Archive for January, 2011

What to talk about on a date

Monday, January 31st, 2011

You’ve got a date lined up and you want to get to know each other.


So what can you talk about? What shouldn’t you talk about?

Here are my dating tips to help ensure your date goes smoothly and that you have lots to talk about.

1) Don’t interview them.  Yes, you need to ask questions and find out about them but you aren’t on a chat show.  If you start firing off questions then it will make them feel pressured and they’ll back off.  So instead take turns to ask questions and acknowledge their replies rather than asking them something else immediately.

2) Use body language rather than talking.  This can be as simple as smiling, nodding and paying full attention to what they are saying.  If they feel you are enjoying what they are saying they will be more comfortable.   Remember that it doesn’t always matter what you say, rather than the WAY you say it.

3) Flirt!  If you don’t want to be stuck in the “just friends” zone then this is vital.  Touch them lightly on the arm every now and again and try to be a bit cheeky, teasing them every now and again.

4) Sell yourself.   Make sure you present yourself as best you can but don’t boast or bore.  The key is to convey that you lead an interesting, fun, busy life.

5) Don’t fill every silence.   Sometimes it’s good to pause for a short while.   You don’t need to try and think of something clever to say, just enjoy the moment to reflect.

6) Have conversation topics ready just in case.  If the chat completely dries up then you use these to get things back on track.  Make sure it’s an interest topic you can both discuss, rather than a question they can answer with a yes of a no.   You could ask them if they’ve ever had a supernatural experience, what their earliest childhood memory is or what their dreams are for the future.

7) Don’t be an Agony Aunt/Uncle.   People have a tendency to unload their problems on others and they in turn want to be the one to solve them.  They think that if can help then their date will be eternally grateful and think they are wonderful.  That’s just a negative thing to talk about.   A date isn’t the time for this -always focus on the positive.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

What’s the best time to message?

Monday, January 24th, 2011

I’m often asked when the “optimum” messaging time is for online dating.


Should you do in the day when they might be working or at night when they are home?

When it comes to internet dating, the peak time tends to be at weekends and in the evening.  That’s when people are free to log in and send messages without being watched by their bosses and colleagues.  Having said that, many people do log in and out throughout the day too.    If you write your messages in the day they’ll still get them and be able to reply.

So the simple answer to this question is – message anytime!

People sometimes like to wait a few days to reply to a message, to give the impression they are busy and have other things going on.  This is a bad tactic as if you make them wait to long they will just email someone else instead.  If they engage with other people and get on you’ll have missed your chance.  Strike while the iron is hot and the interest is there.   There’s nothing worse that trying to keep track of a coversation when you have to wait ages between each message.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru features on BBC Asian Networks

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011


Paul Ergatoudis from was a guest on the Nihal show today. 19th January 2011.

The discussion topic was about online dating sites.

We appear at approximately 1hr 17 into the show.  Also at approximately 1.34, 1.44 and 1.56.

You can listen to the full show Click Here

What if I don’t hear back?

Monday, January 17th, 2011

You’ve sent a message but haven’t heard back.


Should you move on or try again?

You know the scenario. You’ve contacted lots of people you like on the site but haven’t heard back from some of them.

You don’t want to hassle them so most people simply give up at this point.   But I’d strongly advise you to give it another go.

Keep in mind that people lead busy lives and might be inundated.   These means they accidentally overlook certain emails or they plan to open then or end up getting distracted and forgetting all about it. Resending your email to these people almost guarantees an increased open rate.

Here are a few tips to see if you get better results

  1. Always write proper, personalised messages.  If they feel you’ve made an effort they’ll be much more likely to reply.
  2. Wait at least three days before you contact them again.  They might well have not had a chance to log on the site, especially over the weekend
  3. Make sure you send a credit with your message.  This means that they can open and reply to it, even if they aren’t paying members.
  4. If it’s still in bold, it’s not been read.  However, even if it has been read it doesn’t mean they are still a paying member. Perhaps they read it when they were a member but now the membership has lapsed.  A credit will fix this.
  5. Change the Subject Line.  If do this is will look like two different emails.  If they’ve not read the actual message then they won’t even know they are the same.
  6. Make it clear you are resending it.  Say something like “I’d hate you to miss this” or “I’m resending this as I know we’re a fantastic match.”

One final piece of advice.  If you don’t hear back after you’ve contacted them twice then move on.  There’s no point contacting them again. Not only will it annoy them but you’ll be wasting energy when you could be lining up dates with other people!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Are you making this big dating mistake?

Monday, January 10th, 2011

Here’s a common mistake people often make.


It’s one you need to avoid so read this blog to see if you’ve made it too!

When people sign up for an online dating site, it can be tempting to cut corners and try to avoid putting any effort in.  So rather than writing proper messages, they’ll send out a quick two line message to absolutely anyone then like,  making sure they include their phone number or email address in the message.

Imagine you were at a nightclub and wanted to find a partner.  Would you really just rush around the room, handing out bits of paper with your phone number on them?

What kind of results do you think you might get and how many would call you the next day?   I’ll bet that you don’t get any at all.

The secret is to engage with each person individually, flirt with them, make them them feel special and build up trust.  Only then can you exchange numbers.  It’s the same formula you need to stick to when it comes to dating online.  If you just send a phone number and no personal message it will be deleted and you’ll be forever classed as a weirdo.

Remember, you’ll get out of it what you put in and you need to put some effort in to get the dates you want.   The difference is that you’ll get the results so much quicker if you do it properly from the start!

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Making 2011 the year you find love

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

It’s a new year and your chance for a fresh start.


So what can you do to guarantee you find love at last?

Everyone makes new year’s resolutions, which is why January is traditionally the busiest month of the year when it comes to dating.

So if you want dating success you have to take your first steps now.  You don’t want to be single in a few months time wishing you’d taken the opportunity.

Here are our top five suggestions to make sure you make the most of your chances.  We advise you just to start with a couple to make sure you stick to them:

1) Work out what you want.  Who do you really really want to meet?  You need to be clear on this from outset or you’ll never know when you get them!

2) Team up with a friend.  Doing something with a friend boosts the chance of you making it work.  You can rely on each for support and spur each other on.  So find a single friend and attend some of our events together.

3) Stop making excuses.  We’d all like to have more time, more money and look better – but live for the moment. Be proud of who you are right now.

4) You don’t need to settle.  By all means give people a chance, but if you know someone is completely wrong for you then stop wasting their time.

5)  Keep up the momentum.  If you get good results you’ll stick to them, but if they don’t come quickly don’t be tempted to stop.   Like most things in life, you’ll get more out of dating if you put the work in!

Why not upgrade and sign up to some of our singles event to get the year off to a great start?

Remember, we are here to help you so let’s make a plan together and get you what you truly deserve at last.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru