A “coffee date” is often something our members do before a “real” date. The idea behind a coffee date is that you’re in a neutral location, often somewhere public. You have the chance to really talk, which gives you the opportunity to get to know someone a bit better. Unlike a date, there is no pressure to present yourself a certain way. This leaves room for casual conversation or intense questioning, if that’s the direct you end up in. Neither of you are trying to impress each other, you’re just getting a feel for each other’s personality. A coffee date is used as a screening test to determine compatibility.

If you hit it off, that’s great! The next step is making plans for a more serious date. If you don’t get on then perhaps it’s time to rethink your strategy.

Since there is no pressure on a coffee date, it should be easy enough, right? Unfortunately, that’s not always the case and you can find your date turning into a disaster. One of the most common mistakes on a coffee date is talking about relationships (exes, relationship goals, etc). Although it’s not a “date”, you still have to follow basic dating etiquette. A potential love interest doesn’t want to hear about previous relationships, whether they are good or bad. If you only have negative things to say about a previous partner, you sound bitter. If you only have positive things to say, you sound hung-up. You don’t want to give your date the idea that your heart/head is elsewhere. Instead, avoid the topic of past relationships altogether. It’s best to keep a coffee date light-hearted.

You are encouraged to ask questions and get to know each other. That is the whole point of the pre-date coffee date. The best subjects to talk about are hobbies & interests, things you’re passionate about, music & movies, etc. These are easy questions to answer and they provide enough information about each other. You can really get to know a person through the things they are passionate about.

The secret to making coffee dates work is to view your “date” as new friend instead. This should help to take ALL the pressure off for both of you. By allowing a more casual interaction, coffee dates give you more opportunity to express your authentic self. If you’re prone to making cheesy jokes, go for it. If your favorite outfit includes 3 different patterns, wear it. You’re not trying to impress anyone, which actually makes you more likely to be impressive.

You are just two human beings enjoying conversation over coffee. Doesn’t that sound easy?

The most important thing to remember is to follow the direction of the conversation. There are always going to be awkward silences. You only need to worry when they are frequent and long. If you find you have to manually steer the conversation, that could suggest you don’t share enough common ground. It never hurts to have conversation starters in the back of your mind. This can help get the conversation flowing again. If you’re both having a good time, sharing stories and laughing together, you’ll be seeing each other again soon.

Happy dating!

James Preece

Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com