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What To Say To Yourself Before A Date

When you’re getting ready for a date, it’s natural to be nervous. Almost everyone feels nervous before a date. It is a universal part of the dating process. The nerves are only amplified if it’s been a while since you’ve been on a date or you have a history of dates that didn’t go quite the way you hoped. The problem with being nervous is that it can quickly develop into over-thinking and may even become a source of stress and panic.

What do you do when that happens? Give yourself a pep talk! It sounds silly, but it’s more common than you would think. Many people give themselves a quick pep talk right before a date. This can help to boost your confidence and refocus your thoughts. If a pep talk from yourself doesn’t sound helpful, try recruiting a friend or family member to boost your confidence.

Be prepared to hear the most dreaded phrase in pep talks: “You just have to try to relax.”

We all know that the secret to being less nervous is to relax. We also know that it’s easier to say than to actually do. If you are having trouble relaxing, here are a few things you can do to calm your nerves before a date:

Deep breathing
Meditation
Listening to music, especially your favorite artist/favorite songs
Distract yourself (eg: video games, word puzzles, chatting on the phone with a friend)
Work out/get physically active

These methods may or may not work for you. For some, distractions are a great way to reduce nerves, instead of hyper-focusing on the upcoming date. If distraction isn’t helping, this is what to say to yourself before a date that will actually be helpful:

You’re just meeting someone.

You are two people, getting together to share conversation and a few laughs. There are no expectations beyond the conversation. If the date doesn’t go well, it won’t be the end of the world. There will always be someone else you can meet. By putting “expectations” on a date, you’re making it more complicated than it needs to be. If you reframe your from “date” to “going out with a new friend”, you may find it easier to relax. You may also choose to focus on what you’re doing, instead of who you’re doing it with.

It’s not a job interview and you won’t lose anything if it doesn’t work out.

You don’t have to worry about perfect presentation. Yes, you only get one chance to make a good impression. But you’re not up for a job interview. You don’t have to put a professional foot forward. Instead, just be yourself. Speak in a way that is natural to you and let the conversation flow. The best method for keeping this mind set is by making low-stress plans together. This means a coffee shop and a walk through the park. Choose simple activities that you’ll both be comfortable with. This way, you’re less likely to suffer from nerves. You can ease into the date and let the conversation progress naturally.

Embrace it.

The best thing you can really do is just accept and embrace your nervousness. There is a good chance the person you’re going to meet feels just as nervous as you. Instead of thinking about how nervous you are, think about how nervous the other person might be. Now, think of the ways you can break the ice by mentioning the elephant in the room. Humour is a great tool to ease stress and make someone feel more relaxed. Keep in mind that your date understands your nerves as they are feeling them too.

James Preece

Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

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