Archive for August, 2010

How to become an Alpha Male

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

In today’s blog I’m going to look at a common dating topic – the mystery of the Alpha Male


So what exactly is an Alpha Male?

The term is sometimes used to refer to a man who is powerful or in a high social position

In nature, attraction between mates is determined by the survival of the fittest philosophy. The mate that is chosen is the one that is most likely to breed strong, healthy offspring. In many animal societies the alpha male will be the only male in the pack, and it will be his job to impregnate the females in order for the species to survive.

So in dating, the alpha tends to be the one who gets all the women!

However, contrary to popular belief, this isn’t through being rude, arrogant, macho or cocky.  Instead, here are the five best ways you can learn to become and Alpha Male:

1) Be Confident.  This is the number quality that a woman will look for in a man so it’s the key thing all Alpha Men possess. Be relaxed and comfortable in your surroundings. It always help to dress up whenever you go out as it gives the impression you are high status and sure of yourself.

2) Be Masculine.  Show off your muscles, achievements, or skills to get people to think of you as dominant.  Know who you are and never be afraid to express your true personality.  An Alpha man  Doesn’t fear doesnt’ care what other think of him or of being judged.

3) Take the lead.  As an Alpha Male, you need to take control.  In fact, most women expect it as they they want to be looked after.  For example, don’t ask where they would like to go on a date – but surprise them instead.

4) Know what you are worth.  Respect yourself. you value yourself as equal to or above everyone else including any girl you approach. You need women to realise that you have a lot more to offer than other men and they need to be the ones to impress you.

5) Don’t be too serious.  As always, dating is about fun.  You need to demonstrate that you have a good, almost cheeky sense of humour.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Going the distance – long distance relationships

Friday, August 20th, 2010

Making a Long Distance relationship work


The upcoming “Drew Barrymore” film is all about long distance relationships so I wanted to write something about it for you.

Sometimes we end up dating people who don’t live near us. It’s so easy to meet people from all over the world using the internet that that this can be 8 miles or 800 miles.  These relationships can be hard to keep going but they can work.

Here are my dating tips so you can keep the spark going!

1) Communicate often.  Make sure you talk as often as you can and send regular emails and texts. Talking on the phone is vital as you need to be able to hear their voice. Without hearing them speak it’s very hard to work on any form of romantic connection.

2) Try and see each other as often as you can, even if it means sacrificing things. The times you do spend together will be all the more powerful.

3) A long distance relationship is built on thing – Trust.   You don’t want to have to be worrying about what the other person might be getting up to.

4) The same rules for dating apply, even if you aren’t seeing each other as much.  You are still together so don’t be needy, demanding or controlling or they will quickly destroy everything.

5) What’s the long term plan?  Will one of you eventually move near the other?   If neither of you has any intention of relocating then the relationship then be clear from the start and set a time limit.

6) Do something at the same time, like watching a film or reading the same book.

7) Use Skype – the most loved tool for long distance lovers. Free calls over the internet and you’ll be able to see each other on webcam too.

8 ) Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to spot a liar

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Being able to tell when someone is lying is a very useful skill, whether it’s in dating, business or in your general day to day life.


However, it’s easy to get it wrong if you don’t know how to do it properly.  Of course, everyone tells the odd fib from time to time but these are mostly tiny white lies.   Here are some tips on how to get the bigger picture and spot the giveaways:

1) Watch the eyes.  Liars will often use prolonged eye contact or try to avoid looking at you at all.

2) Listen out for what they say. Saying things like “To tell you the truth”, “To be honest…” or “No word of a lie”   then they are usually doing the opposite.

3) Look to see how rigid their body is, as the stiffer they are then the more chance they are telling you a lie.  They might not be wanting to give any clues away so will fold their arms, cross their legs and freeze like a statue.

4) Everyone has a “tell” which is a slight nervous reaction to something.  This could be something as simple as brushing the hair out of their eyes, a little giggle or a sniff.    The idea is to note how often they do it, and if it’s frequent it might well be covering up deceit.

5) Liars will try and hide the palms of their hands, so be cautious if they have their hands behind their backs, under the table to grasped together tightly.

The same rules apply for spotting lies as for any other body language – you need to look for several signs together to be certain.

We all scratch our noses or shuffle our feet, so don’t be too quick to judge!

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Help us raise £2000 for Pakistan

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Our Appeal has now Closed. Thank you to everyone who took party

Upgrade to 3 months Premium and we will donate 100% to the Pakistan Flood victims appeal.


We have reduced the 3 months Premium, from £30 to £25. We will also give 100% of this payment to the Flood appeal.

Its win win. You get to give to this Emergency appeal, and get your upgrade, and you get a small discount which you can lock into for as long as you keep your membership live. The target is £2000. We will end the appeal at midday Wednesday so act now.

Background information

Over 1,000 people are reported to have died with that number likely to rise as more information becomes available. About 2.5 million people are believed to have been affected by the floods which may worsen as further rain falls and water moves downstream. In the aftermath of the floods there is a serious risk to survivors from potentially deadly diseases which will spread as a result of contaminated surface and drinking water.

The Disaster Emergency Committee has opened the ‘DEC Pakistan Floods Appeal’ and special broadcasts will run from Thursday (05.08.10) on the BBC, ITV, Sky, Channel 4, Channel Five and independent radio stations.

The money raised will help fund the life saving work in Pakistan of the DEC’s Members and their partners.

The money raised will support the efforts in Pakistan of the DEC’s members which are the leading UK aid agencies.

Finding Love Against the Odds

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

As an Asian Muslim, when I got divorced I thought my chance at love was over.


However,  I  found love again through Asian Single Solution. Here’s my story!


I got married at a young age and was naive at the time, we’d been married for a year but things didn’t work out. He eventually left me without a goodbye, whilst I had tried my hardest to try and mend the relationship.

In our culture and society I was considered an outcast as I was separated. This had it’s effect on me and my family. Eventually I thought it was time to move on and started actively looking for a partner.

I found it really hard at first because of the stigma attached. Most Asian men would not even look at my profile when I mentioned I was separated. I then eventually had to hide the fact I was married.

I met a guy through your site [] and we started emailing each other at first, we really ‘clicked’. I eventually told him the truth about my past after 3 days of having emailed him and told him that if he felt he wanted to end it here then that would be fine with me.

We actually said goodbye to each other, but two days later he came back to me and apologized, asking me to forgive him and that he had never ‘clicked’ so well with someone before. We eventually met each other and found one another attractive and overall enjoyed each other’s company.

It wasn’t till later on that we realised that we actually lived round the block from each other and that our sisters were best friends when they were younger. Our parents even knew each other.

So here we are 4 months on and still very strong. Things have become ‘serious’ in that we actually both think we could have a future together (Asians always think long term when we meet someone). However there are complications in that I do not think his parents will accept me as I have been married before (if things were to get to that point).

Dating Problems Solved: Who should pay?

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

In today’s blog I answer a member’s dating question.


Should a guy really pay for everything on a first date?


Dear James,

Should a guy pay for dinner and drinks on a first date?

I recently had a date with a girl who I met for drinks. It went really well and I took her out to dinner straight after.  I very much got on with her and hoped to see her again. Traditionally a guy would normally pay for the girl, but I had gone on a date with another girl previously who was adamant that she should pay for herself, even for a soft drink. With this in mind, I decided that we should split the cost for dinner. Later on it pertained that she wasn’t impressed and expected me to pay for everything. She didn’t appreciate it and ended it quickly. I didn’t mind but I am really confused now.

In today’s society women want their independence and I assumed they are generally happy to pay their own way (at least on the first date). It also spells to me that the guy is not “paying” his way into a potential relationship.

I’m not a miser and I’m happy to spend on my family and friends but I think that if you are complete strangers then I wouldn’t want her to take advantage from the off. A couple of close female friends of mine also agree with me, but I think for the future I would like to know the best way to go about it.



Dear Z,

Many thanks for your question. I feel your frustration, I really do.  Dating can be really expensive for a guy and it’s hard working out whether you should pay or not.

However, there’s one basic rule that we always suggest you stick to – the man should always pay!

The reasoning behind this is that it’s the man’s job to be a gentleman and take care of the lady.  You have to show her that you are a good provider and it’s something that goes back to cavemen times.  Above all, it shows that he can take the initiative and lead.

With that in mind, the woman should always at least offer to split the bill, but the man should not let her on a first date.

When it comes to dinner AND drinks then the rules can change slightly.   If the woman doesn’t at least offer to get a few rounds in then it could be seen as her taking advantage.

Going back to the lady who insisted she pay for her own drinks, did you ever see her again?  I’m guessing not.   If someone makes a point of not letting you pay, she’s pretty much telling you she’s not interested and doesn’t want to lead you on.

So I’m afraid you do have to open your wallet if you want to get more dates…..and you’ll get bonus points for tipping the waiting staff well.   If you can’t afford it then forget dinner and stick to drinks.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru