in the UK to Indian parents and to be over 40, their parents would have had to have been here significantly prior to 1970. There are a few but just not many.

It seems reasonable that the majority of British born Indians would have been born to parents arriving around 1970 +/- 5 years, who probably wouldnt have had children for 5 years or more which would make them 35 or under on average.

This is only really an issue because men tend to date younger ladies. The solution for Asian ladies in their late 30s and 40s is to look wider than British Born Indians.

Please respond with your posts below. Is there any substance to this. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Paul Ergatoudis


The worst pickup lines….ever

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

As dating experts, we’ve heard every pickup line in the book.  Here are a selection of the very worst!

1)  Can I buy you a drink so I look better?

2) Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you’re sexy!

3) I’d marry your cat to get in the family.

4) Can I borrow your library card? I want to check you out.

5) You know, sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves..

6) Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

7) Hey, I’m new in town. Can I get directions to your house?

8) I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen.

9) Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

10) You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Do you know an even worse pickup line?  Email us  at [email protected] and we’ll list the best ones here!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

What to do after a first date

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Ok, so you went on a first date and are wondering what to do now.

When should contact them? What do you say?

The trouble with first dates is that you never know what the other person is thinking.  You might think it was amazing but they just weren’t feeling it.  In fact, they are probably also wondering what to do next.

Firstly, always thank them. It’s just polite. You only need to send a quick text when you get home.

There are now three possible paths:

You aren’t sure if you want to see them again.

Life isn’t easy and you might well have mixed emotions about a date. I’d always sugget a second date if you are undecided but you’ll need time to think it over.   Leave it 24 hours to think carefully about it and then go on to one of the next two steps.

You want to see them again

Excellent!  Let them know you thought it went well and you’d like to see them again.  Assuming they liked you too, they’ll be pleased to have their minds put at rest. Make sure you arrange a second date around one week after your first one.  Any later and you’ll forget the connection, any sooner and you might burn out too quickly!  It can be hard to find things to say if nothing new has happened in the time you’ve been apart.

You don’t want to see them again

It’s hard line between being hurting someone’s feelings and making it clear you don’t have a future.   However, I’d always advise letting them know this quickly so they don’t hold out hope of further dates.  It’s  best to be honest but if you can’t, tell them you thought they were cool but reminded you too much of your brother or sister.

Sometimes you just won’t hear from them again. They’ll disappear and you’ll never hear from them again. You’ll never quite know why but when this happens be happy that you had a narrow escape and get back on track and start dating new people.

Happy Dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Should you settle?

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

There has been a lot of press recently about how people should “settle” if they want to have any hope of getting married.

So should you make do even if you aren’t completely convinced?

My advice is always to give someone a chance if you feel any sort of connection at all.  The longer you spend with someone
then the more you will start to bond and like them.  If there are a few things you are unsure of, put them to the back of your mind and focus
on the things you DO find interesting about them.

Too many people judge very quickly and dismiss them before they have even got to know them.  You never see the “real” person on a first date as they too busy being nervous about making a good first impression!

Remember, that by it’s very definition, most people are “average.”  So therefore, most people are only going to be “5’s”  Therefore there’s no point holding out for
an 8 or a 9 as they will only be interested in other 8 or 9s.

However, everyone likes different things there can be “equalisers” to help you. We all have our own strengths so make sure you play on them.
Just because you are normal looking doesn’t mean you can’t have an outstanding personality.   Charm, Power, Money, Sense of Humour etc can all
be just as attractive.  Even small things like being a great dancer, an amazing cook, good with kids can be help up your odds in the right circumstances. Work with what you have.

Of course, if you don’t fancy them at all then life is too short to see them again.  Nobody should ever have to settle for second best. Just make sure you are making the most of every encounter and opportunity.

Finally,  we always attract people like ourselves . Be happy, content and make sure you love yourself before you bring someone else into your life.  You’ll soon find someone wonderful.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Why can’t I find a decent man?

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

” Dear James, I’m a divorced 34 year old Asian single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses.

I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I’m a great catch – beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I’ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say “the conversation was great and you’re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn’t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30’s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M”

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It’s something I get asked all the time so I’ll definitely try to help :)  You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let’s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It’s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it’s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren’t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn’t at the moment. It’s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you’ve got a great job, your own place etc if they’re not sorted their own lives out.

But don’t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it’s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.  Theatre trips, casinos and wine tastings can be fun ideas -it’s not just about bars.  At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you’ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can’t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you’ll soon have them queing up to date you :) Safety isn’t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Feel happier – instantly!

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

With this freezing weather, lack of money and , it can be easy to see why this can be the most depressing time of the year! If you aren’t in a fantastic mood, this can play havoc with your dating life .

Here are my five top tips to feel happier – instantly!


1) Appreciate what you have. If you take a while to reflect, you’ll soon realise you have so many wonderful things in your life. This can include things like great friends, family, good health for example.

2) Make a list of what you have to look forward to. This can be big things, such as holidays, parties or even a pay rise . Your can also list small things that will still cheer you up. This can be a coffee break, favourite television show or cooking a nice meal. If there aren’t enough things on your list then start planning!

By doing this you will be able to start living in the present moment. Many of us worry about what the future holds, so make sure you’ve prepared as many positive things as possible.

3) Play some music. Uplifting, happy tunes can stimulate the creative areas of your brain, providing an instant mood lift. Just make sure the music is upbeat – nothing sad or too slow!

4) Go for a walk. Your physiology determines your emotions so if you start to energise yourself your blood will flow more and you’ll feel much happier very quickly. For double the effect, why not combine this with tip 3 by plugging in your Ipod and strolling through the park?

5) Smile! You might need to fake it at first, but you’ll notice that you can’t help but feel better when you smile. It’s a natural body response. As an added bonus, if you smile at people it makes them feel better about themselves and you’ll find many smile back, boosting your happiness even more!

James Preece – Confidence Coach

Asian Party was lots of fun

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

We’ve had lots of great feedback about our Hindu & Sikh party that we ran on Saturday 23rd January 2010.

This event took place at one of our favourite and most popular venues – The Cuban Bar in Moorgate.  The Cuban is in a great location in the heart of the City of London and is right next to the station so easy to get to.

We ran speed dating upstairs in the top bar and the mingling took place downstairs in the main club area.  This started off with our ever popular ice breaking game which got everyone talking right away.  Later in the evening, lots of people paired up and we’ve heard that many dates were arranged which is also good to know.  Most of the guests have been emailing each other even since so some wonderful connections were made.

Here is a feedback from the party:  ” Met a wonderful guy – best £20 I’ve ever spent!”

Our next party will be our big Valentine’s party at the Abbey in Victoria.  Valentine’s is traditionally the biggest and best party that we do as they always attract new people who haven’t tried us before.

James Preece  – Dating Coach

James Preece in Scarlet Magazine

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

I’m very excited to tell you all that I’m featured as the guest “Agony Uncle” for the current issue of Scarlet Magazine.

For this article, I joined resident experts Pam Spurr and Flic Everett to help with reader’s dating problems.


Scarlet is available from all good newsagents including WHSmith.

If you have any dating dilemmas or need any advice then email me and I’ll try and help. You can reach me at [email protected]

James Preece – The Dating Coach for

Online dating myths

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

It’s amazing how many people still believe outdated misconceptions about online dating. They use these excuses as reasons not to give it a go and therefore hinder their chances of meeting some lovely people. Here are some common myths that I’m going to bust for you now:


1) Isn’t Online Dating just full of losers and weirdos?

Over 50% of singles have tried online dating, so you can’t class that many as “weird”! Yes, as with any large mix of people there will be a few oddballs, but overall most online daters are busy professionals who just don’t have time to meet people in bars and clubs. Anyone that gives online dating a go is obviously a little adventurous .

2) I don’t want to put my photo up. What if someone I know sees it?

In order to see your photo, they would have to be on the website themselves. Most people don’t have an issue putting their photo on social media sites like Facebook, so why would you be worried about a private members site? A profile without a photo is a bit like sending out a CV without any jobs listed on it – pointless!

3) What if I get stuck on a date with someone I can’t stand?

This is the reason why I suggest you never arrange a drinks or dinner date. Instead, say you are busy and just meet for an hour for coffee. If you don’t get on, you can leave. If you hit it off, you can always meet again or “cancel” your other plans!

4) Doesn’t everyone lie on their profile?

I’ m not going to deny that white lies are common – after all the intention is to present the very best possible version of “you” However, bigger fibs are rare as they are instantly obvious once you do meet. There’s no point saying you are 6ft2 if you are really 5ft 5 as you won’t get away with. Therefore nobody would dare to pretend they are.

5) Online Dating is too expensive!

Most online dating sites work out more expensive if you only sign up for one month, but almost all sites can work out much cheaper if you do it over the long term. You really do get what you pay for and you are paying for the security, quality and anonymity they site offers. People are happy to pay for a gym membership or for a theatre ticket, so why not pay a little to boost your love life?

So what are you waiting for?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to “break the ice”

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean you can’t keep dating.  There are many things you can do outside that will help make an entertaining and unforgettable date.  Not only with they get your adrenalin going and raise your temperature but they won’t cost you much either. I’ve put together a few ideas for some brilliant dates in the snow. Just remember to warn your date to wrap up warm!


Snowman Building:   Very simple but very entertaining. Bring along a few buttons, carrots and bbq brickettes. By building a snowman together you’ll both bond quickly.

Snow Paint:  This is great fun. Mix some food colouring with water and put it in a spray bottle. You can then take turns to squirt it on the snow and create works of art.

Sledging:  Not just for kids. You can either buy one for about £10 or make your own from a piece of wood or cardboard.

Snow Golf:  You just need a couple of golf balls for this one.  Dig some holes in the snow and take turns trying to get the balls into them. You could even bury some empty tin cans to make the holes even better.

Snowball fights aren’t an especially good idea for a first date, but if you already know them they can be quite flirtatious if done playfully.

Finally, make sure you’ve researched a warm pub or restaurant you can go on to afterwards to thaw out – ideally somewhere with a roaring fire!

James Preece  Dating Coach for