Archive for June, 2010

How to Heat Up your Love Life

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Summer is here and the sun is shining.  It’s the best time of year for dating so you need to make the most of it – it won’t last long!


Here are some great date ideas we know you’ll love:

1)Take a trip to the seaside.   If you have an Oyster Card then you can get return train tickets for an amazing £5 return until the end of July!  You can choose from Brighton, Bognor Regis or Southend.  Check out the Daysoutguide for more info.

2) Hampton Court Palace.  This is most famous for it’s huge outdoor maze.   Stay close together and have fun trying to get out.  You’ll be amazed at how much you enjoy it!

3) Boating. Both Regents Park and Hyde Park have famous boating lakes.  You can hire a small rowing boat and take your date out for a leisurely afternoon on the lakes. If you really can’t be bothered then there are plenty of boats trips available near the Thames.

4) London Zoo.  This really does make a wonderful date as there is so much to see and talk about.  Everyone has a favourite animal so why not sponsor one for your date while you are there?

5) Picnic in the Park.  This isn’t a new idea but it’s still of the best as it’s so easy to do.  Just pack a picnic basket and head somewhere romantic. Make sure you pack strawberries, cream and champagne to make it unforgettable.

6) A show under the Stars.  There are plenty of big music concerts and films at this time of year, all outside.   We particularly recommend the Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre.

7)  Watch the Sun set.   Take full advantage of one of nature’s loveliest views – the sun setting.   You can either do this from the top of a hill or a roof terrace restaurant.  The choice is yours.

8) Ice Cream Parlour.  We all loved this when we were kids so you can bring back happy memories instantly.  Harrods and Selfridges have their own parlours but there are plenty of independent ones too. Just remember – you’ll need one dessert and two straws!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Dilemma: Should I Give In?

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Here’s a new dating question for the Dating Guru:


Dear James,
I have been dating this guy, J, for only a few days. He has an ex girlfriend that still harasses him constantly for his attention and
for sex

I am at a disadvantage because I have asked him to wait before we sleep together and he does not like or respect the idea

I don’t really know what usually goes on in a guy’s mind but him being impulsive and his ex girlfriend constantly sending him sexual beams, I am sure he is about to sleep with her and dump me

I know he misses the sex with her because he’s still attracted to her and she obviously misses him

I don’t know what to do. Please advise!


Dear C,

Thank you for writing to me. I can see why you are confused.

This guy is definitely playing games with you in an effort to get you to sleep with him. How do you know his ex keeps texting him for sex? If he cared about you he’d either block her from contacting him OR would be respectful another not to tell you about his. Instead, he’s using it against you to try and force you to do something you don’t want to to.

The bottom line is that if you don’t feel ready – don’t do it! It’s only been a few days after all. If you have to wait six months until you want to have sex then he needs to understand that.

He sounds like a selfish jerk anyway. If he doesn’t get what he wants from you then he’ll soon go back to his ex. If you DO sleep with him he’ll get bored soon enough and start looking for his next conquest. This isn’t love, it’s lust. He needs to the sex to boost his own ego. Whatever you do, you’ll always be worrying which doesn’t make a happy relationship.

My advice?  Talk to him and try and reach an agreement.  If he still continues to tease and pressure you then dump him. You’ll soon find someone better who deserves to be with you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Dating Problem: Too Keen

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Here’s a dating problem answered.


Dear James,

I’ve  been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks now.  We get on great and things are going well…but he’s just a bit too keen!   He texts me several times a day and gets upset if we don’t speak every evening.  I do really like him but I can’t breathe!   What should I do?



Dear Nisha,

Thank you for your email.   It’s a difficult situation as you need to  tread carefully.  If you play harder to get then he might try even harder.  But if you don’t then he’ll put you off and it will be too late to do anything.  That would be a real shame if you do like each other.

Some people need constant reassurance that all is going well and they are worried they might lose momentum if they don’t show they are interested.  However,  the adoring puppy look isn’t a sexy one.

My advice is just to be honest with him.  Tell him you really like him but he needs to back off and give you some space.  Set boundaries and make sure he sticks to them.

If he does this properly you might even find that you have the urge to contact him more.  Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and you’ll miss his constant contact!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Competition Blog: Dating Tips on Chivalry

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Here’s another dating tip from our “Perfect Fashion Show” Blog competition :


Money and looks always attractive but poise and authority more so;

‘The persona of chivalry’

He/ she has:

An air of sociability and hospitality
Unrushed , calm and always has time
In control of life and never stressed
Naturally charming to everyone
Rarely loses temper and never in public
Can seemingly handle any situation
Is patient and left unruffled by lifes daily irritations Modest yet confident and cultivates an air of authority

By N.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Competition Entry: Hair today – gone Tomorrow

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Here’s a funny entry for our Perfect Fashion Blog Competition – ends this afternoon!
As many of us asian females are aware, many of our asian males do have requirements (yes, and these can stretch to a list lol). One such requirement is the traditional long lustrous hair which Bollywood Belles used to don with such grace (reality snippet : they were wigs most of the time, sorry to break the fantasy of any bollywood heros).

Anyway, I had a pic posted of myself : I tried to find the most flattering pic I could, difficult job, as Im not blessed with being naturally photogenic, or <laughingly> naturally “anything”, everything requires effort.

This particular photo had me with long lovely hair. However, as we all know, (girls) one trip to the hairdressers can change that in a snip ! (You’ve got quite a few split ends, you know the usual hairdresser admonishments) Behold, my long lustrous mane was severely reduced to a short bob cut almost. Mortified, as I had a date, in a few days, I shrieked and freaked out on the phone to my friend, who furtively suggested donning a wig !

Where on earth am I going to get a wig I wailed. As friends go, she whipped out a wig .. don’t ask me how she had a wig in her closet ; lets not go there. Anyway, amidst much laughter in attempts to fit it … I decided to wear it. The day of the date, arrived. My dears, I strode into London on the tube, confident in my long lustrous WIG. I met up with my date at a suitable central location in London.

We propped ourselves on a bench, and dears, I was mortified to discover that my date, was staring incredulously at my hairline.

My eyes widened as I saw his eyes nearly popping out and I could feel the wig, was sliding backwards : it was so long, unknowingly, Id been sitting on it, causing the wig to slide, to reveal my own hairline. .. OMG ! I gasped and rattled an explanation – I just had to tell the truth, no matter how unladylike I was looking : my own hair  was appearing and looking very dishevelled, not to mention sweaty under that damn wig.

The date ended in riotous laughter and oodles of embarrassment on my part.

Never again.

Conclusion is, you go as you are, and no matter how or what you look like on the outside, if the other person is for real, and they like you for real, that’s what counts, not the length or breadth of your hair or any other part of you.


Dating someone with a special diet

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

Eating out is one of the most common dating activities. However, it can come with it’s own problems.


What do you do if you are a vegetarian or have some other dietary requirement?

If you’ve made a major lifestyle choice to be a vegan or vegetarian then you’d be better off stating this before you go on a date. By being open from the start you’ll avoid any embarrassing situations.

Of course, If you’ve met online then your date should hopefully have already spotted this. If you get a chance to put it in your profile then always do so.

If you simply don’t like eating certain food or have an allergy then it’s probably best not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, choose foods that don’t contain these items. You’ll want to focus on what you DO like rather than what you don’t.

After a few dates it’s fine to mention it but don’t let it spoil the romance of your first meal together.

So what do you do if YOU are the meat eater and your date is a vegetarian? While it’s true that you aren’t about to stop eating certain foods, you do want to create the best impression possible. Therefore, rather than avoiding the meat dishes, search out the best vegetarian ( or vegan) restaurant in the area. You’ll get extra brownie points and will also get to try some delicious new meals.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Competition Blog Entry : One member’s dating story!

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

Here’s a”guest” blog from “R” – for our wonderful “Perfect Fashion Show” Competition.


If I had a pound for every time someone asked me why I was still single, I would be cruising around the Med in a luxury yacht with my harem of male Dolce and Gabbana models, most probably not giving a damn about my single status.

I agree on paper, it doesn’t quite add up.  I’m an attractive, professional, financially secure woman living in a large metropolis with an abundance of available and desirable men.  Or so you’d think.  But here I am, getting incredulous looks and raised eyebrows when I confess to being single at the ripe old age of 38.

Take the conversation I had with a minicab driver who drove me home after a boozy night out.  ‘How old are you?’ he asked, ‘38′ I replied.  ‘Oh my God, really?’ he said, with a forceful emphasis that I find African minicab drivers have down to perfection.  When he then learned that not only am I that old, but also single and childless, his eyes nearly popped out of his head.  ‘Oh dear, oh dear, 38 and still single.  And no children either.  Oh dear’ he repeated, shaking his head vigorously.  ‘Thanks a lot mate’ I think, but what am I supposed to say?  ‘Actually I’m a serial killer who’s killed all 5 of my husbands and buried them under the floorboards.’  Oh well, he did say he thought I looked a lot younger, although that might have been when he realised there was no chance of a tip otherwise.  Hmm.

I find the cruelest people are old distant relatives, and when you factor in that mine are Indian, it gets even worse.  They really know how to dig the knife in.  The most notable comment was from a wizened old crow who said ‘Older single women are like last week’s food rotting in the fridge.  No-one wants them any more.’  Well at least I don’t have whiskers growing out of my chin, grandma!

So, to answer the question once and for all, here’s my theory.  I don’t think I had any idea of who I was, and what I wanted, until I was well into my late twenties.  In fact, I cannot recognise the ‘me’ that I was before that time.  I have no doubt that whoever I may have married at that time would not suit me now.  Unless they also changed in the same way as I have done, i.e. beyond all recognition.

So, next thing I know I’m 38 and according to minicab drivers and old women, completely on the shelf.  Great.  I wouldn’t mind so much, but it’s not as though these people have fared much better.  As I said to the minicab driver ‘So how about you?’  He replied ‘Oh, I’m divorced’.

I wonder if any of these people can believe that this 38 year old single woman is quite happy with her lot.  Ok so I’m single, but I’m content.  So excuse me if I’m not spending every waking hour formulating a cunning plan to ensnare a man.  And then crying into my wine glass when it fails.

Don’t get me wrong, should a suitable man come along, I’m not going to turn him down.  I’ve accepted that my ‘meeting Mr Right’ phase is a bit later than the conventional standard.  I can even guarantee that he won’t say ‘she just wasn’t the person I thought she was’ a few years down the line.  Because I’ve already been through that.  And I was considerate enough to do it own my own, rather than whilst in a relationship.  I should be lauded rather than made to feel like a freak.

So next time I get the withering ‘So you’re still single’ look, I’m going to say ‘Yes, isn’t it great I’ve chosen to wait until the time is right.’  And you know, this shelf is not as uncomfortable as you might think!



If you have want to win a pair of tickets to our upcoming “Perfect Fashion Show” worth £250 then read our blog to find out more.

Competition Blog Entry – Is Silence good or bad?

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Here is a “dating question” for our new “blog competition”


Dear Dating Guru,

When Dating, are Silent moments good or bad?



Dear N,

Dating is all about getting to know each other, building a connection, then attraction and beyond.   The majority of this is done through talking to one another – asking and answering questions.

If you are both sat there without saying anything then it can quickly become awkward.   This can stop the date from flowing and you’ll be unlikely to have a second.

For this reason, you have to have a wide range of “conversation starters” under your belt to keep up the momentum.  These don’t have to be too complicated, just discussions about family, holidays, ambitions, beliefs, funny anecdotes etc.   It’s easy to find topics to talk about – just pick up a paper and read the headlines if you get stuck.

However, silence isn’t always a bad thing.   There are times when you will need to sit back and enjoy each other’s company without saying a word.  This is a fantastic opportunity to process the date so far and really think about everything that’s been said.      It’s also a great chance for non-verbal communication.  You can look deep into their eyes or play with your hair in a flirty, fun manner.

The bottom line is :   Make sure you have plenty to talk about but you don’t need to fill in every silence just for the sake of it!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

If you have want to win a pair of tickets to our upcoming “Perfect Fashion Show” then read our blog to find out more.

Competition: Win Perfect Fashion Show VIP tickets!

Monday, June 7th, 2010

We have an amazing competition for you that we are only running for the next few days.


The Asian Single Solution is sponsoring the Perfect Asian Fashion Show on Sat 19th June.

We’ll be hosting a table at the event and have two pairs of PLATINUM VIP tickets worth £250 up for grabs.

The event will take place the Millennium Mayfair Hotel and will include a reception with canapes, a three course meal, fashion show and live entertainment from Navin Kundra and Angrej Ali.

To win your place you need to send us something for our blog.  This can be one of the following:

1) Your best dating tip

2) A short funny date story

3) A dating question for us to answer

Email them directly to :

[email protected]

The best blogs will be featured and the top two will win a pair of tickets.

Closing Date: Competition ends midday Friday 11th June, so write now!

For more details and standard tickets at £75 or £65 for Premium members, click here

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Why you Shouldn’t Try to Win Arguments

Friday, June 4th, 2010

There comes a time in the happiest of relationships when you won’t see eye to eye.

This is quite normal behaviour.  After all, if you agreed on everything life would be very dull.

However, disagreements can quickly become arguments which can escalate to major rows.  It’s important you learn to keep things on the first level so you don’t allow them to escalate.

A common destroyer of relationships is seeing it as a competition rather than a joint effort.

When people see themselves as opponents rather than partners, they often try to use unfair tactics such as using insults or perhaps shutting down completely.  Alternatively, they might do the opposite and fight fairly and try to outsmart the other person using logic and being overly nice.    But ultimately these are both two sides of the same kind  Both strategies  are employed as a way to “win” the argument.    They are trying to be the “good” partner and prove that the other person is in the wrong, not them.

If this sounds like you then you need t0 learn to stop doing  it.

The best way to end an argument is to apologise, even if you know deep down that you are right. This will nip it in the bud before things get worse.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Do you find it hard to make time?

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Struggling to find time for dating ?


You aren’t alone.

People often tell me that they find it hard to make time for online  dating in their busy lives.  They work all day and are too tired in the evenings to do anything proactive.

I agree that online dating can often be time consuming.  It takes a while to search for people you like the look of, compose witty messages and keep the banter going.

But really it doesn’t have to be.   The object of the game is to get their attention quickly and then arrange a meeting while the interest is there.  You don’t have to write long essays back and forth for weeks.  The first message only needs to be a few lines long – just enough to get them intrigued. After a couple of replies, speak on the phone for ten minutes and then arrange your first date.  Endless messages only build up unrealistic expectations and prevent you from ever meeting up.

Here’s a quick tip which will help you find time for dating….turn off your television!  It’s the biggest time waster there is and it’ s main function is a “partner replacement.”   Most people spend all their time either  staring at it or looking forward to seeing it again.

Believe it or not, studies have shown that watching too much television can actually triple your urge for material things.  Just think how many adverts you watch, consciously and unconsciously. On top of this, every hour you watch a day makes you 5% unhappier!

You only need to spend about 20 minutes a day to make online dating work.   If you knew it would guarantee some fantastic dates, would you be able to find time to do it then?   Picture the end result before you start and you’ll soon be able to fit it into your busy lifestyle.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Avoiding the Green Eyed Monster

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to be looking at the subject of jealousy in relationships and how you can avoid it.


Jealousy can be a funny thing.  It can creep up when you least expect it and small worries can quickly become big problems if not dealt with.

The theory is that jealousy is an evolutionary process that protects us when there is a threat to reproducing.

Women tend to feel threatened by younger, more attractive rivals. Men are more wary of others who earn more money than them.  However, it’ s just people that you can be jealous of but rather anything that distances you from your partner.  This could be work, hobbies, friends of family.  The threat can be real but is quite often imagined.

Too much jealousy can destroy happy relationships, especially if you are constantly questioning each other.  It’s uncertain relationships that have the biggest issues.  If you aren’t clear about the direction you are heading in or if you are both being faithful then it’s only natural to want to question things.

My advice is to talk about any issues as soon as they come up. Ask yourself what you are really worried about and never forget that you wouldn’t be together if one of you didn’t want to be.  It might also help to talk to friends too as they’ll be able to offer you a different perspective on things.   Above all, keep calm and don’t interrogate or you’ll find yourself pushing them away rather than bringing you together.

Studies have shown that a little bit of jealousy can actually be good for a relationship.  It can make you work harder, keep you both on your toes and spice things up. After all, isn’t it good to know that someone wants want you have?

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

The Compliment Currency

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

Compliments are a strong currency when it comes to flirting and getting to know someone. But it’s so easy to get it wrong!


You know what it’s like to get a compliment.  You might be flattered but you will often be suspicious too.  Perhaps you’ll think they are being insincere or trying to get round you in some way.  The same goes for when you give one yourself. So here is a simple tip to help you get round this problem:

Do it via a friend!

Yes, it’s that easy.  Tell a mutual friend how wonderful you think the person you are interested in is.   Don’t go over the top and don’t make them aware of what you are up to. Instead, just throw the compliment into the conversation.  Make sure it’s nothing too sexual or personal either. You could say something along the lines of “He’s really entertaining or I loved her necklace.” You can bet anything that your mutual friend will have passed the message on within 24 hours.

By delivering compliment through a third party the impact doubles and they’ll instantly become more believable.  A compliment that someone overhears is must more powerful that one that they actually hear.

You can also use this tip to get some of the glory from someone else’s compliment too.   If you hear someone saying good things about a friend, then tell them all about it.   When they feel good from hearing this, they’ll tie you in to the “feel good” emotion that it triggers.

Just remember to only keep it to compliments.  You don’t want to associate yourself with any negative comments to idle gossip.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru