Dating Dilemma: Should I Give In?

Here’s a new dating question for the Dating Guru:


Dear James,
I have been dating this guy, J, for only a few days. He has an ex girlfriend that still harasses him constantly for his attention and
for sex

I am at a disadvantage because I have asked him to wait before we sleep together and he does not like or respect the idea

I don’t really know what usually goes on in a guy’s mind but him being impulsive and his ex girlfriend constantly sending him sexual beams, I am sure he is about to sleep with her and dump me

I know he misses the sex with her because he’s still attracted to her and she obviously misses him

I don’t know what to do. Please advise!


Dear C,

Thank you for writing to me. I can see why you are confused.

This guy is definitely playing games with you in an effort to get you to sleep with him. How do you know his ex keeps texting him for sex? If he cared about you he’d either block her from contacting him OR would be respectful another not to tell you about his. Instead, he’s using it against you to try and force you to do something you don’t want to to.

The bottom line is that if you don’t feel ready – don’t do it! It’s only been a few days after all. If you have to wait six months until you want to have sex then he needs to understand that.

He sounds like a selfish jerk anyway. If he doesn’t get what he wants from you then he’ll soon go back to his ex. If you DO sleep with him he’ll get bored soon enough and start looking for his next conquest. This isn’t love, it’s lust. He needs to the sex to boost his own ego. Whatever you do, you’ll always be worrying which doesn’t make a happy relationship.

My advice?  Talk to him and try and reach an agreement.  If he still continues to tease and pressure you then dump him. You’ll soon find someone better who deserves to be with you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

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3 Responses to “Dating Dilemma: Should I Give In?”

  1. P Says:

    Dear James,

    I’ve dated a few guys through dating websites, but no – one who I can see myself having a relationship/future with. Anyway, I was just curious to know, when you do date someone, how long should you wait for them to say that you are in a relationship? I have friends who are have been dating only their partners for 2-3 months, but are not actually in a relationship. This confuses me!! What is the difference between dating someone and being in a relationship?

  2. admin Says:

    I’ve got a blog for you that answers your question. Have a read here:

    Hope it helps!


  3. Anisha Says:

    Hello C. It is a difficult one and I do feel for you, especially as you do like this man. However, I definitely do think that you should not give in to him and feel pressurised and men don’t really respect women who sleep with them too soon… they soon get bored and move on to the next and just think how devastated you will be. The right man will respect your wishes to wait for you until you are ready … whether thats weeks or months so here is his real test!!! If he fails, then you know he is not the one for you and you can do so much better. Good luck and always hold onto your self respect and dignity. A

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