Archive for February, 2010

The best way to mess up a first date

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

I’ve had a lot of emails about my blog post on the top things never to say on a first date.   A lot of people have told me about other very strange things people have said to them but there’s one thing that crops up scarily often.   I’ve heard this so many times that I wanted to share it with you.  If it’s happened to you too then let me know!

It’s what I call the “empty wallet” story…

To summarise, it goes like this.  The man invites the lady out on a date – perhaps for some drinks or a meal.  They get on well and at the end of the evening the bill arrives.  The man goes to open his wallet only to be stunned that he’s somehow left all his money ( and credit cards!) behind.

“Oh dear,” he says, ” I seem to have come out without any cash.  Would you mind paying now and I’ll get it next time?”

As if there would even be a next time. I’ve even heard a version of this where the man has ordered the most expensive items from the menu and the lady has just had salad and  a mineral water.  Another lady did foolishly agree to cough up and arranged another restaurant date only for him to try exactly the same trick again!

Men, this is absolutely not cool or funny.  This can’t be an accident and nobody goes out without any money.  Your main job on a date is to make the best first impression you possibly can.  If you refuse to pay then it makes you look mean, tight fisted and downright rude.   On top of this it will make you look incredibly stupid and you’ll undo any good work you might have made during the date.

So the bottom line is bring enough money to cover the date and act like a gentleman.

Of course it’s not just men who do this.  Many women expect the men to pay and will “forget” to bring money with them as a test.  Again, this is wrong. While the man should generally always pay on the first date, the woman should at least offer.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Yet another Single Solution Wedding

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

We get success stories every single day, but thought we’d share this one with you:

“I have tried various methods in the past to meet my future partner, such as speed dating and other matrimonial websites, but unfortunately was not happy with the quality of people and the service provided.

I was recommended your site by a friend of mine so I  thought I would give this a chance. I registered myself with single solutions and at the same time booked myself on a “Casino Event”. I thought this would be a great way to meet people and expand my social network. I am very pleased that I decided to try this avenue as I met my future partner at this event. We are now engaged and due to get married in August!

I definitely encourage others to attend such events as it is a unique way of meeting like minded professionals. The casino event was fun and well organised. There was no more than 30 people at this event which mean’t I had a chance to interact with everyone in the room. I sure did get my moneys worth!

Thank you once again for your excellent services”
We wish them every happiness.   There’s another Casino party fast approaching so do book up for that – perhaps you’ll be lucky!
James and Paul

How to meet people at the gym

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Everyone knows that gyms can be great places to meet other singles.  They can attract, healthy, sociable people who care about how they look and you’ve already got something in common. But things just aren’t that easy!  For starters, most people are plugged into their Ipods which makes conversation almost impossible.

However, if you know the secrets then you soon start having much better success rates. Here are some of my top tips to help you :


1)  Keep an eye on people’s  jewellery.  Stay clear of wedding rings, but other jewellery like necklaces and big watches can work as  a great icebreaker. Just ask them “doesn’t that get in the way?!”

2) Join a class. People don’t wear headphones and you’ll get to talk and get to know the other class members, both before and after the session.

3) Never ever be sleazy or take things too far.  There’s a fine line between catching someone’s eye or leering at someone in tight spandex.  If you want to be able to go back, keep things low key and friendly.

4) The best time to approach someone is when they are “between” sets or machines or by the water fountain.  I’d never recommend interrupting someone when they are on a cardio machine.  It’s dangerous and if you stop them they’ll just get annoyed.

5) Here’s a great tip to break through the dreaded Ipod barrier. Lots of gyms have free postcards, so find one and write “Hello!” on the back in big letters.

Walk up to someone you like who is wearing earphones, smile at them and hold out the sign.

Most people will be amused and intrigued enough to stop what they are doing and chat to you.

6) Watch out for the people who aren’t trying to hard. They are there for the attention, not for a serious workout so they’ll be more open to talking to you.  They are easy to spot as they’ll be walking on the treadmill, lifting extremely light weights or stretching. They are usually also watching out to see who is looking at them too!

7) Smile. Yes,  it seems simple, but many people at the gym don’t bother smiling. When you catch their eye, instead of blushing and looking away –  smile.  You might just entice them to come talk to you.  If you look friendly and approachable then other people will want to come and chat with you too.

8 ) Go during weekend evenings. If they are at the gym at that time then there’s a pretty good chance they will be single.  Anyone in a relationship would probably be with their partners as this is peak “couple” time!

9) Take time to befriend to the receptionist when you enter and leave the gym.  If you bond with them, they’ll often have the inside scoop on who is single, who is dating who and what times the members are usually there.

10) Become a Regular. Exercise increases your libido and you’ll look better.  So, the more you go to the gym then the fitter you’ll get and the more people you’ll get to know.  If people see you are popular this acts as “social proof” and they’ll want to get to know you too.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Ten things never to say on a first date

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

We’ve put together a list of the ten things you should never talk about on a date;

1) You remind me of my Dad/ Mum
2) My psychic told me we’re going get married
3) Can I borrow some money?
4) I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired
5) I used to come here all the time with my ex
6) I won’t drink much tonight because it makes me really really horny
7) Excuse me a minute. My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour
8) It’s sad, but I’ve come to accept that I’m never going to meet someone as clever as me.
9) I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being better looking.
10) Are you going to change your Facebook status to “in a relationship” now?

If you’ve heard a worse one, email us at [email protected].  There will be a prize for the best ones.

While these are all to be taken with a pinch of salt, there is one thing that you genuinely should never ever talk about on a date – your ex.  You’d be amazed how many think this is an acceptable subject to bring up in conversation.  Rather than focus on your past,  spend the time talking about yourself and your date.  Find out what you have in common and use the opportunity to get to know each other.  Your relationship with your ex is over but you have the chance to start something new, so make them feel like they are the important ones now.
Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Social Networking Flirting: Is it cheating?

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

With the popularity of online social websites such as Facebook, Myspace and Twitter, flirting can take on a whole new dimension.  They offer exciting new opportunities to meet new partners and chat up new love interests. I’m going to write an article soon about how to flirt and meet new people via these avenues, but for now I’m going to talk about online fidelity.

Just this week,  married celebrities like Vernon Kay and Ashley Cole have been caught “virtually cheating” online with other women. They’ve texted sexual images back and forth, thinking it to be safe ground.

If you are seeing someone, what are the rules when it comes to using these sites?  Is it ever ok to flirt with complete strangers you’ll never meet, or add your exes?

Social networking sites can be addictive, especially if you’ve got something lacking in the real world.  It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy environment and flirt with exes or new people. It feels completely safe and something nobody every need know about. People love an ego boost, so if a hot girl or guy tries to get in touch it can be very tempting to continue.  It connects you to those you otherwise wouldn’t meet or renew friendships with people you weren’t too concerned about.

The thing is, many people still see it as  cheating, even if it’s just emotionally. Instead on focussing on your relationship and making your partner happy, you are giving attention and energy to other people instead.

J.M. Kearns, author of ‘Better Love Next Time says: ” “Social Networking sites are a neutral tool that can be used for innocent or guilty purposes. If they are  talking to an ex through the public forums, they may just be keeping in touch.” But if they are only using the site’s private forums, that could be a different story.  If this is becoming an issue then you need to start setting the boundaries.”

I’d advise that you if you find yourself entering risky territory then take a step back.  If you are in a relationship then it’s never ok to take things beyond friendship with anyone else.  How would you feel if you found out your partner was doing it?  If you have to can’t stop then you need to work out what’s missing from your relationship.

Of course, if you are single then flirt away!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Valentine’s parties – did Cupid find you?

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Once again we had our biggest and best parties of the year for Valentine’s day.

We had two Hindu & Sikh parties-  the London one at the Abbey and the Birmingham party at the Pitcher and Piano.

At The Abbey we had a complete sell out with over 220 guests.  The icebreaker got everyone mingling and the evening was soon in full swing.

Later in the evening, we had our new DJ who got the dancefloor jumping and the tunes flowing.

We saw quite a few matches at the parties so if Cupid sent you a little arrow we’d love to hear all about it!

The year has only just started and we’ve got many more exciting events lined up and are planning some very special evenings for you.

James – The Dating Guru

Dumped because of a mobile phone

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

Here’s an amazing story thats was so funny and strange we wanted to share it with you.

Apparently a man called Darren in Winnipeg, Canada, was dumped this week after his girlfriend found saucy texts on his phone. The messages were things like ” Booty Call,” “Where U at” and “be there soon.”   Not surprisingly, his girlfriend was furious to find them stored on his mobile.


But all wasn’t as it seemed.  It turned out that the messages were pre-installed generic texts that came with the phone.  He took it back to the shop to complain and demand an explanation.

‘At first, we didn’t believe him,’ said shop assistant Mike Ford, “but when we looked at a couple of the same phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages.’

Darren now wants the phones to be recalled and the messages removed, to stop others from having ‘to go through the hell I’m going through.’

So the lesson to be learnt here is that the first, most obvious conclusion isn’t always the right one!
James Preece –  The Dating Guru

What’s the fuss about Valentine’s?

Monday, February 8th, 2010

As the 14th February approaches, many people’s thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day.   For some, it’s day to enjoy with a partner, but for many singles it can be quite a depressing time!  In fact, some people refer to Valentine’s as Singles Awareness Day…aka SAD.


But it really doesn’t need to be that way.  In fact, it can be the best day of the year if you in the right mindset.

Here are some top tips to help you get the most out of it:

1) Instead of feeling frustrated for not having a significant other to spend the day, singles can spend Valentine’s Day in a constructive manner by expressing love and affection for people around them.  Be greatful for the people you have in your life, not the ones you don’t.

2) Be your own Valentine.  Give yourself a special treat, such as booking a spa session, cooking your favourite meal or buy a new outfit. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever truly anyone else.

3) Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity!

4) For ultimate feelgood factor, do something great for somebody else.  You’ll feel amazing if you go out of your way to help another person. Perhaps you could have tea with a lonely elderly relative or donate your time to a local charity.

5) Get out there and enjoy yourself.  Valentine’s Day if probably THE best day of the year for singles.  You’ll have more free cash, more time and less pressure than couples, so make the most of it!  Get your other single friends together and hit the bars where all the other singles will be partying.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

P.s The Asian Single Solution will be running two big Singles parties (London and Birmingham0  on Saturday 13th February 2010.  Book up now and join over 250 gorgeous guests.

Where are the older Indian men?

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

We are often asked to run older events, e.g. 30s and 40s. Whilst this is our most popular age group for we just dont seem to get many British Asian men over 40.


It struck me last night why this is, and it seems obvious.

According to wikipedia the flow of Indian immigrants peaked between 1965 and 1972,

So by deduction 2nd generation Indians would  have only been born in any significant numbers after 1965. Assuming new entrants to the UK took a few years to settle, this would have meant a gradual increase in the birth rate, that would put the majority of 2nd generation indians in the UK at age 40 or less. For anyone to have been born in the UK to Indian parents and to be over 40, their parents would have had to have been here significantly prior to 1970. There are a few but just not many.

It seems reasonable that the majority of British born Indians would have been born to parents arriving around 1970 +/- 5 years, who probably wouldnt have had children for 5 years or more which would make them 35 or under on average.

This is only really an issue because men tend to date younger ladies. The solution for Asian ladies in their late 30s and 40s is to look wider than British Born Indians.

Please respond with your posts below. Is there any substance to this. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Paul Ergatoudis


The worst pickup lines….ever

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

As dating experts, we’ve heard every pickup line in the book.  Here are a selection of the very worst!

1)  Can I buy you a drink so I look better?

2) Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you’re sexy!

3) I’d marry your cat to get in the family.

4) Can I borrow your library card? I want to check you out.

5) You know, sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves..

6) Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

7) Hey, I’m new in town. Can I get directions to your house?

8) I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen.

9) Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

10) You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Do you know an even worse pickup line?  Email us  at [email protected] and we’ll list the best ones here!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

What to do after a first date

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Ok, so you went on a first date and are wondering what to do now.

When should contact them? What do you say?

The trouble with first dates is that you never know what the other person is thinking.  You might think it was amazing but they just weren’t feeling it.  In fact, they are probably also wondering what to do next.

Firstly, always thank them. It’s just polite. You only need to send a quick text when you get home.

There are now three possible paths:

You aren’t sure if you want to see them again.

Life isn’t easy and you might well have mixed emotions about a date. I’d always sugget a second date if you are undecided but you’ll need time to think it over.   Leave it 24 hours to think carefully about it and then go on to one of the next two steps.

You want to see them again

Excellent!  Let them know you thought it went well and you’d like to see them again.  Assuming they liked you too, they’ll be pleased to have their minds put at rest. Make sure you arrange a second date around one week after your first one.  Any later and you’ll forget the connection, any sooner and you might burn out too quickly!  It can be hard to find things to say if nothing new has happened in the time you’ve been apart.

You don’t want to see them again

It’s hard line between being hurting someone’s feelings and making it clear you don’t have a future.   However, I’d always advise letting them know this quickly so they don’t hold out hope of further dates.  It’s  best to be honest but if you can’t, tell them you thought they were cool but reminded you too much of your brother or sister.

Sometimes you just won’t hear from them again. They’ll disappear and you’ll never hear from them again. You’ll never quite know why but when this happens be happy that you had a narrow escape and get back on track and start dating new people.

Happy Dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Should you settle?

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

There has been a lot of press recently about how people should “settle” if they want to have any hope of getting married.

So should you make do even if you aren’t completely convinced?

My advice is always to give someone a chance if you feel any sort of connection at all.  The longer you spend with someone
then the more you will start to bond and like them.  If there are a few things you are unsure of, put them to the back of your mind and focus
on the things you DO find interesting about them.

Too many people judge very quickly and dismiss them before they have even got to know them.  You never see the “real” person on a first date as they too busy being nervous about making a good first impression!

Remember, that by it’s very definition, most people are “average.”  So therefore, most people are only going to be “5’s”  Therefore there’s no point holding out for
an 8 or a 9 as they will only be interested in other 8 or 9s.

However, everyone likes different things there can be “equalisers” to help you. We all have our own strengths so make sure you play on them.
Just because you are normal looking doesn’t mean you can’t have an outstanding personality.   Charm, Power, Money, Sense of Humour etc can all
be just as attractive.  Even small things like being a great dancer, an amazing cook, good with kids can be help up your odds in the right circumstances. Work with what you have.

Of course, if you don’t fancy them at all then life is too short to see them again.  Nobody should ever have to settle for second best. Just make sure you are making the most of every encounter and opportunity.

Finally,  we always attract people like ourselves . Be happy, content and make sure you love yourself before you bring someone else into your life.  You’ll soon find someone wonderful.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru