Treat them mean and keep them keen?

There’s one dating question I often get asked that I’m going to discuss here.

When you start seeing a potential partner, is it better to pursue them or play hard to get?

Time and again, people are advised to play it cool and make any potential love do all chasing. They’ll wait for them to call or text first, or keep them waiting.

But studies show that this technique doesn’t work.

One particular study involved a female member of a Dating agency. Her brief was that when a guy called her up to ask for a date, she would either say yes right away or pause for 3 seconds. After the call the men were told what had happened and asked for their thoughts. Playing hard to get made absolutely no difference and most men didn’t care about the pause.

Another recent study took a group of men and asked if they would rather date someone keen to have a relationship, or someone who made them do all the chasing. Their conclusions were very interesting and showed that there were arguments for and against both types. The perceptions were that they thought that “easy to obtain” women were fun to be with but could be embarrassing in public. On the other hand, hard to get women were great for the ego but could be cold and unfriendly.

Overwhelming research shows that the best strategy is to give the impression that you are hard to get but are still really keen on your potential partner. That’s a strategy we’d definitely recommend. Don’t agree to every suggested date and make them realise you have a full social calendar. When you make time for them they will appreciate it even more.

James Preece, Dating Guru for

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