How to make the first approach

This week’s blog is all about something I know a lot of people find hard.  Every day you see lots of interesting people that you’d love to start a conversation with.  You imagine what it might be like to get to know them. Perhaps it might lead to a new friendship or possibly more.  But how exactly do you approach them without coming across as a nutter or getting rejected?


There’s no big secret to this, it’s all about “attitude”    Approach them with the aim to just have a friendly conversation rather than anything more.   If you put too much pressure on yourself you’ll just make it awkward.

One of the most important things to remember is to be spontaneous. Don’t even think about whether you should talk to them or not – just do it!   You don’t have to fancy them as every approach is just practice for the next one. Above all, have fun.    If you can get their attention right away when they aren’t expecting it they won’t have time to be defensive.

I suggest you approach people everywhere except clubs and bars ( as they will be on their guard and “expecting” to be approached.)   The best places are bookstores, supermarkets, public transport and coffee shops. Many many singles  hang out in coffee shops during their lunch hour. Just sit in one for a while and watch who comes in.

Finally, when you do approach them, have a question to ask them.  Ask them which coffee is best as there are so many choices, or if they have read a certain book.   It doesn’t really matter WHAT you say, just make sure you smile and put them at ease.  Don’t ask questions that rely on simple yes/no replies as you want to get into discussions with them.

The more people you approach then the easier it will be next time. Before long it will just come naturally and you’ll find they will  even approach you first!

There’s a fantastic course aimed at men which I do recommend you have a read of, which teaches these skills in more detail:

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

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