How NOT to date!

We’re always being told what not to wear, what not to eat and what not to do in life.


Just for fun, here’s my fun guide to how NOT to succeed at dating.

1)  Write a long checklist of every single feature you want in a partner – and don’t even consider dating anyone who doesn’t meet at least 99% of these criteria.  Why should you settle?

2)  Don’t bother washing or shaving before you meet up.  You don’t want to look like you’ve made an effort, just in case they don’t like you.

3) Keep your date waiting for at least 30 minutes and don’t apologise or explain it.  They’ll think you must be incredibly busy.

4)  Work out how to use the calculator on your phone.  You’ll be needing that at the end of the date, to work out how much you both have to pay for your share of the bill.

5) Only talk about yourself.  What’s the point in finding out about them when your own life is so interesting.

6) Make sure you eat with your mouth open.   For bonus points, try and be rude to the waiter.

7)  Tell them all about your ex in great detail. Bring photos and call them during your date.

8 ) Text the other person relentlessly after the date,  once per hour every hour – you don’t want them to forget you exist !

9) Staying home alone on a Saturday evening is a much better plan that going out to a singles party.   You might not meet anyone or have fun, but at least you’ll know who might win The X factor.

10) If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try again. Go on, give up now. What’s the point?

Needless to say, these tips are all tongue in cheek and are some of the things you must definitely NOT do.

Don’t blame me if you use them and they go wrong!

Good luck,
James Preece – The Dating Guru

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