Dating Guru’s Mailbag: Scared of commitment?

Here is this week’s Dating Problem

Answered by our Dating Guru

“Dear James, I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of month’s now and things have been going great. However, whenever I try to make plans for the future or talk about us being a “couple” he always changes the subject.  What can I do to stop him being so scared of commitment?  R”

Hi R,

Thank you for your email.  He definitely sounds like a commitment phobe. By this I mean that he is someone who finds it extremely difficult to settle in to a relationship.  There can be a wide number of reasons for this and it might not be that big of a problem.  Perhaps he’s been badly hurt in the past or he’s worried about other issues in his future.   Here are my top tips to try and resolve this:

1) Talk it through.  Find out exactly what his concerns and worries are. Perhaps his parents were in an unhappy relationship or he fears you are much too good for this.  Talking should always be the first course of action and it can be the fastest way to resolve things.

2) Reassure Him. Let them know you aren’t planning on taking over the rest of his life – just that you really like him and want the world to know.  It takes a little courage to commit to someone so make sure he knows you aren’t going to break his heart or run off with his laptop.

3) Give him time.   The longer the two of you are together then the more likely he’ll see you as a couple.  Two months isn’t that long, so give him a bit longer.

4) Trust your instincts.    If you really don’t think he’s ever going to commit to you then it might be best to move on.


Good luck!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

Leave a Reply