Archive for March, 2010

Ten biggest turn offs in dating

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

I’m the UK’s top Dating Guru,  and people always tell me their biggest dating turn offs.  These can be tiny things, but some come up over and over again.  It’s time for you to read and learn in case you are making the same mistakes!


1) Bad Body Odour andpersonal hygiene. This usually tops most people’s list of turn offs. It goes without saying that you should take a shower, shave  and smell nice if you want to attract other people.

2) Smoking. This is not just extremely anti-social but it gives you terrible breath and shows you don’t take your health seriously.  Funnily enough, it seems that even smokers don’t want to date other smokers!

3) Avoiding direct eye contact. Always remember that eye contact is crucial so don’t stare at the floor. If you look nervous then it just gives the impression that you have something to hide.

4) Assuming the world revolves around you. You really don’t need to talk endlessly about yourself or stare at the mirror the whole time. Focus on the person you are dating and make them feel like the centre of your universe.

5) Being Negative.  There’s really nothing worse than being a “victim” and talking about all your problems on a date. It’s just not attractive! Instead, try and see the positive side of everything and remember to laugh and smile often.

6) Being a cheapskate. We say this time and time again but men should always pay the bill on the first date but the woman should at least offer. If you are stingy with money then you are probably stingy with your time and affection too.

7) Not having a photo on your online dating profile. This is major error that many people seem to make. If you don’t have a photo or demand to see one before sending out yours, then it shows insecurity and the strong possibility that you have something to hide. Even worse are photos with sunglasses or hats. Why would you wear the hat if you had a lovely head of hair?

8) Being too sexual or too keen.  There’s nothing wrong with showing that you are serious about dating but don’t take things to far or too fast.  You don’t need to jump into bed right away or make plans for the next five weekends on your first date.  Take a little time to get to know each other slowly. Give yourselves time to miss each other.

9) Not making it clear when you aren’t interested. Some people think they are being kind by not directly rejecting someone. Instead they just ignore calls, emails and texts and cut off all contact. The trouble with this is that nobody gets any closure and it just stretches it out. If you have to, be polite and honest rather than give them hope. It’s kinder in the long run!

10) Trying to change them. It can sometimes be easy to overlook the flaws in a relationship. Instead, you think that you will be able to sort them out and get them to work on the things you don’t like. Wrong! Focus on the things you do like about them. Everyone has flaws and they just make is human. If you were both perfect life could be very boring indeed.

I’d love to hear about your own dating turn offs. Add a comment on this blog or email me at [email protected]

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The 5 top women that men avoid

Monday, March 29th, 2010
If you’ve been wondering why you aren’t doing well at the dating game, could it be that you are one of these 5 types of women that men avoid?


1) The Gold Digger

She’s just out for your money and you both know it. She needs a man to pay for everything and take her to nice places, just so it boosts her ego and makes her feel good. She never gives, but instead with her it’s just take take take me shopping.

Typical profiles include the words ” You’ll be paying”

2)  Little Miss Stalker

Watch out for the lady who needs constant reassurance that everything is ok.   She’ll get upset if you don’t call and text her at least 20 times a day.  If she doesn’t know exactly what you are up to every second of the day she will do her best to find out anyway.  She’ll turn up at your work and try and hack in to your email. Woe betide any other lady who even breathes near him.

If this is you, take a step back and give him space!  If you’ve got concerns that take some time to talk about it.

3) The flake

She’d love to meet up this week but something’s just come up. How about next week?  Oh so sorry, my cat’s ill, can we do it the one after that?

Men do find “ditsy” a little bit endearing but it can soon become very rude and annoying.

If you want to make him feel special you need to make time and don’t let him down.

4) The party girl

Sure, we can hang out, but can I invite some of my friends?

Even if you do get her on her own, she’ll want to get drunk as soon as possible.  You won’t  be able to tie her down to meet you as she’ll always be off at some party of another.

Fun for a while, but there’s no long term possibilities as you’ll soon get bored of each other.

5) The Princess

This lady is so caught up in her own little fantasy world that she finds  it hard to cope reality. She’s been so spoilt and brainwashed by her parents that she thinks that Mr Right is magically going to appear and whisk her away to a Disney castle.  When you do go out with her she’ll expect you to do everything and will only be disappointed that you don’t live up to her unrealistic expectations.

Don’t worry, ladies, I’ll be writing a new blog about the men YOU should avoid too!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Ten of the best dating headlines

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

We all know that a good headline will get your better dating results.  We’ve put together a list of the ten best openers we’ve heard so you can get an idea of what to write yourself.


1) Is this Ebay?  I’m up for auction – highest bidders only!

2) New girl on the block needs a tour guide

3) Can I ask you for directions?

4) Fabulous people deserve to be together, don’t you think?

5) Towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought…

6) I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist!

7) 94.5% of all statistics are fabricated

8)  This is really just shopping for guys – two of my favourite things combined!

9) Experimental cook needs food taster

10) Where’s “Clever Opening Lines for Dummies” When You Need It?

Do leave a comment with the best opening line you’ve seen as we are collecting the best ones.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to make the most of Premium Plus

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to be writing about our Premium Plus Membership to make sure you are taking full advantage of it.


There are two options that you get when you decide to upgrade on our site. The first is Premium Membership, which means you can contact anyone you wish, read messages and get huge discounts off most of our events.

The second option, for the more results orientated dater is our Premium Plus membership.  This is our best selling membership as it offers the best value and the biggest returns.

The trouble with most dating sites that is you never know if the person you are contacting is a paid up member.  If they aren’t ( and don’t have any credits) then they won’t be able to read or reply to your message. Premium Plus gets round this frustrating problem and keeps you totally in control.

The other big advantage is that most people are just Premium members, so you’ll have an huge advantage on them.  You’ll get more replies if you use it properly.

However, some it seems that some Premium Plus members aren’t remembering to “send a free credit” when first contacting someome.  So, we just wanted to remind you that the option is there when you go to send a message.

There’s also another bonus feature that you can use too.  If a member has added their mobile phone number to the site then you’ll also see a button to send them a text.  This will instantly alert them to the fact that you’ve contact them. It’s completely free to use and well worth using it!

Finally, do make sure you follow our basic tips when you send messages.  They are:

1) Have a great photo

2) Have a fantastic profile

3) Write an intriguing, carefully crafted email to each person

4) Keep at it!

If you need any help then get in touch.
Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Success Stories

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Here’s a selection of our recent feedbacks.  We’ll be regularly updating this blog page so you can see the fantastic success rates our customers have:

June 2010

“Hi Paul / James and team I think your site is great, helpful and easy to use. I have found my match after so long and thank you all so much for making this happen!” MN

“Honestly speaking, I feel what you guys have done with SS, and achieved with your brand (for what its worth) – is awesome, overall” SM

“Thanks a ton for creating a sit exclusively for Asians as I believe that is a good way to meet like minded Asians.” AM

May 2010

“Great site – recommended to friends” CL

“A fine service to humanity !” AM

“Great venue, relaxed atmosphere, good guests, helpful staff” MV

“The service was brilliant, I got to know alot of nice people who are now mates” MA

I had a really enjoyable time on Sat.  Much more so than anticipated I might add!” RK

“The magician was brilliant and you should give him more work!” AD

“Thank you for all your support, it was really good being with you..” HM

“Very good site and well organised events” BP

“Venue was right size for turn out, good facilities. Great music and good bar service.” NN

“The event was great. The Ice breaker with the cards worked really well and the staff were really friendly and helpful. It exceeded my expectation and was a light relaxed friendly environment. ” HS

“Excellent. one of the best sites on the web” SR

April 2010

“I would just like to let you know that I met my now husband not last October but the one before last at one of your events. We had a wonderful wedding on April 7th. We are eternally grateful to the singlesolution for bringing us  together. Long live the Singlesolution!

“I thoroughly enjoyed Saturday’s party which was the first I’d attended for some time” MW

“Just to let you know I am seeing someone who I met through the website!” HP

“Good Services and has helped me to find someone with my busy lifestyle”  SC

“Pretty good, as I managed to find my man on the site!” SP

“I really enjoyed using this site and found it great to meet some prospective partners. Thanks and keep up the great work.”  IM

“I think your parties are great, probably the best of all the singles parties – I would recommend them to my single friends – wishing you continued success.” SH

March 2010

“You guys rock!” BP

“Great site.. met a few very decent guys on your site whom I am now friends with. would definitely come back if iI was single again. Thank you!” DN

“This is a very good service and I have recommended to many of my single friends” HD

“Well organised and very civilised events” PK

“I went to your valentine event and all the staff, the organisation, let me say, was brilliant. Thank you again, and will keep you posted!” MM

“I think you are on to a good thing with this whole website.  The turnout was marvellous on Sat despite the transport probs..
I liked the magician he was a nice guy.  All in all a good event.”  JV

“I wanted to thank you so much for creating this website. I joined a few years back, attended a couple of events, which were unsuccessful for me. But through the website (which is great) I met my perfect match. I was beginning to think there was no one out there for me but this website proved me wrong. We are due to get married at the end of this year. Thankyou so much. S L and A P”

“Great events with professional and friendly hosts”  RH

FEB 2010

“I loved the speedate event I went to on Valentines..the first one I went to. Staff were great too. I have met someone and going to see how it goes. Thanks again. You guys have been great.” MM

“The Valentine’s event was well organised and good fun. I spoke to lots of interesting people and the speed dating was much less intimidating than I had expected. The first young lady I met was lovely, and we’ve been on a few dates since, so watch this space… To anyone thinking of whether or not to bite the bullet, do it: you never know who you might meet!” NM

“Good range of events and wide variety of people attending.” JG

“Well run, probably the best about” JM

“I met someone elsewhere but  I think your site is fantastic. Keep up the good work!”

Have you ever fibbed on your profile?

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

We often hear the myth about how the online dating world is full of liars, each trying to make themselves sound better than then really are.  However, this certainly isn’t the case at all. According to a new survey by Kansas university, researchers have found that most people are honest, especially the confident ones.


The study also showed that both men and women were equal in terms of the few who did tell fibs.  Men lied about sexual partners  and women lied about their weight.

According to the study,  members  of the online dating site were no more or less likely to lie about themselves than people who find dates the old fashioned way through work, recreation or via friends.

If someone is confident and sucessful then they don’t need to make things up.  It was only the people who were unhappy about their life choices who steered away from the truth.

5000 internet daters were apparently interviewed for this research…..but that could have been a lie.

Eli Finkel,  associate professor of social psychology at Northwestern University , said the study results came as little surprise:

“These findings lend empirical validation to my longstanding assumption that the typical person using modern dating approaches doesn’t differ much from the typical person using traditional dating approaches,” he said.

“There was probably a time when people using dating services were different in important ways from the general dating population,” added Finkel, “but that seems to be less and less true as modern dating approaches become increasingly popular. Online daters, speed-daters, and the like seem to be just like the rest of us in most ways. That this intuition extends to truth-telling among online daters is important validation of that general point.”

From our own experience, the biggest lie people seem to tell is about age.  It can seem easy to shave a year or two off in the hope of netting someone more useful.  Just remember that one day you’ll have to admit the truth and it could instantly ruin any trust you’ve built.  It’s better to be honest from the outset so you don’t need to keep worrying about being found out.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Lots of emails?

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

Here’s an interesting thing that we’ve noticed.  Its seems that some people get lots of interest and get lots of emails……only to never reply to them!


What we’d really like you to do is at least reply to more of these people, even if its to say “thanks but no thanks.” It’s just plain old courtesy.  To make this easy for you we even  have standard responses such as “thanks but I’m not looking at the moment”  or “You aren’t my type.”  It only takes a few seconds and they’ll at least know that you have acknowledged there existence.

Some people don’t reply because they don’t want to have to pay for the service which is quite strange. If you aren’t serious about meeting someone then why fill out your profile in the first place? If you start making the effort and communicating with people then you’ll soon start making new friends and lining up dates.  If you want to learn to swim you have to start by putting your toe in the water after all!

We also advise sending a credit with a message to make sure the recipient can read it just in case they are new the site.  Oh and don’t worry, if you do send a credit they can only reply to your message, not save it to contact someone else!

If you really aren’t interested in making contact with anyone or are perhaps currently dating then it might be a better idea to hide your profile.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Will love happen when I stop trying?

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

There’s a well known saying that you’ll find love when you stop trying and don’t expect it.   People say that if you just forget about finding someone then they’ll find you anyway.


So should you stop looking?

My advice is absolutely not!  While I do believe it’s true to a certain extent, it’s also a fantastic excuse to do refuse responsibility.  If you are a happy, positive frame of mind and ready for love then it will come your way. The big secret is that you do have to give it a helping hand.

If you want to get something in life, whether it’s love, money, a new job or even a holiday then you need to take action.   For example, if you’d like a new job then you’d polish up your CV, send it out to prospective employees and attend some interviews.   You just wouldn’t sit back, do nothing and wait for one to find you.  Event if one magically does then you can guarantee it won’t be the best one you could possibly dream of.

So what should you do?  Well as well as the obvious things like going out on dates, why not try and do more for yourself.   Use your spare time to go out and get a new haircut, hit the gym or buy some new outfits.  Take the chance to sign up to learn some new skills, such as dancing or cooking. They will all help you feel and look amazing, which will therefore make it easier to meet someone wonderful.  If you enjoy your life and enjoy being who are then others will naturally want to share it with you.

The bottom line is this: Love will find you in the end but you need to help it along the way by being open and ready for it!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to make the first approach

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

This week’s blog is all about something I know a lot of people find hard.  Every day you see lots of interesting people that you’d love to start a conversation with.  You imagine what it might be like to get to know them. Perhaps it might lead to a new friendship or possibly more.  But how exactly do you approach them without coming across as a nutter or getting rejected?


There’s no big secret to this, it’s all about “attitude”    Approach them with the aim to just have a friendly conversation rather than anything more.   If you put too much pressure on yourself you’ll just make it awkward.

One of the most important things to remember is to be spontaneous. Don’t even think about whether you should talk to them or not – just do it!   You don’t have to fancy them as every approach is just practice for the next one. Above all, have fun.    If you can get their attention right away when they aren’t expecting it they won’t have time to be defensive.

I suggest you approach people everywhere except clubs and bars ( as they will be on their guard and “expecting” to be approached.)   The best places are bookstores, supermarkets, public transport and coffee shops. Many many singles  hang out in coffee shops during their lunch hour. Just sit in one for a while and watch who comes in.

Finally, when you do approach them, have a question to ask them.  Ask them which coffee is best as there are so many choices, or if they have read a certain book.   It doesn’t really matter WHAT you say, just make sure you smile and put them at ease.  Don’t ask questions that rely on simple yes/no replies as you want to get into discussions with them.

The more people you approach then the easier it will be next time. Before long it will just come naturally and you’ll find they will  even approach you first!

There’s a fantastic course aimed at men which I do recommend you have a read of, which teaches these skills in more detail:

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Guest blog: How to dress to be your most attractive and fabulous self!

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Hi! Let me introduce myself……I’m Louise Gillespie-Smith and I have been a personal stylist for just over 6 years, my company is called Create Yourself. The main thing I love about my job is helping people accept themselves for who they are and to really make the most of themselves through how they dress, plus of course I really love the shopping! I often get asked about what is best to wear when going on first dates so James has invited me to write you all a little something to help you really knock your date’s socks off!!


Following are my top 5 tips on how to look your most attractive and most fabulous:

1)      Take some time to prepare: If you want to be looking your best pamper yourself a bit before the date, make sure you smell nice, enjoy the process of getting ready and get a good night’s sleep beforehand to ensure you are not turning up hung-over and yawning to death. Men make sure you have cleaned your teeth…..I know I don’t need to say this to women as they know the importance of not showing up with bad breath!!

2)      Be yourself: With studies showing that image and body language is 55% of what matters most in first impressions it is really important to be feeling comfortable in what you are wearing, confident that you look your best and that you are conveying the real you. Until we really know someone we can only judge them by how they come across and a big part of that is through their image. There is no point trying to be something you are not, if they don’t like you for who you really are then they are not worth it anyway! There are all sorts of ways of doing this by using colours, styles, accessories and make up. Have a think about your key personality traits that you would like someone to know about you and then take some time to consider how you can express this through what you wear.

3) Make an effort but don’t go over the top: You need to get the balance between making an effort and feeling comfortable. It’s important to feel comfortable so you are not distracted by hurting feet, pulling skirts or tops down but at the same time you want to look like you have made an effort, heels are always a winner for dates as they lengthen and slim your figure, plus wearing them gives you that extra boost of confidence and sexiness. However don’t go for totally over the top ones that will cripple you in seconds.  If heels just are not you though then don’t wear them, the most important thing as I said above is to be yourself.

4) Wear the right colours: The right colours, especially close to your face can really make you look vibrant, healthy and even younger! The wrong colours can drain you, make you look ill and highlight any redness or lines on the face. The most flattering colours for you share the same characteristics as your own natural colouring so for example if you have dark hair then deep colours will suit you more than very pale ones. Or if you have a golden undertone to your skin then colours with a yellow base will look fantastic where as blue based colours will drain the warmth away from you.

5)      Enhance your best bits: take some time to consider what your best bits are for example are they your; eyes, your bust, your bum, your legs, your stomach etc? Then think how you can show that off. It’s a waste of time and energy worrying about the bit’s you don’t like (plus it won’t make you feel very good about yourself) instead focus on how to enhance the great bits about you.

Please do feel free to email me if you have any specific questions about what to wear or what not to!! [email protected]

Star signs and dating

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Sometimes we need every little bit of help we can possibly get when it comes to dating.  This can mean seeking advice from every possible source, no matter how weird or wacky it can be.   For example, there are many people who do believe in star signs. We once had a lady who rang up and asked how many “Librans” we had on the database.  She’d only consider dating them as she’d been told they were compatible with her own.

So just as a bit of fun, we’ve researched which star signs come out best when it comes to dating.


Pisces (February 20 – March 21) Empathetic, openhearted and intuitive

Aries (March 21 – April 20) Their fiery nature makes them extremely irresistible and exciting.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Sensual person who craves physical affection and affection. Only the best will do.

Gemini (May 22 – June 22) These are the best to talk to

Cancer (June 23 – July 23) Deeply emotional and family orientated

Leo (July 23 – August 23) Love to be the centre of attention

Virgo (August 23 – September 23) They love to help others and put them first

Libra (September 23 – October 23) Librans can be the most romantic people

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22) Can be emotionally perceptive and intuitive

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21) Impulsive and adventurous

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20): The most dependable

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19) Aquarians are the most friendly of all the star signs

Do these fit in with your dating experiences?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

What NOT to say in your profile

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to be focussing on some of the very worst things you can put in your profile.  These are genuine comments that we see each and every day, over and over.  I’ll tell you what they are and explain quickly why writing them can be a VERY bad idea:


1)”Timewasters need not apply”    You aren’t inviting people to view a car, but to meet you.  Don’t be bossy, but try and come across as warm and friendly.

2)”I can’t believe I’m doing this”   This shows instant negativity which is a big turn off to most people. You are suggesting that you are embarrassed to be on the site and therefore hinting you are embarrassed to be contacting them.

3) “I’m not going to say what I want, but what I DON’T want!”  Again, instant negativity.  Why not spend the time writing about what you do like, rather than what you don’t.

4) “You’ll be paying”!   Are you just after them for their money?  Never write this, even if it’s just as a joke.

5) “I give great massages””  Do you really.  We haven’t even spoken yet and you are already getting overtly sexual. Bad idea!

6) “I am a funny, clever person with a good sense of humour”  The irony of this is that funny, clever people would never write this in their profile – instead they would write something funny and clever!

7) “Ask me for photo”   You clearly can’t be bothered to put one up so why should anyone be bothered to ask?

8 ) “Hello how are you?”  This is just incredibly dull, especially if it doesn’t lead on to something wonderfully interesting…..and they rarely do.

9) “Lol!”   You aren’t a teenager, you are a successful, intelligent adult, so never write things like this. You already know that you should avoid text speak….don’t you?!

10) “I’m not a paying member”   So why are you even on the site?   Would you sit outside a gym and tell everyone you aren’t going to pay but you expect to still get fit? This sort of comment guarantees automatic suspension so never ever write it!

If you’ve seen event worse profiles than these then do comment on this and let us know!

James Preece – The Dating Guru