Archive for January, 2010

Why can’t I find a decent man?

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

” Dear James, I’m a divorced 34 year old Asian single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses.

I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I’m a great catch – beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I’ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say “the conversation was great and you’re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn’t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30’s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M”

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It’s something I get asked all the time so I’ll definitely try to help :)  You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let’s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It’s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it’s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren’t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn’t at the moment. It’s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you’ve got a great job, your own place etc if they’re not sorted their own lives out.

But don’t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it’s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.  Theatre trips, casinos and wine tastings can be fun ideas -it’s not just about bars.  At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you’ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can’t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you’ll soon have them queing up to date you :) Safety isn’t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Feel happier – instantly!

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

With this freezing weather, lack of money and , it can be easy to see why this can be the most depressing time of the year! If you aren’t in a fantastic mood, this can play havoc with your dating life .

Here are my five top tips to feel happier – instantly!


1) Appreciate what you have. If you take a while to reflect, you’ll soon realise you have so many wonderful things in your life. This can include things like great friends, family, good health for example.

2) Make a list of what you have to look forward to. This can be big things, such as holidays, parties or even a pay rise . Your can also list small things that will still cheer you up. This can be a coffee break, favourite television show or cooking a nice meal. If there aren’t enough things on your list then start planning!

By doing this you will be able to start living in the present moment. Many of us worry about what the future holds, so make sure you’ve prepared as many positive things as possible.

3) Play some music. Uplifting, happy tunes can stimulate the creative areas of your brain, providing an instant mood lift. Just make sure the music is upbeat – nothing sad or too slow!

4) Go for a walk. Your physiology determines your emotions so if you start to energise yourself your blood will flow more and you’ll feel much happier very quickly. For double the effect, why not combine this with tip 3 by plugging in your Ipod and strolling through the park?

5) Smile! You might need to fake it at first, but you’ll notice that you can’t help but feel better when you smile. It’s a natural body response. As an added bonus, if you smile at people it makes them feel better about themselves and you’ll find many smile back, boosting your happiness even more!

James Preece – Confidence Coach

Asian Party was lots of fun

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

We’ve had lots of great feedback about our Hindu & Sikh party that we ran on Saturday 23rd January 2010.

This event took place at one of our favourite and most popular venues – The Cuban Bar in Moorgate.  The Cuban is in a great location in the heart of the City of London and is right next to the station so easy to get to.

We ran speed dating upstairs in the top bar and the mingling took place downstairs in the main club area.  This started off with our ever popular ice breaking game which got everyone talking right away.  Later in the evening, lots of people paired up and we’ve heard that many dates were arranged which is also good to know.  Most of the guests have been emailing each other even since so some wonderful connections were made.

Here is a feedback from the party:  ” Met a wonderful guy – best £20 I’ve ever spent!”

Our next party will be our big Valentine’s party at the Abbey in Victoria.  Valentine’s is traditionally the biggest and best party that we do as they always attract new people who haven’t tried us before.

James Preece  – Dating Coach

James Preece in Scarlet Magazine

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

I’m very excited to tell you all that I’m featured as the guest “Agony Uncle” for the current issue of Scarlet Magazine.

For this article, I joined resident experts Pam Spurr and Flic Everett to help with reader’s dating problems.


Scarlet is available from all good newsagents including WHSmith.

If you have any dating dilemmas or need any advice then email me and I’ll try and help. You can reach me at [email protected]

James Preece – The Dating Coach for

Online dating myths

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

It’s amazing how many people still believe outdated misconceptions about online dating. They use these excuses as reasons not to give it a go and therefore hinder their chances of meeting some lovely people. Here are some common myths that I’m going to bust for you now:


1) Isn’t Online Dating just full of losers and weirdos?

Over 50% of singles have tried online dating, so you can’t class that many as “weird”! Yes, as with any large mix of people there will be a few oddballs, but overall most online daters are busy professionals who just don’t have time to meet people in bars and clubs. Anyone that gives online dating a go is obviously a little adventurous .

2) I don’t want to put my photo up. What if someone I know sees it?

In order to see your photo, they would have to be on the website themselves. Most people don’t have an issue putting their photo on social media sites like Facebook, so why would you be worried about a private members site? A profile without a photo is a bit like sending out a CV without any jobs listed on it – pointless!

3) What if I get stuck on a date with someone I can’t stand?

This is the reason why I suggest you never arrange a drinks or dinner date. Instead, say you are busy and just meet for an hour for coffee. If you don’t get on, you can leave. If you hit it off, you can always meet again or “cancel” your other plans!

4) Doesn’t everyone lie on their profile?

I’ m not going to deny that white lies are common – after all the intention is to present the very best possible version of “you” However, bigger fibs are rare as they are instantly obvious once you do meet. There’s no point saying you are 6ft2 if you are really 5ft 5 as you won’t get away with. Therefore nobody would dare to pretend they are.

5) Online Dating is too expensive!

Most online dating sites work out more expensive if you only sign up for one month, but almost all sites can work out much cheaper if you do it over the long term. You really do get what you pay for and you are paying for the security, quality and anonymity they site offers. People are happy to pay for a gym membership or for a theatre ticket, so why not pay a little to boost your love life?

So what are you waiting for?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

How to “break the ice”

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean you can’t keep dating.  There are many things you can do outside that will help make an entertaining and unforgettable date.  Not only with they get your adrenalin going and raise your temperature but they won’t cost you much either. I’ve put together a few ideas for some brilliant dates in the snow. Just remember to warn your date to wrap up warm!


Snowman Building:   Very simple but very entertaining. Bring along a few buttons, carrots and bbq brickettes. By building a snowman together you’ll both bond quickly.

Snow Paint:  This is great fun. Mix some food colouring with water and put it in a spray bottle. You can then take turns to squirt it on the snow and create works of art.

Sledging:  Not just for kids. You can either buy one for about £10 or make your own from a piece of wood or cardboard.

Snow Golf:  You just need a couple of golf balls for this one.  Dig some holes in the snow and take turns trying to get the balls into them. You could even bury some empty tin cans to make the holes even better.

Snowball fights aren’t an especially good idea for a first date, but if you already know them they can be quite flirtatious if done playfully.

Finally, make sure you’ve researched a warm pub or restaurant you can go on to afterwards to thaw out – ideally somewhere with a roaring fire!

James Preece  Dating Coach for