Dating Question: When is it serious?

As the Dating Guru, I love to answer all dating questions.

Today I’ll be helping with one of the most recent.

“Dear James,  I’ve been seeing someone for a short while now. We’ve had three dates over the last ten days and things seem to be going really well.  We talk almost every night on the phone and text during the day.  We hold hands on the date and have kissed too, but nothing more yet.  The thing is, I really like them and want us to be an “item”, but I don’t want to scare them off.  How can I found out if the feeling is mutual and if things are serious? Our next date is this weekend.  R”

Dear R,

Many thanks for your message.  I’m pleased things are going well.  You’ve got past the three date barrier which is often the “decider” for a relationship.  The thing to keep in mind though is that while you’ve had lots of contact, it has only been ten days in reality.   I’d suggest you ease up on the contact a tiny bit or you’ll end up “crashing and burning.”  This is where feelings escalate too quickly and you run out of things to do and say.  Leave a little bit of mystery about yourself and they’ll want more.

As for whether things are serious or not,  there’s no harm at all in simply asking.   If they don’t see it as a long term thing then at least you’ll know now.   If they are happy and want to make it official  – which sounds likely – then they are probably just waiting for you to mention it first.  Nobody wants to be the first to bring it up in conversation!

Good luck!

If you have your own dating question you’d like me to answer, email it over to [email protected] with DATING GUR U as the subject.  I’ll answer the best ones here in this blog.

James Preece  – The Dating Guru

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