Some of our new applicants seem to baulk at the most basic question. “Please tell others what you do for a living?“. So if it is so controversial, why do we ask this?

We have always primarily aimed our services at professional people, those that we identify with ourselves. Typically that means graduates, entrepreneurs and those who have embarked on a career path thriving on personal challenges and self improvement.

From a dating context, what you do for a living really does matter and this helps us judge if you are likely to find a match on this service. We can agree that for some of you, your career does not define you. However, that sort of misses the point because it does define you in ways that are helpful in finding a suitable match.

This isn’t the 18th Century, where all that seemed to matter was your looks and family background, portrayed on TV by programmes such as Bridgerton. Our members expect to meet someone they find attractive as first and foremost, that is a given. For dating, that may be all that matters. However, for a successful and long term paring then a match must usually be someone with a similar attitude to finance, similar education and equality in your work. If you wish to have children with someone then you will want to ensure you meet the right partner with the right characteristics you would want in your offspring.

It is not about someone being better or worse but compatibility. Without getting too much into stereotypes, men will seek a lady of equal or lower socio-economic group, power, education and earning level. A lady will usually avoid anyone who is of a lower social group, less professionally successful or less educated than themselves.

When asked what you do for a living, always explain this in simple but helpful terms. Talk about your passion for the work and the benefits that it brings to you and others. Help people understand what type of person you are. Do you work in a skilled trade, do you have a professional qualification.

What to avoid

These are some of the things we see, and we actually find really pointless and annoying.

• Avoid using job titles unless you also add a description
• Never say “Ask Me”. Its so dull and misses the point about helping people decide if you are compatible
• Never say who you work for without saying what you actually do
• Don’t be vague and never just say what industry you work in. e.g. I work in healthcare, or I am self employed. That just isn’t helpful as it could be anything. There are plenty of self employed cleaners as well as dentists and accountants. Describe what you do.
• Never say how boring your job is. Sounding passionate and enthusiastic are attractive qualities.
• If your job is genuinely secretive, then discuss in general terms. e.g Police detective. “I don’t wish to discuss it here but it requires a degree and I have worked up through several promotions. It is a very interesting and varied role. I manage a team of 12 people.” Ask us how to present it.”

We accept that not everyone is successful, or loves their job. However, the point is that you must combine honesty with saying something that is actually going to be attractive to the observer. By sounding enthusiastic and talking about how you help others in your career you can overcome a lot of the negativity you might otherwise convey. If someone isn’t going to be a match then accept that and seek someone at your own level. Hiding your profession will not help you in the long run.

Always, ask us for advice, if you want a better way or writing your profile.

Wishing all our valued members a very happy Diwali 2020.

From AsianSingleSolution.com

Have you been single for a long time, despite many dates? Do you often find yourself reflecting on past dates, wondering what happened? Do you feel like you’re going to be single forever? If your answer was yes, you may need to look at how you’re dating. While we would like it to be easy, like it is on TV, dating has a margin for many mistakes. You may not even realize you’re making the biggest dating mistakes. Below, you’ll find six of the biggest dating mistakes. If you’re making any of them, you’ll want to stop now!

Mistake 1: You’re stuck inside a comfort zone.

You are a creature of habit. You like routine. You often visit the same club or bar. You go to the same coffee shop on the same day of the week. You likely use the same dating applications, despite not having luck with them in the past. You probably send the same kind of message every time you try to connect with someone. It may be time to step outside of your comfort zone. Go somewhere you’ve always thought about going but haven’t been to. Try a dating app you’ve never used before. Yes, familiarity is more comfortable. But, you’re more likely to see results from a new method!

Mistake 2: You’re not interesting enough to keep someone’s interest.

This is not meant to be a judgment or comparison, but some people are just boring. Unfortunately, you may be one of these people. A boring person talks a lot, but hardly listens when other people speak. A boring person resorts to boring conversation and small talk about the weather or work. If you don’t want to be boring anymore, improve your conversation skills. You can use “conversation topics” in order to build on your skills. You can develop your skills by talking to random people. You can always improve your conversational skills by getting out and making memories.

Mistake 3: You want to be in control of everything.

No one wants to be controlled, yet many people want to be in control of everything. This controlling tendency tends to cause many dates to become disastrous. Whether you’re hoping for the perfect date or you’re looking for the perfect spouse, your expectations are standing in the way of your happiness. Yes, everyone is allowed to have “deal-breakers”. There are certain traits that may be hard to handle or may bring up trauma for you. Expectations are the deal-breakers that shouldn’t be. They are often unrealistic. Limiting yourself to people who fit a specific criteria is cutting you off from the rest of the world. Be open when you’re dating, read all your mail and reply to everyone as you never know what friendship might develop.

Of course, you want to plan dates out, but not every detail needs to be thought of. If things change, go with the changes and challenge your controlling nature. That doesn’t mean do something you’re not comfortable with, it just means don’t be afraid of changing the plans.

Mistake 4: You are trying too hard.

Most people can tell when someone is trying a bit too hard to be liked. Sometimes, you’ll fabricate your accomplishments or make up interesting things about yourself. This may lead to people liking you, but how are they going to feel when they find out who you really are? Of course, this isn’t the only method of trying too hard. Often, you don’t even realize you’re making this dating mistake. It’s considered trying too hard when you’re using many different apps and websites to find someone. This spreads you and your resources thin, leaving you less time to find the right person. Find 2-3 websites or apps that you find work the best and stick to them. Also, don’t message dozens of people because trying to maintain that many conversations is hard. Send a message, wait for a response. If you don’t hear back, move on to someone else. There are always fish in the sea, as the saying goes. You don’t need to wait around for someone who isn’t giving you their time. Keep this advice in mind when someone brushes you off as well.

Mistake 5: You are comparing yourself to other people.

This mistake may follow you outside the world of dating. We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others, even if it’s only for a moment. The problem with comparing yourself, or your relationship, to anyone else is that you’re taking away from what is unique about you. No two people are the same. Similarly, no two relationships are going to be identical. A relationship is a living creation you make with someone, so it should be treated as a unique invention. Don’t rob yourself of happiness because yours doesn’t look the same as another person. If you’re not confident that you are a worthy and unique person, maybe you need to focus on yourself for a while. Learn to love yourself, then you can go looking for someone to share that love with.

Mistake 6: You don’t consider your personal safety.

How many times have you told someone where you worked before you really got to know them? Did they show up, make a scene? Have you ever given out your phone number to someone who wouldn’t stop calling at all hours of the day? This is a safety issue. When it comes to dating, online and offline, you may want to resist giving out personal information too early. A lack of precaution when it comes to dating could be a mistake.

Your safety concerns aren’t only physical. Be aware of your emotional safety too. If someone you’re dating is controlling or wants you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, your emotional safety is at risk. You should never be so involved with a partner that you lose sight of your own personal needs. This is why setting boundaries is important in any relationship. Keep conversations on the site until you are both ready to move on.

The current rules are very clear. At the time of writing, you may only leave your house for work, exercise, to visit certain shops and medical appointments and apparently joining in mass demonstrations. These are all with the caveat that you maintain social distance of 2m from everyone.

So, a dating hookup with the guy you have been chatting to on AsianSingleSolution.com is unfortunately still out of bounds. So, is a cheeky meetup in the park behind the bushes.

It may be that this is the hardest part of lockdown. When you are young (or old) and the hormones are flooding all you desire is to meet someone of the opposite sex for a romantic date.

If you chose to lockdown with a partner then of course matters are different. It would also be interesting to hear some stats about liaisons with housemates. It has been said that if you put two people who like each other in a room alone, then what could happen, probably will.

Is Sex allowed at all?

If you are already living with someone in the same household, you are not in a high risk group and have not come into contact with anyone who has symptoms, then sex would be permitted. If either of you is exhibiting symptoms then sex is probably not a good idea and may be the last thing on your mind.

Is Dating Allowed?

The rules now state that up to 6 people may meet in an out door space, as long as they maintain a distance of 2m. This means you can meet someone outdoors for a date. This might be a walk in the park or a picnic.

Holding hands, kissing or touching would be still be disallowed under the lockdown regulations. It seems fair to assume that kissing carries a high chance of transmission of any virus. Police may not enter your home but if caught dating you may be breaking the law.

As AsianSingleSolution.com we continue to offer safe online messaging and you do now have the opportunity to video date or meet up outside whilst maintaining a safe distance.

I have positive Antibodies should I be free to date and have sex?

You can now easily get a test privately for Covid-19 Antibodies for under £50. This may give you some peace of mind that you have had the virus and may have some immunity.

The Government have not sanctioned any change in behaviour for those who have a positive antibody. Some believe that it is statistically likely to afford some immunity however there is still no official policy on this. Therefore the rules on dating still apply.

It may seem common sense that if you have a positive antibody then you should be exempt from 14 day quarantines when arriving in the UK. It seems that the Government are not willing to utilise testing to help get the economy moving. With most viruses, the antibody does give some immunity so we would hope this is true for Coronavirus. The issues being that of the length of time an antibody remains effective and the issues around strains and mutations. We look forward to the results of further research and a change in policy on this issue.

What do you think, please add your comments below.

You must be very concerned about how the current Coronavirus – Covid-19 threat is going to affect your every day life and the impact this will have on your relationships.

With social distancing encouraged by the Government it does make meeting new people safely more difficult.

Above all, we remain here for you to meet and chat safely to new people through our AsianSingleSolution.com website and Iphone App. With everyone encouraged to stay at home, there has never been more need to reach out and chat to people online.

We don’t intend to repeat the Government safety advice, but just offer some practical tips on dating safely.

How Can you Date Safely?

1. As always we advise chatting on our platform that is why it is there. Stay on site until you both feel comfortable to swap contact details.
2. Once details have been exchanged, you could switch to a phone call. There seems little point going on Whatsapp just for text chat as that is similar to what we offer. Arrange a time to call then take time to get to know each other. Normally, we would suggest a short call then arrange to meet but with the current situation an extended chat might be perfect.
3. Utilise Video calling such as Skype, Whatsapp, Facetime. Set up a time and place where you feel comfortable. Prepare as you would for any date, by getting your drink ready and doing your hair nicely. Choose a suitable backdrop, so sitting in the loo probably isn’t a good idea.
4. If you do decide to meet up, choose somewhere airy and preferably meet outdoors. Get a coffee and sit outside where you can maintain some distance. Or go for a walk.
5. It’s OK not to shake hands or touch on the first meeting. If it goes well and you get to know each other over a few days then you can both assess if you are feeling fine and want to take it further. The rest is at your own risk.
6. Always ensure you always wash your hands and if you are feeling unwell, it is OK to cancel or reschedule. It is also OK to wear gloves. Avoid face masks as they offer limited protection according to the press and obviously hide your face. Avoid touching your face at all.
7. Just because you know someone well, does not mean they are not carrying the virus. Social distancing means 2m from any other person. This clearly is difficult when you want to hug or kiss your partner. Be considerate by taking precautions with your own health and safety. If you know you have been careful or stayed at home then there is a lower risk for your partner.
8. Above all, use the Online Chat facility offered by AsianSingleSolution. This is totally safe from viruses!

If you meet up, tell someone where you are going

Events

All events are on hold until the crisis has passed.

N.B. This is not expert advice and we are not claiming to be experts on the Coronavirus, Covid 19. You must consider what is right for you and always follow Government advice.

Everyone wants someone to spend their lives with especially the “day of love” known as Valentine’s Day. If you’re single, it can be overwhelming to try and find a date. However, using these 5 steps, you’re bound to find your Valentine!

Step 1: Put yourself out there

Obviously, you’re not going to meet someone new if you’re sitting at home with all of the lights turned off. The only way to meet people is to put yourself where people are. Yes, you can sign up for a dating website membership and download a dating app. But if you want to meet more people, you’re better off getting out into the real world. Sign up for a class, learn to play an instrument, join community events, volunteer. Do something that puts you out in the world. After all, what are you going to answer when a potential date asks how you spend a typical day? Instead of crafting a magnificent story, be honest. If the truth is boring, then maybe you need to be more interesting. You won’t find your Valentine if you’re invisible.

Step 2: Be approachable

Now, getting outside into the real world is just the beginning. No one is going to approach you if you seem like you’re outside against your will. In order to be approached, you have to be approachable. What does that mean? It means you look interesting enough to want to talk to. You can accomplish this by dressing well, but not over-the-top. You want to have good hygiene as well. You want to smile, and make eye-contact whenever possible. If this sounds hard, maybe you need to work on your confidence before trying to find your Valentine.

Step 3: Be conversational

Putting yourself outside and smiling at people will only do so much if you can’t hold a decent conversation. Now, initiating a conversation isn’t always easy, but there are tricks you can learn. Develop your conversational skills with random people. This way, you’ll feel more confident in your search to find a Valentine. Of course, part of being conversational is knowing when it’s time to listen. Make sure you’re allowing other people to speak as well. Be a good listener, even if it takes work.

Step 4: Be prepared

When you’re looking to find a Valentine, you want to be prepared for the date. This means you want to have romantic plans made, even if you don’t have someone to share them with. Buy Valentine gifts for that special someone. Don’t put any names on the tags. This way, if you don’t manage to get a date, you can give the gifts to someone else in your life, like a family member or single co-worker. When you’re in the dating pool, it’s best to be ready for anything to happen. You could meet someone when you’re getting coffee before work or even through a friend. Treat every outing like a new opportunity to meet someone. This way, when you do meet someone, you’re prepared.

Step 5: Be confident

It isn’t always easy to exude confidence. If you’ve been single for a while, you may feel discouraged about dating. You may feel like you don’t have anything to offer someone. These thoughts are exactly what prevents you from finding someone. When you’re out and looking to find your Valentine, know your own worth. Before you start looking, boost your self confidence so you truly feel worthy of a romantic connection.

Happy dating!

James Preece – Dating Coach

www.asiansinglesolution.com

It’s almost the time of year that everyone sits down to plan their resolutions. Weight loss or better gym attendance. Finding a new career or finishing a project. The problem with resolutions is that most of us give them up after a few short weeks. If one of your 2020 resolutions is finding love, a few weeks isn’t going to make a difference. To help you find romance, here are a few tips you can start implementing into your life right now:

Step 1: Evaluate what you’re looking for.

Before you start looking for love, it’s important to know exactly what you’re looking for. This doesn’t mean create a partner in your mind with every detail thought out. You’ll never meet the perfect person. Knowing what you’re looking for means knowing what you will and won’t tolerate. Everyone has “deal-breakers”. Look over your own and decide which ones aren’t really that important. Now, you’ll meet a whole new criteria of people. It is also important to know what kind of relationship you want, before you start meeting people. You may find that you need to adjust your personal expectations. That is normal. When you’re creating these expectations, be realistic.

Step 2: Know where to find people

Now that you know who you want to meet, it’s time to figure out where you can meet this person. Do you want someone smart or interested in a vintage lifestyle? Try going to a museum, library or other gallery of information. You can meet someone almost anywhere. You probably have places that you visit regularly. These are your “go-to” places. Your favorite coffee shop. Your favorite bar. Your favorite book store. The fact is, you haven’t met someone in these places yet. Instead of sticking to what you already know, try stepping out. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Ask for recommendations from your friends. You never know what options await you when you’re trying something new.

Step 3: Put yourself in social situations

Knowing where to meet people is only the first step. The second step is actually putting yourself out there. It can be intimidating to go somewhere you’ve never been before. If you asked a friend for a recommended coffee shop, invite them along the first time. You’ll feel more comfortable going alone in the future. You don’t want to bring someone everywhere you go though. If you’re alone, you’re more approachable. If you’re accompanied by someone, people are going to give you privacy. Especially if your friend is someone of the opposite gender. If you’re stuck on ideas of where to go, here is a quick starter list:

Community events
Volunteer work
Classes / courses / workshops
Social events and gatherings (eg: Facebook events, concerts)
Festivals / Music Concerts
Office parties
Museums & other information centres (eg: art gallery, pop-up art installations, guided tours, local tourist attractions)

You always have the option of dating online and even hiring a match-making service. If you’re the type to be nervous in social situations, online dating may be a better option because there is less pressure than meeting someone face to face.

Step 4: Be someone that people want to approach

There are many things that go into being an approachable person. First, think about your appearance. To be approachable, you have to be unoccupied. You shouldn’t look busy, be on your phone or reading. You want to be available for conversation. Look around the room you’re in. Smile and make eye-contact with anyone who smiles at you. Allow conversation to develop naturally. But, don’t be afraid to make the first move! Initiate conversation with anyone you find interesting and see where it goes. Most importantly: Have fun and laugh often.

Step 5: Live your best life

If you focus too much on finding love, you may feel as though you’ve wasted a lot of time. The best thing to do is live your life and look for love on the side. Embrace being single for a bit. Enjoy spending time with yourself. You can even date yourself out on dates. If you feel you’re lacking in any area, take time to work on yourself. You can improve your personality or develop your social skills. You could take a cooking class or learn to play an instrument. You could even make a bucketlist and start crossing things off. Occupy your time with everything you love, while also putting yourself out in the world. You’re more likely to attract someone when you’re living your best life.

Step 6: Be patient

You have to remember that finding love isn’t a quick or easy process. You’ll likely meet people along the way and feel a connection that goes no where. You have to be patient throughout dating. You have to be confident that you will meet someone. Each failed date is a new learning experience.

Good luck!

James Preece

Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com