Dating Guru Advice: Is he just leading me on?

 

Messing around

Messing around

This week I answer a question from a very confused female member.

“Dear James, I was dating someone from the site at the start of the year.  He’s a solicitor and very handsome. Things were going well but I think I came over a bit too keen and scared him away.  We’re just friends now but were still in regular contact.  I really liked him and miss him a lot, so I’ve been hopeful we can resolve things and get back together.  However, I recently asked him if he’d like to go for a drink and he said he’d love to. However, the problem is that he keeps cancelling and letting me down at the minute.  He’s really busy and has so much going on.  He does keep promising he wants to see me but now he’s been quiet for a week.  Is he really interested or not?  T”

Hi T,

Thanks for your message.  I’m sorry things didn’t work out this time around.

One of the problems at the start of a new relationship is that you will both be at different stages.  One will be more “into” the relationship than the other, although things do eventually balance out once you’ve been seeing each other for a while.   If you are a bit too needy, clingy or questioning then it can be all too easy for the other person to get nervous and bail out.  Rather than have a confrontation or discussion about the issue, it’s easier to just end things and move on.

Perhaps he is just busy.  Things do get in the way after all.  But I strongly suspect he’s just trying to let you down gently.  I don’t want to sugar coat it, so I have to say that if he really really wanted to see you then he’d make time for you.  How hard is it to find an hour for a drink?  I think he’s fully aware that you want to get back together but it’s not something he’s ready for…at least not at the moment.  So he’s fobbing you off and avoiding you rather than telling you the truth.

The very best thing you can now is to get on with your life and stop hoping he’ll get in touch.  Carry on dating other men and make sure you have a full diary with lots of exciting activities. If he does contact you then great, but at least you’ll have lots of other options.  I tend to find the more fun and exciting your life is then the more other people will want to be part of it.

So do get back on the site and fingers crossed you meet someone even more wonderful!

James

 

If you have your own dating dilemma that you’d like help with, send it over to [email protected]   Our resident Dating Coach James Preece will answer the best questions here in the blog.  Don’t worry, they always completely anonymous so nobody will ever know it was you!

Happy dating

James Preece

www.asiansinglesolution.com

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