Here is another dating problem

for our Dating Expert

Hi James,

I’m very confused so please can you help? It all began when we were introduced via facebook through my brother. I messaged him first and he texted back with lots of smileys and with very bubbly enthusiasm. He seemed more than excited to meet up. However when we did meet he couldn’t even look or speak to me. He’d only reply briefly to a question I’d ask every now and then. Then later on as the days went by and we met up more frequently he became more relaxed and was able to look at me and initiate brief convo. Later he’d always go to his room and he’d stay there like he always usually does, away from the rest of us in his own little world.

(a brief note: his 3 siblings have told me how he was always the shy quiet child playing alone when they were kids. They said he had a shell and it needed time to break down. And he’s only ever had 1 girlfriend his entire life, that too was because the girl begged him, they say)

So then he left back to his home town and I tried to occasionally keep in touch through fb. He’d be nice with smiley faces and a few sentences, but whenever I felt he was comfortable enough with me and I tried asking simple things to get to know him as a person like hobbies and things, he wouldn’t reply and he’d just ignore my messages. I thought to myself, ‘I’m always the one initiating and no matter what I do, he won’t open up. I give up. He’s not interested’. Then just a week ago I saw him online on fb and I said hi. He was happy to hear from me (as always when he talks) and asked me many questions about my uni. He made the effort to keep the conversation going and then left again..

Basically, I don’t know what’s going on. A big part of me tells me he’s not interested. but if that’s the case, why does he even bother having a conversation anyway?  PLEASE tell me what on earth is going on inside his head???”

Hi,

It does certainly sound like he is giving you very conflicting messages, so it’s no wonder you are confused.

There are two possibilities here:

1) He is indeed very shy and likes you.  The fact he couldn’t look you in eye and is asking all these questions now indicates this. Usually these types of people are shy because they have been hurt in the past so will act strangely to protect themselves. If he’s worth it then you should work towards breaking down his barriers.

2) He’s not interested but doesn’t know how to let you know.  Sometimes men string women along just to avoid hurting their feelings OR as an ego boost they don’t want to lose.

Either way, he’s not being fair to you and he needs to stop playing games with your emotions.

You’ve not said anything why you like him.  What do you have in common?  Are you genuinely interested in dating him or has he become such a challenge that you want to work out the mystery?

The only way you are ever going to really know what is going on is to gently confront him about his behavior. Do this face to face rather than by Facebook. Tell him you like him and would love to know what where you stand.  Don’t be too demanding or he won’t be honest.

If he doesn’t offer any kind of answer to you then it’s time to just delete him from your friends list and move on. Spend your time getting to know someone else who is ready to make time for you and deserves you.

I hope everything works out well for you.

James Preece

The Dating Guru

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Best Wishes,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Here’s another dating dilemma

for our Dating Guru

“I have been going out with someone for the past three years now and the last five months have been the worst as in he has been very distant as he is having some family and financial issues. Also he claims he is bad luck according to the astrology, he is Sikh and I’m Hindu. I have been understanding til now but i don’t believe in astrology so I’m just trying to make him feel as ease by saying we can take part in some prayers or something to make it better.

Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Here is this week’s Dating Problem

Answered by our Dating Guru

“Dear James, I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of month’s now and things have been going great. However, whenever I try to make plans for the future or talk about us being a “couple” he always changes the subject.  What can I do to stop him being so scared of commitment?  R”

Hi R,

Thank you for your email.  He definitely sounds like a commitment phobe. By this I mean that he is someone who finds it extremely difficult to settle in to a relationship.  There can be a wide number of reasons for this and it might not be that big of a problem.  Perhaps he’s been badly hurt in the past or he’s worried about other issues in his future.   Here are my top tips to try and resolve this:

1) Talk it through.  Find out exactly what his concerns and worries are. Perhaps his parents were in an unhappy relationship or he fears you are much too good for this.  Talking should always be the first course of action and it can be the fastest way to resolve things.

2) Reassure Him. Let them know you aren’t planning on taking over the rest of his life – just that you really like him and want the world to know.  It takes a little courage to commit to someone so make sure he knows you aren’t going to break his heart or run off with his laptop.

3) Give him time.   The longer the two of you are together then the more likely he’ll see you as a couple.  Two months isn’t that long, so give him a bit longer.

4) Trust your instincts.    If you really don’t think he’s ever going to commit to you then it might be best to move on.

Good luck!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com