Archive for October, 2011

Giving out Signals

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Sometimes it’s hard to pick up whether someone is interested.

But are you picking up the wrong signals?


Dating can be quite complicated at times. How do you know if a date is going well or if it’s time to make your excuses and leave?

Everyone has heard about basic body language and we are constantly ( even subconciously) searching for indicators of interest.

If you want to be able to tell if someone is interested, then it’s not as easy as looking for a flick of their hair, lick of their lips or the way their feet are pointed.  If they laugh at your jokes are they being polite or do they genuinely find you funny?  Or perhaps they are laughing at you or just because they are a little nervous?

The ony way you can really find out what’s going on is to communicate.  If you like someone then let them know.  If you aren’t keen then let them down gently.  Don’t string them out or keep them hanging for ever.  Mixed signals are a waste of time and confusing for everyone.

Yes, body language can offer clues but you must look for a selection of them in quick succession.  Folded arms might show they are bored, but they could just be cold.  However, if they are yawning and looking into the distance too then it’s pretty obvious you should up your game fast!  A chain of positive body language signals might reveal things are looking up.
Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

Happy Diwali!

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

The Asian Single Solution would like to wish all our members a Happy Diwali.

We wish you and your family a very happy Diwali & prosperous new year.

May all your wishes in love, wealth, health & happiness be fulfilled.

James and Paul

Match made in heaven?

Monday, October 24th, 2011

Matchmaking software and tests are popular right now

But do they really work?

Matchmaking software aims to examine members’ core beliefs and characteristics to give them a reliable idea of the type of people they should be dating to get a long lasting relationship.   I was recently asked about my thoughts on this so I thought I’d share them here.

I believe that this sort of profiling might well be useful, but is most probably flawed due to two well know psychological effects.

Barnum Effect:  The problem with any form of test is that people are rarely honest about themselves.  The Barnum (or Forer effect) is the idea that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that they believe are specifically for them, but are in fact general enough to apply to a variety of different people.  Sof if you give someone the results of a personality profile then they’ll choose to accept the bit they likes or overlook the ones they don’t.

Placebo Effect:  If you tell someone that they have been matched with the very latest state of the art findings then they’ll subconsciously find themselves working hard to fill in the gaps.  This may or may not be a good thing. On one hand, they’ll put more of an effort into making a relationship work.  On the other it doesn’t really matter whether your matches are real not not.

I really don’t know how accurate these tests really are.  From my experience,  the secret of successful dating is all about chemistry.  There are obviously certain things that are vital when it comes to matching.  This could be religion, race, age etc.  However , most people have relatively open mind and will surprised by who they actually really do get on with.

So, what do you think about all this?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Best Wishes,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Would you go on a double date?

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Is double dating twice the fun?

Or does it make it twice as difficult?

It’s an interesting predicament that most singles find themselves in from time to time.  You and a friend both have dates lined up and you think it might be a good idea to meet them at the same time. After all, there’s more fun in a group isn’t there?

Of course, this type of scenario comes with it’s own set of problems that you wouldn’t get on a one to one night out.

What if one of your fancies your friend’s date instead?  Who decides where to go?

On the plus side, more people means more conversation and less chance of it drying up.

The reality is that it’s only ever going to work if you are all quite similar in personality. Otherwise one person will dominate the conversation or another might be too shy and let everyone else do the talking.

My advice is to give it a go every once in a while, just to spice your dating life up a bit.   You can get feedback from your friend after the event and see how you think each other did. They are likely to give you an honest answer and you can discuss your next step.  You never know, you might even learn a thing or two.  Just make sure you pay attention to YOUR date and don’t flirt with the other person.

Double dating can work byt don’t make a habit of it as you won’t get to know someone properly if you aren’t on your own.   You don’t need anyone else to hold your hand!

If you’ve got a funny or interesting double date story then please email it to me at   [email protected]

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Date Finder App?

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Mobile phones are becoming increasingly more powerful.

With power comes new ways to help you with dating.

The latest of these is a new app for the IPhone that helps you locate other singles in your area using the GPS tracker on your phone .  The idea is that you would have a dating profile (and photo), turn it on and then you could pinpoint any matches within walking distance. So rather than mess around with online dating, you would know who is single instantly and be able to go up and say hello there and then.

Do you think this is something that the Asian Single Solution should introduce?  Would you find it useful?

My own gut feeling is that this would rather take the fun and mystery out of dating.  After all, the fun is with the initial flirtation and the whole “getting to know each other” process before you meet.  That way you can get the build up, the butterflies and the anticipation – which help create the chemistry and attraction.  If you have to resort to an app then you’ll lose the mystery.  All you’ll be left with is random strangers trying to come and chat you up.  This might be good for some people, but if you don’t have the confidence to walk up and say hello in the first place then nothing is going to change that.  If you CAN talk to strangers, then you won’t need an app in the first place.

Here’ s a question I’d like your help with.  If you could have the PERFECT dating app on your phone, what features would you like it to have?  Would it be something to help you get more dates?  Or perhaps to improves the dates you already have?

Please post your thoughts and comments here please.

Happy dating!


James Preece – The Dating Guru