Archive for the ‘Your Dating Questions’ Category

Asian Matrimonials UK Wedding Traditions

Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

Asian matrimonials are wonderful, joyous occasions. These matrimonial ceremonies provide a great opportunity to gather with friends and family to celebrate love and happiness. A period of time that can last a day or over multiple days where two become one. 

Wedding Traditions for Sikhs and Hindus

In this blog post, we will cover what anyone can expect from a Sikh and or Hindu wedding, what are the general customs that are observed? How do you decide between a traditional or more modern wedding and where should the weddings take place. 

The first part of Sikh wedding ceremonies is known as an Anand Jaraaj whereas Hindu wedding ceremonies usually take place over a couple of days at a chosen residence or house.  

What are Asian Matrimonials?

An Asian Matrimonial is a religious ceremony like a wedding, specifically for South Asian cultures and religions such as Hinduism, Sikhism, Islam and Buddhism. 

Not looking to get married? Maybe you’re looking to do some research for a date you’re taking to a wedding… or even better you could be looking for a date to take, if you are you can sign up to our Asian dating site here

Sikh Wedding Traditions

Depending on the wedding you want, Sikhs can have a simplified or big lavish wedding as long as all of the distinct religious traditions are upheld. 

The ceremony of joy or Anand Karaj is the first thing to take place within a Sikh wedding and takes place in the place of worship, the Gurdwara.

During the Anand Karaj, guests and members of the couples family sing shabads from the scriptures. In modern times these are translated into English for guests.

The Barat part of the ceremony is where the groom meets the bridge family within the Gurdwara.

There are more traditions further into the ceremony that you can see at

One of our success stories

Clothing at Sikh Weddings

You can wear a variety of different clothes however during the morning ceremony at the Gurdwara you must dress in a modern fashion, remove any footwear and cover your head.

During the evening ceremonies, you can choose a more modern dress and less modestly allowing for an evening of dancing, food and fun. 

Hindu Wedding Traditions

Some Hindu wedding traditions include but are not limited to: The Sangeet, a gathering of family and friends where people sing and dance, Henna for the bride’s hands & feet as well as the vara yatra or the celebration of the groom arriving at the ceremony. 

The Red Sari

Traditionally Hindu brides adorn a red dress or sari that has been embroidered with golden accents, however, in modern times brides have been known to forego this tradition in favour of a slew of pastel colours and or floral prints.

Wearing a red sari or dress symbolises commitment and fertility within the usual tradition. 

The Mandap

The Mandap is a structure built and decorated just before the wedding. It is usually highly decorated and elevated with seats on either side for both the bride and grooms parents. 

During the ceremony a fire is kept in the centre of the Mandap, this is usually holy fire and is used as a witness for the marriage. 

The Mandap is considered the centrepiece of a Hindu wedding. 

How long does a Hindu Wedding Last?

A traditional Hindu wedding usually takes place over 3 days these consist of Day 1, The Ganesh Puja, followed by a family gathering. Day 2 is the Grah Shanti a larger pre-wedding ritual that invites Ganesha into the home to bring happiness and remove any obstacles in the way of the couple. Day 3 consists of the actual Wedding and an evening celebration where all guests are invited.

If you are a guest at a Hindu wedding or someone’s date you may be invited to all 3 days or just one. As time has gone on some couples have been known to have weddings that last up to 5 days.

Are you looking to find love? The majority of our users have been on successful dates and of those many have found happiness and married each other. We have several success stories every week. You can sign up for our Asian dating service here.

Dating Coach Problem Solved: Where should I go on a date?

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2017

Today I’d like to answer another dating issue that I’ve been sent by an Asian Single Solution member:

Asian Dating Coach

Asian Dating Coach

“Hi James, please can you help?  I’m getting lots of dates with some lovely women on your site but something isn’t quite working. My usual plan ( once we’ve been talking for a little while ) is to take them out one evening for a movie followed by dinner.  I thought that would be a great way of breaking ice as we’d have something interesting to talk about over the meal.  Unfortunately this hasn’t quite gone to plan and some of them have wanted to go right after the film.  Even when they do join me at the restaurant the conversation dries up quickly.  What am I doing wrong?! P “

Hey P,

Thanks for your message. You sound like a nice guy, but you are making a few big errors.  The good news is that they are easy to fix so we’ll soon have you out dating much more successfully

Firstly, dinner and a movie is not a very good first date plan at all.  You don’t know each other so you’ll want to spend your time talking and getting to know each other. So you don’t want to to be sitting in a dark room for two hours with hundreds of other strangers.  That just doesn’t work at all.  It’s all a little awkward and the film choice can really affect their mood afterwards.  If it’s a bit serious or makes them think too much they aren’t going to be in the dating mood…especially if it’s late and they are already a bit tired.  It’s really hard to be high energy after sitting down for so long in a sleepy environment!

Dinner isn’t a good choice either. Most women really don’t want to have to eat in front of someone they don’t know.  It can also take too long and they might feel obliged to stay.  Save that for a second or third date, once you’ve already bonded.

Instead, stick to a simple date of going for a few drinks.  Choose somewhere with a nice atmosphere that isn’t too busy or noisy.  Take the time to really get to know each other and ask lots of questions. Then hopefully you’ll find some common interests and things will progress much more smoothly.

Hope that helps and good luck!


Do you have own dating dilemma or relationship issue that you’d like some help with?  I’m a leading Dating Coach and I work with the Asian Single Solution to make sure their members are successful in love.  Email me at [email protected] and I’ll answer some of the best ones here in this blog..anonymously of course!


Happy dating,
James Preece

The Dating Guru

Dating Guru’s Mailbag: I hate talking to new people

Monday, November 25th, 2013

Here’s another dating problem

for our Dating Guru

“Dear James,  I hope you can help me.  I’d love to attend one of your singles parties but I’m really really nervous about having to talk to new people.  I know it’s important if I want to make new friends, but I’m so scared of rejection.  What can I do?  Ben”

Hi Ben,

Thank you for your message.  Firstly, let me reassure you.  Almost everyone is nervous about meeting new people and having to go up and say hello.   Perhaps they’ll tell you to go away, be rude to you or ignore you altogether. The good news is that the things you are worried about are extremely unlikely to happen.  The reality is that all the guests are there for the same reason and they’d love you to introduce yourself.

Here are some quick tips which will help you:

1) Test yourself.   If you are shy about going up and talking, just try asking a question.  You could ask if they know where the toilets are or what time it is.  A simple question could start a longer conversation.

2) Use our hosts.   They are there to help make introductions and are the friendliest in the business.

3) Try the speed dating.  You only get to talk to each person for three minutes, so use this time as practice.  You’ll have to say hello and ask a few questions and each time it will get easier and easier.

4) Listen attentively.  The more you listen, then the more the other person will want to speak.  Ask lots of questions and show an interest about what they are talking about.

5) If someone doesn’t want to talk, smile and move on.   Perhaps they are even more nervous than you!    Don’t take it personally.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Guru’s Mailbag – I can’t work him out!

Monday, June 24th, 2013

Here is another dating problem

for our Dating Expert


Hi James,

I’m very confused so please can you help? It all began when we were introduced via facebook through my brother. I messaged him first and he texted back with lots of smileys and with very bubbly enthusiasm. He seemed more than excited to meet up. However when we did meet he couldn’t even look or speak to me. He’d only reply briefly to a question I’d ask every now and then. Then later on as the days went by and we met up more frequently he became more relaxed and was able to look at me and initiate brief convo. Later he’d always go to his room and he’d stay there like he always usually does, away from the rest of us in his own little world.

(a brief note: his 3 siblings have told me how he was always the shy quiet child playing alone when they were kids. They said he had a shell and it needed time to break down. And he’s only ever had 1 girlfriend his entire life, that too was because the girl begged him, they say)

So then he left back to his home town and I tried to occasionally keep in touch through fb. He’d be nice with smiley faces and a few sentences, but whenever I felt he was comfortable enough with me and I tried asking simple things to get to know him as a person like hobbies and things, he wouldn’t reply and he’d just ignore my messages. I thought to myself, ‘I’m always the one initiating and no matter what I do, he won’t open up. I give up. He’s not interested’. Then just a week ago I saw him online on fb and I said hi. He was happy to hear from me (as always when he talks) and asked me many questions about my uni. He made the effort to keep the conversation going and then left again..

Basically, I don’t know what’s going on. A big part of me tells me he’s not interested. but if that’s the case, why does he even bother having a conversation anyway?  PLEASE tell me what on earth is going on inside his head???”


It does certainly sound like he is giving you very conflicting messages, so it’s no wonder you are confused.

There are two possibilities here:

1) He is indeed very shy and likes you.  The fact he couldn’t look you in eye and is asking all these questions now indicates this. Usually these types of people are shy because they have been hurt in the past so will act strangely to protect themselves. If he’s worth it then you should work towards breaking down his barriers.

2) He’s not interested but doesn’t know how to let you know.  Sometimes men string women along just to avoid hurting their feelings OR as an ego boost they don’t want to lose.

Either way, he’s not being fair to you and he needs to stop playing games with your emotions.

You’ve not said anything why you like him.  What do you have in common?  Are you genuinely interested in dating him or has he become such a challenge that you want to work out the mystery?

The only way you are ever going to really know what is going on is to gently confront him about his behavior. Do this face to face rather than by Facebook. Tell him you like him and would love to know what where you stand.  Don’t be too demanding or he won’t be honest.

If he doesn’t offer any kind of answer to you then it’s time to just delete him from your friends list and move on. Spend your time getting to know someone else who is ready to make time for you and deserves you.

I hope everything works out well for you.

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Dating Guru Mailbag : Does it matter how many winks and emails I get?

Monday, June 18th, 2012

Here’s a letter to the Dating Guru

which you might find useful


“Dear James,  I seem to be proving popular on as I’ve had 100 emails and over 200 winks.  However, I’ve not met anyone perfect yet.  Can you give me any advice to increase my chances?  Thanks, K”

Hi K,

Thank you for your email.  It’s great that you have had so many winks and emails as it shows you are doing something right.  You’ve put some effort in to making sure you’ve got a decent photograph and profile so it’s clearly working.  However, you are making one fatal error – you haven’t initiated any contact yourself!

It really doesn’t matter how many people wink at you, add you to favourites or send you emails if they aren’t great matches.  If you want to be successful then you need to take control. Contact the members that YOU like the look of, not the other way round.   I always say this, but you must be proactive if you want to get good results.   By making contact yourself then you are initiating correspondence with quality people that are a great match for you.

By the way, Winking isn’t a great strategy. It comes across as lazy as it appears you can’t be bothered to to write a proper message.  It doens’t make anyone feel special and you run the risk of turning someone off before you’ve even spoken.  Every now and again it can work, providing you follow up with a message once you can see they’ve viewed your profile.



Good luck!


James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Guru’s Mailbag

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Here is a dating question answered

by our Dating Coach.


” Hi, I have been to some of your dating events.  I wonder if you can help me?  Sometimes, when I find someone attractive at these events I find some guy is sticking to her like bee to honey. Any tips on how I can get past this guy who is completely glued to the attractive girl? Thanks! ”  M

That’s a good question.  It’s something people often ask me, so you’ll be pleased to know I have some answers!

Firstly, remember that you’ve paid to buy a ticket so you have just as much right to talk to these girls as the other men.   So don’t be afraid to go up and say hello, even if you have to (politely) interrupt the other conversation.  She might well be wanting an escape route anyway!

A great way of doing this is to use your icebreaker card.  Have a quick listen to what they are talking about then walk up and ask them both what card they have.  Once conversation is started, you can jump in with your own thoughts.

Also, if you can’t attend with a female friend make sure you use the staff. They are there to help you get dating success.  If you tell them that you would like to meet someone then they can engineer things to make it happen.  Don’t worry, they are highly trained and very subtle.

You should always take part in the speed dating, even if the girl you like isn’t in that particular round.  You will get good conversation practice and you might just meet someone better. Even if you don’t you could possibly make a new female friend who can help you interact with other women.

If you really don’t get a chance to speak to them then make sure you take a note of their username.  You can then email them on the website the next morning.

Finally, make sure that you look like someone women want to meet.  Dress well and look friendly and happy. That way they are more likely to come up and say hi to you.

Good luck!

If you have your own dating question you’d like answered, drop a line to [email protected]
James Preece – Dating Coach


Dating Question: When is it serious?

Monday, March 7th, 2011

As the Dating Guru, I love to answer all dating questions.

Today I’ll be helping with one of the most recent.

“Dear James,  I’ve been seeing someone for a short while now. We’ve had three dates over the last ten days and things seem to be going really well.  We talk almost every night on the phone and text during the day.  We hold hands on the date and have kissed too, but nothing more yet.  The thing is, I really like them and want us to be an “item”, but I don’t want to scare them off.  How can I found out if the feeling is mutual and if things are serious? Our next date is this weekend.  R”

Dear R,

Many thanks for your message.  I’m pleased things are going well.  You’ve got past the three date barrier which is often the “decider” for a relationship.  The thing to keep in mind though is that while you’ve had lots of contact, it has only been ten days in reality.   I’d suggest you ease up on the contact a tiny bit or you’ll end up “crashing and burning.”  This is where feelings escalate too quickly and you run out of things to do and say.  Leave a little bit of mystery about yourself and they’ll want more.

As for whether things are serious or not,  there’s no harm at all in simply asking.   If they don’t see it as a long term thing then at least you’ll know now.   If they are happy and want to make it official  – which sounds likely – then they are probably just waiting for you to mention it first.  Nobody wants to be the first to bring it up in conversation!

Good luck!

If you have your own dating question you’d like me to answer, email it over to [email protected] with DATING GUR U as the subject.  I’ll answer the best ones here in this blog.

James Preece  – The Dating Guru

Dating Problems Solved: Who should pay?

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I answer a member’s dating question.


Should a guy really pay for everything on a first date?


Dear James,

Should a guy pay for dinner and drinks on a first date?

I recently had a date with a girl who I met for drinks. It went really well and I took her out to dinner straight after.  I very much got on with her and hoped to see her again. Traditionally a guy would normally pay for the girl, but I had gone on a date with another girl previously who was adamant that she should pay for herself, even for a soft drink. With this in mind, I decided that we should split the cost for dinner. Later on it pertained that she wasn’t impressed and expected me to pay for everything. She didn’t appreciate it and ended it quickly. I didn’t mind but I am really confused now.

In today’s society women want their independence and I assumed they are generally happy to pay their own way (at least on the first date). It also spells to me that the guy is not “paying” his way into a potential relationship.

I’m not a miser and I’m happy to spend on my family and friends but I think that if you are complete strangers then I wouldn’t want her to take advantage from the off. A couple of close female friends of mine also agree with me, but I think for the future I would like to know the best way to go about it.



Dear Z,

Many thanks for your question. I feel your frustration, I really do.  Dating can be really expensive for a guy and it’s hard working out whether you should pay or not.

However, there’s one basic rule that we always suggest you stick to – the man should always pay!

The reasoning behind this is that it’s the man’s job to be a gentleman and take care of the lady.  You have to show her that you are a good provider and it’s something that goes back to cavemen times.  Above all, it shows that he can take the initiative and lead.

With that in mind, the woman should always at least offer to split the bill, but the man should not let her on a first date.

When it comes to dinner AND drinks then the rules can change slightly.   If the woman doesn’t at least offer to get a few rounds in then it could be seen as her taking advantage.

Going back to the lady who insisted she pay for her own drinks, did you ever see her again?  I’m guessing not.   If someone makes a point of not letting you pay, she’s pretty much telling you she’s not interested and doesn’t want to lead you on.

So I’m afraid you do have to open your wallet if you want to get more dates…..and you’ll get bonus points for tipping the waiting staff well.   If you can’t afford it then forget dinner and stick to drinks.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Why am I always just the friend?

Monday, July 19th, 2010

In today’s blog I answer another member’s dating problem.


How do you avoid the dreaded “friends zone”?

Dear James,

I hope you can help me.  I don’t seem to have a problem getting dates but I always seem to end up in the “just a friend” category after.  We’ll have a good time and I’ll be looking forward to seeing them again, only to be blown out. They’ll tell me I’m a lovely guy but they just seem see me as a friend.  What can I do about this?



Dear G,
Many thanks for your email.  It’s very easy to get stuck in the friends zone if you don’t make your interest clear.

I’m going to show you how to move on from friend to boyfriend.

1) Be flirty.   You need to try and escalate things physically.  Stay clear of anthing creepy of course,  but you do have to lightly touch her every now and again. This can be as simple as touching her arm or giving her a quick hug at the start of the date.  Once you are sure she is comfortable, step it up a little. Perhaps you can give her a high five or hold her wrist while you pretend to be interested in her watch.

2) Be a a Man.  Women need to respect your masculinity if they want to date you. This means paying the bills, being confident and not chasing them round like a lovesick puppy.

3) Be Romantic.  If you want her to feel romantic towards you then you need to set the scene.  Take her to romantic places, buy her small gifts and treat her like she’s the most important person you’ve ever met.   If she feels special then you’ll be making her feel good too – meaning she will want more of it!

4) Make your interest clear.  How will they know you like them if you are too nervous to tell them?  Bite the bullet and make your move.  If you delay it she’ll assume you only want to be friends and it’s very hard to turn it round.

5) Remember all is not lost.  Many friendships do eventually turn into relationships and can often be longer lasting because of it.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Dilemma: Should I Give In?

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Here’s a new dating question for the Dating Guru:


Dear James,
I have been dating this guy, J, for only a few days. He has an ex girlfriend that still harasses him constantly for his attention and
for sex

I am at a disadvantage because I have asked him to wait before we sleep together and he does not like or respect the idea

I don’t really know what usually goes on in a guy’s mind but him being impulsive and his ex girlfriend constantly sending him sexual beams, I am sure he is about to sleep with her and dump me

I know he misses the sex with her because he’s still attracted to her and she obviously misses him

I don’t know what to do. Please advise!


Dear C,

Thank you for writing to me. I can see why you are confused.

This guy is definitely playing games with you in an effort to get you to sleep with him. How do you know his ex keeps texting him for sex? If he cared about you he’d either block her from contacting him OR would be respectful another not to tell you about his. Instead, he’s using it against you to try and force you to do something you don’t want to to.

The bottom line is that if you don’t feel ready – don’t do it! It’s only been a few days after all. If you have to wait six months until you want to have sex then he needs to understand that.

He sounds like a selfish jerk anyway. If he doesn’t get what he wants from you then he’ll soon go back to his ex. If you DO sleep with him he’ll get bored soon enough and start looking for his next conquest. This isn’t love, it’s lust. He needs to the sex to boost his own ego. Whatever you do, you’ll always be worrying which doesn’t make a happy relationship.

My advice?  Talk to him and try and reach an agreement.  If he still continues to tease and pressure you then dump him. You’ll soon find someone better who deserves to be with you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Problem: Too Keen

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Here’s a dating problem answered.


Dear James,

I’ve  been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks now.  We get on great and things are going well…but he’s just a bit too keen!   He texts me several times a day and gets upset if we don’t speak every evening.  I do really like him but I can’t breathe!   What should I do?



Dear Nisha,

Thank you for your email.   It’s a difficult situation as you need to  tread carefully.  If you play harder to get then he might try even harder.  But if you don’t then he’ll put you off and it will be too late to do anything.  That would be a real shame if you do like each other.

Some people need constant reassurance that all is going well and they are worried they might lose momentum if they don’t show they are interested.  However,  the adoring puppy look isn’t a sexy one.

My advice is just to be honest with him.  Tell him you really like him but he needs to back off and give you some space.  Set boundaries and make sure he sticks to them.

If he does this properly you might even find that you have the urge to contact him more.  Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and you’ll miss his constant contact!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Problem: What should I do?

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010


Hi James

I hope you are well? – I am looking for some advice

I am 37, divorced, and have a 5 year old son. I had an arranged/ introduced marriage. The conclusion of this, was that I married the wrong girl, but the great thing was my son. I am separated for over 2 years, and am legally divorced, and awaiting for the financial separation to be concluded.

I hope you can appreciate that it has taken me about 12 months, to even walk outside of the house, and immmersed myself in work. I have regained alot of confidence, lost weight, and havn’t felt physically this good in years.

Here I am now, that I believe that I am not old, I still have the opportunity to find the “right” woman. This is the first time in my life I am being selfish, in the divorce, and getting my life back, I love my son very much. He is apart of me, and am never going to let him go.

I am really struggling to find / meet women that are willing to accept that I have a son. I have worked it out it is my relationship with with ex wife that is the problem, not my son. Indian girls are not willing to accept this, as in our community I am a social outcast.

I am very confident, sucessfull man. I have figured out what I want, and even to an extent what women want. I am mature, sophisticated, intelligent. Nothing would make me happier than to meet my equal in life, and someone in that we can make each other happy.

Though, I have been on few first dates, and I can talk to women, approach them, but basically nothing. I go to many social events, I find them better than the internet method

So what do I do? – it is very difficult to handle, and am thinking of taking myself out of this, and giving up, but the desire not to give up (I am very determined and driven person), is keeping me going, but the knock backs are begining to hurt.

I am really not sure what to do. I know my life is going to be tough, but I really want to meet someone!


Many thanks for your email – I’m only too happy to help.

Firstly, well done for taking steps to get your life back on track. It can be so hard to regain focus after such a bad experience. The positive thing is that you’ve got a son who you are clearly so proud of.

Let me reassure that not all women will be put off by the fact you are divorced and have a child. Attitudes are changing. A few years ago as site like ours was considered “taboo” but now it’s the market leader for professional Asians and more and more people are joining that ever before. Stop thinking of yourself as an outcast and realise that it actually works in your favour. It shows that you are capable of reproducing which subconsciously makes you more attractive to women who want kids of their own! Many studies have shown that “fathers” are considered more loving, compassionate and intelligent that men without children.

The important thing to do is to mention your son in your profile. Yes, there are women who will stop reading at that point but most will want to keep reading. If you make it very clear from the outset ( rather than a secret you have to announce later) you’ll only be talking to women who you can have a long term relationship with.

I’ve had a good look at your profile and you seem to be getting lots of interest which is fantastic. I know one or two of the women you are going to be meeting and they are lovely.

Oh, and you really ought to write more about yourself in your profile. Your emails are great that you send out but do run them through a spell checker as women can be quick to judge on that ;)

You say that you enjoy the events so keep going with that. We have events all the time and you’ll soon make new friends. Treat it as a social night without any expectations and you never know who you might meet! Also, accept any invitations that you get and make sure you are putting yourself “out there” as much as you can.

Finally, please don’t give up! You’ve only been using the site for a few months. Your adventure has only just started to enjoy every moment of being single that you can. After all, when you meet someone again you don’t want to have missed out on all the fun of dating!

If you’d like any more help then do contact me directly via my website:

I coach people one to one to get the dating results they really want.

Good luck!



Do you have a dating problem you’d like me to answer?

Get in touch now.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Where are the older Indian men?

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

We are often asked to run older events, e.g. 30s and 40s. Whilst this is our most popular age group for we just dont seem to get many British Asian men over 40.


It struck me last night why this is, and it seems obvious.

According to wikipedia the flow of Indian immigrants peaked between 1965 and 1972,

So by deduction 2nd generation Indians would  have only been born in any significant numbers after 1965. Assuming new entrants to the UK took a few years to settle, this would have meant a gradual increase in the birth rate, that would put the majority of 2nd generation indians in the UK at age 40 or less. For anyone to have been born in the UK to Indian parents and to be over 40, their parents would have had to have been here significantly prior to 1970. There are a few but just not many.

It seems reasonable that the majority of British born Indians would have been born to parents arriving around 1970 +/- 5 years, who probably wouldnt have had children for 5 years or more which would make them 35 or under on average.

This is only really an issue because men tend to date younger ladies. The solution for Asian ladies in their late 30s and 40s is to look wider than British Born Indians.

Please respond with your posts below. Is there any substance to this. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Paul Ergatoudis


Why can’t I find a decent man?

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

” Dear James, I’m a divorced 34 year old Asian single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses.

I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I’m a great catch – beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I’ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say “the conversation was great and you’re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn’t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30’s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M”

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It’s something I get asked all the time so I’ll definitely try to help :)  You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let’s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It’s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it’s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren’t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn’t at the moment. It’s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you’ve got a great job, your own place etc if they’re not sorted their own lives out.

But don’t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it’s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.  Theatre trips, casinos and wine tastings can be fun ideas -it’s not just about bars.  At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you’ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can’t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you’ll soon have them queing up to date you :) Safety isn’t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru