Profession? Why do you ask?

December 29th, 2020

Some of our new applicants seem to baulk at the most basic question. “Please tell others what you do for a living?“. So if it is so controversial, why do we ask this?

Don’t be phased by relevant questions.

We have always primarily aimed our services at professional people, those that we identify with ourselves. Typically that means graduates, entrepreneurs and those who have embarked on a career path thriving on personal challenges and self improvement.

From a dating context, what you do for a living really does matter and this helps us judge if you are likely to find a match on this service. We can agree that for some of you, your career does not define you. However, that sort of misses the point because it does define you in ways that are helpful in finding a suitable match.

This isn’t the 18th Century, where all that seemed to matter was your looks and family background, portrayed on TV by programmes such as Bridgerton. Our members expect to meet someone they find attractive as first and foremost, that is a given. For dating, that may be all that matters. However, for a successful and long term paring then a match must usually be someone with a similar attitude to finance, similar education and equality in your work. If you wish to have children with someone then you will want to ensure you meet the right partner with the right characteristics you would want in your offspring.

It is not about someone being better or worse but compatibility. Without getting too much into stereotypes, men will seek a lady of equal or lower socio-economic group, power, education and earning level. A lady will usually avoid anyone who is of a lower social group, less professionally successful or less educated than themselves.

When asked what you do for a living, always explain this in simple but helpful terms. Talk about your passion for the work and the benefits that it brings to you and others. Help people understand what type of person you are. Do you work in a skilled trade, do you have a professional qualification.

What to avoid

These are some of the things we see, and we actually find really pointless and annoying.

  • Avoid using job titles unless you also add a description
  • Never say “Ask Me”. Its so dull and misses the point about helping people decide if you are compatible
  • Never say who you work for without saying what you actually do
  • Don’t be vague and never just say what industry you work in. e.g. I work in healthcare, or I am self employed. That just isn’t helpful as it could be anything. There are plenty of self employed cleaners as well as dentists and accountants. Describe what you do.
  • Never say how boring your job is. Sounding passionate and enthusiastic are attractive qualities.
  • If your job is genuinely secretive, then discuss in general terms. e.g Police detective. “I don’t wish to discuss it here but it requires a degree and I have worked up through several promotions. It is a very interesting and varied role. I manage a team of 12 people.” Ask us how to present it.”

We accept that not everyone is successful, or loves their job. However, the point is that you must combine honesty with saying something that is actually going to be attractive to the observer. By sounding enthusiastic and talking about how you help others in your career you can overcome a lot of the negativity you might otherwise convey. If someone isn’t going to be a match then accept that and seek someone at your own level. Hiding your profession will not help you in the long run.

Always, ask us for advice, if you want a better way or writing your profile.

Happy Diwali 2020

November 13th, 2020

Wishing all our valued members a very happy Diwali 2020.


Six Biggest Dating Mistakes You Need to Stop Now

August 17th, 2020

Have you been single for a long time, despite many dates? Do you often find yourself reflecting on past dates, wondering what happened? Do you feel like you’re going to be single forever? If your answer was yes, you may need to look at how you’re dating. While we would like it to be easy, like it is on TV, dating has a margin for many mistakes. You may not even realize you’re making the biggest dating mistakes. Below, you’ll find six of the biggest dating mistakes. If you’re making any of them, you’ll want to stop now!

Mistake 1: You’re stuck inside a comfort zone.

You are a creature of habit. You like routine. You often visit the same club or bar. You go to the same coffee shop on the same day of the week. You likely use the same dating applications, despite not having luck with them in the past. You probably send the same kind of message every time you try to connect with someone. It may be time to step outside of your comfort zone. Go somewhere you’ve always thought about going but haven’t been to. Try a dating app you’ve never used before. Yes, familiarity is more comfortable. But, you’re more likely to see results from a new method!

Mistake 2: You’re not interesting enough to keep someone’s interest.

This is not meant to be a judgment or comparison, but some people are just boring. Unfortunately, you may be one of these people. A boring person talks a lot, but hardly listens when other people speak. A boring person resorts to boring conversation and small talk about the weather or work. If you don’t want to be boring anymore, improve your conversation skills. You can use “conversation topics” in order to build on your skills. You can develop your skills by talking to random people. You can always improve your conversational skills by getting out and making memories.

Mistake 3: You want to be in control of everything.

No one wants to be controlled, yet many people want to be in control of everything. This controlling tendency tends to cause many dates to become disastrous. Whether you’re hoping for the perfect date or you’re looking for the perfect spouse, your expectations are standing in the way of your happiness. Yes, everyone is allowed to have “deal-breakers”. There are certain traits that may be hard to handle or may bring up trauma for you. Expectations are the deal-breakers that shouldn’t be. They are often unrealistic. Limiting yourself to people who fit a specific criteria is cutting you off from the rest of the world. Be open when you’re dating, read all your mail and reply to everyone as you never know what friendship might develop.

Of course, you want to plan dates out, but not every detail needs to be thought of. If things change, go with the changes and challenge your controlling nature. That doesn’t mean do something you’re not comfortable with, it just means don’t be afraid of changing the plans.

Mistake 4: You are trying too hard.

Most people can tell when someone is trying a bit too hard to be liked. Sometimes, you’ll fabricate your accomplishments or make up interesting things about yourself. This may lead to people liking you, but how are they going to feel when they find out who you really are? Of course, this isn’t the only method of trying too hard. Often, you don’t even realize you’re making this dating mistake. It’s considered trying too hard when you’re using many different apps and websites to find someone. This spreads you and your resources thin, leaving you less time to find the right person. Find 2-3 websites or apps that you find work the best and stick to them. Also, don’t message dozens of people because trying to maintain that many conversations is hard. Send a message, wait for a response. If you don’t hear back, move on to someone else. There are always fish in the sea, as the saying goes. You don’t need to wait around for someone who isn’t giving you their time. Keep this advice in mind when someone brushes you off as well.

Mistake 5: You are comparing yourself to other people.

This mistake may follow you outside the world of dating. We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others, even if it’s only for a moment. The problem with comparing yourself, or your relationship, to anyone else is that you’re taking away from what is unique about you. No two people are the same. Similarly, no two relationships are going to be identical. A relationship is a living creation you make with someone, so it should be treated as a unique invention. Don’t rob yourself of happiness because yours doesn’t look the same as another person. If you’re not confident that you are a worthy and unique person, maybe you need to focus on yourself for a while. Learn to love yourself, then you can go looking for someone to share that love with.

Mistake 6: You don’t consider your personal safety.

How many times have you told someone where you worked before you really got to know them? Did they show up, make a scene? Have you ever given out your phone number to someone who wouldn’t stop calling at all hours of the day? This is a safety issue. When it comes to dating, online and offline, you may want to resist giving out personal information too early. A lack of precaution when it comes to dating could be a mistake.

Your safety concerns aren’t only physical. Be aware of your emotional safety too. If someone you’re dating is controlling or wants you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, your emotional safety is at risk. You should never be so involved with a partner that you lose sight of your own personal needs. This is why setting boundaries is important in any relationship. Keep conversations on the site until you are both ready to move on.

Are you allowed to have sex or go on dates during the coronavirus pandemic?

June 10th, 2020
Stop what ever you are doing.

The current rules are very clear. At the time of writing, you may only leave your house for work, exercise, to visit certain shops and medical appointments and apparently joining in mass demonstrations. These are all with the caveat that you maintain social distance of 2m from everyone.

So, a dating hookup with the guy you have been chatting to on is unfortunately still out of bounds. So, is a cheeky meetup in the park behind the bushes.

It may be that this is the hardest part of lockdown. When you are young (or old) and the hormones are flooding all you desire is to meet someone of the opposite sex for a romantic date.

If you chose to lockdown with a partner then of course matters are different. It would also be interesting to hear some stats about liaisons with housemates. It has been said that if you put two people who like each other in a room alone, then what could happen, probably will.

Is Sex allowed at all?

If you are already living with someone in the same household, you are not in a high risk group and have not come into contact with anyone who has symptoms, then sex would be permitted. If either of you is exhibiting symptoms then sex is probably not a good idea and may be the last thing on your mind.

Is Dating Allowed?

The rules now state that up to 6 people may meet in an out door space, as long as they maintain a distance of 2m. This means you can meet someone outdoors for a date. This might be a walk in the park or a picnic.

Holding hands, kissing or touching would be still be disallowed under the lockdown regulations. It seems fair to assume that kissing carries a high chance of transmission of any virus. Police may not enter your home but if caught dating you may be breaking the law.

As we continue to offer safe online messaging and you do now have the opportunity to video date or meet up outside whilst maintaining a safe distance.

I have positive Antibodies should I be free to date and have sex?

You have a positive antibody

You can now easily get a test privately for Covid-19 Antibodies for under £50. This may give you some peace of mind that you have had the virus and may have some immunity.

The Government have not sanctioned any change in behaviour for those who have a positive antibody. Some believe that it is statistically likely to afford some immunity however there is still no official policy on this. Therefore the rules on dating still apply.

It may seem common sense that if you have a positive antibody then you should be exempt from 14 day quarantines when arriving in the UK. It seems that the Government are not willing to utilise testing to help get the economy moving. With most viruses, the antibody does give some immunity so we would hope this is true for Coronavirus. The issues being that of the length of time an antibody remains effective and the issues around strains and mutations. We look forward to the results of further research and a change in policy on this issue.

What do you think, please add your comments below.