Dating Guru Mailbag: Confidence is holding me back

Here’s another question for the Dating Guru

Is it something you can relate to?

“Dear James,  please can you help?

I’m 22 and I’m starting to feel down that I’m not meeting anyone.  I joined which was great, but I met one man who put me off dating.  I feel closed off as I’m not very confident so I turn down invitations when friends ask me to go out with them.   What can I do? !”

Hi N,

Thank you for your question.

22 is too young to worry too much about having to “find someone” and settle down. If you spend too much time analysing each potential partner and stressing that you aren’t meeting the right people then you’ll make things worse. Instead, you should be focusing on having fun just dating men you think you might get on with.

Here’s my advice for you:

1) Accept every opportunity you get to go out and meet new people.   If your friends ask you to go out then go – you never know who might be there.  Open yourself up to new possibilities rather than being scared of them.

2) Try online dating again.  Don’t let one bad experience ruin it for you.  There are so many decent men, but you need to be proactive about contacting the ones you like rather than waiting for them to find you.   Don’t give up if some don’t write back as everyone likes different types.  Just stay proactive and contact at least 5 new men each day.


3) Attend a few singles parties.  The younger events often sell out faster for men, so you’ll have lots of choice!   If you need help, ask the hosts and they’ll make sure you feel confident and positive.

4) Do let you confidence be an issue.  Most people are shy, especially when it comes to be trying new things.  The more dates you have then the better you’ll get as you’ll become more relaxed.

Remember, dating is an adventure so play the game and see where it takes you.

Good luck!

If you’d like more in depth help then please do take a look at my website:


Leave a Reply