Why Reporting Is a Shared Responsibility

Navigating the world of online dating is an exciting journey, but it requires a balance of optimism and vigilance. A common question arises: whose job is it to keep our valued community of Single Asians safe? While we at AsianSingleSolution.com take our role as a platform seriously, the most effective security comes from a partnership between the platform and you, our members.

Our Protective Shield

We perform, multiple checks on every new sign-up to intercept bots and bad characters as well as people who simply do not meet our minimum standards. However, no system is perfect. Sophisticated fakes often use real-world data to bypass filters. More importantly, we can read the profile and check the data but cannot easily vet “intention.” A profile might look perfect on paper, yet the person behind it may not be acting in good faith.

Why Your Voice Matters

This is where the community plays a vital role. We rely on you to report profiles that feel “off.” Think of reporting not as being a “tattletale,” but as a way of maintaining the high standards of our dating pool.

Common red flags include:

• The Eternal Planner: Someone who consistently refuses to meet in person or video call. This often indicates they aren’t who they say they are.
• Overly Explicit Content: Users who discuss bedroom preferences directly in their bio or who say they are seeking a casual or physical relationship rather than a commitment. This is a clear sign of poor boundaries and a lack of respect for the platform’s social etiquette.
• Being Openly Rude: Users who are rude or aggressive in the messaging, or ask for explanations why you declined their interest.
• Pattern Ghosting: Repeatedly disappearing and reappearing, which signals a lack of genuine intent.

Want to report anyone: Please just email us or click the Report link on the profile. Report them and give us the tools to help you.We will be discreet and not tell the person you reported them.

The Golden Rule: Stay on the Platform

The most important step you can take is to keep your conversations within our chat interface. Once a conversation moves to a private messaging app, we lose the ability to moderate or help if things go wrong. By staying on the platform and reporting dubious characters, you help us build a safer, more authentic space for everyone to find their favourite person.

Luckily any issues are very rare, most of our members are genuine and sincere. Not a member yet? Sign up now and meet your special person today, or check out our events.

Asian Single Solution

“Love me as I am” said the single love-seeker. However, this is a high risk strategy.

In seeking a partner, you should be working on yourself to ensure that you are ready to meet someone, attract them and keep them.

Here are a few handy ideas to help you.

Mental Preparation

Get ready to make space and time in your schedule to meet someone. This might be a few hours on a Sunday afternoon to message potentials, then a couple of nights in the week to actually go out and meet.

To make a relationship work, you will need to share not only your time, but also your emotional energy, space if you move in together and also financial resources.

Be your Physical Best

Getting in shape can make you feel great and boost your confidence to help you meet someone in the first place. Good health is always seen as an attractive quality.

Dressing well and taking pride in your appearance is very attractive. Dress especially for your body shape to boost the bits you are proud of and to hide those that you want to tuck away. Throw away any clothes with worn collars or faded shirts. These will affect the first impression.

Once you start dating, you will likely end up having to share your personal space and ultimately revealing your body to someone new. This can be an exciting adventure and preparation for this can lead to greater success.

Putting yourself on Show

To successfully date, you need to put yourself on show and have an action plan. That may mean putting up lots of photos on your profile and creating what is essentially a marketing plan. There are no short cuts to this. If you give too little away in the description it just looks like you are not taking it seriously and this will work against you.

We restrict photos to other members so you do have some sense of remaining private. If you have a genuine reason to hide your images, we have solutions on request. Please ask.

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Engage in Personal Development

Not many people know instinctively how to date, how to attract a partner and ultimately how to keep them. Invest time into reading dating advice. There is a lot of advice in this blog and on our Instagram Channel.

Work on yourself, set realistic expectations and become self aware of your traits. Then then work on being a better version of you.

Some personality traits are seen as universally appealing in the same way that some are universally turn-offs.

Positive traits might be: Being considerate to others, a good listener, generosity, hard working, confident and decisive, being accommodating and supportive, taking care of yourself, keep fit, recognising the importance of good teeth and grooming, having lots of interests and reading a wide range of topics, happy and positive demeanour, telling others that you appreciate them.

Negative traists might be: Talking too much and not judging if the other person is interested, being mean with money, being selfish or flaky, time wasting, being work obsessed at the expense of those around you. Poor hygeine and not taking care of your appearance, being unfit, being aggressive or demanding of others, not having lots of hobbies and interests, complaining or generally moaning or looking to blame others.

Work on developing those positive traits and eliminating the negative. Only when you are the best version of yourself are you truly date-ready.

Let us know what you think in the Comments.

Are you following us on Instagram. We have lots of updates about events and new dating tips.

Please follow us. If you are a new member with us, DM us on Instagram, you may get a special treat.

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See you at an event soon.

AsianSingleSolution

We are always going on about how to introduce yourself properly when making that first move on the site. This has been the topic of many blogs and newsletters and we have written to many of our members personally with this advice. Things like

Say what you liked

Ask a short question

Don’t just say Hi, or How are you as that doesnt get a response.

We decided to ask Chat GPT to give some opening messages and were pleasantly surprised by the response.

Sure, here are some opening chat suggestions on a dating site:

1. Hi there! I couldn’t help but notice your profile and thought I’d say hello. What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekends?
2. Hey! Your profile caught my eye, and I just had to say hi. What’s your favorite book or movie?
3. Hi! I’m [name]. Your profile looks interesting. Have you traveled anywhere recently?
4. Hi there! I’m [name]. I’m really impressed by your profile, and I’d love to get to know you better. What’s your favorite hobby?
5. Hello! I’m [name]. Your profile stood out to me, and I’d like to chat and learn more about you. What’s your idea of a perfect date?

Remember, it’s important to be genuine and respectful when initiating a conversation on a dating site. Asking open-ended questions and showing a genuine interest in the person you’re chatting with can help you make a good impression and start building a connection.

—————–

What do you think? Would you feel compelled to reply to these?

My only thought would be that where it says things like, “Your profile stood out” or “I was impressed by your profile” I would suggest that you should be more specific and say what exactly stood out. Of course these are generic responses. If you can read the other person’s profile and make the comment and qusetions, person specific that is always going to work best.

When you are trying to contact people on an online dating site, it can be hard to know what to say to get their interest.

Here are our top tips to boost your chances:

1) Don’t Copy and Paste

If you don’t get a huge amount of replies it can be tempting to stop putting the effort in. It might seem easier to just copy and paste the same message over and over.  After all, someone is bound to reply right?  The problem with this is that these types of messages are very easy to spot….and they annoy people.  So you are very unlikely to get a response and you’ll get even less than before. It’s a Catch 22 situation.  A little effort can go a long way.

2) Personalise the Message

If you want to get someone to write back, you have to make things personal.  Tell them what you liked about their profile and why you’d be a good match. Use a little humour and ask a fun question. For example, if they say they like baking cakes then ask what cake they would make you.  It shows you are paying attention and aren’t afraid to laugh at life. Doesn’t that sound better than just saying “hi” or “how are you?” or “could we have a conversation please?”

3) What not to say

The initial message should be friendly, flirty and just a conversation starter. You don’t want to be asking the other person out or saying you are looking for a committed relationship. That is too heavy, you have not even spoken yet.

The same goes for handing out your number. This appears very impatient and the other person won’t feel comfortable. These approaches rarely work, so always chat on platform first. Only when you are both  comfortable with each other, talk about a phone call or meeting up for a coffee.

4) Don’t talk about yourself

Do not go into detail about yourself in the first message, or try to impress the other person with your big job title or life story. That is what the profile is for. A brief introduction is OK if you want to try that, but anything that comes across as showing off, would probably be ignored.

5) Mix things up

Quite often it’s not your messages that are wrong. Take a good look at your profile instead. Perhaps your photos aren’t appealing enough or your profile isn’t interesting.  Try to stand out from the competition and avoid generic statements.  Sell yourself and make the most of the opportunity to attract potential partners.  The more unique you are then the more views you’ll get.

Why not give these ideas a go and see if it makes a difference?

Happy Dating!

www.asiansinglesolution.com

We want the profiles on AsianSingleSolution to be great quality, helping you make genuine connections. We asked Hey Saturday, the world’s first dating photography agency, to share their top tips on how to make your dating photos stand out, so you can find that special someone.

Must have: Quality

When choosing your dating photos, be sure to prioritise image quality. A good dating photo should be well lit and in focus. Exclude anything that is dark, or where you can’t be seen very clearly, and especially any blurry images. The best dating photos are taken outdoors in natural light as it’s most flattering. Have another look at the photos you’ve chosen for your dating profile and discount anything that doesn’t tick these boxes. You’ll thank us when the messages start rolling in!

Key dating photos

There are three types of dating photo that you should include for a really great dating profile.

Clear Smiling Headshot

For your lead photo, we recommend choosing a well-lit, in-focus photo of your head and shoulders where you can clearly see your face. A natural, genuine smile is a bonus.

Talking Point Photo

Next, the talking point photo. These are photos that tell your story and show something about you and you can include several of these. For example, take a photo in your favourite park, sipping a coffee at your favourite cafe, walking your dog or holding something you love, such as your camera, or your favourite book. And yes – this is something that sparks a conversation with people and tells them whether you have things in common.

Full Body Photo

Lastly, the full body photo. You should include at least one photo where your whole body is visible – this gives people more clues about your style and physique.

Showing your “best assets” may give you an advantage. You only have to look at Instagram and the photos of Kendall Jenner to see what gets the most hits.

Activity or Extreme sport photos

This is further to the talking point photo. Photos of you at the top of a mountain, diving with sharks, windsurfing, bungee jumping or doing any other type of extreme sport or activity show character, depth and interest to your profile.

However, these are best if you can be clearly identified. If you are very small in the photo it’s hard for people to see any kind of detail in your face or body and therefore it might not be you! Sporting images can add great value to your profile but only if you also have a well lit head and shoulders shot of you where you can see your eyes. This will work to show what’s unique about you.

Things to avoid

Group Photos

Group photos are a popular choice as they show that you have a great social life and lots of friends. However there are plenty of downsides to choosing this approach. For example, what if people aren’t sure which one in the photo you are? Or what if they decide they don’t like the look of your friends? Or even worse, what if they decide they prefer the look of one of your friends to you? You have a matter of seconds to grab attention, so be the sole focus of your dating photos and don’t waste time on group shots.

Selfies

Even though we are trying to meet a lifelong partner, many of us still think it’s appropriate to use a photo that we’ve taken ourselves on our phone camera. A selfie sends a message to others that you’re not taking this seriously or investing much time or effort. It also won’t allow you any opportunity to show your personality or what makes you different. You can’t include an interesting backdrop of your favourite park or cafe; you can’t be seen holding something meaningful to you like a book, camera or sketchbook because your hands are too busy taking the photo.

Blurry Images and No Filters

If you want someone to be interested in you, you need to make sure you are clearly visible.  Adding an out of focus or badly cropped image isn’t going to help. Make sure you only add high quality, high resolution images if you want to be successful.

Using filters is false advertising and may just lead to disappointment later. You are all adults so bunny ears and the like just give the impression you are not taking this seriously.

Above all, add the photos you would expect and want to see on other people’s photos.

For help creating a top notch set of dating photos, check us out at Hey Saturday

Ok, so we are in lockdown. Things are getting pretty dreary and making everyone more fractious.

We always want to shout about the success stories but the time has come for us to reveal our top most annoying things that people do on dating sites. Don’t just worry about our feelings though, we genuinely believe you are wasting your time if you commit any of these errors. We are just a small business, we are nice, normal people and want to help. So if you doing any of these, please don’t.

6. “Here’s my number, let’s talk on Whatsapp.“

We all know the real reason people do this. They think, if they get the number then that is “an in”. I suppose it can be and if someone gives you their number then they must initially be interested. However, it can also lead to harassment.

The platform provides a safe and convenient way to chat anonymously in the first instance. Asking to leave this environment can appear pushy and impatient. All published safety advice, says “stay on the platform”.

Swap details, only when you are both keen to do so and you need to move to a direct voice call or meet up in person.

5. “Generic Messaging”.

You know the type of message, something like “hey, how are you?”. “I like your profile, get in touch if you are interested.

This shows a total lack of creativity and personalisation. It is obvious that you never read the other persons profile and are just sending the same message to everyone. i.e. copy and paste.

Read the other persons bio (profile). See what might spark their interest and go from there. Even something simple, like, “What was the last movie you watched?” is much more engaging that “Hi, would you like to chat?”.

4. “Ask me” type profile.

You are looking at hundreds of profiles and deciding who to contact. Someone writes “I don’t know what to write, it is much better to just ask me.”

Well, is it really? How can the other person possibly know, if you are a match if you put that. The whole point of the description is to help people judge if there is mutual compatibility. If you have a great photo, then everyone will want to message you but then what if the other person also put “ask me”. This is lazy and shows a total lack of personality and self belief. If you have no idea what you want then how can you expect a relationship to develop from that. Don’t do it.

As a minimum, say what kind of personality you have. Are you shy, outgoing, outspoken. Are you an adventurer or a home body.? What do you do in your spare time, for profession and what do you seek in a partner. You can of course, end with “ask me if you want to know more.”

3. People who say “I love my job”

When asked to describe their profession that means just that. Yes, that is great that you love it but what do you actually do?. Equally bad are people who say “self employed” or “I work in healthcare”. This helps nobody as this could literally be anything. We have done extensive surveys on this and people feel that being too vague is off putting. The NHS employs cleaners as well as brain surgeons. Be proud, embellish by all means but be honest and tell people what they need to know to judge compatibility. There is nothing wrong with being a cleaner but a cleaner won’t normally be matched to a brain surgeon.

2. Adding False or incorrect details.

We are the first to acknowledge that everyone wants privacy. However, this has to be balanced with honesty and integrity. We have some great Reviews and Success Stories to reassure everyone and most members join through recommendation.

Adding a fake photo is the worst but giving a false age is also misrepresentation. Over the past 15 years, I can tell you that no-one believes they look their own age. By misrepresenting your age, you are also being hypocritical because you are saying that you are being too judgemental on the other persons age.

We always protect your data. So phone number, DOB, real name are never given out.

1. Adding poor photos.

Again, we recognise that you value privacy but a dating site isn’t the place to go if you want privacy. You all have a smart phone. Please take and use clear photos. That means.

• No filters as these create false images or look silly. You are not 12 years old and don’t need bunny ears.
• No Selfies, especially those covering the face. These look so tacky and leaves observers asking why you cannot ask a friend to take a photo or why don’t you have photos from a formal occasion or social gathering.
• No Blurry photos or cropped images leaving no clarity
• No wide angle , sideways or full body shots in the main photo. This is because those browsing want to see your face clearly
• No photos in cars. I have no idea why so many people have a photo of them sat in a car.
• No photos of photos. Need we say more?
• Use natural light. Photos taken at night with dark background and flash generally look poor.

Honorable Mentions

• Asking for discounts. Please don’t. Memberships are cheap enough already.
• Not being pro-active. If you are not prepared to use search and messaging pro-actively then you are less likely to succeed
• Refusing to pay anything. Investing in yourself is a positive step and will unlock more opportunities. Even sites that seem free often hide the best features behind a paywall.
• Gathering Likes and Mail just for an Ego Boost. Please don’t do this. Respect other users , reply and be kind. Hide your profile when you are not looking.
• Asking why you were rejected. Take the hint and don’t hassle other members for answers.
• Being too fussy. Be friendly to other members and be realistic. If you are seeking an Asian partner from one religion then you already cut out 99% of your options before you even look at personality, looks and other factors. A good friendship is more important than most of the criteria you may have had in mind.
• Complaining endlessly about people not being serious. This is dating in 2021, get used to it. You have to find a connection , start building the relationship. Work on yourself and make yourself more appealing and desirable as part of the process.
• Men talking about sex and women complaining about men talking about sex. We do focus on relationships and there is a time and place for this kind of talk. That usually means get to know the person a bit and chat for long enough to gauge the direction of travel. Never talk about sex from the get-go as that is tacky. Sending uninvited naked photos is also a definite no. We expect everyone to be respectful but also accept that this is a dating site so please be tolerant. People are also more bored than ever during a lock-down. People want physical contact and that includes women too. What ever is right for you is OK. If not then block and move on. Once you take a chat off our site, it is predominantly a private matter between you, in your relationship.
• Waiting to be contacted or judging members based on who contacts you. This is a terrible and classic mistake. If you have a nice picture, you will always get lots of mail from everyone. To filter your matches, use your own search and be pro-active to contact the people you choose.
• Not checking the eligibility for this site. We aim at Asian Professionals. We don’t want to let anyone down but if this isn’t you please do not apply.

Some of our new applicants seem to baulk at the most basic question. “Please tell others what you do for a living?“. So if it is so controversial, why do we ask this?

We have always primarily aimed our services at professional people, those that we identify with ourselves. Typically that means graduates, entrepreneurs and those who have embarked on a career path thriving on personal challenges and self improvement.

From a dating context, what you do for a living really does matter and this helps us judge if you are likely to find a match on this service. We can agree that for some of you, your career does not define you. However, that sort of misses the point because it does define you in ways that are helpful in finding a suitable match.

This isn’t the 18th Century, where all that seemed to matter was your looks and family background, portrayed on TV by programmes such as Bridgerton. Our members expect to meet someone they find attractive as first and foremost, that is a given. For dating, that may be all that matters. However, for a successful and long term paring then a match must usually be someone with a similar attitude to finance, similar education and equality in your work. If you wish to have children with someone then you will want to ensure you meet the right partner with the right characteristics you would want in your offspring.

It is not about someone being better or worse but compatibility. Without getting too much into stereotypes, men will seek a lady of equal or lower socio-economic group, power, education and earning level. A lady will usually avoid anyone who is of a lower social group, less professionally successful or less educated than themselves.

When asked what you do for a living, always explain this in simple but helpful terms. Talk about your passion for the work and the benefits that it brings to you and others. Help people understand what type of person you are. Do you work in a skilled trade, do you have a professional qualification.

What to avoid

These are some of the things we see, and we actually find really pointless and annoying.

• Avoid using job titles unless you also add a description
• Never say “Ask Me”. Its so dull and misses the point about helping people decide if you are compatible
• Never say who you work for without saying what you actually do
• Don’t be vague and never just say what industry you work in. e.g. I work in healthcare, or I am self employed. That just isn’t helpful as it could be anything. There are plenty of self employed cleaners as well as dentists and accountants. Describe what you do.
• Never say how boring your job is. Sounding passionate and enthusiastic are attractive qualities.
• If your job is genuinely secretive, then discuss in general terms. e.g Police detective. “I don’t wish to discuss it here but it requires a degree and I have worked up through several promotions. It is a very interesting and varied role. I manage a team of 12 people.” Ask us how to present it.”

We accept that not everyone is successful, or loves their job. However, the point is that you must combine honesty with saying something that is actually going to be attractive to the observer. By sounding enthusiastic and talking about how you help others in your career you can overcome a lot of the negativity you might otherwise convey. If someone isn’t going to be a match then accept that and seek someone at your own level. Hiding your profession will not help you in the long run.

Always, ask us for advice, if you want a better way or writing your profile.

Have you been single for a long time, despite many dates? Do you often find yourself reflecting on past dates, wondering what happened? Do you feel like you’re going to be single forever? If your answer was yes, you may need to look at how you’re dating. While we would like it to be easy, like it is on TV, dating has a margin for many mistakes. You may not even realize you’re making the biggest dating mistakes. Below, you’ll find six of the biggest dating mistakes. If you’re making any of them, you’ll want to stop now!

Mistake 1: You’re stuck inside a comfort zone.

You are a creature of habit. You like routine. You often visit the same club or bar. You go to the same coffee shop on the same day of the week. You likely use the same dating applications, despite not having luck with them in the past. You probably send the same kind of message every time you try to connect with someone. It may be time to step outside of your comfort zone. Go somewhere you’ve always thought about going but haven’t been to. Try a dating app you’ve never used before. Yes, familiarity is more comfortable. But, you’re more likely to see results from a new method!

Mistake 2: You’re not interesting enough to keep someone’s interest.

This is not meant to be a judgment or comparison, but some people are just boring. Unfortunately, you may be one of these people. A boring person talks a lot, but hardly listens when other people speak. A boring person resorts to boring conversation and small talk about the weather or work. If you don’t want to be boring anymore, improve your conversation skills. You can use “conversation topics” in order to build on your skills. You can develop your skills by talking to random people. You can always improve your conversational skills by getting out and making memories.

Mistake 3: You want to be in control of everything.

No one wants to be controlled, yet many people want to be in control of everything. This controlling tendency tends to cause many dates to become disastrous. Whether you’re hoping for the perfect date or you’re looking for the perfect spouse, your expectations are standing in the way of your happiness. Yes, everyone is allowed to have “deal-breakers”. There are certain traits that may be hard to handle or may bring up trauma for you. Expectations are the deal-breakers that shouldn’t be. They are often unrealistic. Limiting yourself to people who fit a specific criteria is cutting you off from the rest of the world. Be open when you’re dating, read all your mail and reply to everyone as you never know what friendship might develop.

Of course, you want to plan dates out, but not every detail needs to be thought of. If things change, go with the changes and challenge your controlling nature. That doesn’t mean do something you’re not comfortable with, it just means don’t be afraid of changing the plans.

Mistake 4: You are trying too hard.

Most people can tell when someone is trying a bit too hard to be liked. Sometimes, you’ll fabricate your accomplishments or make up interesting things about yourself. This may lead to people liking you, but how are they going to feel when they find out who you really are? Of course, this isn’t the only method of trying too hard. Often, you don’t even realize you’re making this dating mistake. It’s considered trying too hard when you’re using many different apps and websites to find someone. This spreads you and your resources thin, leaving you less time to find the right person. Find 2-3 websites or apps that you find work the best and stick to them. Also, don’t message dozens of people because trying to maintain that many conversations is hard. Send a message, wait for a response. If you don’t hear back, move on to someone else. There are always fish in the sea, as the saying goes. You don’t need to wait around for someone who isn’t giving you their time. Keep this advice in mind when someone brushes you off as well.

Mistake 5: You are comparing yourself to other people.

This mistake may follow you outside the world of dating. We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others, even if it’s only for a moment. The problem with comparing yourself, or your relationship, to anyone else is that you’re taking away from what is unique about you. No two people are the same. Similarly, no two relationships are going to be identical. A relationship is a living creation you make with someone, so it should be treated as a unique invention. Don’t rob yourself of happiness because yours doesn’t look the same as another person. If you’re not confident that you are a worthy and unique person, maybe you need to focus on yourself for a while. Learn to love yourself, then you can go looking for someone to share that love with.

Mistake 6: You don’t consider your personal safety.

How many times have you told someone where you worked before you really got to know them? Did they show up, make a scene? Have you ever given out your phone number to someone who wouldn’t stop calling at all hours of the day? This is a safety issue. When it comes to dating, online and offline, you may want to resist giving out personal information too early. A lack of precaution when it comes to dating could be a mistake.

Your safety concerns aren’t only physical. Be aware of your emotional safety too. If someone you’re dating is controlling or wants you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, your emotional safety is at risk. You should never be so involved with a partner that you lose sight of your own personal needs. This is why setting boundaries is important in any relationship. Keep conversations on the site until you are both ready to move on.

You must be very concerned about how the current Coronavirus – Covid-19 threat is going to affect your every day life and the impact this will have on your relationships.

With social distancing encouraged by the Government it does make meeting new people safely more difficult.

Above all, we remain here for you to meet and chat safely to new people through our AsianSingleSolution.com website and Iphone App. With everyone encouraged to stay at home, there has never been more need to reach out and chat to people online.

We don’t intend to repeat the Government safety advice, but just offer some practical tips on dating safely.

How Can you Date Safely?

1. As always we advise chatting on our platform that is why it is there. Stay on site until you both feel comfortable to swap contact details.
2. Once details have been exchanged, you could switch to a phone call. There seems little point going on Whatsapp just for text chat as that is similar to what we offer. Arrange a time to call then take time to get to know each other. Normally, we would suggest a short call then arrange to meet but with the current situation an extended chat might be perfect.
3. Utilise Video calling such as Skype, Whatsapp, Facetime. Set up a time and place where you feel comfortable. Prepare as you would for any date, by getting your drink ready and doing your hair nicely. Choose a suitable backdrop, so sitting in the loo probably isn’t a good idea.
4. If you do decide to meet up, choose somewhere airy and preferably meet outdoors. Get a coffee and sit outside where you can maintain some distance. Or go for a walk.
5. It’s OK not to shake hands or touch on the first meeting. If it goes well and you get to know each other over a few days then you can both assess if you are feeling fine and want to take it further. The rest is at your own risk.
6. Always ensure you always wash your hands and if you are feeling unwell, it is OK to cancel or reschedule. It is also OK to wear gloves. Avoid face masks as they offer limited protection according to the press and obviously hide your face. Avoid touching your face at all.
7. Just because you know someone well, does not mean they are not carrying the virus. Social distancing means 2m from any other person. This clearly is difficult when you want to hug or kiss your partner. Be considerate by taking precautions with your own health and safety. If you know you have been careful or stayed at home then there is a lower risk for your partner.
8. Above all, use the Online Chat facility offered by AsianSingleSolution. This is totally safe from viruses!

If you meet up, tell someone where you are going

Events

All events are on hold until the crisis has passed.

N.B. This is not expert advice and we are not claiming to be experts on the Coronavirus, Covid 19. You must consider what is right for you and always follow Government advice.

Everyone wants someone to spend their lives with especially the “day of love” known as Valentine’s Day. If you’re single, it can be overwhelming to try and find a date. However, using these 5 steps, you’re bound to find your Valentine!

Step 1: Put yourself out there

Obviously, you’re not going to meet someone new if you’re sitting at home with all of the lights turned off. The only way to meet people is to put yourself where people are. Yes, you can sign up for a dating website membership and download a dating app. But if you want to meet more people, you’re better off getting out into the real world. Sign up for a class, learn to play an instrument, join community events, volunteer. Do something that puts you out in the world. After all, what are you going to answer when a potential date asks how you spend a typical day? Instead of crafting a magnificent story, be honest. If the truth is boring, then maybe you need to be more interesting. You won’t find your Valentine if you’re invisible.

Step 2: Be approachable

Now, getting outside into the real world is just the beginning. No one is going to approach you if you seem like you’re outside against your will. In order to be approached, you have to be approachable. What does that mean? It means you look interesting enough to want to talk to. You can accomplish this by dressing well, but not over-the-top. You want to have good hygiene as well. You want to smile, and make eye-contact whenever possible. If this sounds hard, maybe you need to work on your confidence before trying to find your Valentine.

Step 3: Be conversational

Putting yourself outside and smiling at people will only do so much if you can’t hold a decent conversation. Now, initiating a conversation isn’t always easy, but there are tricks you can learn. Develop your conversational skills with random people. This way, you’ll feel more confident in your search to find a Valentine. Of course, part of being conversational is knowing when it’s time to listen. Make sure you’re allowing other people to speak as well. Be a good listener, even if it takes work.

Step 4: Be prepared

When you’re looking to find a Valentine, you want to be prepared for the date. This means you want to have romantic plans made, even if you don’t have someone to share them with. Buy Valentine gifts for that special someone. Don’t put any names on the tags. This way, if you don’t manage to get a date, you can give the gifts to someone else in your life, like a family member or single co-worker. When you’re in the dating pool, it’s best to be ready for anything to happen. You could meet someone when you’re getting coffee before work or even through a friend. Treat every outing like a new opportunity to meet someone. This way, when you do meet someone, you’re prepared.

Step 5: Be confident

It isn’t always easy to exude confidence. If you’ve been single for a while, you may feel discouraged about dating. You may feel like you don’t have anything to offer someone. These thoughts are exactly what prevents you from finding someone. When you’re out and looking to find your Valentine, know your own worth. Before you start looking, boost your self confidence so you truly feel worthy of a romantic connection.

Happy dating!

James Preece – Dating Coach

www.asiansinglesolution.com

It’s almost the time of year that everyone sits down to plan their resolutions. Weight loss or better gym attendance. Finding a new career or finishing a project. The problem with resolutions is that most of us give them up after a few short weeks. If one of your 2020 resolutions is finding love, a few weeks isn’t going to make a difference. To help you find romance, here are a few tips you can start implementing into your life right now:

Step 1: Evaluate what you’re looking for.

Before you start looking for love, it’s important to know exactly what you’re looking for. This doesn’t mean create a partner in your mind with every detail thought out. You’ll never meet the perfect person. Knowing what you’re looking for means knowing what you will and won’t tolerate. Everyone has “deal-breakers”. Look over your own and decide which ones aren’t really that important. Now, you’ll meet a whole new criteria of people. It is also important to know what kind of relationship you want, before you start meeting people. You may find that you need to adjust your personal expectations. That is normal. When you’re creating these expectations, be realistic.

Step 2: Know where to find people

Now that you know who you want to meet, it’s time to figure out where you can meet this person. Do you want someone smart or interested in a vintage lifestyle? Try going to a museum, library or other gallery of information. You can meet someone almost anywhere. You probably have places that you visit regularly. These are your “go-to” places. Your favorite coffee shop. Your favorite bar. Your favorite book store. The fact is, you haven’t met someone in these places yet. Instead of sticking to what you already know, try stepping out. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Ask for recommendations from your friends. You never know what options await you when you’re trying something new.

Step 3: Put yourself in social situations

Knowing where to meet people is only the first step. The second step is actually putting yourself out there. It can be intimidating to go somewhere you’ve never been before. If you asked a friend for a recommended coffee shop, invite them along the first time. You’ll feel more comfortable going alone in the future. You don’t want to bring someone everywhere you go though. If you’re alone, you’re more approachable. If you’re accompanied by someone, people are going to give you privacy. Especially if your friend is someone of the opposite gender. If you’re stuck on ideas of where to go, here is a quick starter list:

Community events
Volunteer work
Classes / courses / workshops
Social events and gatherings (eg: Facebook events, concerts)
Festivals / Music Concerts
Office parties
Museums & other information centres (eg: art gallery, pop-up art installations, guided tours, local tourist attractions)

You always have the option of dating online and even hiring a match-making service. If you’re the type to be nervous in social situations, online dating may be a better option because there is less pressure than meeting someone face to face.

Step 4: Be someone that people want to approach

There are many things that go into being an approachable person. First, think about your appearance. To be approachable, you have to be unoccupied. You shouldn’t look busy, be on your phone or reading. You want to be available for conversation. Look around the room you’re in. Smile and make eye-contact with anyone who smiles at you. Allow conversation to develop naturally. But, don’t be afraid to make the first move! Initiate conversation with anyone you find interesting and see where it goes. Most importantly: Have fun and laugh often.

Step 5: Live your best life

If you focus too much on finding love, you may feel as though you’ve wasted a lot of time. The best thing to do is live your life and look for love on the side. Embrace being single for a bit. Enjoy spending time with yourself. You can even date yourself out on dates. If you feel you’re lacking in any area, take time to work on yourself. You can improve your personality or develop your social skills. You could take a cooking class or learn to play an instrument. You could even make a bucketlist and start crossing things off. Occupy your time with everything you love, while also putting yourself out in the world. You’re more likely to attract someone when you’re living your best life.

Step 6: Be patient

You have to remember that finding love isn’t a quick or easy process. You’ll likely meet people along the way and feel a connection that goes no where. You have to be patient throughout dating. You have to be confident that you will meet someone. Each failed date is a new learning experience.

Good luck!

James Preece

Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

You may be confused when you see the word “cuffing”. It sounds like something that “those young kids” are doing. Don’t worry though, it’s nothing complicated or inappropriate! The term cuffing actually refers to finding a partner for the colder months. Basically, it refers to a “temporary relationship” for the winter months.

There are 2 reasons singles are compelled to cuff: Social pressures and genetic desire for warmth.

Cuffing is most common from October to February. These months are filled with couple-focused activities, like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, New Years, and more. It can be lonely for those who don’t have a significant other during such significant holidays. As a result, many singles find themselves with temporary partners. This allows two individuals to be a pair for a season that practically demands love. Cuffed couples can dress up together for Halloween and have a romantic Valentine’s day. Cuffing is for those who just don’t want to be alone through this season. Cuffed couples are likely to split when the weather gets warmer.

Since the months are cold, it is only natural to want additional warmth. This is where genetic desire plays a role. The human body wants to snuggle up with someone else, sharing body warmth. It provides a feeling of comfort and satisfaction in the months that hold cold and bitterness.

The ideal for a cuffed couple is that the relationship will last through the seasons. However, that isn’t always a shared ideal. By definition, this type of relationship is meant to be temporary. It is possible that one or both parties will develop genuine feelings, leading them to want the relationship to continue after the cuffing season. If this is mutual, then it’s a great situation. When one person develops genuine feelings and the other doesn’t, it can be a heartbreak waiting to happen.

It is important to be on the same page as your partner, even if they are temporary. It may be awkward to have a conversation based around the idea of a “temporary relationship”, but it can make a big difference in how the relationship progresses. You may find the person you’re cuffed to is looking for something long-term and you aren’t. It may be the other way around. If you’re both interested in short-term, then you’ll save yourself from getting attached.

If you’re starting a new relationship in the winter months, it can be hard to know if it’s timing or this need to be with someone. Because of this, you want to talk to your partner about this type of relationship. They may be interested in something short-term or something long-term and it will be best to know right away. This is why it is so important to talk to your partner about what they are looking for.

Of course, feelings and opinions can change over time. A cuffed relationship can develop into the real deal without you even noticing. There’s nothing wrong with keeping a relationship that started in the cuffing season. As long as you’re both happy, that is all that matters!

After a first date, it’s hard to know when to text someone.

Do you text them right away and tell them you had a good night? Do you ask when you’ll get to see them again? Do you wait three days and hope they text you? It can hard to figure out the process. That is because there is no right or wrong answer. Many people prefer to wait or play hard to get. Others are direct and ask for a second date right away. There are advantages to both. The important thing is that you can keep someone interested enough to want a second date between dates.

Again, there are no right or wrong answers to what you should text between dates. But here are 4 sample texts you can send to keep your date interested, without going overboard:

“Do you want to hear a secret?”

If you’re going to text this, make sure you’re sharing something personal, but not too deep. No one wants to dig through your dirty laundry this early in a relationship. You want this “secret” to be something that sparks interest and conversation. For instance: “My favorite emoji is ______”, “my childhood dog was named ________”, “I’ve seen the _______________ movie more than 20 times”. You can use this text format to share something about yourself in almost any subject. For bonus points: Ask the same question for them to answer (eg: “my favourite emoji is __________. What is yours?).

“I’ve never been ____________________.”

This can be a great follow-up to your “secret” or work as a message by itself. The activity you suggest should be something you’d like to do on the next date. This gives you the chance to ask for a second date, while being playful. It also shows that you want to share this new experience with them. If you want bonus points, use an activity that was mentioned during the first date. That will show you’re a good listener too!

“I was thinking of going to _________________ on __________________ and wondered if you wanted to come with me?”

You can use this text format to invite someone to food, drinks or any event. This is an open-ended invitation that gives your date the chance to change the variables. If your date likes the date idea, but not the time, then he/she can ask for a different date. By giving someone variables, you’re allowing them to feel in control and choose something comfortable for them.

“My favourite ___________ is ______________. Do you want to go with me?”

With this text format, you can insert your favourite food/sport/museum or anything else you can think of. The details don’t matter. This format is a great way to ask for a date, while also sharing something about yourself. There are no details about the time of the date, which allows you to ask when they are going to be available to see you again.

The best advice for texting between dates is to keep it simple and be yourself. If you’re naturally a flirty person, then your texts can come off as a little flirty. You want to avoid sexy messages until you get to know each other, but flirty is fine. You can compliment someone if you think it will be appreciated, but it could come off as needy too. If you’re clever and creative, you will be able to keep someone interested in you. After all, your main goal is to keep the person wanting to see you again.

Almost everyone feels nervous before a first date. There are too many things to think about. Firstly, you need to pick an outfit that shows you’re well-dressed. You need a scent that is going to match your look. You need good hygiene, which can be hard when you’re sweating nervously through the fabric you’re wearing. Then you have to think about where you’re going. Is the location you picked going to work? Is it too loud or too busy? Is your date going to enjoy the location? Is your date going to enjoy you?

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the “what-if’s” before a date.

If you are like most people, one of the biggest concerns is conversation. For any date, good conversation determines whether or not there will be another date. Many people worry they will run out of things to say. Although there are going to be natural pauses in conversation, maintaining a flow is the ideal. Other people worry that they will say too much, ultimately making themselves look foolish. The first date is your opportunity to share aspects of each other, but you don’t want to reveal too much.

There are definitely conversation boundaries on a first date.

It may go without saying that politics and religion are not first-date conversation topics. Although these subjects don’t seem revealing, they can put your date in an awkward position. Especially if they have different views. Similarly, the subject of children or marriage should be saved for a later date as well. If you already have children, you can find a way to bring them up in conversation. To your date, children may be a deal-breaker. For some, this is because it suggests you are still involved with an ex-partner. Your date doesn’t want to think about your previous relationships in any way.

First-date conversation should be fun, while also being informative. You want to talk about your passions and learn the things your date is passionate about. You want to share your hobbies and find common interests. A great question to ask a first date is: What is your ideal/typical weekend? This can tell you many things about your date, while being something they will enjoy answering. You may also want to ask where they see themselves in 5 years and quietly reflect on your position in that future.

There are two things you want to keep in mind:

1. This is not a therapy session.
2. This is not an interview/interrogation.

You don’t want to dump all over your date, whether it’s by complaining or giving too much information. Ideally, you want to reveal your personality and quirks gradually. This gives your date the time to absorb everything. You should do the same. Ask your date questions and listen to the answers. Share pieces with each other. Most importantly: Allow the conversation to flow naturally.

When it comes to revealing anything about yourself, ask: Would I be comfortable if the whole world knew this about me? If the answer is “no”, don’t share it on a first date. If it is something you would share with anyone, then it isn’t too revealing for your date.

Happy Dating!

James – Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

There is no room for modesty when it comes to your dating profile. Even if you are a private person, you need to up your game if you want to make it work! There are so many active profiles on dating sites in the UK. It can be hard to stand out, especially when you want to fill out the profile quickly. Many people think by having a dating profile and messaging people, they will get dates. Unfortunately, other people have to find you interesting in some way. Your messages may be well-crafted, but if your profile is dull, your message is going to end up unread.

You have to really sell yourself on your dating profile. How? By highlighting every quality that makes you amazing. Yes, you are amazing. Why? Write down every reason you think you might be amazing. Amazing means dateable. If you’re really good at a particular sport, include that. If you hold the world record for the most hot-dogs eaten, you could mention that too as it’s fun. You want to choose accomplishments that will interest other people. It may feel like you are embellishing your better qualities, but that is fine. Do not try to balance this with your bad qualities. There is no room for negativity on a dating profile. Your dating profile should be a negative free zone. Seriously.

If you’re not sure that your giving an accurate description of your awesomeness, ask a friend or family member to review your profile. If they offer suggestions, use them! No one knows you better than the people who are closest to you. Their insight can drastically improve the accuracy of your profile. This can also give you insight to how potential dates are going to view you.

The best way to list your awesomeness is actually in a list. It’s hard to read a wall of text, so breaking up information into easily digestible lists is ideal. It’s easy to skim and still have information jump out. You should do the same thing with your hobbies & interests as well. Now, when you’re crafting the list of things you love, consider leaving out solitary actions. You want to share hobbies you have with a potential interest. Reading a book isn’t going to sound like a fun date, unless you are both introverts.

Building an online dating profile isn’t a one-time shot. A dating profile should be considered an ongoing project. You need to adjust your profile on a semi-regular basis. Add new information. Remove old information. Experiment with what is working and what isn’t. This applies to everything, including your photo, tagline, bio, and even the messages you send out. If something isn’t working, you need to figure out what it is and how to fix it. The only way to do that is by keeping your profile fresh and exciting.

Consider someone checking your profile for a second time, not recognizing they already passed you over. Now, you have a new picture and new information and something on your profile stands out. They decide to message you and you hit it off. It is possible to catch someone’s attention like this. You wouldn’t shop in a store that never changed their display, would you? It’s the same concept.

Ask yourself: What do you find attractive about other people’s profiles? How can you apply that to your own profile?

Of course, there are some things you should avoid when it comes to building your profile, such as:

Using cliches
Photos that show other people
Photos that don’t show your face
Too many emoticons
Too many generic statements, not enough substance
Sending boring messages

If you were a salesperson, think of attributes that would sell your product to a customer. You are essentially selling yourself to a potential date. You should treat it the same way. Honesty is always the most important thing to include on your profile.

Happy dating!

James Preece

Dating Coach for Asian Single Solution

First dates are filled with questions. You want to get to know your date and they want to get to know you. You talk about things you enjoy and share stories with each other. It’s a back and forth of information, loaded with potential topics for the future. It can be fun to learn about a new person, especially when the conversation is flowing. The best conversation is the conversation that changes itself. It adapts and always gives you something new to talk about. Great conversation suggests compatibility. Obviously, a date isn’t going well if you’re both looking for ways to change the subject!

There are some questions you have to ask on a first date. These help to determine whether or not there is potential for a future together. Compatibility is always the first consideration, but these questions may help you to make more informed decisions.

• What type of relationship are you looking for?

We don’t always see eye-to-eye when it comes to relationships. For some, a long-term relationship is the ideal. Marriage, children and a white picket fence. For other people, a short-term relationship is all they can commit to. Others yet are only interested in hook-ups and casual interactions. It’s important to know where your date stands on the scale. It’s also important to know what you are looking for.

• Do you consider your life to be simple or complicated?

This question can help you to determine the type of person you’re dealing with. If your date considers their life simple, it could mean they don’t seek challenges and they don’t have any drive. It could also mean they know how to appreciate everything they have. They could have a positive outlook. Someone who considers their life complicated may be a bit harder to adjust to. They could have a completely tumultuous lifestyle.

• Describe a typical day for you.

Listen closely to this answer. You may learn more about your date with this question than all the other questions combined.

• Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

When you ask a question like this, you are putting your date on the spot. You may find a brief silence as they have to consider the answer. Maybe they already know exactly where they plan to be. If they do have a clear outline for their future, consider where you may fit into their plans. Contemplate this to yourself, don’t ask your date. The first date is too early to know whether or not you can fit into someone’s future.

• What are you the most proud of?

It may put your date on the spot, but it will help you to gauge what they deem their greatest accomplishments. You will also learn what aspects of their life are most important (recreation, community, business, love, etc).

• Who are the most important people in your life?

The answer to this question can tell you a lot about a person. If they answer that their family is, it shows they are family-oriented. They are likely ideal for settling down and creating a family of their own. If they single out a member of their family or choose a friend, follow up by asking them to explain why they chose that person.

• If you were left stranded on an island and could only choose 3 things, what would you choose?

This question is more light-hearted than the other questions. While being fun, it can also help you to learn about your date. If they choose food & water, they are likely practical. If they choose an electronic, they are likely more frivolous. If they choose a book, they are practical with whimsical tendencies.

It isn’t hard to find good questions to ask on a first date. The examples above can be used as reference points or you can come up with your own. The important thing is to find out where your date wants to be in the future and whether or not that goal fits with your own goals.

Just remember that what you talk about, make sure it’s fun.

Happy dating

James Preece

www.asiansinglesolution.com

At the end of every relationship, there is a period of self-reflection. You sit down and talk to yourself about the past, present, and future. Once you’re confident you know what you want in life, you decide to enjoy the highlights of being single for a little while. Then, there comes a time when being single is no longer as exciting as it once was! You want someone to spend time with and share a laugh with. So, you get back into the dating pool and start looking for a new romantic interest.

Rewind

There is no reason you can’t enjoy your own company for a while. There are many benefits to being single and right now is the best time to take action!

Focus On Your Career

One of the benefits to single life is being able to focus on your career. Marketing plays a major role in career development and it’s time consuming. If you’re single, you can devote yourself to developing your career. When you’re in a relationship, you have to find a balance between work and your social life. This means that single people are more likely to succeed professionally.

Less Stress

There are dozens of articles online that express the “science behind being single”. To summarize every article you could read, it’s all because single people have less stress. When you’re single, you can do anything you want to. You don’t have to coordinate your plans or get permission/confirmation. You can be spontaneous because you only have yourself to be responsible for. You can have a lot more fun when you’re not worrying about anyone else.

Alone Time

Along with doing anything you want, you can do it for as long as you want. The only time restrictions fit into your own schedule. Of course, being alone means you can get in touch with yourself in a new way. There are many things we learn about ourselves when we are single, such as what we want for ourselves. Alone time gives you the chance to figure out where someone else may fit into your plans for the future. You can really think about all the details you didn’t consider before. You can gain a whole new perspective on your own life, as well as the world around you.

Our society is always growing, advancing in new and exciting ways. As a result, there are more opportunities for people today than in the past. This includes career and dating opportunities. Right now is the best time to be single because anyone can take advantage of these opportunities.

This is why dating sites, such as Asian Single Solution, are so popular among singles. This type of application provides almost instant access to new people, without the commitment of a traditional relationship. This allows users their momentary indulgence, without becoming a distraction from their future plans.

If you are looking for a relationship, the best way to meet new people is by putting yourself where people are. This could mean approaching people in public places or online dating. We offer a fantastic online dating service for British Asians so why not give it a go?

We have all heard the rule not to mention an ex partner in a new relationship. That rule could perhaps be outdated now. After all, we all have a history. On one hand, talking about your exes can make it seem like you’re emotionally hung-up. On the other hand, when you’ve dated someone for a long time, or been married, they are an integral part of your life. There is a good chance you have stories you want to share that involve your ex. It can be exhausting to have to remember to say your “friend” instead of your ex. It also feels dishonest, since you’re not disclosing the depth of the relationship. Of course, you should never indulge in details about previous relationships, but pretending they never existed isn’t practical either. Especially if you’ve been married or have children.

If you’re only dating someone casually, with no intention of developing a real relationship, they don’t need to know if you’ve ever been married. They don’t need to know how many people you’ve dated or been intimate with. However, if you’re planning to have a serious relationship with someone, you want to get the information out in the open as soon as possible. Especially if it’s going to be a deal-breaker.

This is particularly challenging for single parents. Many people seem to have an aversion to dating someone with children. This may stem from the belief that single parents have too much baggage or it may be as simple as they aren’t good around children. Everyone has their own reason for avoiding single parents. Unfortunately, it’s a reality that has to be faced.

When you’re a single parent, we’d advise you to mention your child upfront. If you’re dating online, this can be as easy as mentioning a hobby you and your children participate in right on your profile. If you don’t mention your child on your profile make sure you let them know within the first messages. It doesn’t have to be the very first message, but sooner is always better. Anyone with an aversion to children will skip your profile. This saves you from potentially awkward conversations. It also helps you not to waste your time on someone who isn’t interested. After all, being a parent is an important part of someone’s life. There is nothing wrong with being a single parent. If someone has a problem with children, then they aren’t the right person for you.

The same should be said about a previous marriage. Your marriage, even thought it has ended, was an important part of your life and you should be open about it. Especially if you are planning to get serious with a new partner. If your new partner has issues with you being divorced, that is their hang-up, not yours. It is better to know their reservations before you plan to build a future with them.

Unfortunately, a separation is more complicated. For most people, being separated is a loose-end. There is baggage. Your new partner may wonder if you’re not divorced because you’re still holding on. Your new partner may even feel like you’re just trying to fill the shoes of your previous relationship. Since there are many complications with a separation or pending divorce, you should tell your new partner as soon as you realize you are serious about the relationship.

Again, if you’re not serious about someone, your past relationships can be kept to yourself. If you are serious about someone, they should know all the baggage you may come with. The worst thing you can do is try to pretend you don’t have a past. By doing this, your new partner will feel like you’re hiding something from them. If you didn’t mention that you were married, imagine how they would react 1 year after dating you? 5 years down the line? How would you react?

If you’re insecure about your dating history, you shouldn’t be dating. You need to work through any residual issues from past relationships before getting involved with someone new.

When you’re getting ready for a date, it’s natural to be nervous. Almost everyone feels nervous before a date. It is a universal part of the dating process. The nerves are only amplified if it’s been a while since you’ve been on a date or you have a history of dates that didn’t go quite the way you hoped. The problem with being nervous is that it can quickly develop into over-thinking and may even become a source of stress and panic.

What do you do when that happens? Give yourself a pep talk! It sounds silly, but it’s more common than you would think. Many people give themselves a quick pep talk right before a date. This can help to boost your confidence and refocus your thoughts. If a pep talk from yourself doesn’t sound helpful, try recruiting a friend or family member to boost your confidence.

Be prepared to hear the most dreaded phrase in pep talks: “You just have to try to relax.”

We all know that the secret to being less nervous is to relax. We also know that it’s easier to say than to actually do. If you are having trouble relaxing, here are a few things you can do to calm your nerves before a date:

Deep breathing
Meditation
Listening to music, especially your favorite artist/favorite songs
Distract yourself (eg: video games, word puzzles, chatting on the phone with a friend)
Work out/get physically active

These methods may or may not work for you. For some, distractions are a great way to reduce nerves, instead of hyper-focusing on the upcoming date. If distraction isn’t helping, this is what to say to yourself before a date that will actually be helpful:

You’re just meeting someone.

You are two people, getting together to share conversation and a few laughs. There are no expectations beyond the conversation. If the date doesn’t go well, it won’t be the end of the world. There will always be someone else you can meet. By putting “expectations” on a date, you’re making it more complicated than it needs to be. If you reframe your from “date” to “going out with a new friend”, you may find it easier to relax. You may also choose to focus on what you’re doing, instead of who you’re doing it with.

It’s not a job interview and you won’t lose anything if it doesn’t work out.

You don’t have to worry about perfect presentation. Yes, you only get one chance to make a good impression. But you’re not up for a job interview. You don’t have to put a professional foot forward. Instead, just be yourself. Speak in a way that is natural to you and let the conversation flow. The best method for keeping this mind set is by making low-stress plans together. This means a coffee shop and a walk through the park. Choose simple activities that you’ll both be comfortable with. This way, you’re less likely to suffer from nerves. You can ease into the date and let the conversation progress naturally.

Embrace it.

The best thing you can really do is just accept and embrace your nervousness. There is a good chance the person you’re going to meet feels just as nervous as you. Instead of thinking about how nervous you are, think about how nervous the other person might be. Now, think of the ways you can break the ice by mentioning the elephant in the room. Humour is a great tool to ease stress and make someone feel more relaxed. Keep in mind that your date understands your nerves as they are feeling them too.

James Preece

Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

Coming out of a relationship can be an eye-opening experience. It’s almost as if you’re seeing the world for the first time, although that view isn’t always a pleasant one. Sometimes the world feels empty due to the absence of your partner or your lack of self-identity. It’s tempting to try and fill the void by jumping into a new relationship. But that can be a recipe for disaster, especially if you don’t really know what you’re looking for. Before you put yourself back into the world of dating, ask yourself: “What Am I Looking For?”

The answer to this question determines your readiness for a new relationship. Consider the reasons you were attracted to your last partner. Are you looking for those same traits in someone new? Are they generic traits or specific quirks your last partner had? If you find yourself looking for specific traits, you’re not ready to move on from your last relationship. You need to take a step back and look inward. If you’re looking for generic traits, you’re ready.

Boost Your Confidence

If you’re newly single, confidence can be a game-changer. No one is going to want to date you if you seem desperate and lonely. No one expects you’re going to be perfect. Find a balance between the raw emotional state you might be in and the confident person you were before the break-up. You can fake your confidence if you’re not feeling great about yourself. A better idea is to engage in activities that will naturally boost your confidence, like working out or accomplishing goals.

Put Yourself Out There

You have to put yourself in situations you’re likely to meet people in, such as bars or cafes. If you’re leaning towards online dating, find the most successful website or application in your area and give it your focus. It’s tempting to join a variety of websites, but it doesn’t increase your chances. In fact, you end up spreading yourself too thin. So find one that works for you and stick to it. You have the ability to change locations more fluidly in person, so experiment with where people seem to be.

Numbers Game

Dating is a numbers game, there’s no doubt about that. For every successful date you go on, you’ll have 1 or 2 that were awful. The more dates you go on, the more likely you’ll be successful. Online dating takes the numbers to a whole new extreme. If you send 5 messages, you’re unlikely to get any responses. If you send 25 messages, you’re likely to get 1-3 replies. Of course, each message has to be uniquely crafted because most people know if you’re sending a generic message. This can be time consuming, but it’ll be worth your effort.

Be Open

Online, it’s easy enough to be open to meeting people. All you have to do is craft an engaging profile, right? In person, it may be harder to convey your intentions. You have to rely on body language, the direction of your stare and your smile. You can use your body language to invite someone to talk to you, using your eyes to direct them. Your smile should be friendly and saying “hello”.

Take It Easy

Don’t be in a rush to get back into a relationship. Enjoy the single life a little more. Have fun with the process. Dating isn’t always about an end-result, like marriage. Dating can be an independent experience. You can get to know different people. You may even learn things about yourself. Many dates don’t go anywhere and that’s fine. Every experience is something you can learn from. One day, you’ll look back and laugh at the “bad” dates you’ve been on.

All over the world, there are people who dread being single on Valentine’s Day. It’s the one day a year that every couple, new and old, take to the streets and flaunt their joy and love. Restaurants fill up with those who are celebrating. Movie theatres are showing romantic comedies and the crowd is filled with couples. Even walking down the street, you’re bound to see people engaging in public affection that may otherwise be considered inappropriate. If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, it seems easier to coop yourself up and avoid the all out love-fest. Although it might seem like a good idea to keep to yourself, this can create deeper feelings of isolation. If you’re already feeling a sense of loneliness, this is the last thing you need. Instead, try these fun ideas to boost your spirits:

Singles Parties

You’re certainly not the only Asian single who is alone on Valentines Day. The good news is that of the people like you, may choose to be pro-active. The end result? Singles Parties. These parties are exactly what they sound like, with men and women alike gathering to engage in conversation. We are running two big Asian singles events ourselves – one in London and one in Birmingham. Of course, it won’t always result in a date, but it’s something to keep your mind from wandering too far. If there aren’t any parties in your area, try hosting one yourself. This works well if you know quite a few single people. The more people you tell about your party, the more people are likely to show up.

Make Plans

If a singles’ party doesn’t sound like your thing, that’s absolutely fine. Not everyone is interested in meeting new people at events, especially if you’re introverted. Instead of trying to meet someone new, opt to connect with someone you already know. You can use Valentine’s Day to bond with anyone, not just a significant other. Try calling a friend or family member to hang out for the evening. If you have a co-worker that is single, invite them out for drinks or just to chill out.

Date Yourself

The greatest love you will ever have is love for yourself. Whether you’re male or female, self-love is crucial to personal development and rich relationships with other people. If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, take the chance to date yourself. Get to know yourself all over again. You may discover a whole new side of yourself! You can also engage in old hobbies & interests that may help you to connect with yourself. Of course, you’re not limited to introspection. Take yourself to dinner, run a bubble bath or go see a movie. If you just want to stay home and play video games, do it! Make it a day that is all about you.

Volunteer

So everyone is busy and you don’t want to sit at home alone. This is a great chance to volunteer your time to a good cause. You can go down to a food bank and help hand out food. You can read to the elderly in a hospice. If you really want to get creative, you can bake treats and hand them out to the local homeless. Not only is this a great way to spend your Valentine’s Day, but you’ll feel a deeper reward in helping others.

Keep Busy

The best advice anyone can give you when you’re single on Valentine’s Day is to keep busy. Even if you’re just ticking things off a to-do list, keeping busy will prevent you from that isolation feeling. The more you can get done, the more accomplished you’ll feel in the following days too. You may be able to completely finish your to-do list or finish those creative projects you have started. You may be able to catch up on work assignments or even just sleep! There are too many options to list, so get creative!

There is nothing more draining than dates after dates that never seem to go anywhere. Sure, it’s fun to get out of the house and away from work. But it feels tedious when nothing long-term ever comes from it. This is called a dating rut. It means that you’re stuck in emotional quicksand and can’t seem to pull yourself back out. We’ve all been there at least once. Below is a list of tips to help you get out of the dating rut and back into the dating pool.

Take a break from dating

One of the best things you can do to get out of a dating rut is take a break from dating altogether. Go out by yourself. Reconnect with your friends. Join a social club or something. Do something that will act as a distraction, while also providing you the opportunity to socialize with others. You may even end up with a date. At the very least, you’ll likely make a few good friends.

Reevaluate what you’re looking for in a partner

It can be easy to become so engulfed in your attempts to date that you can lose sight of important goals. One of these goals is the reason you’re dating in the first place. Our needs often change and sometimes, we don’t reflect those changes in our search for companionship. This could mean your dating criteria is out-dated. Take some time to reflect and think about what it is you’re looking for. Remember that if you’re starting to feel desperate to find someone, you may be looking for the wrong reasons.

Consider your expectations of a partner

Many of us want to say we’re open to anyone life sends our way. The fact is, we all have a type. This could be physical traits or aspects of their personality. It can even mean artificial assets, like careers and possessions. If you’re in a dating rut, you should think about your expectations in a partner. Write them down. Rate their importance. Get rid of any that wouldn’t make or break the experience. This will help you to broaden your selection in the future.

Just have a good time

Instead of thinking about what you’re looking for or putting unnecessary pressure on you dating experience, just have fun! Go out with people you normally wouldn’t. Ditch all your expectations, including the ones you have for yourself. Learn to enjoy the moment and the company of another person. Even if that person doesn’t have the same goals in mind as you. This can help to open you up to a different type of person or show you something you’re missing in yourself.

Practice self-care

That doesn’t mean take a bubble bath or treat yourself to something. Although, if you want to, go ahead! It’s always a good idea to indulge every once in a while. Largely, self-care means putting yourself first. Instead of thinking about finding someone else, find yourself. Spend more quality time with yourself and get to know who you are. You can have fun by yourself, too!

The holidays are a great time to spend with your closest family and reconnect with distant relatives. You get to see all the faces you haven’t been able to see since the last holiday. There are gatherings everywhere. People to meet. Faces to remember. It’s fun, but it can also be chaotic.

If you’re just starting a new relationship, the holidays can be really tricky. After all, there are two families to plan around. You want to visit your family for the holidays. Your new partner probably wants to visit their own family. At the same time, you also want to enjoy the holidays together. It’s hard enough to have the conversation with yourself. How do you talk to your new partner about their plans?

The first thing you need to do is get all the variables out in the open. This is done by asking your partner what his/her plans are for the holidays. It is awkward, but you will have to ask your new partner if he/she wants to spend the holidays with you. If the answer is no, your problems are solved.

Of course, you may be offended by the fact that your partner doesn’t want you to meet his/her family. Keep in mind that your partner could feel that it is too soon to introduce you to his/her family. Your partner may want to introduce you more gradually or to a smaller group first. You’ll need to be patient with your partner and respect this decision.

If your partner does want to spend the holidays with you, then you’ll need to figure out how you can both get what you want. Ask your partner the details: Where would you be going? Who would you be seeing? How long will you be staying? Ask yourself the same questions and share the information with your partner. There are likely going to be conflicts. Try and be patient with each other as you work through those conflicts together. Communication is the key to a smooth holiday plan!

If both of your families are located in the same place, your plans will be significantly easier to arrange. Of course, there will still be the question of where you are eating the traditional holiday meal. You don’t want to eat at both locations, even if they are at different times. If they are different days, you’re set! Alternatively, you can always arrange to meet each others families, then go your separate way for the meal. After you’ve enjoyed the meal and time with your family, you can get back together for the later evening. If that isn’t realistic, you can spend the following day together to make up for lost time.

Along with open communication, you need to be flexible about your plans. Again, the holidays are stressful and you don’t want to add to that stress. Being open about the time you spend together. You will be able to make it work as long as you’re open, flexible, and patient.

There are people out in the world who avoid commitment when dating.  They aren’t interested in settling down. Maybe they want to travel the world and meet different people. Maybe they are too focused on advancing their career to think about love.

For these people, short term dating is a choice they have made. But there are others who have had the choice made for them by their insecurities. These people are commitment phobes, but they often don’t even know it!

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you are one of those people. Consult the list below and see how many of these traits you can identify in your own life:

You are always second-guessing yourself.
You’re indecisive, especially when meeting new people.
You think about the end of every relationship.
You have hidden insecurities and are afraid of being left behind.
You worry about someone accepting you for who you are.
You always end up in the worst relationships.
You avoid sharing personal details about yourself with a new partner.
You avoid talking about your past, even if it was “normal”.
You tend to ghost on other people.
You have a rotation of people you’re communicating with.
You are more comfortable with short relationships.
You tend to nitpick about unimportant things.
You are always looking for a reason to end the relationship.
You tend to self-sabotage.
You always make jokes about how relationships are a waste of time.
You have been called out by friends or family.
You have commitment issues in other aspects of your life.

If any of these traits resonate with you, there is a good chance you are afraid of committing to someone. If you are afraid of commitment, you may be wondering how you can overcome that fear. After all, no one wants to be alone forever or move from relationship to relationship. If you’re ready to accept that you’re afraid of commitment, you’re ready to make the changes too.

The key is to take small steps and make gradual changes. Change isn’t easy for anyone, even if you want to believe you’ll be the exception. If you try to rush the process, you’re going to fail and end up back at square one. Instead, try pacing yourself. If something feels unnatural, don’t do it. You’re also going to want to communicate your fears with your current partner, especially if they are the reason you want to make these changes. Your partner should know what you are going through so that he/she can be supportive of the process. Otherwise, you may feel your efforts are for nothing.

The first thing you need to do is figure out the reason behind your fear of commitment. Are you afraid of being left behind? Are you afraid no one will love you for who you really are? Are you afraid of investing time into something that is going to end? Be honest with yourself about these hesitations. That is the only way you will be able to work through these issues. Often, identifying them helps you to realize they aren’t valid insecurities and allows you to move on with your life.

If you continue struggling, get in touch and our resident Dating Coach might be able to help!

www.asiansinglesolution.com

As a Dating Coach, it concerns me every time I see someone writing a negative online dating profile.

It’s a terrible thing to do but still surprisingly common, despite our best efforts to teach people they shouldn’t be doing it!

So what exactly is a “negative” profile and what’s so bad about it?

A negative dating profile is one that talks about all the things you don’t want.  Typical comments might be things like:

“I can’t believe I’m doing this”

“No timewasters please”

“Only contact me if you have a photo”

“Don’t bother to contact me if you aren’t serious”

“I don’t know what to write here”

“If you aren’t in the UK don’t bother”

Believe it or not, these type of statements appear in an awful lot of profiles.  The problem is that they make you sound really miserable, jaded and unlikely to be fun on a date. Nobody likes a negative nancy so you should avoid these at all costs.  If people think you are like that then they won’t be drawn to you and won’t want to spend time with you.

It’s much better to focus on positive things and talk about the lovely things you have to offer.  It’s not just about what you are looking for, but what the other person wants too. It’s a two way street and you have to remember that.  Otherwise it can come across as demanding or downright rude.  I’m sure you don’t want anyone to think that of you!

Try and write things like this instead:

“I’m excited to see what might happen on this site”

“I’d love you to contact me if you like what you’ve read”

“If you are also looking for a serious relationship then it would be great to hear from you”

“Helping others and Keeping Fit are two of the things that make me happy”

If you’ve written anything negative in your profile then I strongly suggest you take this out and write something more lighthearted and friendly instead.  You’ll have a much better success rate and many more replies to your messages.

Happy Dating!

James Preece

Dating Coach for Asian Single Solution.

You may be at a point in your relationship that feels flat. There’s no more excitement. You’re starting to feel distant. Intimacy has slowed or completely stopped. Internally, you may be panicking. At the same time, you’re hesitant to bring this up with your partner. Naturally, no one wants to have to say “this isn’t working”. It often leads to an argument because it sounds like the prelude to a break-up scene. If that’s not your goal, it’s all in the wording.

If the drift is minimal, it’s easy enough to get things back on track without even mentioning it to your partner. Of course, a healthy relationship means you should always feel comfortable talking to your partner. If you feel like the issue might be serious, you need to sit down and talk about what is going on. It could be something on both ends or something you’ve overlooked. It’s possible your partner isn’t feeling the relationship anymore. It’s more likely they are just going through something personal.

When you’re faced with any of these issues, here are 5 quick ways to strength your relationship:

Set aside alone time

While you might spend a good deal of time together, this is different. This refers to time without distractions or interferences. No TV or cellphones. No reading a book or magazine. Just spending time together. You may think this sounds boring, but use your imagination! You could play a board game together or simply talk. Use the time alone to express your concerns or to get to know your partner. There is always something new to learn, even if you’ve been together 40 years.

Do something different

Instead of sticking to the same routine, try spicing it up. This can be as simple or as complicated as you’d like. You could go to a restaurant instead of staying in for dinner. Go on a date, like you’re meeting for the first time. Go for a walk together in a park you haven’t been to in years. It doesn’t matter. Anything outside of your typical routine is going to be different enough. After all, relationships can feel stagnant simply because the routine has drained you. By switching up what you’re doing, you can bring the essence of youth back. Another great idea in this category is signing up for a class, maybe cooking or crafts. As long as it’s something you’ll both enjoy!

Celebrate each other

Naturally, you celebrate when your partner has accomplished something like a promotion or a raise. As important as it is to recognise big accomplishments, you need to learn to recognise the little ones as well. You can do this by saying thank-you for small house tasks. You can buy random inexpensive gifts or treats to show your partner that you’re thinking about them. You can get creative with dozens of ways to show your appreciation for your partner. This is the same as celebrating them. Remember that every day with your partner is a gift.

Get physical

Too often relationship problems are caused by a lack of physical intimacy. While that shouldn’t the base of any relationship, it is definitely one of the walls of the foundation. A healthy relationship always has a form of physical intimacy. This doesn’t always refer to intercourse. You can get physically intimate by holding hands, kissing, tender embraces and cuddling up on the couch to watch TV. Physical intimacy is really any kind of physical closeness. Every relationship needs that.

Communicate

This is a big issue in most relationships. Communication often stops feeling essential as you get used to the routine. You talk all the time about dinner, work, weather or upcoming events. But you don’t dive into the “how are you, really?” questions. Learning to communicate isn’t as quick as the other options, but it’s equally important. Without communication, any relationship is doomed to failure. This refers to learning to how to have an argument as well. Obviously, there are going to be issues that arise. You don’t need to avoid arguments in a relationship, you need to learn to communicate the real issue to get working on a solution.

Of course, every step you take in a relationship should be met half-way! If you’re not feeling valued as an equal or you feel you’re doing everything, it’s time to have a more serious talk.

James Preece

Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

Every relationship reaches the point where you have to ask: Is it time to introduce them to your inner circle? After all, you’re not going to date someone without ever introducing them to friends and family. At the same time, you don’t want to introduce every single potential partner to your friends. You could overwhelm your friends or even build resentment. If you’re moving too fast with your relationships, you could end up facing that problem. If you feel that’s the case, take a step back from dating and take a look at why you might be rushing your relationships.

Here are a few tips to help you introduce your partner to your friends:

Less is more

When you’re making the introductions, less is more. Don’t invite your partner to a party with 25 of your closest friends. Start with brunch and maybe 2 of your friends. This gives your partner the chance to get to know the people in your life, while also giving your friends the chance to get to know your partner. Intimate gatherings are ideal for initial meetings. This way, your partner will be happy to see a familiar face at that 25 guest party. It saves both of you from becoming overwhelmed with the interaction. Plus, if the relationship falls apart soon after, you only introduced this partner to a few friends.

Timing is everything

It’s not easy to choose the right timing to make introductions. That’s because there is no right or wrong answer. There isn’t exactly a rule book, either. It’s different for everyone. Your time line might work with this partner, but be too early with the next. You really have to gauge every relationship individually and decide what is best with each partner.

Generally, premature introductions aren’t wise. There are a few cases where an early introduction has had benefits. Such as the partner didn’t like the friends, ultimately deciding the fate of the relationship. Other examples may include the reaction the partner has about the introductions. After all, you can tell a lot about someone by how they act when they meet new people. If you don’t want to take that chance, wait until you feel you know this person well enough to introduce them to other people who are important to you.

Be confident

Many of our friends form opinions about our partner, whether we’re serious about the relationship or just testing the waters. This can go many ways, including the good, bad, and in between. In the instance of a bad judgement, you might find yourself being peer-pressured into an early end for this relationship. On the other hand, if your friends love your partner, you may feel obligated to stick around even if you’re not feeling the connection. This is another reason timing is important and making small introductions is beneficial.

Ultimately, when you’re introducing your partner to your friends, it’s because you’re confident in the relationship having some sort of success. If you’re not confident about that, it’s too early to make the introductions. Granted, early introductions could save you from investing too much time in a doomed relationship. But do you want to make that call or let the relationship play out on its own?

James Preece – Dating Coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

It’s no secret that having confidence is the best way to get ahead in life. Whether you’re talking about landing a promotion at work or finding that special someone. Confidence is the key to unlocking almost any doorway. But how do you fair when you don’t have any confidence? You can always learn how to be more confident. It takes time and consistency. You can take courses online or in person to help build your confidence. Or you can follow the old adage: Fake it until you make it. It’s a lot easier to fake your confidence. This can even help you to build real confidence in yourself. Let’s take a look at 5 ways you can appear more confident:

1. Learn to balance conversation.

Many people who are nervous tend to talk a lot more than they should. Many others choose to be absolutely silent. These are two indications that someone lacks confidence in their life. Instead of doing either, learn when it’s appropriate to talk and when it’s best to listen. You don’t need to be the wallflower and you don’t need to babble nervously. When you choose to speak, make your voice heard. Be commanding and bold and always follow through on anything you say.

2. Don’t fidget.

Another habit that nervous individuals have is excessive fidgeting. You need to learn to sit still. Now when most people think of fidgeting, they think of hand gestures. Fidgeting can also mean gently shaking your leg and even looking around the room excessively. Instead of allowing yourself these mindless actions, consciously make the effort to stop trying to distract yourself. That’s really what fidgeting is: Keeping your mind otherwise occupied because you’re nervous or anxious about the situation you’re in.

3. Maintain eye contact.

When it comes to talking to people you’re nervous around, it’s tempting to look in different directions. However, improving your confidence starts with making solid eye contact. This can be tricky to do initially, so pace yourself. Start by looking just over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to. This can make it appear as though you’re making eye contact. Then make the effort to look directly at the individual and try and maintain eye contact. You’ll find it comes naturally after a while.

4. Stand tall and be proud.

Confident individuals always stand tall. This is both physically and mentally. By doing this, they tend to command the attention of the room. To stand tall physically means to stand with your shoulders straight, looking ahead and making direct eye contact. To stand tall mentally means to be proud of yourself and the things you’ve accomplished. If you don’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything, set your goals a little lower. You’re allowed to feel proud of getting out of bed in the morning if that’s all you’ve done. You don’t need to win awards to be validated.

5. Pace yourself.

The biggest way to appear confident is by not overdoing it. Whether you’re learning confidence or trying to fake it, you need to be realistic. This means that you can’t overexaggerate how confident you are. You can’t pretend to feel like you’re on top of the world. You need to maintain a balance between who you are and this person you’re trying to become. You don’t want to take on more than you can handle and then have people find out this isn’t who you are. So take baby steps until you feel confident to start taking leaps.

We’re all likely to see those happy couples. Whether out and about or people we know personally. They are always laughing and seem radiant, no matter how long they’ve been together. If you’re not in a relationship like that, it’s gets you thinking: what makes them so happy? What do those couples know that you don’t? Why can’t you be that happy with your partner? The good news is that you can. You can start today to build a relationship that will always flourish. You just have to learn the secrets behind happy couples.

Listen & Respond

One thing that these couples do is communicate effectively. They feel comfortable expressing their thoughts to one another. They don’t worry about the reception because they are open. Being open with your partner increases your likelihood of staying together. But communication is more than just talking about your problems. It also means that you’re listening to their problems. You’re responded to them in an effective manner. It’s often easy to jump into “defensive” mode when you’re feeling attacked. But you have to remember that expressing their feelings about something is not meant to be a direct attack on you.

Be supportive & understanding of each other

Following an open communication, you have to learn to be supportive and understanding. This means that you’ll have to drop the defensive mechanisms you’ve learned over the years. You should never have to be defensive with a partner. Supporting each other also means giving each other space when it’s needed. Your partner could be having a hard time because of work or other personal issues. You can’t pressure them into talking or even being intimate. They shouldn’t pressure you either. You need to be able to give each other what is needed at the time.

Maintain intimacy & be attentive

Being attentive is a good way to give each other what is needed. This also means being observant enough to know what your partner might be looking for. Doing this is a great way to make your partner feel appreciated and understood. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in your own world that you forget to make time for each other. Please don’t confuse intimacy with sex. Being intimate with your partner doesn’t always mean sex. Although, a healthy sexual relationship is a key element to maintaing a thriving connection. Intimacy can be as simple as holding hands or cuddling on the couch. Sometimes silence and hand-holding is the best way to be attentive to someone’s needs.

Kiss & Make Up

One of the reasons someone feels underappreciated is because small things get taken out of context. This can lead to misunderstandings, which can lead to arguments. The original point gets completely lost in the heat of the moment and nothing gets resolved. It’s important to know which fights are worth having and when it’s time to step down. Knowing this can be the difference between a thriving relationship and a failing one. In order to know whether or not it’s important, you’ll have to follow the steps above in being attentive and communicating effectively. You need to stay focused during any disagreement so that the problem actually gets resolved and doesn’t need to come up again in the future.

Learn to laugh together

Finally, happy couples are the ones who can laugh off unimportant arguments. Learning to laugh with your partner is beneficial is so many ways. Firstly, laughter is a health boost. But it also signals that your love for each other is more important than petty problems. Laughing alone makes you seem inconsiderate and like you don’t care, but laughing together signals a oneness. Every relationship should have that oneness.

That’s not to say you’ll always be on the same page. These couples aren’t happy 24-7. They argue. They disagree. But they know how to communicate and work things through. That’s how happy couples stay happy.

At the start of the new year, everyone likes to make a fresh start.  It’s when we decide we’ll start taking action and do something dramatic to achieve one particular goal in life.

For some, this might be to lose weight. For others it could be to find a new job or quit smoking.  However, lots of people will also want to meet their perfect partner. I’m guessing that’s why you are reading this blog on our site in the first place.  The good news is that you’ve come to the right place as we can definitely provide you with the tools to help you. It’s now just a case of you keeping things going and making a start.

Here are some quick suggestions to help you on your way:

State your Intentions

First of all, let all your friends and family know you are looking for a partner. Write it on social media and let the world know what you are up to. Put a note on your fridge about the person you are going to meet. That way you are making a declaration that you are finally doing this. Your support circle will be able to help and keep you motivated.  More that anything, you’ll become accountable.

Perfect Your Profile

The next thing you must do is get your online dating profile ready. Update it with new content and recent photos. Make sure it’s the best advert for you and that you are going to stand out from the competition.  Your profile is there to attract new people to you even when you aren’t logged in, so make it count.

Book an Event

If you want to be successful, you are going to have to leave the house.  Do everything possible to get yourself in a position where you’ll meet new people. We run lots of very popular events that will provide you with this opportunity. Book one now and you are going to dramatically boost your chances. Tell your friends but don’t worry if you come on your own as we have wonderful friendly hosts to look after you.

Get on some Dates

Do go out on dates, even if you aren’t completely sure about them. If there is even a glimmer of interest then spend an hour or so with them over coffee. There’s nothing to lose and the more dates you go on then the better you’ll become.  You won’t be nervous anymore.

Keep Going

Nothing worth getting is ever going to be easy.  You’ll experience knock-backs along the way but you have to keep up the momentum. You won’t like everyone you meet but all it takes is one person. Don’t give up before you even start as it can take several months to get what you truly desire.

So what are you waiting for?  You owe it to yourself to start taking action.  Once you do, you’ll be so happy that you got started. You’ll be that little bit closer to a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Happy dating and good luck!

James Preece

Dating Coach for Asiansinglesolution.com

Christmas comes with many different traditions, each celebrated around the world. While many nationalities carry their own tradition, there are several that have become universal. The first instance of these traditions is all folklore, often relating to the British immigration to North America and the Pagan festivities of the season. While we may not know exactly where each of these traditions came from, we know they are synonymous with the Christmas season. Let’s take a look at some of the most common traditions:

The Tradition Of Mistletoe

The history of the mistletoe actually comes from the Druid people. This plant, although known in the wild as a weed, is said to bring good luck to couples who kiss underneath the bushel. As the tradition goes, each couple takes a berry from the leaves. Once there are no berries left, there is no need to kiss underneath the leaves. As long as there are still berries, there are still wishes for good luck in the future. In current tradition, mistletoe is made of plastic so there aren’t any berries to pick. It’s more of a fun thing for couples to do than actually following the traditions. If you’d like to follow the tradition this year, try and pick yourself a real mistletoe and use it in the doorway of your home.

The First Gingerbread Man

It is said the first Gingerbread Man was created by Queen Elizabeth (the first). The spice trade had started booming in the UK and these spices came over from the Middle East. In an attempt to impress visitors, the Queen baked cookies that were shaped in the likeness of her guests. This sparked the interest of the people and eventually became a tradition for the holiday season. Gingerbread houses are a whole other mystery, with no real description of where they came from, say the fairytale of Hansel and Gretel. Either way, the smell of gingerbread cookies is synonymous with Christmas cheer.

Gift Giving

For those who have read through the Christian Bible, presents were given to the baby Jesus by three wise men. This is the first notable instance of gift giving on record. For those unfamiliar with the story, this happened on what we now call Christmas Eve. These gifts were presented, each representing something different to the future of the blessed baby Jesus. Today, we practice this tradition by purchasing gifts for the people in our lives and placing them under the tree. This action comes from the Pagan rituals of blessing for the upcoming years.

The Christmas Tree

The tradition of a Christmas tree has a rich history. There are many different associations with the first Christmas tree. Most notably is the Riga tree, which may have been the first instance of celebrating around a tree. It is a common practice in Pagan festivals during the winter months and has been for many years. Today, Christmas trees are put up inside of homes and decorated to show off to guests and visiting family members. This is often more of a bonding tradition than actually praising or celebrating the season.

Dating around the holidays can be pretty stressful. Most places are packed with last-minute shoppers. There’s a different kind of pressure in the air regarding romance. If you’re just getting to know someone, you want to avoid all of it. You just want a quiet night to share with someone. At the same time, you want to feel festive too.  Here are a few date ideas that take both of these factors into consideration:

Decorating The House

One of the most fun activities during the Christmas holiday is decorating. Some people even make a sport out of it to try and compete with neighbours in a playful way. Even if you’ve just started dating, decorating the house can be a great activity. It’s inexpensive, as you’ve likely got the decorations handy already. It will also give the two of you the chance to discuss holiday memories. This is great for bonding, plus it adds a festive cheer to your home and your blossoming relationship.

Baking

Of course, you can also opt for decorating a gingerbread house instead of your own home.  If you don’t know each other well enough to take them home, this smaller and edible home is a great date idea too. The two of you can create something together, which gives you an idea of the chemistry between you. Then you get to enjoy the delicious taste of eating your creation after. Plus, you can eat all the leftover decorations you didn’t use while you were putting the house together. Don’t forget to save some decor for the little gingerbread folk who will be living in your newly made dwelling!

Sweater Shopping

If you’re the type who likes to shop, this is the best date idea for you. This involves heading to your local thrift shop and looking for a Christmas sweater. The two of you can playfully compete to see who can find the ugliest sweater. Or you can just opt for matching sweaters if you’re feeling that vibe. Of course, you don’t have to go for ugly sweaters either. You can try and find something more significant to the relationship that you might want to wear over and over. Shopping is always a fun date idea, especially when you first start dating. You get a good idea of what your new partner is into and what they like. This especially helps around the holidays.

Christmas Movies

You can do this one at home or go to your local cinema. Around Christmas, all the holiday movies come out and are usually on offer. You can buy a few of them to bring home and watch. In some places you can still rent DVD’s, so maybe rent them instead of buying. Or you can simply head to Netflix to see what movies might be listed there for the season. In most places, the local cinema takes the holiday as an opportunity to drum up business by playing classic Christmas movies. Whichever route you choose, make sure to grab yourself some popcorn!

Sight-Seeing

A classic holiday date idea is to go sight-seeing in your neighborhood. This often involves looking at all the brightly decorated homes around yours. You can choose either neighborhood or do both if you’re feeling adventurous. Just make sure that you’re dressing warm, as the winds are often cold in the later hours of winter. It might also be a good idea to grab yourselves hot chocolate before heading on your stroll. This gives you something warm to counter the temperature. It also gives you something to do with your hands, in case you might be nervous.

Online dating is all about the way you present yourself. Since you’re not initially meeting face-to-face, your profile is going to be the first impression anyone has of you. You want to make a good impression. This will have other members of the website contacting you and wanting to know more. You’ll have more dating opportunities with a well-rounded profile. It can be hard to come up with a unique profile that truly stands out from all your competition. The good news is that we’ll show you where to start!

Your username and profile picture are the two most important aspects of your dating profile. These are the first things someone will see when you show up in a search or while they are browsing. Your username should be something clever and inventive. Hotguy2015 isn’t going to stand out. Puns are a good way to make usernames stand out. If there’s a clever way you can use your name to create a word, try that! You’d be surprised how many people are more interested in clicking a clever username. Now your profile picture should flattering, but not misleading. You don’t want to use any photo magic in a profile picture. You can choose flattering angles (most people do) and wear the clothes you look best in. You can pose or take a more candid style photo to show off your personality. You can use flattering images as supporting pictures, but try to look as natural as possible in your profile picture.

The next thing someone is going to look at is your tagline. “I’m looking for Mr/Mrs. Right” is not an informative tagline. You’re pretty limited on what you can say in a tagline so be creative! Find the shortest way to get the most information across. For instance: “My Mr/Mrs. Right loves beagle puppies and watching hockey on Saturday nights.” In this tagline, you’re talking more about who you’re looking for. You’ll appeal to anyone who loves beagle puppies or hockey. Obviously, this is an outline. You’ll want to use things that personally apply to you and your interests. The tagline is a great way to quickly summarise who you are and what you’re looking for.

Your profile information is where you’ll get to dive into details. Now to really make your profile pop, you’ll want to include summarized information. No one enjoys reading large paragraphs of text. Even if they are interested in you, they aren’t looking to read a book. Using point-form is the easiest way to describe yourself in more detail. It’s also useful for describing your ideal mate. Many dating profiles are very basic. They talk about generic interests, like music or movies or sports. They don’t talk about personality. You want to stand out, so you want to describe who you are, not just what you’re into.

The most important thing to remember about building any dating profile is to be yourself. You can accentuate your good qualities and leave out some of the bad, but don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. If you’re looking for a real connection, you have to be a real person.

First dates are fun, exciting, and usually pretty awesome.  However, sometimes they are can scary or boring and something you never want to want to repeat.

So our goal is to make sure you always have an amazing first date.  That’s the easy part.  We then need to make sure that you get the second date!

Here are five ways to guarantee that second date:

1) The first way to guarantee a second date is ask for one.  This seems like the most obvious thing, but many first dates end with no set plan on if you will meet again, and then both parties are waiting for the other to call, text, message and nothing will ever happen. So find out if they’d like to meet again at the end of your first meeting.

2) Play it cool.  Don’t overdo it with the compliments or phrases that share what a great time you are having on the date.  Saying “I’m having a great time”  once is a good thing, it lets the other person know you are having a good time, but you don’t want to overkill it.

3) Remember to ask questions and listen to the answer.  When you and the date are conversing it shows that you have an interest in your date will make them feel involved.

 4) Keep the topics of conversation light.  You don’t want to talk about your medical issues, death or other heavy topics because you want to have fun and learn about the other.  The big stuff can wait until the fifth date or sometime afterwards once you know each a lot better. Leave them wanting to know more about you

5) Plan exciting dates.  Having coffee or cocktail dates is all very well, but if you are doing a lot of dating it can get tiring fast.  So think about how you can spice things up a bit and stand out from your competition.  If you date is the most exciting they’ve had in ages, they will naturally want to repeat it.  This is true whether you are male or female as you could be taking it in turns to plan your dates.

These are five simple ways to guarantee a second date with someone that you had a splendid first date with.  Attraction is a tricky thing, so just be honest with the date and have fun being yourself.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

For many people, the question of “why we kiss” seems fairly obvious. It’s all about sharing an intimate moment with someone we care about. It’s offering a deeper connection, demonstrating our vulnerabilities. Or sometimes, it’s about getting a feel for a new lovers’ skills. Kissing is just a great way to express your inner romanticism or a way to make a physical connection with someone else. Well, that does seem like the more the obvious reason to kiss someone, right?

But it’s not scientifically correct. That’s right, there’s a scientific reason for kissing someone!  It involves biological figures.

The fact is the study of kissing is actually called “philematology”. This is derived from the greek word (isn’t everything?) “philos”. The translation of that word means an “earthy love”. It’s a word that describes getting back to the roots. This is a suitable word for the study of kissing as  kissing itself feels like a connection to the root of the recipient. That’s why it often feels the most vulnerable, even though it’s such a simple action.

Philematology describes kissing as a way our bodies communicate chemically. The exchange of saliva is actually a way of determining physical compatibility. Your body will react likewise to the communications you aren’t even conscious of. You know how kissing can leave you absolutely breathless and make you fall head over heels in love with that person? Or it can turn you off completely and you’ll send them running for the exit? That’s the response to the chemical composition of the person you’re kissing. It can work either way depending on how skilled you are at doing it.

Over the years it’s been deemed that human beings used these chemical communications less and less. That our primal instinct to find the perfect partner for mating has been fading. But studies are arguing those assumptions by proving them entirely wrong. Studies are done to determine the likelihood of two people choosing to mate, using chemical compositions.

That might seem a little far fetched, but as a relationship expert I know how true it is. As we’ve evolved as human beings and our “ideals” have changed, you would think our bodies no longer look for this signals. The fact of the matter is that many of our “ideals” are actually just those same chemical responses. Whether it’s through kissing or the scent of another person, it’s in our DNA to find that “perfect someone”. Even if you’re not looking for an ideal mating partner, your body is. That’s just the way we were designed and there’s nothing you can do about it!

Interestingly, philematology determined that kissing can actually burn calories. You use around 25 facial muscles when you’re deeply kissing someone (only about 2 or 3 for a simple kiss). You also use over 100 postural muscles! Therefore, you can burn up to 25 calories every minute you’re in a heated make-out session. So make sure you’re putting those muscles to good use.

It’s all in the name of science, after all.

James Preece – Relationship Expert

www.asiansinglesolution.com

With the warming weather comes that feeling of romance.

First dates are the most common during the summer months, because there are more options. Plus, everyone feels like getting out of the house and going on an adventure. Big or small. It’s true that there are many things to do in the summer. Alone and with others. In fact, there are many “summer date idea” posts out there. But, you don’t want to do what everyone else is doing, do you? You want something a little more original that is bound to make an impression on your date.

Sight-Seeing

This doesn’t refer to seeing the sights, like monuments, fairs or local anything. This is referring to real sights, like bird-watching. As children, we’ve all played “I Spy”. Well, there’s nothing stopping us from doing it now, too. Especially on a date! It’s a fun way to get to experience everything around you. Take a simple walk and play the modified version of the game. Instead of saying “I spy”, point out random things. Discuss a random tree and the pattern in the bark. This date idea is great for really getting to know the person you’re with.

Bored? Try Games!

You may think it’s boring to play board games on a date, but think about it! You have the chance to talk, while you’re both planning a strategy. You get to see how competitive your date is, while getting to know how they plan and organise their thoughts. Board games provide an intellectual challenge, while being a great way to make and share memories. You could share with each other the “last time I played this” stories. It’s also inexpensive, since many of us have these laying around. Or, you could opt for a board game cafe is there’s one in your area. It’s more crowded though, and indoors. Your own board games could be played outside, to still enjoy the weather.

How About Something Refreshing?

Are you thinking about a restaurant, going out for ice cream/coffee/drinks? Forget about it! It’s overdone. No one wants to be inside with such nice weather. Do you have a back/front yard? A sidewalk? Make use of the outdoor space you do have. If you have none, it’s the perfect time to plan a picnic. Put together something delicious and homemade and treat your date. If you’re not feeling it, try these: Homemade ice pops, homemade lemonade, homemade floats, homemade ice cream. Inexpensive to make and delicious to taste. Plus, homemade edibles are always the best! If you’re taking the homemade route, include your date. The creation is half of the fun!

Head To The Beach

Okay, going to the beach is a pretty typical date idea. You grab ice cream and take a stroll. Maybe you collect seashells. Maybe you bring a guitar and play some music. Or, you and your date could build a sandcastle together. Yes, that sounds a little childish. Come on, summer brings out the younger parts of our hearts. Get a little messy, covered in mud and sand. Build something awesome together, demonstrating team work and your personal creativity. This can actually be a great way to know if you’ll work together in a more serious relationship. How you communicate and what the two of you can create together. After you’re done, go swimming in your clothes to get clean. It sounds messy, but, the best things are!

Of course you can opt for the traditional date ideas: swimming, getting ice cream, eating at a restaurant, a walk through the park and talking about life. But, what’s the fun in doing any of that? Summer is supposed to be fun. A time of the year when we get out of the boring work clothes and stuffed mentality. We feel a freedom with the bright and shining sun. There’s no reason your dating life should be any different! A bit of playfulness and some creativity are bound to get you a better dating experience.

Spring Date Ideas For Asian Singles

Romance always blossoms the strongest in spring. It’s the pheromones in the air, or something. We shed off the depressions of winter and move into the welcoming warmth of spring. There’s nothing more welcoming as the weather changes than having someone to share the warmth with. Whether you’ve been together, or it’s your first date, these Asian spring dates idea are bound to be a hit.

Walking

There’s no better way to celebrate the arrival of spring than walking around outside. You’ll get a breath of fresh air and see the world coming to life around you. It’s simply beautiful. You can stop and smell the flowers and even take pictures of cute animals out of hibernation. This date is ideal for first-timers, because it gives you nothing to do but talk. This is a great way to get to know each other. Take the chance to ask questions and dive further into each other!

Biking

Imagine the spring air passing through your hair as you ride along the path without a care in the world. This date is harder when it comes to communicating. You don’t want to be yelling over your shoulder the whole time, after all. But you can have fun with this, maybe turn it into a fun competition. See who will get to the end of the path first and share a laugh

Tip To combine both of the date ideas above, trying rollerskating or blading.

Picnic Lunch

A picnic lunch may seem like a cliche date, but there’s a good reason for that it works! You’ll get to enjoy your dates company, while also enjoying the coming of spring. Just pack up a few sandwiches and head to a local park. Of course, if you’re worried about insects (there are many people with allergies), you can try an outdoor restaurant. Either way, you get to enjoy conversation. Afterwards, try going out for an ice cream!

Outdoor Movie Night

This isn’t an easy date to pull off, but it’s certainly rewarding if you can. There are two ways to accomplish this one Find an open air cinema in your neighbourhood, or rent a projector and create your own. It’s not expensive, and most of them hook up to computers, allowing you to watch your favourite Netflix shows while outside in the garden. It’s sure to impress your date, if nothing else. P

Spring Festivals

No matter where you live in the world, you’re bound to have a local festival celebrating the arrival of spring. It’s such an important time of the year. A new beginning. You can really see the world come to life, including the people. Walk around one of these festivals with your date and join in the celebrations. You’ll likely get to try new food and participate in dance rituals. At the end of the day, you’ll be exhausted from laughing so much and so will your date. It’s going to give you something to talk about for many dates to come!

If you are an Asian single who doesn’t yet have a date – don’t worry – you can get one today on out site!   

www.asiansinglesolution.com

So 2017 is here already.  Where does the time go?

Like many people, chances are that you’ve made some new year resolutions. For some, this could be to lose weight, get a new job or take up a new hobby.  But for many Asian Singles, you’ve probably also decided that the time has finally come to meet a new partner.

As a Dating Coach, I work with many professional Asian singles to help them find the partner of their dreams.  It’s much easier than you probably think, as long as you have a plan in action.

Here are my top tips for making sure 2017 is your best year ever:

Set Your Goals

What exactly are you looking for and who do you want to meet?  If you want a long term relationship then you have to be clear about exactly what you want.  Write down your intentions and have a long think about who it might be with.  If you don’t know then it’s a good chance to reflect and consider what and who you are aiming for.  That way you’ll know when you finally get there. Be clear and be realistic for faster results.

Get Online NOW

The start of a new year is always going to bring lots of new faces to online dating sites like ours.  So you have to make sure your profile is up to standard if you want to give yourself the best chances of success.  Add some great photos, upgrade and proactively contact the other singles you might be interested in.  Reach out and wish them happy new year or ask them if they have any exciting plans coming up.

Attend some Events

One of the best ways to meet other single Asian professionals is to go to some Asian dating events.  We run lots throughout the year and they provide great opportunities to mingle and get to know new people.  They are all fun, relaxed parties with the very best hosts in the business to look after you. We’ve already booked in some events including our upcoming Valentine’s parties

Tell Your Friends

Psychologists say that you shouldn’t keep your goals to yourself if you want to succeed.  Let all your friends and family know that you are intending to meet someone wonderful this year.  If you do that you’ll have a wide support circle and they’ll be able to help you on your journey.  They can pick you up when you are feeling low and give you a little kick if you need one.  Feel free to blog about your adventures and promote them on social media too.  You never know who is watching.

Stick at It

You aren’t realistically going to meet someone immediately.  Yes it would be lovely to bump into the love of your life tomorrow in the supermarket or fall head over heels for the next person you go on a date with.  The reality is that dating can take time. The more effort you put in now then the better prepared you’ll be.  Give yourself at least 6 months and do everything in your power to make things work.

Happy dating!

James Preece

Dating Coach for Asiansinglesolution.com

Today I’m bringing back my very popular Dating Advice as I’ve had a question from a member:

“Hi James, I wonder if you can answer this problem for me as it’s really confusing me.  I’m getting frustrated because I only seem to get contacted by men who are nothing like I’m looking for. They are either too old, too far away or generally not suitable.  How can I stop this and get the good ones to get in touch?  M”

Hey M,

Thanks for your message.  I completely understand what you mean.  However, it’s not working simply because your strategy is wrong. These men won’t always know if you are a good match or not until you’ve spoken, so they are just taking their chances.  You can’t really blame them, although they should really pay more attention and consider if you might really be compatible or not.

The thing is, it doesn’t really matter who contacts you.  Instead, it’s all about you being proactive and reaching out to the men that you are interested in instead.  That way you are in control and not sat around waiting for the “online dating lottery” to get your numbers up.

It’s a bit like applying for a job. If you wanted to get the position of your dreams, you’d write a great CV and make sure it went out to the right companies.  You wouldn’t just see which random companies decide to contact you and hope for the best.

I’d suggest you email at least five men a day. It may sound a lot but once you start to get replies back then you can cut down. Be open minded and you never know what might happen.

Finally, it would be best to make sure you fill your online dating profile in as much as possible.  Don’t be negative and talk about what you don’t want in a partner, but focus on the things that yuo really do.  That way someone reading it can make a better decision about whether they really should contact you or not.

Do you have own dating dilemma or relationship issue that you’d like some help with?  I’m a leading Dating Coach and I work with the Asian Single Solution to make sure their members are successful in love.  Email me at [email protected] and I’ll answer some of the best ones here in this blog..anonymously of course!

Happy dating,
James Preece

The Dating Guru

Dating Rule Two

James Preece is our Events Manager and the UK’s leading Date Coach. Here is his second most important dating tip.

Two: Always Be Ready For Love

Love doesn’t just happen on dating sites. Cupid’s arrow can hit you any time, any place and anywhere.

You walk by thousands of people every single day and interact with new ones all the time. Perhaps it’s in the supermarket, on the train, at the gym or even at work. You see them look at you and you have the opportunity to start a conversation.  It’s now or never – you have to make a great impression and you have to do make it now.

But sadly, so many people blow this chance before it’s even begun!  Why?  Because they just weren’t ready.  They didn’t bother shaving that day or they chose to wear a baggy jumper rather than that summery dress they were thinking about.  They failed before they even left the house.  To make matters worse, they knew they didn’t look their best so they didn’t feel confident enough to go up and say hello anyway.

The truth is that you have to be ready for love at all times.  Pick your best outfit that you feel most attractive and confident in.  That way, you’ll naturally feel more attractive and confident in your own life. 

Oh and please remember to smile too and give lots of eye contact.  That’s the biggest indication other people will that that you are a happy, open minded person who would appreciate someone saying hello to them.  If you smile then they will know you are up for a conversation and want to get to know you.

Happy dating!

James

I do hope this short article has helped you see what you need to do to make a huge difference.  Watch out for the next dating rule coming next week!

If you would like to work with me as your dating coach then you can contact me through my personal website HERE

Our very own James Preece is one of the UK’s very best Dating Coaches.  He has put together some of THE most important Dating Tips for you.

Hi there! I’ve been helping singles find love for the last decade and today I’m going to tell you all about my first Golden Rule:

One: Work Out What You Want

This might sound obvious but I never cease to be amazed how many people forget to even consider this.  If you don’t know who are you looking for then you’re never going to know when you find them.

Let’s suppose you want to get a new job. Would you apply for every single vacancy no matter what is was for  and attend every interview you were offered?  Of course you wouldn’t.  That would just be a colossal waste of time and you’d never find a position that you were happy with.

Dating is exactly the same.  Before you begin, you have to work out what is important to you.  Who exactly is it that you are looking for and what do you want from them.  If you want to find a husband or wife you need to be clear about your goal right from the start.

So have a good think now about what the person you’d like end up with might be like.  Consider their qualities, lifestyle and personality. Is there anything especially important such as religion, smoking habits or location?  If so, keep these in mind along the way. 

I’m not suggesting that you should ever stop being open minded about what might happen. I’m just saying that you should always have something in mind to aim for.  

After all, what you think you want and what you really need can often be completely different things.  The fun comes with the adventure ahead and trying new possibilities and meeting new people

Happy dating!

I do hope this short article has helped you see what you need to do to make a huge difference.  Watch out for the next dating rule coming next week!

If you would like to work with me as your dating coach then you can contact me through my personal website HERE

Messing around

This week I answer a question from a very confused female member.

“Dear James, I was dating someone from the site at the start of the year.  He’s a solicitor and very handsome. Things were going well but I think I came over a bit too keen and scared him away.  We’re just friends now but were still in regular contact.  I really liked him and miss him a lot, so I’ve been hopeful we can resolve things and get back together.  However, I recently asked him if he’d like to go for a drink and he said he’d love to. However, the problem is that he keeps cancelling and letting me down at the minute.  He’s really busy and has so much going on.  He does keep promising he wants to see me but now he’s been quiet for a week.  Is he really interested or not?  T”

Hi T,

Thanks for your message.  I’m sorry things didn’t work out this time around.

One of the problems at the start of a new relationship is that you will both be at different stages.  One will be more “into” the relationship than the other, although things do eventually balance out once you’ve been seeing each other for a while.   If you are a bit too needy, clingy or questioning then it can be all too easy for the other person to get nervous and bail out.  Rather than have a confrontation or discussion about the issue, it’s easier to just end things and move on.

Perhaps he is just busy.  Things do get in the way after all.  But I strongly suspect he’s just trying to let you down gently.  I don’t want to sugar coat it, so I have to say that if he really really wanted to see you then he’d make time for you.  How hard is it to find an hour for a drink?  I think he’s fully aware that you want to get back together but it’s not something he’s ready for…at least not at the moment.  So he’s fobbing you off and avoiding you rather than telling you the truth.

The very best thing you can now is to get on with your life and stop hoping he’ll get in touch.  Carry on dating other men and make sure you have a full diary with lots of exciting activities. If he does contact you then great, but at least you’ll have lots of other options.  I tend to find the more fun and exciting your life is then the more other people will want to be part of it.

So do get back on the site and fingers crossed you meet someone even more wonderful!

James

If you have your own dating dilemma that you’d like help with, send it over to [email protected]   Our resident Dating Coach James Preece will answer the best questions here in the blog.  Don’t worry, they always completely anonymous so nobody will ever know it was you!

Happy dating

James Preece

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Do you want to know the secrets of online dating?

UK’s top Online Dating Book

Our very own resident Dating Coach, James Preece has released his information packed best selling Online Dating book.

Would you like to try internet dating but not sure where to begin?  Or are you an experienced online dater tired of meeting unsuitable, bizarre and downright depressing matches?

James is one of the UK’s top Dating Experts and regularly appears in the media.  He’s put this special guide together to help you learn the secrets to making it work.  It includes message templates, profile ideas and all the inside information you’ve always wanted to know about getting dates from online dating, dating apps and social media.

His tips and advice can be applied to great effect on the Asiansinglesolution.com website and many members have already seen a massive difference using his tips and techniques.

This book reached number one in the entire Relationships Category on Amazon, making it a bona fide best seller!

The book is available on Amazon as both a paperback and an eBook for Kindle:

Buy Now

Make sure you buy it before your competition does!

You can check out the reviews and please do add your own if you enjoy it.

This week we bring you another dating dilemma solved by our resident dating expert.

“Dear James.  Please can you help?   I met a girl on the site and I thought things were going really well. In fact, we recently moved in together. I was looking forward to the future but she just told me she wants a relationship break.  I’m stunned and have had to move out to give her space.  What can I do to win her back?  AJ”

Hi AJ,

Many thanks for your message.  I’m sorry to hear things haven’t gone quite to plan.  You didn’t tell me the exact reasons why you were unhappy, but this is something you’ll need to discuss with her.

The most common reasons this happens is if you are spending TOO MUCH time together.  If you do, every little thing will get on your nerves and you’ll start to irritate each other.  Little things like not doing the washing up or leaving clothes on the floor can start arguments. Or there could of course be some other bigger issue that needs dealing with.

Relationship breaks CAN work as they give you the chance to see what life would be like without each other.  If you were close then she’ll soon realise things are much better if you are around.

What you need to do is give her the space she wants, but make it clear you love her and are not giving up.  Set a time to meet up and discuss things soon.  If she needs a little longer that’s fine but you don’t want to have to wait forever.  Tell her this and ensure you both stick to the same timetable.

Above all, listen to what she says and see if you can salvage things.  If not, you may both be happier on your own.

If you agree to get back together – and I hope you do – then you must make sure you communicate as much as possible. It’s only by making each other feel happy and special that you grow your relationship.  This means plenty of time doing things outside your normal routine as well as giving each other space to see friends and family.

Hope that helps,

James

If you have your own dating problem or issue, drop us email to info@asiansinglesolution with the subject line ” Dating Help.”   We’ll get our dating expert to answer the best ones here in the blog.

Happy dating!

James Preece

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here is the latest letter for our Dating Coach

“Dear James.  I’m never sure how often or how quickly I should text someone I’m interested in.  I don’t want to scare them away but I hate it when they don’t reply for days on end. It’s infuriating!  What’s the best policy? Thanks F”

Hi F,

Thank you for your question.  My answer depends on when exactly you are texting.  Do you mean before you’ve met them or after you’ve actually had a date?   Here are my suggestions for you:

1) Texting Before You Meet

If you’ve just met someone online and they’ve given you their number you really don’t need to be texting them at all.  The same goes for WhatsApp I’m afraid!  Speak on the phone to arrange a date and perhaps send a text the day before just to confirm.  You need to save your time and energy for speaking once you meet face to face.

2) Texting After a Date

It’s fine to text someone after a date.  In fact, it’s polite to follow up even if you aren’t interested.  If you are then you do have to let them know.  The next morning is the best time, perhaps telling them you really enjoyed yourself and want to do it again soon. If you don’t let them know you are keen they’ll just assume you don’t want to meet again and won’t text you to ask anyway.

3) Texting Between Dates

This is the time you really need to brush up your texting skills!   You want to keep up the interest and flirting between dates to make sure they are thinking about you.  Don’t reply too quickly as you want to give them the chance to miss you and you don’t want to appear too available.  It’s vital you don’t play games though.  Waiting three hours to reply just because they took two isn’t going to lead to a happy relationship.  Reply when you can but if you are busy they will accept it.

If you have your own dating question or dilemma that you’d like our Dating Coach James Preece to answer, email us at [email protected]

We’ll feature the best replies here in the blog.
Happy Dating!
The Asian Single Solution Team

Here’s another question answered

by our Dating Expert

“Hi James, I’m signed up to Asiansinglesolution.com. I’ve sent quite a few of what I thought were nice personalised messages but no-one seems to want to reply!

If you have your own dating question or problem that you’d like the Dating Guru to answer then please do send an email to:

[email protected]

The best ones will be answered in this blog.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Are you fed up being single?  It’s a new year so there are new opportunities.

As we head into the the new year it’s time once again to start making our resolutions.

For some this is to lose weight, stop smoking or to finally meet a partner.  If this is you then you have definitely

come to right place!

Here are our top five tips for you to give your love life a kickstart.

1) Book an Asian Dating Event.   This is your biggest opportunity to get yourself out there and start meeting potential matches in the real world. We’ve already got several listed for you to book on the website. This includes the biggest of them all – the Asian Valentine’s Ball.

2) Try Online Dating.   The start of the year is the busiest time for most dating sites and ours is no exception.  There will be more new faces than at any other time of year and they are just waiting for your to reach out and say hello.

3) Remember it’s not just you.  Most singles can feel a bit lonely at the start of a new year, but that’s absolutely normal. There are millions making exactly the same resolution as you.

4) Take Responsibility.  It’s your choice whether you are single or not.  Don’t blame anyone or anything else.  Yes, that includes the weather, your income and how incredibly busy you are.

5) Take action!   The only way to achieve what you want is to make sure you do something about it.  Make sure you have a clear defined plan about what you want and how you are going to do it. If you don’t you’ll find yourself in the same situation at the beginning of next year too.

If you need any help or advice then please remember we are always here.  Drop us a message at [email protected]  and we’ll be happy to do what you can.

Happy dating and good luck!

James Preece

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Goodbye 2014 – Let 2015 be your year for dating success. Here are our top 3 tips for success with AsianSingleSolution.com

1. Load some Amazing Images

Your photo is the first thing people see.

Didn’t everyone say how fantastic you looked at the last wedding or family celebration you went to?

Why not use those images or similar, to impress the men on this site.

Main photo must be a head shot. Supplement that with some full length shots, and an action shot so people can see how you spend your spare time.

2. Write an inspiring profile description.

It can be hard to be original but it is vital that you tell others why they should contact you, and what you are offering.

Everyone likes going out, nights in and spending time with their family, so say something else. Tell others about an unusual hobby or interest. Desribe your profession in an interesting way.

3. Message Message Message

You know the phrase location location location. Well Online dating is all about Message Message Message.

Read the other persons profile, get them excited by asking a question about something they are passionate about.

Aim to contact a minimum of 10 men that you have chosen per session until you start getting responses. Do not rely on Mr perfect spotting your profile.

Keep your options open and embrace opportunity. It is hard to love a dating profile, but meeting in person and sharing time together can be a wonderful start to a relationship.

Do not forget to tell us about your dating success stories.

Good Luck

AsianSingleSolution

Your time is short and you want to spend it on dating rather than reading.

So to help, here is today’s 60 Second Dating Tip.  We are bringing this to you in association with our resident Dating Coach, James.

Question:   Is it better to have lots of photos on your online dating profile or just one?

Answer:  You should aim to have 3 of 4 photos maximum.

Full Answer:   Your dating profile isn’t Facebook so you don’t need to have a huge amount of images on it. In fact, if you have too many then this can actually work against you. That’s because some people look for way to rule you out or eliminate you. Perhaps one of your photos make you look a bit bigger than others or has you looking a bit glum.  So you’ll get rejected based on that one, ignoring the fact you have other fantastic shots in your album.  Some people are just like that unfortunately and it’s their issue rather than yours. Keep it to three or four and they’ll have less to judge you on.

Your main photo needs to be a clear headshot which means just your head an shoulders, nothing more. Make sure you look happy and positive – someone worth meeting.  You can then add a full body shot and one of you doing something active.  Perhaps cycling, strolling through a park or going about your daily job.  If it looks interesting then it’s worth including.

The golden rule is that too many photos is still much better than having none at all though!

Happy dating!
James Preece

The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here is our latest dating problem, answered by our Dating Expert

“Dear James, I do hope you can help me.  I’ve been single for a few years now as I can’t get over my last partner.  I thought we were so perfect together and when we  split up it just broke my heart.  I still don’t really know why he dumped me.  I’ve had a few dates but nobody else can compare so I’m tired of it all.  What can I do?  R”

Hi R,

Thank you for your email. It sounds to me like you still have a few unresolved issues from your past. It’s not fair that they didn’t give you the real reasons they ended it, but sometimes it’s better that way.  Almost everyone has some sort of bad breakup, so please don’t feel that you are on your own.

The reason that you can’ t move on is because you are using your ex as a reference point. This is completely understandable, as that’s what you are used to.  Your memories and experiences are based around everything you did with them.  So you life seems a little empty now.

I do have some good news for you:  I PROMISE you that one day you will some even better than your ex.  It may not seem like it now, but in time you’ll realise that I’m right.

What you need to do is just get yourself out there and start meeting new people.  Be open to new experiences and give other singles a chance.  OK, they might not be a carbon copy of your ex. But remember that relationship didn’t work out anyway!

Everyone you meet has something new to offer you and make your life new interesting.  Start dating again by trying our online dating site or booking a few of our Asian singles events. Once you have some fun things to look forward to, you will be able to stop thinking about your past and concentrate on your future instead.

Good luck!

If you have your own dating dilemma that you’d like help with, please email us at [email protected]

Our Dating Expert will reply to the best ones on the blog

Here is the latest question answered by our Dating Guru

“Dear James, I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months now and we are so happy together.  We met on your dating site and he’s everything I’m looking for. I think he wants us to start looking for a place together soon.  However, neither of us has told the other than we love them.  I love him so much but I don’t want to embarrass myself if he doesn’t feel the same!  What should I do?   S.T”

Hi S.T

Many thanks for your message.  It’s fantastic news that you’ve met someone through us and that you are happy together.  I’d say that the fact he’s talking about moving in together is a very positive sign that he sees a future with you.

I know that you don’t want to say you love him in case he gets scared or pretends he’s not heard you.  The problem is that he more than likely feels exactly the same.  The longer you leave it then the worse it will get.

Slip it into conversation when you are saying goodbye to him, as it’s the most natural thing in the world.  “Love you” sounds much softer than “I Love you” so try and say that instead if you think it might shock him.

If you really want to be as gentle as possible, just write it at the end of a text message.  Something simple like “I had such a wonderful evening with you.  I love you :) xxx”           With any luck he’ll text something similar back.   If he doesn’t, don’t panic as he might want to say it face to face.

Whatever you do, don’t ask him if he loves you and force him into saying something he isn’t ready to say yet.   He’ll end up resenting you and you’ll take away his chance to impress/surprise you.

I’d advise you not to move in together until you are sure you both love each other. Otherwise you may have a very bumpy ride together!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

(more…)

Here is our latest dating problem answered


by our Dating Expert

"Dear James,  I really like a girl in my local supermarket. She's studying at university but works there part time. I often catch her looking at me and her friends keep telling me she likes me. How can I ask her out without making a fool of myself? M"

Hi M,
Thank you for your message!

The good news is that I think she definitely likes you.  All the signs are 
there, so there's absolutely no harm in trying. 

I'm wondering why you queue in a different one that she is in though?   Your 
first test should be to make sure you queue in her one next time, even if it is 
clearly the longest one.  That way you'll be able to really read her reactions. 

Don't forget that a lot of people will make small talk with her - that's just 
part of her job.  So you need to do something a bit more.  Perhaps joke that 
hers is always the slowest queue or tell her you want to cook something but 
aren't sure what.  Could she give you a recipe?  Do this a few times over a 
period of a few days/weeks to build up the trust.  If you go in to quickly she 
might be too nervous.  Be friendly, smiling and interesting.

Your job is to make her smile, make her want to see you and brighten her day 
just by the very fact you've spoken. 

Obviously you won't be able to have a long conversation with her as people will 
be waiting. So....you could tell her that really enjoy talking to her and wish 
it could be longer. You'd love to get to know her better.  What steps could you 
take to make that happen? 

Hopefully she will offer her phone number at this point.  If not, just ask her 
for it and tell her you promise not to send her photos of barcodes all day long!

Don't give her your number as you lose control - so make sure you get hers. You 
can then text her later that day/evening to ask when she finishes her shift and 
suggest you grab a coffee. 

I really hope it works out for you, so let me know what happens.  If it doesn't 
go well, don't worry as at least you tried!

Best Wishes, 

James

If you'd like help with your own dating problem please email us at [email protected]      The best will be answered anonymously here. 

Having a good photo is

vital to online dating success

That’s something almost everyone knows when they are looking for love.   It’s the first thing anyone will see when they search the profiles.  If you don’t look great then you won’t get any interest. It’s really as simple as that.

However, you also need to stand out from the crowd.  So some people like to add crazy, funny photos in an effort to differentiate themselves from everyone else.  My advice on this is simple.  Your goal is to look like a friendly, sociable and trustworthy partner.  Not a clown!  People are extremely quick to judge and will make their mind up about you in seconds.

I’m not saying you should never try out a slightly different shot.  It’s fine as long as you have plenty of normal ones.  This could serve well as an icebreaker, so make sure it’s something worth commenting on.

Here are some other photos that you should avoid.

1) Avoid photos with lots of friends of the same sex.  This just looks strange.  Also, what if someone likes one of your friends more than you?

2) Avoid photos of you with someone of the opposite sex too.   If it’s just one person they will assume it’s an ex partner and naturally compare themselves.  Nobody likes to compete.

3) Anything with you drinking alcohol.  Of course many people like a drink from time to time. But if you have a bottle of wine/beer in your hand for each of your photos you’ll be viewed as a party animal.

4) Be careful of fancy dress.  You might think you look hilarious in a wig or in costume, but if it’s your only shot it can be confusing.   Always think about the reaction of the person looking at your photo album.

5) Don’t use anything that you aren’t in.  Yes, it might be a funny joke or cute kitten but it’s not you!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s another dating problem

answered by our dating expert

“Dear James,

Please can you help?  I’ve been dating a lovely guy for the last two years.   He’s fun, intelligent, charming and things are generally pretty good between us.  However, sometimes he goes away on work business and a I don’ t hear from him during that time.  He says it’s because he’s so busy and tired from the travelling.  This can upset me but I don’t want to cause problems so I try not make a big deal out of it.  What can I do?   G ”

Hi G,

Thank you for your email.    To be honest he sounds like he’s not that bothered about whether he speaks to you or not.  He can’t be so intelligent and charming if he’s making you feel bad.   How hard would it be to send you a quick text, email or make a five minute phone call to catch up with you?   My guess is that he’s either up to something or he’s just thoughtless.  Either way, you should confront him over it.  Tell him ( with a smile) that you understand he’s busy, but  you are looking for a partner who doesn’t vanish for days on end. If he doesn’t change, then send him packing and find someone who will make time for you.

Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here is this week’s Dating Dilemma

Answered by our Dating Guru

“Hi James.  I am 20 yrs old and this guy is 25 years old. We met at a mutual friends party which was a night out, I thought he was really attractive but never thought he would have any interest, but he quickly approached me and we spent most of the night talking, and really clicked (well he texted the next day to say that we did) .
For the next couple of weeks there was some texting between us (i live about 2 hrs away where i go to uni) whereas he works in my home town. We tried to meet up when i was down but we were both busy. Then there was more texting, but this time it was not as much as before, i don’t reply as much and hes the same now. But he sometimes flirts and texts me to “hurry up home” and “next time youre down im seeing you”. This week ive come home and i told him about it last week, he hadnt replied so i assumed he wasnt interested, he texted me a few days ago saying he didnt realise im back and if im still around and that he thought id have told him… Its early days, but im just so confused, theres playing hard to get.. and then theres this!  Should i even bother meeting him this weekend if he asks? A”

Hi A,

Many thanks for you question.

I’m sorry that this guy is messing you around.  Perhaps he’s not sure what he really wants or has a girlfriend already.

Guys do this quite a lot as they enjoy the attention and the flirtation. They just aren’t quite ready to settle down as they’ve not grown up yet!  So they string you along with false hope until they get round to making a decision.

The distance and time apart may be a barrier to him.

Having said all that, if he does ask you out this weekend then you might as well give him a chance. If you see him, tell him the truth about how you feeling and that it’s not acceptable.  Say it in a friendly way rather than telling him off, but you need to stand up for yourself or his behaviour will never change.

If things go well then make sure keep up the texting in between seeing each other so it doesn’t fizzle out again.  Make sure you speak on the phone often too as it’s better than texting.

If you don’t hear from him then you should probably just delete his number, write him off as a timewaster and look forward to meeting a better guy next time.

I hope things work out for you one way or another :)

Best Wishes,

James

If you have your own dating dilemma please email me via  [email protected]

Good luck!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s another dating dilemma

for our Dating Guru

“I have been going out with someone for the past three years now and the last five months have been the worst as in he has been very distant as he is having some family and financial issues. Also he claims he is bad luck according to the astrology, he is Sikh and I’m Hindu. I have been understanding til now but i don’t believe in astrology so I’m just trying to make him feel as ease by saying we can take part in some prayers or something to make it better.

Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Here is this week’s Dating Problem

Answered by our Dating Guru

“Dear James, I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of month’s now and things have been going great. However, whenever I try to make plans for the future or talk about us being a “couple” he always changes the subject.  What can I do to stop him being so scared of commitment?  R”

Hi R,

Thank you for your email.  He definitely sounds like a commitment phobe. By this I mean that he is someone who finds it extremely difficult to settle in to a relationship.  There can be a wide number of reasons for this and it might not be that big of a problem.  Perhaps he’s been badly hurt in the past or he’s worried about other issues in his future.   Here are my top tips to try and resolve this:

1) Talk it through.  Find out exactly what his concerns and worries are. Perhaps his parents were in an unhappy relationship or he fears you are much too good for this.  Talking should always be the first course of action and it can be the fastest way to resolve things.

2) Reassure Him. Let them know you aren’t planning on taking over the rest of his life – just that you really like him and want the world to know.  It takes a little courage to commit to someone so make sure he knows you aren’t going to break his heart or run off with his laptop.

3) Give him time.   The longer the two of you are together then the more likely he’ll see you as a couple.  Two months isn’t that long, so give him a bit longer.

4) Trust your instincts.    If you really don’t think he’s ever going to commit to you then it might be best to move on.

Good luck!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s how to make sure you only

meet lovely people with online dating

Online dating is a fantastic way to meet lots of people quickly.   While most people are going to be lovely, a small section might be harder to deal with.  So here are my five quick tips to make sure you don’t attract any weirdos or oddballs:

1) If someone seems a bit odd then do let us know.  There is a report button on each profile.  If you notify us then we can investigate.

2) Don’t give anyone your full name or email until you’ve met.  Otherwise they might Google or Facebook you.  Perfect for stalkers.

3) Don’t be afraid to cut off all contact and block their profile if you get any warning signs.  They can’t see your profile after that.

4) Don’t go for long dinners on a first date.  Keep it to a one hour drinks or coffee meetings so you can escape if need be.

5) Don’t give them false hope or sleep with them if you don’t want to see them again.  Being strung along can bring out the dark side of anyone!

Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Being dumped is never easy

Especially if they don’t tell you why

A break up is always a period of disappointment, frustration, annoyance and sadness.  This can be made worse if you weren’t expecting it and they won’t talk to you about it.  There could be many reasons why they ended it – the most common of which I’m going to explain here in this blog.

1) They just aren’t ready to commit or give you want you want. This is one of the most common causes for a break up. If you don’t want to settle down yet then you aren’t giving them any “emotional security.” You are preventing them from getting what they want in their lives and this will result in you getting dumped.

2) They don’t trust you. Perhaps they’ve caught you lying or cheating one two many times. There comes a point when enough simply has to be enough. If the issue is with them then there isn’t much you can do if you aren’t to blame.

3) They thought you were trying to change them. If you are too critical and constantly nagging them to do things then it’s natural for them to assume you think they aren’t good enough for you.

4) The know deep down that you aren’t “the one.”  If the chemistry and passion are no longer there then it’s kinder to end it. Otherwise the end result will be inevitable.

5) You aren’t treating them right. Love is a two way thing and if you make them unhappy then there is no chance of a future. So always be respectful and show them how much you mean to them while you are dating to stop this break up reason happening.

The best way to get over a break up is to start dating again. It won’t be easy, but once you do you’ll begin to realise there ARE other people out there that will result in a much better relationship.

Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Do you ever find yourself

stuck talking to people you’ve rather not?

There are people out there who just can’t take a hint. You talk to them for a little while and once you’ve realised you don’t want to carry on then they just won’t take the hint. So how do you break off the conversation without upsetting them?  Here are my suggestions on how to avoid this:

1) Just get up and go.  It’s as easy as that.  Explain that you would like to get a drink, want to catch up with a friend or simply that you want to speak to a variety of people. Tell them you really enjoyed talking to them and you’ll chat to them again later in the evening.

2) Never accept a drink if you aren’t interested. If you do, you’ll be obliged to stay talking with them for the duration of your drink. It’s better to buy your own drinks and be free to mingle.

3) If you are at a singles event, use a host to help. Tell them if someone won’t leave you alone and we’ll quickly introduce them to a more suitable match.

4) Whatever happens, be polite. You never know who might be watching or who they might be able to connect you with. It’s fine to tell them you aren’t a good match, but do it respectfully and be as friendly as possible.

5) Never dish out personal contact info to anyone you don’t intend to communicate with. It sounds pretty obvious but some people will still send over all their contact info ( or hand out a business card) to anyone and everyone. Don’t give anyone false hope that you will meet up with them again or you mind find they get frustrated and keep trying to get an explanation

Happy dating!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

Do celebrities have more

luck when it comes to dating?

Every day we see many tv shows, newspapers and magazines that present us with images of happy, beautiful couples.

We love to read bout the latest showbiz couples and find out which celebrities are dating each other.  Even if you don’t buy these magazines, you can bet that many people you know do.

The trouble is that this gives a very twisted version of reality.  These airbrushed images can either ruin our own body image or make us think we should all be dating supermodels.  We begin to reject perfectly lovely matches with the false hope that George Clooney or Aishwarya Rai will magically become interested in us.  This can completely ruin any chance of meeting a “real” person.

Celebrities don’t have it any easier than us.  Yes, they might be have the money but they’ve lost their anonymity. Every time they walk out their front door to go on a date, the cameras are there watching them.  Can you imagine how hard it is to get to know someone they might be like?

So my advice to you is to remember to be realistic and don’t always believe everything you see.   Stop thinking about the impossible and focus on taking the opportunities that could lead to you meeting someone more accessible.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s a quick tip

to double your viewers

Online dating is an amazing way to meet people, but everyone has different tastes.  So they might see your photo and decide you are not for them.  When they log back in they’ll remember they weren’t interested and move on the next person, which can make you invisible.

There’s one very simple thing you can do to boost your chances.  Change your photo!  By doing this you might give the impression that you are a completely new person. If they weren’t keen before then they might like  your new photo better.  If you were looking away in the first one then try a smiling at the camera shot.   Or maybe something completely different.

I’d suggest you rotate your photo every two or three weeks.  If you notice that one is having more success that others then stick with that a little longer.

If you’ve been in contact with a few people and things are going well, don’t change anything or it will just confuse them!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Dating can give you a real buzz

but for some it’s an addiction!

A serial dater is a person who loves dating so much that they keep going on dates with different people rather than commit to one.  If you are serious about meeting someone then it’s very important that you don’t end up wasting your time on them.

Here are three top ways that you can tell whether or not someone might be a serial dater.

1) You can’t seem to pin them down.   If you date is always too busy to see you or keeps cancelling, then think hard about what’s really going on. They might tell you that work has got in the way or “personal matters” have come up, but the truth is that they would make time if they were really interested in you.

2) They only get in touch every now and again.  Perhaps you don’t hear from them for weeks, then out of the blue you get a “how are you?” text.   This is just the sign of a bored time waster. They’ve run out of other dating options so they thought they’d try and see if you were still keen.  Even if you reply or meet they will disappear again once they get a better offer.  So don’t reply and instead delete their number and find someone more deserving.

3)  They forget what you’ve talked about.  The trouble with dating lots of people at the same time is that it’s easy to forget things.  So you might notice they get things like dates, names and places confused or think they’ve told you something they haven’t.

Remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to be a serial dater when it comes to having lots of first dates.  However, when things start to get serious then you both need to stop seeing anyone else or it will never work out.

Good luck!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Take a look at this picture

What do you see?

There are two ways of seeing this photo, depending on how your mind is working at that one particular moment.  The same is true for any photo that we see, including online dating pictures.

We often scan 1000s of images in a split second, working out who we like the look of and who we don’t.  So you won’t even get as far as reading their profile to see find out if you are a a good match or not.  This can work against us and ruin our chances of meeting people.  Perhaps you have ruled them out because they aren’t smiling or because they dont’ seem your type.

The truth is that everyone can look completely different in a variety of photos. So even if you aren’t sure about the first, you should give them a chance and see if they have another shot in their album. If you do, there might be one that you prefer.  If you aren’t that photogenic then you should definitely add more photos to your profile for this reason.

Albums can be a great icebreaker too as you can comment on things that most people will miss.  It could be that there is a photograph from a place you have visited or you could tell them you like the top they are wearing.  These little things will make you stand out from all the other messages.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

How to keep positive

when things aren’t going great

I had a few emails after my last “How to Spot a Loser” blog.   Generally people enjoyed it, but one or two said it came across a big negative.  While I like the fact it got people interacting,  that wasn’t my intention.  So today I’ve decided to write today’s blog on the subject of positivity.

Sometimes it can be easy to get frustrated when it come to dates.  If you aren’t meeting the right people then you might start to wonder if something is wrong with you and if you will ever meet someone.

So here’s some good news:

1) If you are proactive and positive you WILL find someone.   You just need to turn off that annoying voice in your head that makes you think negative thoughts like “I will never meet anyone”.  Replace it with a louder, stronger voice telling you positive, encouraging statements like “I will meet someone very soon” and “They will be lucky to have me.”

2) Enjoy the process.  Think of each date as a wonderful new adventure you are about to have.  Try and think out of the box and use the opportunity to try different activities.

3) Don’t set your expectations too high.  Just set out with the intention to have fun and make new friends.  Anything beyond that will be a bonus.

4) Have a life outside dating.  Don’t let all your thoughts and actions be about your dating life.  Keep yourself fit, healthy and active.

5) Get someone to help you.  You don’ t have to do it on your own, so ask a friend for their advice.  If you would like me to work with you to start getting great results then you can contact me via the website below.

Happy dating!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

www.onlinedatingclinic.com

Online dating is great fun, and if you are using asiansinglesolution.com you could be one of hundreds of annual success stories,

but you still need to be careful when meeting people you don’t know.

It’s always very important that you remember to plan your date carefully and follow basic safety rules.  Most people are going to be normal, but as with anything you should always have your guard up for the tiny minority who are not.  It’s all common sense but it can be easy to overlook these things if you get on well before you meet.

1)Always meet in a public place. This the golden rule.  Meet somewhere where there are lots of people.

2) Tell a friend or family member where you are going.  You can even get them to call you at a certain time to make sure you are OK.  If you change venues, update them with a quick text.

3)  Never get into a car with someone you don’t know.  Don’t let them pick you up from your home and don’t accept a lift.  Instead, make your own way to the venue.

4) Don’t drink too much.  Always know your limits so you can make sure that you stay in control.

5) If something seems wrong – leave. You should never feel pressurised into doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.  If your date genuinely has your best feelings at heart, they will want you to be happy.   Never be afraid to walk out if things don’t feel right.

You could always arrange to meet your date at one of our Hindu and Sikh parties.

Happy dating,
James Preece – the Dating Guru

Are you dating a loser?

Find out how to spot one right now.

The Dating Pool is made up of a wide variety of people. Most are lovely, thoughtful individuals but there are of course a few who are a little more “unrefined.”    So can you tell who is who before you waste too much time?

To help, there are some simple steps you can take to filter out these idiots.  If you have your doubts then ask yourself these questions:
1) How are they with their friends and family?  If you are wary, watch how they act with them before introducing them to any of yours

2) What are their texts like?   If they can’t spell or take the time to send you nice messages, that’s a good indication they are not a keeper.

3) Is their glass half full or half empty?  Negative people are more likely to be clueless interacting with others and will only get you feeling low too. Only date those that are ambitious, passionate and positive.

4) Have you read their Facebook profile?   Take a good look at their wall posts, friend interactions and photos.  These can reveal so much more than they’d like you to know.

5) Are they affectionate?  If they are more likely to hug a teddy bear or an Xbox controller than you, there’s not much point pursuing a relationship.

Do you have your own ways to avoid time wasters and losers?  Add your thoughts here to help everyone else!

Happy dating,

James Preece  – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s another question for the Dating Guru

Is it something you can relate to?

“Dear James,  please can you help?

I’m 22 and I’m starting to feel down that I’m not meeting anyone.  I joined Asiansinglesolution.com which was great, but I met one man who put me off dating.  I feel closed off as I’m not very confident so I turn down invitations when friends ask me to go out with them.   What can I do? !”

Hi N,

Thank you for your question.

22 is too young to worry too much about having to “find someone” and settle down. If you spend too much time analysing each potential partner and stressing that you aren’t meeting the right people then you’ll make things worse. Instead, you should be focusing on having fun just dating men you think you might get on with.

Here’s my advice for you:

1) Accept every opportunity you get to go out and meet new people.   If your friends ask you to go out then go – you never know who might be there.  Open yourself up to new possibilities rather than being scared of them.

2) Try online dating again.  Don’t let one bad experience ruin it for you.  There are so many decent men, but you need to be proactive about contacting the ones you like rather than waiting for them to find you.   Don’t give up if some don’t write back as everyone likes different types.  Just stay proactive and contact at least 5 new men each day.

3) Attend a few singles parties.  The younger events often sell out faster for men, so you’ll have lots of choice!   If you need help, ask the hosts and they’ll make sure you feel confident and positive.

4) Do let you confidence be an issue.  Most people are shy, especially when it comes to be trying new things.  The more dates you have then the better you’ll get as you’ll become more relaxed.

Remember, dating is an adventure so play the game and see where it takes you.

Good luck!

If you’d like more in depth help then please do take a look at my website:

www.jamespreece.com

Charisma is a useful quality

Especially when it comes to dating

Would you like to me more charming and encourage others to warm to you quickly? I’m sure it’s a skill that we’d all like to have.

The actual word charisma comes from the Greek term for “gift of grace” and that sums it up very nicely. It generally means that the person is seen as more like-able as is someone that people admire and want to be associate themselves with.

Charisma is a rare, almost magical quality and it’s a strength that many successful people have.

The good news is that it’s definitely something you can learn and develop. Even a small improvement would make a huge amount of difference. You’ll end up with more positive dates and better interactions with everyone you meet each day.

Here are my quick “Dating Guru” tips to help you:

1) Which celebrities do you think have the gift of charisma? Think about how they act, speak, walk and behave. You’ll begin to notice little tricks that they do that make them stand out from the crowd. So all you need to do is copy this behaviour. You can’t fake charisma but after a while you’ll learn better habits and it will come naturally to you.

2) Smile always. Positivity and enthusiasm always come through smiling. Even if you aren’t feeling it, force yourself to smile and your mood will turn quickly.

3) Show empathy. Be a great listener and show that you care about other people. Leave people in a better state of mind than when you found them.

4) Be strong. Charismatic people are always firm and stick to what they believe in. Stand up straight and don’t fold your arms.

5) Learn to relax. Keep calm and enjoy the moment and others around you will do the same.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

If you are attending a party

PLEASE take off your coat!

We have a rule at our Asiansinglesolution.com parties that everyone must take off their coats before they come in.   This isn’t just our rule, but something many venues are starting to enforce too.   So in today’s blog I’m going to explain why we ask you to do this.

There are three main reasons that we ask you to take off your coats:

1) It makes you look unapproachable.  If you don’t use the cloakroom then it gives the impression that you are just about to leave.  Coats etc just serve as a barrier and block people from coming up and saying hello.  This is the last thing you want at a singles party!

2)You won’t be able to relax.   Do you really want to spend the whole evening walking round holding on to a bag or wearing a coat?  If you do, you are subconsciously telling yourself that you aren’t going to stay very long.  In fact, people who stay wrapped up are almost always the first to leave.

3)  You’ll get hot and might lose something.   Our parties can get really busy and the more people we have then the hotter it’s going to be.  Bags can go missing in the crowd so why don’t you just give it to the cloakroom attendant for safe keeping?

We always make sure that cloakrooms at the venues are either free or just £1.     Don’t forget, they have to pay someone to sit there all night guarding your belongings :)

Happy dating!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Today’s blog is all about stickers.

Or rather the namebadges we use at events.

When you sign up on the website, you choose a nickname.  We do this so you keep anonymous and so that nobody else needs to know your real name unless you choose to reveal it. Therefore, the namebadge you get when you arrive at a party will just have this nickname on it.

It’s very important that you wear this sticker in a visible place all through the event.  This is so we know you have paid, so we can find you if you wish to do speed dating or if someone else wishes to get to know you.

However…..and this is the reason for the blog….some people make a decision not to wear the namebadges.

I’ve seen people putting the stickers:

1) On their hands

2) On their handbags

3) On their waist

4) Under a top

5) On their mobile phone

6) On a drink

7) On someone else

Or even worse, they just screw it up when they think we aren’t looking and don’t wear them at all!

So please remember that you MUST wear your namebadge at all times.  If you don’t then you will be asked to write out a new one or maybe even asked to leave.

We want everyone to have a great time at the parties, so please do follow this simple rule.  You never know if Mr or Miss Right is looking over at you from across the room.  If they know your username they’ll be able to email you for free the next day.  They can’t do this if they don’t know who you are!

Happy dating!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

How are your 2012 resolutions going?

Here’s how to make them work.
Many of us make resolutions at the start of the new year.  Singles often decide that now is the time they want to meet someone.

The trouble is that as the days tick by then it becomes harder and harder.  Life gets in the way and the best intentions are forgotten.

But…..we don’t want that to happen to you!   As a Dating site we can make it really easy for you to meet wonderful singles, just as long as you put a little bit of effort in.

Here are our top three tips to make sure you stick to you goals:

1) Write down your plans.  The very act of writing them down proves you mean it.  Write up a shopping list about all the qualities you are looking for in a partner, then set out a plan and timetable.  I.e  I will message five people each day for the next month.

2) Make sure the goals are realistic and achievable.  That means you are more likely to achieve them.  So don’t aim to high or bite of more than you can chew.

3) Tell your friends.  If you discuss your plans then they can help.  They’ll also be able to keep you motivated and focused.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’ve seen a recent increase in “sunglasses” photos

So here’s why you should avoid this big mistake.

Sunglasses photos are a bad idea at the best of times, which is why we have a “no sunglasses” policy on main photos.  Despite this ( and despite a clear illustration when uploading) , lots of people still ignore this. I find this all very odd, especially as we are now in Winter!

So what’s so bad about it?. Well, sunglasses hide your eyes and part of your face. The eyes are very important when it comes to both trust and attraction.  To hide the eyes is therefore potentially misleading.
Other users are entitled to see what you really look like otherwise, it could just lead to disappointment later for both parties. I am sure you would be disappointed to turn up on a date and the other person did not resemble the photo.

A dating site is partly about trying to get attention but this must not be achieved by using props or accessories. In order for everyone to have a fair chance, and to ensure that our website is regarded as high quality, all the main photos must be reasonably consistent so that what differentiates the photos is peoples real true features, not props. Hence the main photo must be a head-shot and no sunglasses.

The bottom line is this: Please do not choose an image with sunglasses as your main profile image or will get suspended.

You can have sunglasses in other shots in your album.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

The start of a new year is the best time for dating.

So make sure make the most of it!

It’s the start of a new year…again.   The time when we all reflect on our lives and make a resolution to sort them out once and for all.  For some of us, this means working on our love lives and finally doing something to start meeting new people.

If this is you, you are certainly in the right place.  January is the busiest time of year for the Asian Single Solution as we have many new members who are also looking for the same thing.

As we have lots of new readers to the blog, here are some quick tips:

1) Make sure you have a great profile and a brilliant photo.   Otherwise nobody will know where to find you!

2) Do take a paying membership.  There’s no point having a basic account as it’s like having a lovely car and not putting any petrol in it.  It won’t get you anywhere.

3) Be proactive.  Don’t wait for others to find you, but take the initiative to contact the people you like the look of.  That way YOU do the choosing and are in control.

4) Sign up for some events.  Our amazing parties are legendary and really are the best way to meet new dates and new friends very quickly. Don’t worry if you’re a bit nervous as we have the best hosts in the business to look after you.

5) Don’t give up.  It might take a few dates to meet Mr or Miss Right or it might take 80.  If you stop at 79 you’ll never know how close you were.

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s another question for the Dating Guru

Is Flirting bad?

“Dear James, I’ve also been brought up to believe that flirting is manipulative and deceiving.  Therefore I make a point of avoiding it. What do you think about it all? ”

Hi,

Many thanks for your question.  I love to try and help as many Asian Single Solution members as possible. I’ve head other people wondering about this same subject.

First of all, flirting is certainly not about trying to manipulate anyone.  It’s about making them feel good and making their day just a little bit better.  It’s not about trying to be someone you aren’t, but rather about relaxing and enjoying life a little more.  Everyone can flirt – just look at any baby or toddler and watch how they get attention.  However, it’s something many of us forget as we grow up.

Flirting is an essential part of dating and without it you’ll really struggle to come across as warm and friendly.  It’s all about being playful and interacting with the other person in a gentle and entertaining way.

If you’d like any help with flirting, then get in touch with me directly and perhaps we can arrange a one to one coaching session.

Alternatively, if you have your own dating related question that you’d like me to answer then please do drop me a line at the email address below.   The best questions will be answered right here in this blog.

Happy dating!

James Preece  – The Dating Guru

[email protected]

Are you letting your partners ex get in the way?

Stop making this big dating mistake!

We’ve all got a dating past.  So why do so many people allow it cause problems and get in the way of new relationships?

The biggest issue is that it’s easy to feel second best and to compare yourself to their ex.  You might wonder if you are good enough or if they might come back on the scene and spoil things.

Remember that if they still wanted to be together then they would be. But they aren’t and your partner has chosen to be with you.  So you’ve won the prize.  What’s the point in feeling you have to continue to compete?

The only time a conversation about an ex is useful is when you talk about what went wrong.  If you find out the reason they broke up then you can avoid making the same mistakes.  We all do things wrong but the big secret is to learn from them and not repeat the same errors.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Sometimes it’s hard to pick up whether someone is interested.

But are you picking up the wrong signals?

Dating can be quite complicated at times. How do you know if a date is going well or if it’s time to make your excuses and leave?

Everyone has heard about basic body language and we are constantly ( even subconciously) searching for indicators of interest.

If you want to be able to tell if someone is interested, then it’s not as easy as looking for a flick of their hair, lick of their lips or the way their feet are pointed.  If they laugh at your jokes are they being polite or do they genuinely find you funny?  Or perhaps they are laughing at you or just because they are a little nervous?

The ony way you can really find out what’s going on is to communicate.  If you like someone then let them know.  If you aren’t keen then let them down gently.  Don’t string them out or keep them hanging for ever.  Mixed signals are a waste of time and confusing for everyone.

Yes, body language can offer clues but you must look for a selection of them in quick succession.  Folded arms might show they are bored, but they could just be cold.  However, if they are yawning and looking into the distance too then it’s pretty obvious you should up your game fast!  A chain of positive body language signals might reveal things are looking up.
Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Matchmaking software and tests are popular right now

But do they really work?

Matchmaking software aims to examine members’ core beliefs and characteristics to give them a reliable idea of the type of people they should be dating to get a long lasting relationship.   I was recently asked about my thoughts on this so I thought I’d share them here.

I believe that this sort of profiling might well be useful, but is most probably flawed due to two well know psychological effects.

Barnum Effect:  The problem with any form of test is that people are rarely honest about themselves.  The Barnum (or Forer effect) is the idea that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that they believe are specifically for them, but are in fact general enough to apply to a variety of different people.  Sof if you give someone the results of a personality profile then they’ll choose to accept the bit they likes or overlook the ones they don’t.

Placebo Effect:  If you tell someone that they have been matched with the very latest state of the art findings then they’ll subconsciously find themselves working hard to fill in the gaps.  This may or may not be a good thing. On one hand, they’ll put more of an effort into making a relationship work.  On the other it doesn’t really matter whether your matches are real not not.

I really don’t know how accurate these tests really are.  From my experience,  the secret of successful dating is all about chemistry.  There are obviously certain things that are vital when it comes to matching.  This could be religion, race, age etc.  However , most people have relatively open mind and will surprised by who they actually really do get on with.

So, what do you think about all this?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Best Wishes,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Is double dating twice the fun?

Or does it make it twice as difficult?

It’s an interesting predicament that most singles find themselves in from time to time.  You and a friend both have dates lined up and you think it might be a good idea to meet them at the same time. After all, there’s more fun in a group isn’t there?

Of course, this type of scenario comes with it’s own set of problems that you wouldn’t get on a one to one night out.

What if one of your fancies your friend’s date instead?  Who decides where to go?

On the plus side, more people means more conversation and less chance of it drying up.

The reality is that it’s only ever going to work if you are all quite similar in personality. Otherwise one person will dominate the conversation or another might be too shy and let everyone else do the talking.

My advice is to give it a go every once in a while, just to spice your dating life up a bit.   You can get feedback from your friend after the event and see how you think each other did. They are likely to give you an honest answer and you can discuss your next step.  You never know, you might even learn a thing or two.  Just make sure you pay attention to YOUR date and don’t flirt with the other person.

Double dating can work byt don’t make a habit of it as you won’t get to know someone properly if you aren’t on your own.   You don’t need anyone else to hold your hand!

If you’ve got a funny or interesting double date story then please email it to me at   [email protected]

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Women and Men both think differently.

So make sure you know what to discuss on a date.

1) Talk about family as women want a man who is close to them. It shows stability, loyalty and a kind nature.

2) If you’ve got a pet, children or nieces/nephews/god children then talk about them – women want to know that you’ll make a good possible father to their future kids.

3) Don’t bring up past relationships, but talk about the future instead. Keep discussions positive.

4) It’s important that you talk about what you are passionate about. By doing so you will naturally get enthusiastic and this will rub off on your date.

5) LISTEN to her own dreams and passions and show that you are interested in them too.

6) Don’t try and offer advice if she talks about a problem.  She doesn’t want a solution, just the chance to air her thoughts.

7) If you are looking for a serious relationship then now is the time to ask them if they want the same. If not, don’t waste any more time.

8) If you want to know what women like to talk about, just buy some female magazines.  Keep up with pop culture and showbiz gossip and you’ll never be stuck for words.

9) Men like to talk about facts and figures but this just bores women.  So instead, paint pictures with your words.

10)  Most importantly, show them you are interested by whatever they have to say.

Do you have your own thoughts on this?  Ladies, what would you like a man to talk about?  What should they avoid?

Happy dating!
James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

How do you end a relationship that’s not working?

Text, Phone Call, Email or in Person?

You won’t fall in love with everyone that you date so sometimes you have to bite the bullet and end it.  It’s the fairest thing to do as you’ll be setting them free to meet someone more compatible.  In today’s modern age there are many ways you can end it using different technologies, but you shouldn’t always take the easiest way out for you.   Remember their feelings and the effect it will have on them.

I’ll be writing about exactly what you should say in a future blog, but today I’m going to tell you the etiquette as to HOW to go about it.

Here’s my quick guide to the correct way that you should end it:

1)  You’ve not dated,  just emailed, texted, phone calls etc.
This is the easiest of all as you’ve not had enough time to really get to know each other.  Therefore it’s perfectly fine to end it however you wish.  This could be a text or a phone call.

2) Just one date.

If you’d definitely decided that you don’t want to see them again then a text or email will do.    While I’d always suggest attempting a second date if there’s the slightest spark, I know the reality is that you won’t like everyone you meet.  So there’s no point meeting them again just to let them down.  The best way is a quick email or text the next day letting them down gently.

3) A short term relationship – 2 – 4 dates

This is where is starts to get complicated.   If things haven’t been intense, then a short email should be fine.  If the dates have been passionate then you really ought to give them a quick phone call.

4) A long term relationship – more than 4 dates

Any more than 4 dates means things are getting serious and you might even have slept together by now.  For this reason you absolutely HAVE to end it in person.  The only exception would be if there is a distance barrier.  Tell them you need to talk and stop any indication that you are interested in them.  By this I mean don’t put kisses on the end of emails or tell them you are missing them – otherwise it will complicate matters when they try to understand everything.

However you end it, it’s important that you DO let them know about it.  This might sound an odd thing to say, but many people think it’s better to just disappear and not reply to phone calls, emails, texts.  Treat the other person with respect and the same way you’d like to be treated.  Read my blog on the “Ghost Date” for more info on this!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

P. s  What are thoughts on how to end a relationship?

It’s often hard to stay positive when it comes to dating

So today I’m going to teach you how to boost it.

The power of self-talk is amazing.  If you tell yourself you can do something or tell yourself you can’t, then you are always going to be right.  So the secret is to only tell yourself positive things that will change things for the better.

To help, here are some of my favourite positive phrases.  If you want to feel happier, spend a few minutes each day saying them over and over to yourself.  The more you tell yourself these things then the more likely your brain will make them stick and adjust accordingly:

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

“I choose to be kind to myself.”

“A dream written down with a date becomes a GOAL. A goal broken down into steps becomes a PLAN. A plan backed by ACTION makes your dream come true.”

“It’s better to invest time doing what pleases you, rather than to waste time trying to please everyone else.”

“Every advance in human life begins with an idea in the mind of a single person.”

“I am open to new possibilities.”

“Every great leap forward in life is preceded by a clear decision and a commitment to action.”

“I can figure it out”.

“It is possible, if I am willing to put in the time and effort”

“I make choices and decisions based
on my goals and dreams.”

You could even try to include some similar phrases in to your online dating profile.  They’ll make you come across as a happy, positive person so you’ll automatically get more interest.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Your voice is one of your most important dating tools

But are you using it to your advantage?

Our voices are something we all take for granted and therefore we don’t give them much thought.  But you really need to be aware of how you sound.

I’ve known people to get lots of interest via online dating but then completely blow it when they start speaking on the telephone.

1)  Record your voice and play it back.  Most mobile phones will have a facility to do this. Many people are surprised as to what they sound like as we hear things differently to the way other people do. This is all because of the way sound echoes and resonates in your head.

2) Pay attention to the way you sound.  Are you speaking too softly, loudly, fast or mumbling?  The slower and clearer you speak then the better you’ll come across.  Succesful people always leave people hanging on their next word.

3) Copy someone you know.  This can be a film star, politician or a tv personality.  Find someone that you know members of the opposite sex find attractive.  For example, Sean Connery and Mariella Frostrup are two very popular voices.  When you’ve worked out who you want to sound out then listen to them as much as you can.  Take what you like and discard the rest.

4) Perfect it!     Pick up a newspaper or a book and practice reading it out loud.   Try to do it slowly and make it interesting. Imagine you are reading to someone you are attracted to. Paint pictures with your words and you’ll soon be able to do this naturally.

5) Use it.   Once you’ve mastered the technique then use it as much as you.  This can be on the phone to sales people, in supermarkets or anytime you want to stand out.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

If you want to succeed in dating you need to stand out.

But just make sure it’s not for the wrong reasons!

Online dating sites, like the Asian Single Solution, are filled with thousands and thousands of members.  They are so spoilt for choice that it can sometimes all the profiles can seem to blend into one.  Otherwise you won’t get noticed and you won’t meet anyone.  So you’ll need to work hard to make sure you get seen.

The trouble is, some people stand out but they just don’t realise it.

You might think that adding a photo of you looking “cool” in sunglasses, posing with a group of models or looking mean and moody will get you messages.  The truth is that this rarely works.  No, girls don’t want to see you standing next to a car and no, men don’t want to see you falling over drunk with a cocktail in your hand.

THIS about the message and image you are portraying. Do you want to be seen as warm, friendly, happy and good dating material?  Then smile in your photo and you’ll be seen as all those things.

Be careful with what you write in your profile too.  Don’t go on about negative things or talk about the things you don’t want. You’ll come across as a whiner and will quickly get crossed off any favourites lists.

Spelling mistakes, text talk and bad grammar just make you look like a loser who can’t be bothered to write properly.

The golden rule is to be make sure you are proactive.  No matter how good ( or bad!) your profile is, if you aren’t sending out messages to the people you are interested in then you won’t get results.  They’ll just never find you.

Top Tip: Log in every day and you’ll be listed at the stop of searches. This is the best way to get noticed.

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Many people keep writing the same dull things in their profiles.

So today I’ll tell you what to avoid.

Every week I get to see thousands of new profile and it’s odd how many all say exactly the same thing.  In this blog I’ll reveal the most common things I see , in the hope you won’t write the same thing.  These are five of the most common Online Dating Cliches that people write:

1) “I don’t know what I’m doing on an online dating site.”  This just makes you sound arrogant. By writing this you are suggesting that you are far too good to be on the site and what a hardship it is.  As well as this you are insulting every other member on there too!

2) “I don’t know what write” or “I’m not sure what to say.”   So you are indecisive and boring right?   Of course you aren’t….so never write this.  Instead carefully write something that will peak their interest and make you sound like someone they’d like to meet.  Work out what’s special about you and tell the world.

3) “My friends and family are important to me.”  Isn’t this really just stating the obvious? Friends and family are important to everyone.  It would be much more worrying and abnormal if they weren’t!

4) “No time wasters/ players/ etc”     This gives the impression that you’ve had some bad experiences in the past and are therefore judging all people before you’ve given them a chance. It’s doubtful that anyone would ever admit to being a time waster anyway.

5) “I’m open minded”   While most people write this with the intention that they have no expectations when it comes to dating, the reality is that it comes across as if you looking for a casual relationship.

Try and be a bit more creative, and you’ll have a dynamic , interesting profile that will help you stand out from all the other singles.

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Can you believe that it’s nearer 2012 than the start of 2011?

It’s a great time to reflect on your dating goals.

So how have things been going for you?  If you’ve not had many dates then it’s not too late to do something about it.  The first step is just to take action.

As we head towards the Summer you’ll discover it’s actually a fantastic time to meet people.

The weather is generally warmer, the nights are longer and people are often in a “holiday” frame of mind.  This means they are more relaxed, sociable and open to dating.

So here are some great ways you can boost your dating.  They are all easy enough to do if only you set aside the time to make the happen.

1) Online Dating.  These online dating sites get a big increase in traffic over the Summer as more people are actively searching for someone to spend the long nights with.  Take a little time to work on your profile and start contacting anyone that takes your interest.

2) Get a new outfit.  You’ll want to look your best, so why not go out and update your summer wardrobe.  Ask a friend of the opposite sex to go shopping with you, so you can find out they might find attractive.

3) Meet up with your friends.    Why not arrange a picnic, walk or BBQ with your closest friends?  You could ask everyone to bring someone new so you’ll end up meeting lots of new people. Even if they aren’t suitable for you to date they might know some perfect contacts who are.

4) Try some Summer Events and Festivals.  There are many open air events this time of year and everyone will be in a great mood.  This can be melas, film screenings, concerts or even one of our very own Asian Single Solution Singles parties.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Occasionally people ask us why their photos are not clear on the website. Invariably the reason for this is that the original image was of poor quality or low resolution.

Our website offer photos in three sizes as follows. These are pictures of me from an original image that was 1Mb

80x80 Thumbnail as used in search. Typically 9k

Normal Resolution as used in Profile view. 120x120 Pixels. Typically 20k

Enlarged image from Photo Album. 300x300 Pixels. Typically 60k to 80k

As you can see, the enlarged image is 300×300 pixels, and about 90k. So if your original image is of lower resolution than this, say about 60k, then the website is going to struggle to create an image that is 300×300.

Some people upload images that are already compressed, e.g. into thumbnails of 10k. Thumbnails are just for viewing large numbers of images on one page, and are not suitable for uploading.

Here is what happens when I upload the above image, starting as a thumbnail of just 9k.

Thumbnail. Looks OK because its similar size to the original.

Normal size. Starting to look fuzzy because the site had to create an image of 15k, which is larger than the original.

Full size. Looks awful, because the site had to create a 60k image from a 9k original photo

Top Tips

1. Upload images that are at least 100k.  Due to uploading delays, the site will allow images upto 2Mb.

2. If your image is over 2Mb, then you must crop or reduce the size of the file.

3. Remember, your main photo must be a clear headshot.

4. We recommend a selection of photos for your album including a full body shot (not naked!) so people can see what you look like.

Dating Advice by Paul Ergatoudis

Chat up lines get a bad reputation.

So how else do you start a conversation?

Sometimes the simplest and best chat up line is just to go up to someone and say “hello.”   The golden rule is to make sure that you smile warmly.  Smile are contagious and they won’t be able to stop themselves smiling back.   It will make you seem like a genuine, nice person as long as you don’t overdo it.   If you don’t smile you’ll just look miserable and they’ll be on their guard.

You can say hello to anyone, anywhere and it doesn’t have to be someone that you fancy.  Why not practice talking to people you meet during your day.  This can be the postman, waitress, person next to you at the supermarket etc.    It takes a little bit of effort to get out of your comfort zone but the more you do the easier it will become.

Don’t forget to have something ready to ask once they’ve said hello back or you’ll find yourself lost.  So ask them a question about what brings them their, tell them you liked something they were wearing or ask their opinion on a suitable subject.  Another great question is to just ask how their day or evening is going.

Once you start chatting you’ll soon fall into natural conversation, so keep up your happy persona and pay lots of attention to what the other person is saying to you.  As a guide, you should be talking for 30% of the time and listening for the other 70%.   Make sure you don’t ask too many questions or you’ll look like a stalker.

After a few minutes chatting you will know if you want to see them again. So if you do, tell them you really enjoyed meeting them ask what steps you should take to do it again properly.  If they are interested they’ll then offer you their contact information.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Shyness is very common when it comes to dating

I’d like to show you some tricks to help make people relax.

Almost everyone can feel a bit nervous when it comes to dating and shyness is very common. It can be difficult on a date if someone finds it hard to relax and open up. But there’ s a fantastic technique that you put them at ease quickly.

It’s an tactic but once you begin to use it you’ll see if can be really effective.

All you need to do is to get someone to talk about what they feel passionate about.  The very act of talking about it will make them start to feel happier and positive. When you see their eyes comes to life and you know you’ve hit a strong positive emotion, you just need to tap them discretely on the arm. Keep doing it every now and again but not so much they spot what you are doing. Make sure you touch them in exactly the same place each time. This is a technique called “anchoring” as it helps them to keep the memory. Now all you have to do is tap them in the same place later in the evening and they’ll subconsciously feel the same fantastic feeling once more.

Give it a go and see how it works out for you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Dating has changed so much over the years.

Today’s blog is about the new ways of doing it

Generations ago, Asian singles were introduced by families or by a head of their community.  They’d attend social functions under the guidance of chaperones and would stick to the rules and social conventions of the time.  Nowadays most people have to have travel away from their hometown to work and their family and friends can be miles away. On top of this, people are working longer and longer hours and coming into contact with less people.

However, the invention of the Internet has helped dramatically to help readdress the balance.  Asiansinglesolution has revolutionised  dating for single Asian professionals. It’s easy to log on to a computer from home and sign up to lots of different web sites.  Once they’ve created a quick profile they can potentially date and interact with 1000’s of possible singles from all over the country.

My dating tips and advice for actual face to face dating remains the same as it did before online dating.   You still need to create an amazing first impression,  present the best possible version of you. listen to what your date is saying, flirt and keep building the attraction.

There has never been a better time to hit the dating scene.  The taboo of online dating has long gone and more matches are being made than ever.  As there is so much less pressure than in previous generations, singles can have more fun enjoying the dating process.

So why not log on now and meet another Asian professional right now?

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’ve noticed a lot of people write this on their profiles.

So today’s blog will be on this topic.

Before I begin, I’d like to suggest that the phrase “no time wasters please” is not a good thing to write in your profile.  Firstly,  you should never focus on negative things and who you don’t want to meet, but rather the sort of person you do.  As well as this, would it really put off a time waster and what is the true definition of a time waster anyway?

I doubt many people would admit to being a time waster, but they would admit to sometimes being unsure, nervous or concerned about dating someone.  If you’ve emailed for a while then you fall into a comfort zone where you enjoy the attention and the very fact someone is interested in you.  Everyone is looking for different things – marriage, fun dates, friends etc so you need to be clear about this from the outset.  Otherwise it leads to frustration and disappointment.

It’s not fair to string someone along with the false hope that you are interested in a relationship with them.  The longer you delays telling them that you don’t see a future, then the more hope and expectations will be built up.  Don’t continue to email or chat to them unless you make it very clear you just want to be friends.

It might be hard to admit it to them but you are doing the kindest thing for them in the end.  Once you’ve told them there is no romantic inclination then you’ll both be free to meet someone more compatible.

Good luck,

James Preece

www.asiansinglesolution.com

In today’s blog we cover a topic that many people find difficult.

It’s especially relevant if you plan to attend one of our singles parties.

If you are at a social event and don’t know many people it can be hard to join a conversation.  They all seem to be having a lovely time but you feel like you are on the edge, looking in.

So here are my Dating Guru tips to help make this easier for you.

1)  Find a friend.  It’s a lot easier to break into a group if you have a wing man/woman with you.   So pair up with someone else in the same situation and stick together for a while.

2) Arrive early.  it can be tempting to turn up late to a party so you can sneak in as unoticed as possible.  However, by that time the other guests will have formed little groups and already bonded.  By arriving early you can have a headstart on everyone else and have first choice in talking to new arrivals.

3) Don’t worry about being on your own.  If you find yourself on your own then don’t panic, just take minutes to reflect and enjoy your own company.  Go up to the bar and buy a drink and you’ll soon get the chance to meet new people.

4) Smile.  This is the single most important thing you can do.  If you stand around looking miserable then nobody will want you to talk to them.  Look like a warm, friendly person and groups will welcome your positive vibes.

5) Don’t forget that all the Asian Single Solution parties have lots of great hosts to help you. Have a quiet word and say you’d like some help and they’ll do their best to make some useful, discreet introductions.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Today’s blog is all about that common problem everyone faces.

How do you juggle your dating and social life?

It’s a common scenario and happens to us all.  If you don’t have a partner you’ll probably have experienced this will friends who have met someone.

When you were single, it was fun to call up your friends and hang out together.  You’d share problems, jokes and stories together and would always “be there” for each other.

However, you’re now in a relationship and you don’t have time for them anymore.    You do your best to see your friends but something always comes up.  On the rare times you do get together your partner raises concerns and complains about it, so you end up seeing them less and less.  If you see too much of your friends it can lead to jealousy or suspicion.

So what can you do about it?

1) Remember that your friends were there when you were single and will be there for you if you ever are again.  So always keep in touch and let them know they are still important to you.  Send them birthday and Christmas cards and send them short emails and texts when you get a free moment.

2) Don’t let your Partner make you choose between your friends and them.  Your friends should always take priority, at least in the early days of a relationship.

3) Spend time with BOTH your partner and your friends together.  That way they’ll get to know each other and build rapport.  The more they get on then the more you’ll keep them happy.

4) Introduce your friends to them gradually, not all at once.  That way you won’t overwhelm them or make it feel too pressured.

5) Agree limits.  Have one night a week, or fortnight, when you both see your friends.  Set a time limit so you’ll be home by midnight to see each other and you won’t be endlessly worrying about what they might be up to.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

There’s one thing I can’t understand with Online Dating.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say it’s a pet hate!

Yes, this blog is all about something that really really bugs me :  Photos that have people wearing sunglasses.

I see this time and time again and we at the Asian Single Solution do our best to reject photos like this.   It’s mainly men that do this, but women can sometimes be guilty of it

People do it to look cool and sexy but this just has completely the opposite effect.  Why?   Well it just makes it seem like you have something to hide.  They’ll look at your photo and wonder just why you don’t want your full image to be seen.  Maybe you have a black eye, look like a reject from a Horror film or are too embarassed/shy/married to want to be seen.   None of these are good qualities and you are only doing yourself harm in the long run.

We don’t explain this on the photo upload page but some people think they know best.  But please keep in mind that sunglasses inside is never a good look.

The same applies for anything else that might obscure your face, such as a hat, scarf or even a glass.   Make the most of what you have!

One final note – it’s fine to have obscured photos as a secondary picture if that’s what you really want to do.  Sometimes these can look fine in context.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

It’s always a good time to think about seduction.

So in today’s blog I’m going to tell you why you need to be romantic through the entire year!

The key message is that you need to be romantic every day, not just for Valentine’s, Christmas, birthdays etc.

It might seem like a cliche, but you still need to do it!   She’ll be expecting these romantic gestures and needs them to make her feel loved and special.  However, flowers, perfume and chocolates won’t last very long so you need to think bigger.

It’s easy to think up simple, romantic gestures and A great gift is to get a locket engraved with a special message. Place a small photo of the two of you together so you’ll always be close to her heart.  Women love that kind of thing!

You could also try baking some cupcakes and then icing each one with a letter, spelling out a romantic message.     This will take a lot less effort to do than it appears and she’s have something remember.

If you want to woo a lady it doesn’t have to be difficult or expensive, just make her know you’ve been thinking about her.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

When it comes to dating there are many different types of people

Each one needs different tactics and I’ll be writing about them in future blogs.
Today’s blog is all about the “Beauty Queen” and is aimed at men.   We all know this particular type.

She’s the one who looks like she has stepped off the cover a magazine and always has a crowd of men around her desperate for her attention.

But somehow you’ve asked her out and she’s said yes.  So how do you handle her on a date?

Firstly, keep in mind that she’s just a normal person.  Just because she’s beautiful on the outside doesn’t mean she’s secure on the inside.  In fact, many good looking women ( and men) are rarely asked out as a lot of people are too shy or intimated to approach them.  The only ones who do are the arrogant or drink people and she’ll dismiss them as quickly as they can.

The most important thing is not to try too hard to impress her, or it will come across as desperate.

You still need to make an effort as you still want it to be memorable and exciting for her. Keep is simple, yet sophisticated – perhaps cocktails or take her to a restaurant you know she’s been dying to try.

Don’t go on about her looks – she’ll hear that from everyone else. Act like you aren’t that bothered about how she looks but compliment her on her personality, sense of humour or intelligence instead.  She’ll be flattered that someone likes her for being “herself” rather than what she looks like.

Nothing is sexier that confidence, so show her you aren’t intimidated and make sure she knows she has to work hard if she wants to see YOU again!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

You’ve got a date lined up and you want to get to know each other.

So what can you talk about? What shouldn’t you talk about?

Here are my dating tips to help ensure your date goes smoothly and that you have lots to talk about.

1) Don’t interview them.  Yes, you need to ask questions and find out about them but you aren’t on a chat show.  If you start firing off questions then it will make them feel pressured and they’ll back off.  So instead take turns to ask questions and acknowledge their replies rather than asking them something else immediately.

2) Use body language rather than talking.  This can be as simple as smiling, nodding and paying full attention to what they are saying.  If they feel you are enjoying what they are saying they will be more comfortable.   Remember that it doesn’t always matter what you say, rather than the WAY you say it.

3) Flirt!  If you don’t want to be stuck in the “just friends” zone then this is vital.  Touch them lightly on the arm every now and again and try to be a bit cheeky, teasing them every now and again.

4) Sell yourself.   Make sure you present yourself as best you can but don’t boast or bore.  The key is to convey that you lead an interesting, fun, busy life.

5) Don’t fill every silence.   Sometimes it’s good to pause for a short while.   You don’t need to try and think of something clever to say, just enjoy the moment to reflect.

6) Have conversation topics ready just in case.  If the chat completely dries up then you use these to get things back on track.  Make sure it’s an interest topic you can both discuss, rather than a question they can answer with a yes of a no.   You could ask them if they’ve ever had a supernatural experience, what their earliest childhood memory is or what their dreams are for the future.

7) Don’t be an Agony Aunt/Uncle.   People have a tendency to unload their problems on others and they in turn want to be the one to solve them.  They think that if can help then their date will be eternally grateful and think they are wonderful.  That’s just a negative thing to talk about.   A date isn’t the time for this -always focus on the positive.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’m often asked when the “optimum” messaging time is for online dating.

Should you do in the day when they might be working or at night when they are home?

When it comes to internet dating, the peak time tends to be at weekends and in the evening.  That’s when people are free to log in and send messages without being watched by their bosses and colleagues.  Having said that, many people do log in and out throughout the day too.    If you write your messages in the day they’ll still get them and be able to reply.

So the simple answer to this question is – message anytime!

People sometimes like to wait a few days to reply to a message, to give the impression they are busy and have other things going on.  This is a bad tactic as if you make them wait to long they will just email someone else instead.  If they engage with other people and get on you’ll have missed your chance.  Strike while the iron is hot and the interest is there.   There’s nothing worse that trying to keep track of a coversation when you have to wait ages between each message.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

You’ve sent a message but haven’t heard back.

Should you move on or try again?

You know the scenario. You’ve contacted lots of people you like on the site but haven’t heard back from some of them.

You don’t want to hassle them so most people simply give up at this point.   But I’d strongly advise you to give it another go.

Keep in mind that people lead busy lives and might be inundated.   These means they accidentally overlook certain emails or they plan to open then or end up getting distracted and forgetting all about it. Resending your email to these people almost guarantees an increased open rate.

Here are a few tips to see if you get better results

1. Always write proper, personalised messages.  If they feel you’ve made an effort they’ll be much more likely to reply.
2. Wait at least three days before you contact them again.  They might well have not had a chance to log on the site, especially over the weekend
3. Make sure you send a credit with your message.  This means that they can open and reply to it, even if they aren’t paying members.
4. If it’s still in bold, it’s not been read.  However, even if it has been read it doesn’t mean they are still a paying member. Perhaps they read it when they were a member but now the membership has lapsed.  A credit will fix this.
5. Change the Subject Line.  If do this is will look like two different emails.  If they’ve not read the actual message then they won’t even know they are the same.
6. Make it clear you are resending it.  Say something like “I’d hate you to miss this” or “I’m resending this as I know we’re a fantastic match.”

One final piece of advice.  If you don’t hear back after you’ve contacted them twice then move on.  There’s no point contacting them again. Not only will it annoy them but you’ll be wasting energy when you could be lining up dates with other people!

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s a common mistake people often make.

It’s one you need to avoid so read this blog to see if you’ve made it too!

When people sign up for an online dating site, it can be tempting to cut corners and try to avoid putting any effort in.  So rather than writing proper messages, they’ll send out a quick two line message to absolutely anyone then like,  making sure they include their phone number or email address in the message.

Imagine you were at a nightclub and wanted to find a partner.  Would you really just rush around the room, handing out bits of paper with your phone number on them?

What kind of results do you think you might get and how many would call you the next day?   I’ll bet that you don’t get any at all.

The secret is to engage with each person individually, flirt with them, make them them feel special and build up trust.  Only then can you exchange numbers.  It’s the same formula you need to stick to when it comes to dating online.  If you just send a phone number and no personal message it will be deleted and you’ll be forever classed as a weirdo.

Remember, you’ll get out of it what you put in and you need to put some effort in to get the dates you want.   The difference is that you’ll get the results so much quicker if you do it properly from the start!

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

We’ve had lots of dating questions after last week’s blog.

Here are some answers to a few of them.

***********************************

Q)

Dear James,

Should one consider star signs when dating? Or should they be ignored and people should work hard at making things works out?

A)

Hi H,
I think star signs should only be considered as a bit of fun. Otherwise, you’ll end up making decisions that rule out 11/12ths of the population!

Most people don’t take star signs seriously. There’s no evidence they have anything to do with people’s personality at all. Dating is hard enough anyway without trying to complicate it further.

So yes, focus on what you DO have in common and make things work if you like each other.

********************************************************************

Q) Dear James, I’ve got a second date lined up and want to impress her. The trouble is that money is a bit tight. Where can I go that won’t cost the earth, but looks like it does!  Thanks, S

A) Hi S, you really don’t have to spend lots to impress someone.  If they expect it they are just money grabbing anyway!   However,  you need to make it look like you’ve made an effort.  I’d suggest you take a look at some of the great deals you can get on the new “offers” websites like Groupon and Groupola.  You’ll be able to book amazing restaurants and experiences at a fraction of the price.  For example, I’ve seen afternoon tea for two at £12 rather than £35 and three course dinners with drinks for less than a tenner each. Keep your eyes open and you’ll find plenty of bargains.  The best thing is that they need never know how cheap it really was!

*******************************************************

If you have a question, email me now at [email protected] and I’ll do my best to help.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

James Preece is the The Dating Guru for the Asian Single Solution.

Read some of my quick tips here:

1) I met someone at a recent Asian Single Solution singles party and we swapped numbers.  How long should I wait to contact them again?

Some people like to wait a few days to give the impression that they are busy.  This is a bad idea as they will probably have met other interesting people.  A good plan it to make sure you say goodbye to them when you leave, which makes sure you are fresh in their minds.  Then send them a text the next morning saying you enjoyed meeting the and call them that evening to arrange a date!

2) How can I give the impression that I’m powerful, self confident and someone they would like to be with?
Sitting in an higher position will subconsciously generate respect.  Therefore, always try and sit in a more elevated seat than them, perhaps on a table or edge or a chair if necessary. That way they will literally have no choice but to look up to you!

3) I’ve joined the dating site and I’m not getting many messages.  How can I get more interest?

This is a very common mistake.   You need to remember that you in competition with everyone else on there.  If you don’t play the game you’ll pass by unnoticed.  You need to be proactive and spend time contacting people you like.  It’s not up to THEM to find you – but for you to get in touch with them first.  The only way you can possibly avoid putting in the work is to have an amazing photo and then log in regularly.  If you can get their attention with the photo then you’ll naturally get more emails.
I’ve helped 100s of people find love and am a dating advisor for many magazines, newspapers and websites.  If you’d like any personal one-to-one help then please do check out out my website below.  Discount for all Asian Single Solution members.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.onlinedatingclinic.com

Everyone knows that to get online dating success you need to have a great photo.

But what exactly IS a great photo?

Use a photo that looks like you, but on a really good day.

There’s not point uploading a photo that has you with other people in it.  Firstly, it won’t be clear which one is actually you.  What if the viewer likes the look of one of your friend instead?   Also, some guys thing it’s good to add a photo surrounded by lots of women.   Yes, it can make you look popular but it also makes you look like an idiot who is trying to hard to impress!

A clear, head and shoulder headshot is always best and it’s the only kind of photo that we allow as your main headshot.

I see a ridiculous amount of photos with sunglasses or hats – completely pointless as it makes it look like you have something to hide.

Secondary photos can break from this rule.  In fact, many people will want to see a full body shot so they can see your body type and how you dress.

Never forget the power of a first impression.  If you haven’t already done so, do read our “Dumbest Mistakes Guide” for more information.
Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

As you know we’ve got a fun “online chat” feature on the site.

But are you using it properly?

Online chatting can be a great way to get to know people quickly.  You can search to see who it logged on at the same time you are and begin a conversation straight away. You’ll be able to talk with users from all over the UK who are looking for a fun conversation.

The thing to remember is that online chat is just for entertainment purposes only!  It’s not a substitute for actually getting to know someone. It’s so much better to talk on the phone or meet face to face.

I’d also like to remind you that you are looking for serious dating, there isn’t much point restricting your searches to “users online ” only.  Many people don’t have the time to chat during the day and you’ll have a much better success rate if you send proper messages instead. The chances that your perfect match will online at exactly the same time you are slim.

So instead, just enjoy the chat feature for what it is – fun – and send out emails to anyone you like too.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

We’re always being told what not to wear, what not to eat and what not to do in life.

Just for fun, here’s my fun guide to how NOT to succeed at dating.

1)  Write a long checklist of every single feature you want in a partner – and don’t even consider dating anyone who doesn’t meet at least 99% of these criteria.  Why should you settle?

2)  Don’t bother washing or shaving before you meet up.  You don’t want to look like you’ve made an effort, just in case they don’t like you.

3) Keep your date waiting for at least 30 minutes and don’t apologise or explain it.  They’ll think you must be incredibly busy.

4)  Work out how to use the calculator on your phone.  You’ll be needing that at the end of the date, to work out how much you both have to pay for your share of the bill.

5) Only talk about yourself.  What’s the point in finding out about them when your own life is so interesting.

6) Make sure you eat with your mouth open.   For bonus points, try and be rude to the waiter.

7)  Tell them all about your ex in great detail. Bring photos and call them during your date.

8 ) Text the other person relentlessly after the date,  once per hour every hour – you don’t want them to forget you exist !

9) Staying home alone on a Saturday evening is a much better plan that going out to a singles party.   You might not meet anyone or have fun, but at least you’ll know who might win The X factor.

10) If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try again. Go on, give up now. What’s the point?

Needless to say, these tips are all tongue in cheek and are some of the things you must definitely NOT do.

Don’t blame me if you use them and they go wrong!

Good luck,
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

In today’s blog I’m going to talk about online dating etiquette.

This will apply to everyone, whether you are sending or receiving messages.

One of the biggest frustrations with online dating is that you can send a message and while it will be read
you won’t hear back from them.  So you might end up waiting and waiting to hear back only the message will never come.

As a Dating Expert I always advise that you treat people in the same way you’d like to be treated – with good manners.  They know you’ve opened and read the message

The trouble is that many people are uncomfortable with rejecting someone they aren’t interested in.  That’s fine, but it’s not really about rejection but a matter of politeness.

To make it easy for you we provide several “pre-written” replies that you can send to save you time.

So if you aren’t interested you can just send one of those instead.  You can say you don’t feel you are right for each other,  don’t have time for dating or you’ll get back in touch when you have more time.  It only takes a few seconds.

Of course, there are the odd people who can’t handle rejection and will reply asking exactly why you aren’t there type of why you don’t
want to get to know them.

My advice is to just block them rather than waste your time debating it.   Once blocked they can’t contact you again and you’ll be free
to correspond with people that you do like the look of.

If you get a message saying the other person doesn’t think you are a match, don’t stress about it.  Instead, be appreciative of the fact they made the effort to let you know where you stand. Everyone likes different things so just move on and contact more people you do like.  You’ll eventually make a good connection if you put some effort it.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Last week we told you about last impressions, so this week is all about first ones!

If you want to make a fantastic first impression, stand out from the crowd, build rapport instantly and impress people then there is one thing you need to do above everything else. ….

SMILE!

Yes, this is a painfully obvious tip but it’s one that many many people overlook.  It’s the number rule for flirting but we are amazed that a small number of people come to our events and don’t smile.  Even when we welcome them on the door, they look grumpy and don’t even acknowledge our hellos.  They’ll stand in the corner and look grumpy and this makes it very hard for anyone to approach them.  We realise that this might be because they are nervous, but you really don’t need to be.  You just need to step out of your comfort zone a little and realise that everyone is in the same boat. Remember our hosts are always there to help you.

If you are bit a shy then it’s easy to fake a smile. Think of something that makes you laugh or picture a happy memory. A warm smile will make you seem friendly and confident and instantly puts everyone at ease.  Think these happy thoughts before you enter the venue and you’ll feel so much better.

Just don’t go overboard of you’ll end up looking a little gormless!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

The way you say goodbye is just as important as the way you say hello.

We all know we have to work hard to make a fantastic first impression.
We smile warmly, shake hands firmly and put lots of effort into showing an interest, saying
and doing the right things.

But how often do you think about your last impression?

This is the final time you’ll have contact, so you want to make sure you create long lasting
memories that will stick with them long after you’ve parted.  This is especially true when it comes to meeting other guests at singles parties. You’ll meet so many people that you’ll be starting and stopping conversations throughout the evening.

The best thing you can do is to keep the positive feelings flowing.  You can do this by making
them feel good and paying them a small compliment.  It’s easy – just say something along the lines of:

“It was so good to talk to you, Rachel”  or “I just loved chatting with with, John.”

If you have genuinely enjoyed meeting them and want to see them again then you need to make sure you do all you can to help this happen.
I’d advise you to carry business cards with you at all times.   These need to be professionally printed as they’ll be acting as a memento afterwards. The classier they look, then the more likely they’ll want to hang on to them.

If you don’t have business cards, it’s easy to get some made up for a low cost.   They just need to have your name, email address and phone number on them.   The perfect finishing touch is a great photo so they’ll remember who you are.

There’s nothing wrong with making a provisional plan to meet again there and then.   You can say:

“What steps do we have to take to talk again?”

This give them the chance to suggest a date or to exchange numbers. If they give you their own cards or details, then call them up the very next. There’s little point in hanging around trying not to seem too keen.

Always at least attempt to politely exchange contact details.  You won’t have lost anything as there won’t be any way of contacting them afterwards anyway!

Even it you have no intention of chatting again, there’s no harm in sending them away in a good mood.  They’ll be more encourage to go up and approach other people that way.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

In today’s blog I’m going to look at a common dating topic – the mystery of the Alpha Male

So what exactly is an Alpha Male?

The term is sometimes used to refer to a man who is powerful or in a high social position

In nature, attraction between mates is determined by the survival of the fittest philosophy. The mate that is chosen is the one that is most likely to breed strong, healthy offspring. In many animal societies the alpha male will be the only male in the pack, and it will be his job to impregnate the females in order for the species to survive.

So in dating, the alpha tends to be the one who gets all the women!

However, contrary to popular belief, this isn’t through being rude, arrogant, macho or cocky.  Instead, here are the five best ways you can learn to become and Alpha Male:

1) Be Confident.  This is the number quality that a woman will look for in a man so it’s the key thing all Alpha Men possess. Be relaxed and comfortable in your surroundings. It always help to dress up whenever you go out as it gives the impression you are high status and sure of yourself.

2) Be Masculine.  Show off your muscles, achievements, or skills to get people to think of you as dominant.  Know who you are and never be afraid to express your true personality.  An Alpha man  Doesn’t fear doesnt’ care what other think of him or of being judged.

3) Take the lead.  As an Alpha Male, you need to take control.  In fact, most women expect it as they they want to be looked after.  For example, don’t ask where they would like to go on a date – but surprise them instead.

4) Know what you are worth.  Respect yourself. you value yourself as equal to or above everyone else including any girl you approach. You need women to realise that you have a lot more to offer than other men and they need to be the ones to impress you.

5) Don’t be too serious.  As always, dating is about fun.  You need to demonstrate that you have a good, almost cheeky sense of humour.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Making a Long Distance relationship work

The upcoming “Drew Barrymore” film is all about long distance relationships so I wanted to write something about it for you.

Sometimes we end up dating people who don’t live near us. It’s so easy to meet people from all over the world using the internet that that this can be 8 miles or 800 miles.  These relationships can be hard to keep going but they can work.

Here are my dating tips so you can keep the spark going!

1) Communicate often.  Make sure you talk as often as you can and send regular emails and texts. Talking on the phone is vital as you need to be able to hear their voice. Without hearing them speak it’s very hard to work on any form of romantic connection.

2) Try and see each other as often as you can, even if it means sacrificing things. The times you do spend together will be all the more powerful.

3) A long distance relationship is built on thing – Trust.   You don’t want to have to be worrying about what the other person might be getting up to.

4) The same rules for dating apply, even if you aren’t seeing each other as much.  You are still together so don’t be needy, demanding or controlling or they will quickly destroy everything.

5) What’s the long term plan?  Will one of you eventually move near the other?   If neither of you has any intention of relocating then the relationship then be clear from the start and set a time limit.

6) Do something at the same time, like watching a film or reading the same book.

7) Use Skype – the most loved tool for long distance lovers. Free calls over the internet and you’ll be able to see each other on webcam too.

8 ) Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Being able to tell when someone is lying is a very useful skill, whether it’s in dating, business or in your general day to day life.

However, it’s easy to get it wrong if you don’t know how to do it properly.  Of course, everyone tells the odd fib from time to time but these are mostly tiny white lies.   Here are some tips on how to get the bigger picture and spot the giveaways:

1) Watch the eyes.  Liars will often use prolonged eye contact or try to avoid looking at you at all.

2) Listen out for what they say. Saying things like “To tell you the truth”, “To be honest…” or “No word of a lie”   then they are usually doing the opposite.

3) Look to see how rigid their body is, as the stiffer they are then the more chance they are telling you a lie.  They might not be wanting to give any clues away so will fold their arms, cross their legs and freeze like a statue.

4) Everyone has a “tell” which is a slight nervous reaction to something.  This could be something as simple as brushing the hair out of their eyes, a little giggle or a sniff.    The idea is to note how often they do it, and if it’s frequent it might well be covering up deceit.

5) Liars will try and hide the palms of their hands, so be cautious if they have their hands behind their backs, under the table to grasped together tightly.

The same rules apply for spotting lies as for any other body language – you need to look for several signs together to be certain.

We all scratch our noses or shuffle our feet, so don’t be too quick to judge!

Happy dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Do you have a destructive or dysfunctional habit that’s stopping you from getting dating success?

We take a look the ways some people can sabotage themselves on a date and how they can fix this.

First of all,  you need to work out what exactly you are doing wrong.  Then it can be easy enough to put things right.

This can usually fall in to one of three things:

Too Needy,  Too Negative or Too Picky

1)Too Needy

You are so desperate to get a partner that you accept anyone who shows any interest.  You go out on dates purely for the sake of dating and often end up sleeping with anyone who pays you any attention.  You get upset and angry when you don’t hear back from the straight away and ruin possible relationships by being too keen or demanding.

Sometimes you think that this person will be able to fix your life or you’ll overlook major issues thinking that you can change them yourself.

The Cure:  Take a step back.  If you need to, have a break from dating and only ever date someone you think you really will have a great future with.

2)Too Negative

You’ve had some bad experiences in the past and don’t want to  let yourself get hurt again.  Therefore you focus on your past rather than looking to your future.

Your date doesn’t want to hear about how bad your life is or hear about your faults and insecurities.

The Cure:   Challenge yourself to be positive.  Wear something that you feel great in and keep your body language upbeat and friendly. Work out all the things in life that you enjoy and that are going well for you.   Everyone is different so don’t expect them to treat you the same as your ex.

3) Too Picky

Nobody is able to meet your high standards and as such you won’t give anyone a chance.  You’ll come across as rude and defensive rather than a possible partner.  Perhaps you won’t make the effort on a date as you’ve already decided it’s not going to go anywhere before you’ve even met.

The Cure:    Take the opportunity to find out more about your date.   What do you have in common?  Are you enjoying their company?  Above all, work out what really is important to you and let anything else go.  You aren’t perfect so why would they be?

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Are you struggling with dating?  Not having the success you want?

In today’s blog I’m going to motivate you to keep at it!

Many people seem to give up far too easily and quickly when it comes to dating.  Perhaps they will join an online dating site, send out some messages and then get disappointed when they don’t get many replies.  Or maybe they’ll attend a singles event and not find anyone they like there.

Rather than keep at it, they’ll think”Oh, I’ve tried that and it didn’t work.  Now I can cross that off my list.”

We know that it can sometimes seem exhausting if you don’t get get instant results but dating is a trial and error process and the more you do then the better you’ll get at it

Yes, you’ll make mistakes at the start but please don’t give up.

You need to keep in mind that these things really do work!  Every day we get success stories sent to us from people who struck lucky.  The secret is to keep at it – like most things in life you get out of it what you put into it.  Otherwise it’s like joining a gym, going twice and then quitting because you weren’t miraculously fit and muscular.  These things can take time.

One person said to me recently that they’ve calculated they would have to send out 100 messages to get 10 replies back which would lead to one or two dates.  They just didn’t have time to be sending out so many messages each week.

My reply to him was that he was thinking about the negative side of things rather than the reality.  What if one of the first people he met up with turned out to be his Miss Right?   He’d then be able to stop messaging people.  Therefore, he should spend more time making sure he has the best profile, photos and messages possible right from the start.  He can then be sure he’s equipping himself with the best tools for the job.

The more work you put in at the start, then the quicker you’ll see the results!

If you ever find yourself tempted to give up then get a friend to help you.  Ask them to send out some messages with you or attend events with you.  That way you’ll get a whole new perspective on things.

Finally, we are here to help if you ever need motivation. All you need to do is ask.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

You might think that if you send out enough messages, with your personal contact info, you will get results.

Wrong.

For many reasons we advise against this. Here are the top 5 reasons why it doesn’t work.

1. Speaking to someone you know is hard enough, so why would anyone call a total stranger without even a cursory online chat first? Men might but women won’t.

2. If you’ve given out your number too early, you won’t know who is calling. Imagine the scene.

“Hi, its me from the site”

Sorry, who is calling?

“er….. sorry, who? Which site? Please just hold the line while I check your profile.”

Embarrassing isn’t it? and that is if they call, which they probably won’t, so you’ve blown your chances.

3.  Ladies in particular may not want to reveal personal information like a phone number without getting to know you online first. Once the other person has your details there is no going back. Ultimately, you cannot avoid this, but at least get to know a little about them first.

4. Just giving out your number in the first message might make you appear unselective or indiscriminate at best, or desperate and lazy at worst.

5. If someone emails you outside the site, then like point 2 above, it is much harder to know who is messaging you and to keep track of who is who.

Our advice would always be to chat online first. You can use the messaging system, or our live chat feature. You can always agree a time to chat online, at a time that suits you both.

Make it easy for the other person by asking short simple specific questions about them or something in their profile.

If you are nervous about giving your number out, then register for a personal number. This is an 07 number that you can have diverted to your mobile. Some sites charge a nominal fee for this such as UK2numbers.co.uk other sites might be free. Just remember if you dial out your number is going to be displayed, unless you type 141 in front of the number. Once you feel comfortable you can swap proper numbers but it doesn’t hurt to keep your number private the first time you chat.

Remember – use the site for messages, that is what it is there for.

Paul Ergatoudis

Dating Expert and Director at www.AsianSingleSolution.com

It’s time to get a bit spooky now.

There’s a strange dating phonemenon that you’ll come across quite a bit.

You’ll go out on a date or two and everything will be going well.   Then suddenly the emails, texts and phone calls stop.

They have completely vanished, never to be seen again.  You try your best to contact them but you don’t ever hear anything back.

Where have they gone you wonder?  Maybe they’ve lost their phone, caught a terrible cold or been abducted by aliens.  You’ll spend hours going over the possibilities about why they’ve disappeared.

This will also happen all the time with online dating.  You’ll start chatting and look forward to getting to know them – when they cut you off cold.

The truth is that there are endless reasons why they’ve gone, perhaps they have got back with their ex, or circumstances have changed. Just maybe they will call you soon as phones DO get lost and stolen, people do go away with work, they do get ill etc and all manner of crazy things can happen in people’s lives, but ninety nine times out of a hundred there’s one major factor that causes this.   Brace yourself, the reality can be hard to come to terms with….they just aren’t interested!

Sadly, you’ll probably never know the true reason why.

My advice is just to accept it and move on. Don’t take it personally, but look at the good things you’ve learnt from the experience.

Get straight onto arranging lots of other dates with new people, so you are never in the position where you have to keep waiting to hear back from one person.

Lead an active, busy life and you won’t have time to worry about these things.

Perhaps one day a UFO will land and bring them all back!

If you’ve done this to someone else it’s very unfair.  You don’t want to hurt their feelings so you decide to cut off all contact instead.  This is actually very cowardly and leads to confusion.  It’s much better to say you weren’t feeling it and wish them luck finding someone who deserves them.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Some people struggle to put together a half decent online dating profile.

So today I’m going to make it easy for you!
There is a simple “Four Step” Formula that you just need to follow.  I’m going to break it down into very small steps:

Step One:  Introduction

First things first – who are you and what are you doing on the site?   This is your chance to capture their imagination and get their attention. If this bit isn’t good then they’ll get bored and won’t read any further.   Keep it short and simple – it’s a taster not a life history.

Step Two:  About You.

The second part of your profile  needs to be your “advert” where you get to sell yourself.  Write about what you like doing, what you have offer and why people should be interested in dating you.  Why are you different from all the other people on the site?

Step Three:  About the Person You are Looking For.

Work out what’s most important to you and what you want in a partner.  Don’t be tempted to make a list of things you don’t want.  This just makes you look like a negative person.

Step Four:  End on an invitation.

This is one of the most important sections.   Give the reader the opportunity to get in touch.  Ask a question or invite them to suggest something.  Don’t be tempted to say “Get in touch” or “Drop me an email” as that’s not enough.

One final tip for you.   Don’t be tempted to write too much. People have busy lives and want to be able to get a quick idea of what you are like and who you are.   You can save in depth debates and three page anecdotes for when you meet!  It should be long enough to hook them in, but short enough to intrigue them.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Summer is here and the sun is shining.  It’s the best time of year for dating so you need to make the most of it – it won’t last long!

Here are some great date ideas we know you’ll love:

1)Take a trip to the seaside.   If you have an Oyster Card then you can get return train tickets for an amazing £5 return until the end of July!  You can choose from Brighton, Bognor Regis or Southend.  Check out the Daysoutguide for more info.

2) Hampton Court Palace.  This is most famous for it’s huge outdoor maze.   Stay close together and have fun trying to get out.  You’ll be amazed at how much you enjoy it!

3) Boating. Both Regents Park and Hyde Park have famous boating lakes.  You can hire a small rowing boat and take your date out for a leisurely afternoon on the lakes. If you really can’t be bothered then there are plenty of boats trips available near the Thames.

4) London Zoo.  This really does make a wonderful date as there is so much to see and talk about.  Everyone has a favourite animal so why not sponsor one for your date while you are there?

5) Picnic in the Park.  This isn’t a new idea but it’s still of the best as it’s so easy to do.  Just pack a picnic basket and head somewhere romantic. Make sure you pack strawberries, cream and champagne to make it unforgettable.

6) A show under the Stars.  There are plenty of big music concerts and films at this time of year, all outside.   We particularly recommend the Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre.

7)  Watch the Sun set.   Take full advantage of one of nature’s loveliest views – the sun setting.   You can either do this from the top of a hill or a roof terrace restaurant.  The choice is yours.

8) Ice Cream Parlour.  We all loved this when we were kids so you can bring back happy memories instantly.  Harrods and Selfridges have their own parlours but there are plenty of independent ones too. Just remember – you’ll need one dessert and two straws!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Eating out is one of the most common dating activities. However, it can come with it’s own problems.

What do you do if you are a vegetarian or have some other dietary requirement?

If you’ve made a major lifestyle choice to be a vegan or vegetarian then you’d be better off stating this before you go on a date. By being open from the start you’ll avoid any embarrassing situations.

Of course, If you’ve met online then your date should hopefully have already spotted this. If you get a chance to put it in your profile then always do so.

If you simply don’t like eating certain food or have an allergy then it’s probably best not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, choose foods that don’t contain these items. You’ll want to focus on what you DO like rather than what you don’t.

After a few dates it’s fine to mention it but don’t let it spoil the romance of your first meal together.

So what do you do if YOU are the meat eater and your date is a vegetarian? While it’s true that you aren’t about to stop eating certain foods, you do want to create the best impression possible. Therefore, rather than avoiding the meat dishes, search out the best vegetarian ( or vegan) restaurant in the area. You’ll get extra brownie points and will also get to try some delicious new meals.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

There comes a time in the happiest of relationships when you won’t see eye to eye.

This is quite normal behaviour.  After all, if you agreed on everything life would be very dull.

However, disagreements can quickly become arguments which can escalate to major rows.  It’s important you learn to keep things on the first level so you don’t allow them to escalate.

A common destroyer of relationships is seeing it as a competition rather than a joint effort.

When people see themselves as opponents rather than partners, they often try to use unfair tactics such as using insults or perhaps shutting down completely.  Alternatively, they might do the opposite and fight fairly and try to outsmart the other person using logic and being overly nice.    But ultimately these are both two sides of the same kind  Both strategies  are employed as a way to “win” the argument.    They are trying to be the “good” partner and prove that the other person is in the wrong, not them.

If this sounds like you then you need t0 learn to stop doing  it.

The best way to end an argument is to apologise, even if you know deep down that you are right. This will nip it in the bud before things get worse.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Struggling to find time for dating ?

You aren’t alone.

People often tell me that they find it hard to make time for online  dating in their busy lives.  They work all day and are too tired in the evenings to do anything proactive.

I agree that online dating can often be time consuming.  It takes a while to search for people you like the look of, compose witty messages and keep the banter going.

But really it doesn’t have to be.   The object of the game is to get their attention quickly and then arrange a meeting while the interest is there.  You don’t have to write long essays back and forth for weeks.  The first message only needs to be a few lines long – just enough to get them intrigued. After a couple of replies, speak on the phone for ten minutes and then arrange your first date.  Endless messages only build up unrealistic expectations and prevent you from ever meeting up.

Here’s a quick tip which will help you find time for dating….turn off your television!  It’s the biggest time waster there is and it’ s main function is a “partner replacement.”   Most people spend all their time either  staring at it or looking forward to seeing it again.

Believe it or not, studies have shown that watching too much television can actually triple your urge for material things.  Just think how many adverts you watch, consciously and unconsciously. On top of this, every hour you watch a day makes you 5% unhappier!

You only need to spend about 20 minutes a day to make online dating work.   If you knew it would guarantee some fantastic dates, would you be able to find time to do it then?   Picture the end result before you start and you’ll soon be able to fit it into your busy lifestyle.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

In today’s blog I’m going to be looking at the subject of jealousy in relationships and how you can avoid it.

Jealousy can be a funny thing.  It can creep up when you least expect it and small worries can quickly become big problems if not dealt with.

The theory is that jealousy is an evolutionary process that protects us when there is a threat to reproducing.

Women tend to feel threatened by younger, more attractive rivals. Men are more wary of others who earn more money than them.  However, it’ s just people that you can be jealous of but rather anything that distances you from your partner.  This could be work, hobbies, friends of family.  The threat can be real but is quite often imagined.

Too much jealousy can destroy happy relationships, especially if you are constantly questioning each other.  It’s uncertain relationships that have the biggest issues.  If you aren’t clear about the direction you are heading in or if you are both being faithful then it’s only natural to want to question things.

My advice is to talk about any issues as soon as they come up. Ask yourself what you are really worried about and never forget that you wouldn’t be together if one of you didn’t want to be.  It might also help to talk to friends too as they’ll be able to offer you a different perspective on things.   Above all, keep calm and don’t interrogate or you’ll find yourself pushing them away rather than bringing you together.

Studies have shown that a little bit of jealousy can actually be good for a relationship.  It can make you work harder, keep you both on your toes and spice things up. After all, isn’t it good to know that someone wants want you have?

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Compliments are a strong currency when it comes to flirting and getting to know someone. But it’s so easy to get it wrong!

You know what it’s like to get a compliment.  You might be flattered but you will often be suspicious too.  Perhaps you’ll think they are being insincere or trying to get round you in some way.  The same goes for when you give one yourself. So here is a simple tip to help you get round this problem:

Do it via a friend!

Yes, it’s that easy.  Tell a mutual friend how wonderful you think the person you are interested in is.   Don’t go over the top and don’t make them aware of what you are up to. Instead, just throw the compliment into the conversation.  Make sure it’s nothing too sexual or personal either. You could say something along the lines of “He’s really entertaining or I loved her necklace.” You can bet anything that your mutual friend will have passed the message on within 24 hours.

By delivering compliment through a third party the impact doubles and they’ll instantly become more believable.  A compliment that someone overhears is must more powerful that one that they actually hear.

You can also use this tip to get some of the glory from someone else’s compliment too.   If you hear someone saying good things about a friend, then tell them all about it.   When they feel good from hearing this, they’ll tie you in to the “feel good” emotion that it triggers.

Just remember to only keep it to compliments.  You don’t want to associate yourself with any negative comments to idle gossip.

Happy Dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’m purposely making this blog a little controversial – in the hope that some of you will add your own thoughts!

So today’s blog is all about a common subject of discussion….height.

Why do so many women complain that there aren’t enough tall men?  Do shorter men suffer when it comes to getting dates?

There does seem to be a link between social deprivation and height. Studies have shown that men over 5ft 10 are more likely to get married and have children.

Interestingly, research has proven that the opposite is true with women.  Women of below average height ( under 5ft 2) are more likely to have a husband and kids.

This might be because taller women often reach puberty later than shorter ones and are deemed as less fertile, although science doesn’t back this up.

We’ve found that many of our female members on our online dating site are looking for a man at least 4 inches taller than themselves.

The theory is that short women look for taller men as they want to make sure their children are born with average height.
The good news is that once you meet face to face then height usually stops being an issue.  Common sense comes into play and other factors such as looks, personality and sense of humour will always in over.
So my advice is for women to be more realistic and you’ll end up with more dates.  If you are only short yourself then don’t set your expectations too “high.”

Likewise, if you are a tall lady then it’s daft to make yourself even more so wearing high heels as you’ll just make things harder for yourself.

Finally, if you are a shorter man then make the most of everything else you have going for you!

Well, that’s my opinion – what’s yours?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I got asked an interesting question today that I’m going to discuss here with you.

When you first meet someone, is it OK to kiss them on the cheek or should you just shake their hand?

My advice would be to keep in mind it’s a date – so a quick peck on the cheek is perfectly acceptable.

Start with a big smile and keep it to the one cheek. Needless to say, you should stay away from air kissing and going anywhere near the mouth.     Definitely avoid the double “continental” kiss.

Yes, they might back off but if you start with a handshake you are more likely to finish with one at the end of your date.  Be brave and take a small risk and it might just pay off.

After all, most people will appreciate it if you take the initiative.  Handshakes are for friends and business meetings.

I’d be interested to hear what you think is the best way to start a date?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

How many people do you meet each day?  One ?  Ten ?    The reality is that you could be missing out on meeting hundreds!

Whenever you go out you have the opportunity to talk to other singles – whether it’s on your way to work, your lunch break or just waling down the street.

Here are some opportunities you might be missing with some tips to maximise them:

1) Bookstore.   You might have to cheat a little here, but it’s worth it.  The easy way to approach someone you want to talk to is to take note of what they are reading.  Find a similar book, stand near them and ask if they’ve read it.   Tell them you are new to whatever subject it is and would like to learn about.   It doesn’t matter what – cooking, goldfish or synchronised swimming.  It’s the very fact you appear to have a mutual interest that will help you both bond.

2) Shop.   This is my personal favourite.  Go into any shop with the idea that you have to buy a present for someone of the opposite sex – perhaps your mother, neighbour or favorite Uncle.  Walk up to someone that catches their eye and their opinion.  People LOVE to be asked what they think !

3) Park. Where do single people hang out at lunchtime when they don’t have anywhere else to go?  That’s right, the park!  Take a packed lunch and enjoy the sunshine. If noting more, it’s a great chance to people watch.

4) Bus Stop or Train Station.   Nobody likes waiting for public transport and it can be incredibly dull.  All you have to do is walk up to someone you fancy and ask if they’ve been waiting long – instant conversation starter!

5) Attend a Seminar or a Talk.  Many people go to these on their own and there are plenty of chances to chat before, during and afterwards.  You can find information about these in Metro or your local free newspaper.

Good luck!
James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

We tend to get the same questions every day so here are some of our answers to the most popular ones.

1) Why isn’t anyone sending me messages?

We get asked this question a LOT.   You need to contact people, not the other way around!

Not proactively sending 5 to 10 new messages per week is like joining a gym and not going – Even members who get lots of emails still need to be proactive to target the people they want, rather than the members who tend to send out lots of messages.

We have loads of new members joining each month, so you should easily find 10 to 20 people you like, to message/wink/add to favourites each month. Oh and have some great photos and log in regularly too to boost your chances.

2) I dont look my age. Can I come to the younger parties?

We must get asked this question every day.

It’s funny how everyone tells us how “people think they are ten years younger.” What they are forgetting is that this isn’t the point. It’s irrelevant how you look – our members are paying to meet people in the correct age categories.

We have to have age limits in place for the good of everyone. Guests need to be within a certain age range to make sure they only meet suitable people.

Having said that, we can sometimes be a little flexible on age limits. If the average age of the guests if higher than average then we might be able to let a few people in.

3) Why can’t I pay for one message at a time?

No, for many reasons! This is a bit like going into a supermarket and asking to buy an egg. It costs a lot of money to develop and run the site and as such we have to charge for it. If we allowed people to buy just one credit or reply to one message then it would simply have to cost about the same as a one month membership. The second reason is that we absolutely want you to have dating success. This means you needs to take control and message a lot of people. The more effort you put into it then the more results you will have.

4) Can you tell me why women’s tickets are more expensive that the male ones?

Generally speaking they aren’t – the prices are the same. It’s just that the earlier you book then the cheaper the tickets. As women buy earlier than men then tickets go up in price quicker so it just appears.

However, for some events it’s supply and demand and we have to take action to ensure even ratios. It’s always worth remembering that we always charge more for last minute tickets if they are available so booking early is always the best police.

5)  Do you get many successes?

Absolutely We get many success stories each day.  We find that people who are the right calibre and proactive will soon meet someone. Always remember to keep positive, realistic and make sure you are the best “you” possible.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Some people can get nervous when it comes to talking to a potential date on the telephone.  Instead, they’d rather just text or email until the first date.  However, it’s really nothing to be scared of and the telephone can be used to your advantage if you know how!

1) The telephone forces you to lose one of your most power senses – eye contact.  The other person can’t see you nodding your approval or shaking your head so you need to make up for this.  Instead say things like “I hear you” and “I agree” and they’ll know you are both in sync.

2) Keep the first conversation short.  I always suggest you limit your first chat to ten minutes.   Use it to mainly just to establish a first date.  If you spend two hours chatting away before you’ve even met, what will you talk about when you finally do?

3) Treat the call as if you are auditioning.   Imagine they are sat opposite you and overact!   Even though they can’t see you, if you gesture when you speak it will make you sound more engaging.   I find that standing up helps you sound your best as it’s easier to breathe.

4) Most importantly – smile!     Try saying this line out loud now  “I’m having a wonderful day.”   Say it three times, once with no expression, once with a big grin and once with frown.  Do you see how smiling can lift your mood and makes you sound so much friendlier?

5) Work the answerphone.  This tip is valid for when you leave a message as well as your own voicemail recording.    The last thing you want is for somebody to be turned off just because of your ten second message.  Keep it simple, warm and friendly. No gimmicks, no sound effect and no jokes.    Smile when you record it and keep it short and sincere.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s a quick little secret if you want to accelerate intimacy with a stranger.

When you are talking, use the word “We” every now and again.

For example, you could say something along the lines of “What lovely weather we are having right now,” or “We ought to move away from that draft,”

By doing this you’ll confuse their subconscious mind and they will automatically place you in their future.

They instantly build rapport and create a sense of “togetherness”

Two other sneaky words you can also use are “us” and “our.”

If you meet at a party you could say “They’ve put a on a good event for us tonight.”

Don’t overdo this or you’ll be rumbled, so use this tip sparingly and they won’t know what hit them!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.asiansinglesolution.com

I often get messages asking where emails have disappeared to on the site.

Well, in order to keep things running smoothly, messages are automatically deleted after 60 days.

However, if the other person deletes the message, or deletes their profile, the the message will also disappear from your inbox/sent.

It’s worth noting that messages in bold haven’t been read yet. This is usually because they’ve not yet logged in or aren’t able to read messages as they don’t have credits or a membership.

If you are keen to hear from them, it’s always worth sending another message “reply paid” as that might encourage them to write back!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansingesolution.com

I’m the UK’s top Dating Guru,  and people always tell me their biggest dating turn offs.  These can be tiny things, but some come up over and over again.  It’s time for you to read and learn in case you are making the same mistakes!

1) Bad Body Odour andpersonal hygiene. This usually tops most people’s list of turn offs. It goes without saying that you should take a shower, shave  and smell nice if you want to attract other people.

2) Smoking. This is not just extremely anti-social but it gives you terrible breath and shows you don’t take your health seriously.  Funnily enough, it seems that even smokers don’t want to date other smokers!

3) Avoiding direct eye contact. Always remember that eye contact is crucial so don’t stare at the floor. If you look nervous then it just gives the impression that you have something to hide.

4) Assuming the world revolves around you. You really don’t need to talk endlessly about yourself or stare at the mirror the whole time. Focus on the person you are dating and make them feel like the centre of your universe.

5) Being Negative.  There’s really nothing worse than being a “victim” and talking about all your problems on a date. It’s just not attractive! Instead, try and see the positive side of everything and remember to laugh and smile often.

6) Being a cheapskate. We say this time and time again but men should always pay the bill on the first date but the woman should at least offer. If you are stingy with money then you are probably stingy with your time and affection too.

7) Not having a photo on your online dating profile. This is major error that many people seem to make. If you don’t have a photo or demand to see one before sending out yours, then it shows insecurity and the strong possibility that you have something to hide. Even worse are photos with sunglasses or hats. Why would you wear the hat if you had a lovely head of hair?

8) Being too sexual or too keen.  There’s nothing wrong with showing that you are serious about dating but don’t take things to far or too fast.  You don’t need to jump into bed right away or make plans for the next five weekends on your first date.  Take a little time to get to know each other slowly. Give yourselves time to miss each other.

9) Not making it clear when you aren’t interested. Some people think they are being kind by not directly rejecting someone. Instead they just ignore calls, emails and texts and cut off all contact. The trouble with this is that nobody gets any closure and it just stretches it out. If you have to, be polite and honest rather than give them hope. It’s kinder in the long run!

10) Trying to change them. It can sometimes be easy to overlook the flaws in a relationship. Instead, you think that you will be able to sort them out and get them to work on the things you don’t like. Wrong! Focus on the things you do like about them. Everyone has flaws and they just make is human. If you were both perfect life could be very boring indeed.

I’d love to hear about your own dating turn offs. Add a comment on this blog or email me at [email protected]

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here’s an interesting thing that we’ve noticed.  Its seems that some people get lots of interest and get lots of emails……only to never reply to them!

What we’d really like you to do is at least reply to more of these people, even if its to say “thanks but no thanks.” It’s just plain old courtesy.  To make this easy for you we even  have standard responses such as “thanks but I’m not looking at the moment”  or “You aren’t my type.”  It only takes a few seconds and they’ll at least know that you have acknowledged there existence.

Some people don’t reply because they don’t want to have to pay for the service which is quite strange. If you aren’t serious about meeting someone then why fill out your profile in the first place? If you start making the effort and communicating with people then you’ll soon start making new friends and lining up dates.  If you want to learn to swim you have to start by putting your toe in the water after all!

We also advise sending a credit with a message to make sure the recipient can read it just in case they are new the site.  Oh and don’t worry, if you do send a credit they can only reply to your message, not save it to contact someone else!

If you really aren’t interested in making contact with anyone or are perhaps currently dating then it might be a better idea to hide your profile.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

This week’s blog is all about something I know a lot of people find hard.  Every day you see lots of interesting people that you’d love to start a conversation with.  You imagine what it might be like to get to know them. Perhaps it might lead to a new friendship or possibly more.  But how exactly do you approach them without coming across as a nutter or getting rejected?

There’s no big secret to this, it’s all about “attitude”    Approach them with the aim to just have a friendly conversation rather than anything more.   If you put too much pressure on yourself you’ll just make it awkward.

One of the most important things to remember is to be spontaneous. Don’t even think about whether you should talk to them or not – just do it!   You don’t have to fancy them as every approach is just practice for the next one. Above all, have fun.    If you can get their attention right away when they aren’t expecting it they won’t have time to be defensive.

I suggest you approach people everywhere except clubs and bars ( as they will be on their guard and “expecting” to be approached.)   The best places are bookstores, supermarkets, public transport and coffee shops. Many many singles  hang out in coffee shops during their lunch hour. Just sit in one for a while and watch who comes in.

Finally, when you do approach them, have a question to ask them.  Ask them which coffee is best as there are so many choices, or if they have read a certain book.   It doesn’t really matter WHAT you say, just make sure you smile and put them at ease.  Don’t ask questions that rely on simple yes/no replies as you want to get into discussions with them.

The more people you approach then the easier it will be next time. Before long it will just come naturally and you’ll find they will  even approach you first!

There’s a fantastic course aimed at men which I do recommend you have a read of, which teaches these skills in more detail:

http://tinyurl.com/ya89j5a

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru
www.asiansinglesolution.com

In today’s blog I’m going to be focussing on some of the very worst things you can put in your profile.  These are genuine comments that we see each and every day, over and over.  I’ll tell you what they are and explain quickly why writing them can be a VERY bad idea:

1)”Timewasters need not apply”    You aren’t inviting people to view a car, but to meet you.  Don’t be bossy, but try and come across as warm and friendly.

2)”I can’t believe I’m doing this”   This shows instant negativity which is a big turn off to most people. You are suggesting that you are embarrassed to be on the site and therefore hinting you are embarrassed to be contacting them.

3) “I’m not going to say what I want, but what I DON’T want!”  Again, instant negativity.  Why not spend the time writing about what you do like, rather than what you don’t.

4) “You’ll be paying”!   Are you just after them for their money?  Never write this, even if it’s just as a joke.

5) “I give great massages””  Do you really.  We haven’t even spoken yet and you are already getting overtly sexual. Bad idea!

6) “I am a funny, clever person with a good sense of humour”  The irony of this is that funny, clever people would never write this in their profile – instead they would write something funny and clever!

7) “Ask me for photo”   You clearly can’t be bothered to put one up so why should anyone be bothered to ask?

8 ) “Hello how are you?”  This is just incredibly dull, especially if it doesn’t lead on to something wonderfully interesting…..and they rarely do.

9) “Lol!”   You aren’t a teenager, you are a successful, intelligent adult, so never write things like this. You already know that you should avoid text speak….don’t you?!

10) “I’m not a paying member”   So why are you even on the site?   Would you sit outside a gym and tell everyone you aren’t going to pay but you expect to still get fit? This sort of comment guarantees automatic suspension so never ever write it!

If you’ve seen event worse profiles than these then do comment on this and let us know!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

I’ve had a lot of emails about my blog post on the top things never to say on a first date.   A lot of people have told me about other very strange things people have said to them but there’s one thing that crops up scarily often.   I’ve heard this so many times that I wanted to share it with you.  If it’s happened to you too then let me know!

It’s what I call the “empty wallet” story…

To summarise, it goes like this.  The man invites the lady out on a date – perhaps for some drinks or a meal.  They get on well and at the end of the evening the bill arrives.  The man goes to open his wallet only to be stunned that he’s somehow left all his money ( and credit cards!) behind.

“Oh dear,” he says, ” I seem to have come out without any cash.  Would you mind paying now and I’ll get it next time?”

As if there would even be a next time. I’ve even heard a version of this where the man has ordered the most expensive items from the menu and the lady has just had salad and  a mineral water.  Another lady did foolishly agree to cough up and arranged another restaurant date only for him to try exactly the same trick again!

Men, this is absolutely not cool or funny.  This can’t be an accident and nobody goes out without any money.  Your main job on a date is to make the best first impression you possibly can.  If you refuse to pay then it makes you look mean, tight fisted and downright rude.   On top of this it will make you look incredibly stupid and you’ll undo any good work you might have made during the date.

So the bottom line is bring enough money to cover the date and act like a gentleman.

Of course it’s not just men who do this.  Many women expect the men to pay and will “forget” to bring money with them as a test.  Again, this is wrong. While the man should generally always pay on the first date, the woman should at least offer.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Everyone knows that gyms can be great places to meet other singles.  They can attract, healthy, sociable people who care about how they look and you’ve already got something in common. But things just aren’t that easy!  For starters, most people are plugged into their Ipods which makes conversation almost impossible.

However, if you know the secrets then you soon start having much better success rates. Here are some of my top tips to help you :

1)  Keep an eye on people’s  jewellery.  Stay clear of wedding rings, but other jewellery like necklaces and big watches can work as  a great icebreaker. Just ask them “doesn’t that get in the way?!”

2) Join a class. People don’t wear headphones and you’ll get to talk and get to know the other class members, both before and after the session.

3) Never ever be sleazy or take things too far.  There’s a fine line between catching someone’s eye or leering at someone in tight spandex.  If you want to be able to go back, keep things low key and friendly.

4) The best time to approach someone is when they are “between” sets or machines or by the water fountain.  I’d never recommend interrupting someone when they are on a cardio machine.  It’s dangerous and if you stop them they’ll just get annoyed.

5) Here’s a great tip to break through the dreaded Ipod barrier. Lots of gyms have free postcards, so find one and write “Hello!” on the back in big letters.

Walk up to someone you like who is wearing earphones, smile at them and hold out the sign.

Most people will be amused and intrigued enough to stop what they are doing and chat to you.

6) Watch out for the people who aren’t trying to hard. They are there for the attention, not for a serious workout so they’ll be more open to talking to you.  They are easy to spot as they’ll be walking on the treadmill, lifting extremely light weights or stretching. They are usually also watching out to see who is looking at them too!

7) Smile. Yes,  it seems simple, but many people at the gym don’t bother smiling. When you catch their eye, instead of blushing and looking away –  smile.  You might just entice them to come talk to you.  If you look friendly and approachable then other people will want to come and chat with you too.

8 ) Go during weekend evenings. If they are at the gym at that time then there’s a pretty good chance they will be single.  Anyone in a relationship would probably be with their partners as this is peak “couple” time!

9) Take time to befriend to the receptionist when you enter and leave the gym.  If you bond with them, they’ll often have the inside scoop on who is single, who is dating who and what times the members are usually there.

10) Become a Regular. Exercise increases your libido and you’ll look better.  So, the more you go to the gym then the fitter you’ll get and the more people you’ll get to know.  If people see you are popular this acts as “social proof” and they’ll want to get to know you too.
Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

As the 14th February approaches, many people’s thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day.   For some, it’s day to enjoy with a partner, but for many singles it can be quite a depressing time!  In fact, some people refer to Valentine’s as Singles Awareness Day…aka SAD.

But it really doesn’t need to be that way.  In fact, it can be the best day of the year if you in the right mindset.

Here are some top tips to help you get the most out of it:

1) Instead of feeling frustrated for not having a significant other to spend the day, singles can spend Valentine’s Day in a constructive manner by expressing love and affection for people around them.  Be greatful for the people you have in your life, not the ones you don’t.

2) Be your own Valentine.  Give yourself a special treat, such as booking a spa session, cooking your favourite meal or buy a new outfit. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever truly anyone else.

3) Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity!

4) For ultimate feelgood factor, do something great for somebody else.  You’ll feel amazing if you go out of your way to help another person. Perhaps you could have tea with a lonely elderly relative or donate your time to a local charity.

5) Get out there and enjoy yourself.  Valentine’s Day if probably THE best day of the year for singles.  You’ll have more free cash, more time and less pressure than couples, so make the most of it!  Get your other single friends together and hit the bars where all the other singles will be partying.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

P.s The Asian Single Solution will be running two big Singles parties (London and Birmingham0  on Saturday 13th February 2010.  Book up now and join over 250 gorgeous guests.

Ok, so you went on a first date and are wondering what to do now.

When should contact them? What do you say?

The trouble with first dates is that you never know what the other person is thinking.  You might think it was amazing but they just weren’t feeling it.  In fact, they are probably also wondering what to do next.

Firstly, always thank them. It’s just polite. You only need to send a quick text when you get home.

There are now three possible paths:

You aren’t sure if you want to see them again.

Life isn’t easy and you might well have mixed emotions about a date. I’d always sugget a second date if you are undecided but you’ll need time to think it over.   Leave it 24 hours to think carefully about it and then go on to one of the next two steps.

You want to see them again

Excellent!  Let them know you thought it went well and you’d like to see them again.  Assuming they liked you too, they’ll be pleased to have their minds put at rest. Make sure you arrange a second date around one week after your first one.  Any later and you’ll forget the connection, any sooner and you might burn out too quickly!  It can be hard to find things to say if nothing new has happened in the time you’ve been apart.

You don’t want to see them again

It’s hard line between being hurting someone’s feelings and making it clear you don’t have a future.   However, I’d always advise letting them know this quickly so they don’t hold out hope of further dates.  It’s  best to be honest but if you can’t, tell them you thought they were cool but reminded you too much of your brother or sister.

Sometimes you just won’t hear from them again. They’ll disappear and you’ll never hear from them again. You’ll never quite know why but when this happens be happy that you had a narrow escape and get back on track and start dating new people.

Happy Dating,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

There has been a lot of press recently about how people should “settle” if they want to have any hope of getting married.

So should you make do even if you aren’t completely convinced?

My advice is always to give someone a chance if you feel any sort of connection at all.  The longer you spend with someone
then the more you will start to bond and like them.  If there are a few things you are unsure of, put them to the back of your mind and focus
on the things you DO find interesting about them.

Too many people judge very quickly and dismiss them before they have even got to know them.  You never see the “real” person on a first date as they too busy being nervous about making a good first impression!

Remember, that by it’s very definition, most people are “average.”  So therefore, most people are only going to be “5’s”  Therefore there’s no point holding out for
an 8 or a 9 as they will only be interested in other 8 or 9s.

However, everyone likes different things there can be “equalisers” to help you. We all have our own strengths so make sure you play on them.
Just because you are normal looking doesn’t mean you can’t have an outstanding personality.   Charm, Power, Money, Sense of Humour etc can all
be just as attractive.  Even small things like being a great dancer, an amazing cook, good with kids can be help up your odds in the right circumstances. Work with what you have.

Of course, if you don’t fancy them at all then life is too short to see them again.  Nobody should ever have to settle for second best. Just make sure you are making the most of every encounter and opportunity.

Finally,  we always attract people like ourselves . Be happy, content and make sure you love yourself before you bring someone else into your life.  You’ll soon find someone wonderful.

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

With this freezing weather, lack of money and , it can be easy to see why this can be the most depressing time of the year! If you aren’t in a fantastic mood, this can play havoc with your dating life .

Here are my five top tips to feel happier – instantly!

1) Appreciate what you have. If you take a while to reflect, you’ll soon realise you have so many wonderful things in your life. This can include things like great friends, family, good health for example.

2) Make a list of what you have to look forward to. This can be big things, such as holidays, parties or even a pay rise . Your can also list small things that will still cheer you up. This can be a coffee break, favourite television show or cooking a nice meal. If there aren’t enough things on your list then start planning!

By doing this you will be able to start living in the present moment. Many of us worry about what the future holds, so make sure you’ve prepared as many positive things as possible.

3) Play some music. Uplifting, happy tunes can stimulate the creative areas of your brain, providing an instant mood lift. Just make sure the music is upbeat – nothing sad or too slow!

4) Go for a walk. Your physiology determines your emotions so if you start to energise yourself your blood will flow more and you’ll feel much happier very quickly. For double the effect, why not combine this with tip 3 by plugging in your Ipod and strolling through the park?

5) Smile! You might need to fake it at first, but you’ll notice that you can’t help but feel better when you smile. It’s a natural body response. As an added bonus, if you smile at people it makes them feel better about themselves and you’ll find many smile back, boosting your happiness even more!

James Preece – Confidence Coach
www.asiansinglesolution.com

It’s amazing how many people still believe outdated misconceptions about online dating. They use these excuses as reasons not to give it a go and therefore hinder their chances of meeting some lovely people. Here are some common myths that I’m going to bust for you now:

1) Isn’t Online Dating just full of losers and weirdos?

Over 50% of singles have tried online dating, so you can’t class that many as “weird”! Yes, as with any large mix of people there will be a few oddballs, but overall most online daters are busy professionals who just don’t have time to meet people in bars and clubs. Anyone that gives online dating a go is obviously a little adventurous .

2) I don’t want to put my photo up. What if someone I know sees it?

In order to see your photo, they would have to be on the website themselves. Most people don’t have an issue putting their photo on social media sites like Facebook, so why would you be worried about a private members site? A profile without a photo is a bit like sending out a CV without any jobs listed on it – pointless!

3) What if I get stuck on a date with someone I can’t stand?

This is the reason why I suggest you never arrange a drinks or dinner date. Instead, say you are busy and just meet for an hour for coffee. If you don’t get on, you can leave. If you hit it off, you can always meet again or “cancel” your other plans!

4) Doesn’t everyone lie on their profile?

I’ m not going to deny that white lies are common – after all the intention is to present the very best possible version of “you” However, bigger fibs are rare as they are instantly obvious once you do meet. There’s no point saying you are 6ft2 if you are really 5ft 5 as you won’t get away with. Therefore nobody would dare to pretend they are.

5) Online Dating is too expensive!

Most online dating sites work out more expensive if you only sign up for one month, but almost all sites can work out much cheaper if you do it over the long term. You really do get what you pay for and you are paying for the security, quality and anonymity they site offers. People are happy to pay for a gym membership or for a theatre ticket, so why not pay a little to boost your love life?

So what are you waiting for?

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean you can’t keep dating.  There are many things you can do outside that will help make an entertaining and unforgettable date.  Not only with they get your adrenalin going and raise your temperature but they won’t cost you much either. I’ve put together a few ideas for some brilliant dates in the snow. Just remember to warn your date to wrap up warm!

Snowman Building:   Very simple but very entertaining. Bring along a few buttons, carrots and bbq brickettes. By building a snowman together you’ll both bond quickly.

Snow Paint:  This is great fun. Mix some food colouring with water and put it in a spray bottle. You can then take turns to squirt it on the snow and create works of art.

Sledging:  Not just for kids. You can either buy one for about £10 or make your own from a piece of wood or cardboard.

Snow Golf:  You just need a couple of golf balls for this one.  Dig some holes in the snow and take turns trying to get the balls into them. You could even bury some empty tin cans to make the holes even better.

Snowball fights aren’t an especially good idea for a first date, but if you already know them they can be quite flirtatious if done playfully.

Finally, make sure you’ve researched a warm pub or restaurant you can go on to afterwards to thaw out – ideally somewhere with a roaring fire!

James Preece  Dating Coach for https://www.asiansinglesolution.com

Based on an unrepresentative sample size of one, i.e. us, here are our top ideas for your first date.

There are 10 fantastic ideas, ignoring the most obvious “meeting for a drink or dinner”. None are very expensive but all are likely to get your date relaxed and they will reveal more about themselves.

1. If you both enjoy art, visit an art museum or attend an art gallery opening. These provide an opportunity for conversation, and art galleries may offer wine and snacks. Even if you don’t love art, this can be a fun date, with the event mostly serving as a backdrop for conversation.

2. Go for coffee or ice cream. This is a good date when you don’t know someone very well. It’s not expensive, it’s public, and it can be short if you don’t click. You might want a second activity planned in case you do like each other and want to extend the date.

3. Watch the stars. Pick a nice evening, sit out on a blanket in the yard, and watch the stars. An afternoon alternative is to watch the clouds. Throw in a picnic and you have a complete date. Just make sure to watch the forecast carefully and have a backup plan in case of a last-minute weather change.

Share an activity

4. Play board games. You can learn a lot about a person from playing a game together. Do they cheat? Pout or get angry if they lose? Enjoy a fun, healthy competition? Just avoid skill-based games if one person had a distinct advantage, such as if one person plays chess and the other doesn’t.

5. Be creative. Whether you’re making pottery, a scrapbook, a collage, or even colouring with crayons, this can be a fun way to start a relationship. Just don’t pick anything too messy unless you’re prepared with a change of clothes.

6. Be active. If you share a common interest, you can go for a jog, go hiking or bicycling, or head to the gym. It’s good for your body, and the endorphins generated will give you a positive feeling about each other. The downside is that you may not look or smell your best after getting all sweaty.

7. Feed the birds. Buy a bag of bread, find a park bench near ducks or pigeons, and you’ll be set. It can make you feel like a kid again, which is a great experience for a date. Just try to avoid geese, which can be more aggressive.

8. Go to a garden. Whether it’s a public rose garden or a private garden that offer tours, this is a beautiful place to take a stroll and have a nice conversation. Just make sure that neither of you suffer from allergies, which could put a damper on the outing.

9. cook dinner together. Choose a romantic menu, cook together, then enjoy a candlelight dinner. Cooking together lets you talk while you’re preparing the food. Just don’t choose on overly complicated dish unless you are a very skilled cook. You also don’t want your attention to be too focused on the recipe, so something easy like a grilled steak or a simple pasta dish might be a good choice. Also, this is only for a first date option if you already know the person. Don’t invite a stranger to your home or go alone to a stranger’s house.

10. Go nature hunting. Search for seashells on the beach, hunt for wildflowers in the countryside, or just take pictures of your findings. You can enjoy the beauty of nature and a quiet place to talk. Make sure to pack necessary equipment such as water and appropriate shoes.

Get your date – Start searching now. CLICK HERE

Paul Ergatoudis

Director and date coach for AsianSingleSolution.com

I’ve noticed something odd at some of our parties that I wanted to share with you.
Guests often turn up with coats, hats, scarves etc which is quite normal considering the unreliable British weather.
Most will put these in the cloakroom so they can relax and enjoy the evening. We always make sure that a cloakroom is available for this very reason.

However…..sometimes guests prefer to keep their coats on and will keep wrapped up throughout the party.

This really is quite an odd thing to do and I’ve been trying to work out the reasons for this. Of course, everyone is entitled to wear what they want but it really doesn’t do anyone any favours.
By keeping your coat on you are preparing yourself to leave before you’ve even started. When you keep your coat on, everyone else will assume you’ve had enough and are on the way out.
It’s just an unnecessary barrier and people will be reluctant to come and say hi.

To make matters worse, I’ve even had these fully dressed guests complaining to me that that it’s too warm in the venue!

These guests have usually made a big effort to wear something smart and sexy but nobody will ever know. So take off your coats, reveal what’s underneath and make the most of what you have. Don’t hide behind a safety blanket. You’ll get much better results and have a much more fun evening.

James Preece Dating Coach for www.asiansinglesolution.com
Read about Hindu Dating

Sometimes you might date someone who feels that you are too good for them. This can be down to insecurity or low self esteem. They’ll be paranoid and possessive which will cause you both problems.

Here are some tips to help reassure him :

1) Surprise him every now and again. Send him a love letter or cook him a suprise meal. This will show subconsciously show him that you are thinking about him even when you aren’t together.

2) Be a good listener. Show him that you value his opinions and what he has to say. People naturally feed connected when they believe they are being understood and listened to.

3) It’s quite normal to feel insecure about things every now again. Reassure him and become his biggest cheerleader. He needs to know that you like him for the whole package
and let him overhear you telling others how wonderful he is.

4) Make yourself available. Always take his calls and make time to be together. If you disappear it can make him think the worst.

5) Give him an item of jewellery (such as a watch) that he can wear. Every time he thinks about you he’ll look at it and have an instant psychical and mental reminder about how much you care about it.

James Preece Dating Expert for Asian Single Solution

I noticed a very interesting thing at a recent singles party I was working at. The party was in full swing, but one man arrived late.
He darted into the room, stood by the stairs, with his head hanging low and his eyes fixed on the floor. He had a very pained expression
on his face, that made him look like he was gurning while being attracted by bees. This was not the ideal way of making a good first impression at a party.
At a singles party, many people have an eye on the door, just in case Mr or Miss Right walks in.

I offered him some tips on the night and it turned out he felt awkward about being there. I thought it would be a good idea to share the advice I gave him about the right way to enter a party.

1) Just before you enter, breathe slowly to compose yourself.
2) Now walk slowly and confidently up to the doorway.
3) Imagine the doorway has a rope hanging down, that pulls you up to your full height. No slouching allowed.
4) Stand in the doorway and SMILE and pause for a couple for seconds.
5) Congratulations, you now look like somebody everyone has to talk to!

James Preece Body Language and Dating Expert for Asiansinglesolution.com

There’s one dating question I often get asked that I’m going to discuss here.

When you start seeing a potential partner, is it better to pursue them or play hard to get?

Time and again, people are advised to play it cool and make any potential love do all chasing. They’ll wait for them to call or text first, or keep them waiting.

But studies show that this technique doesn’t work.

One particular study involved a female member of a Dating agency. Her brief was that when a guy called her up to ask for a date, she would either say yes right away or pause for 3 seconds. After the call the men were told what had happened and asked for their thoughts. Playing hard to get made absolutely no difference and most men didn’t care about the pause.

Another recent study took a group of men and asked if they would rather date someone keen to have a relationship, or someone who made them do all the chasing. Their conclusions were very interesting and showed that there were arguments for and against both types. The perceptions were that they thought that “easy to obtain” women were fun to be with but could be embarrassing in public. On the other hand, hard to get women were great for the ego but could be cold and unfriendly.

Overwhelming research shows that the best strategy is to give the impression that you are hard to get but are still really keen on your potential partner. That’s a strategy we’d definitely recommend. Don’t agree to every suggested date and make them realise you have a full social calendar. When you make time for them they will appreciate it even more.

James Preece, Dating Guru for Asiansinglesolution.com

Sometimes people stay friends with their exes, but this can make it hard for a new couple. Here are some tips if you are worried about how to handle them:

1) Communicate. If their ex is getting in the way then you need to talk things through before problems build up. Find out what went wrong and what caused them to break up. Make sure there are no feelings left or questions unresolved. If you are worried about them getting in the way then it’s up to your partner to reassure you, not the other way around.

2) Give them Space. Let them meet every now and again if they are friends. They are entitled to have their own friends and they must at some point have had lots in common. If they feel like you are pressurizing them, they might panic and become defensive, which will cause tensions and arguments.

3) Don’t display signs of jealousy. Even if you are, then never ever let her know. Instead, be overfriendly with her and show her how happy you are with your partner. Always smile, laugh at his jokes, hold his hand and show her you are completely non-threatened by her.

4) Don’t compete. Keep in mind that you’ve already won as he’s chosen to be romantically involved with you. So don’t feel you have to outdo her or fall into the trap of constantly comparing yourself to her. It’s you that he wants to be with so it’s game over for her.

5) Don’t try and make him jealous or her angry. It can be tempting to flirt with other guys or try and wind her up, but game playing will only backfire on you. There’s no need to create barriers or problems if they don’t exist in the first place.

6) Get to know her – you might just make a new friend. You never know, she might even be more worried about what you are thinking than the other way round. At least if you know her and how she thinks then you have the strong advantage.

7) Make sure you have a wide social circle yourself. That way you have other people to talk to and aren’t dependent on your partner. He’ll know that you have other options and places to go to, which will make him realise life goes on without him.

8) Be cautious. If there are three of you in the relationship and she’s causing problems then take action. Just because he’s happy with you, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want him back. Watch out for warning signals like secret text and phone calls, him wearing clothes she likes or him simply disappearing.

9) Trust him. It can be hard, but it’s only through trust that a relationship can develop. Take his word that they are just friends….at least until something happens that makes you doubt otherwise!

10) Give it time. It might be an annoyance or inconvenience but don’t worry. She will eventually meet someone else and will be off the radar and out of your life. You don’t have to deal with her forever!

James Preece, Relationship and Dating Expert for Asiansinglesolution.com

I quite often get emails from members saying they are disappointed that they’ve not had many emails on the site.

The funny thing is, when I investigate I usually notice that these people haven’t sent any messages out themselves! To be successful with online dating, you need to take action and not just sit back and wait for things to happen. This same rule is true in all aspects of life. If you want a job, do you mail out your CV or do you hope that job finders will magically find you? If you wanted to launch a business, would you try and promote it or pray that customers will come to you instead. I hope you get my point.

Even if you have an amazing photo and an outstanding profile, Mr or Miss Right might be getting emails from other people while you hesitate. Rather than try and find you, they will spend their time getting to know others instead.

The people who get what they want in life as those who make a plan and follow through on it. Spend at least 15 minutes each day carefully searching through profiles that you like and send them a quick carefully crafted email. Don’t give up if you don’t have a fast response, just keep learning and writing emails for a couple of weeks. You’ll be delighted when the replies start pouring in!

James Preece Dating Expert for Asiansinglesolution.com

Imagine if you clicked this blog and all you read was “I’ll come back to this later.”     How would you feel? Perhaps disappointed and ever so slightly cheated.

It never ceases to amaze us how often people don’t bother filling in their profile properly.  A lot of people will write things such as “I’ll tell you Later,” “Ask Me for more Info” or “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”     This is such a waste of time!   What sort of message do you thing this gives to other members?   Firstly, it makes you look ignorant and lazy. If you can’t be bothered to take the time to write a few things about yourself then why should anyone else be interested in getting to know you?

Remember that your profile is there as an advert.  If you write interesting things then you’ll give other people the chance to ask you about them. The more interesting and fun you sound then the more chance there is that they will contact you.

Think very carefully about what you DO say. Don’t write things for the sake of it.

As a guideline, write a few well crafted lines about yourself, followed by a couple of lines about the sort of person you are looking for. You don’t have to write an essay –  too much is almost as bad as too little – but just enough to give everyone a snapshot of your personality.

Very important:  Include a “Call to Action” at the end of your profile.   This is a sentence that will encourage people to get in touch.  This can be a direct statement, such as “Contact me now and let’s see if there’s a spark!”  or “What are you waiting for?  Email me !”     Alternatively, it can be a question.  Good examples

So take a few minute out of your busy lives now to write a better profile.   You’ll see the rewards as soon as the emails start flooding in!

James Preece  Dating Guru for Asiansinglesolution.com

We always recommend that you think up lots of great questions that you ask people to keep conversation flowing. There is nothing worse that an awkward silence when you are first getting to know someone. Make sure you don’t ask open ended questions as you’ll only get “yes or no” answers which can kill your conversation stone dead!

To get you started, we’ve come up with some great questions that you can ask. Just remember to really listen to the answers and don’t keep firing off questions. Instead, try and blend them naturally into your chat.

1) Are you a morning or night person?
2)Do you believe in life on other planets?
3)Do you have any bad habits?
4)Do you prefer sweet or salty foods?
5)If you were a fictional character who would you be?
6) Which is your most cherished childhood memory?
7) If you could be any animal, what would you be?
8 ) If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
9) If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
10) If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on?
11) What do you think about right before falling asleep?
12)What is one thing that no one knows about you?
13) If you could have three wishes what would they be?
14) What is one thing you like about being an adult?
15) What is one thing you miss about being a kid?
16) What is one thing you would change about yourself?
17) What is your dream job?
18 ) If you were stranded on a desert island, what three items would you most want ?
19) In case you and I were going out and we had a fight. How would you try to patch things up?
20) What is your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?
21) What is your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?
22) What is your first thought when you wake up?
23) What personality traits do you look for in a partner?
24) What was your favorite childhood television program?
25) Would you rather be rich or have true love?

James Preece – Dating Expert

Pick up a newspaper read the front page and be utterly depressed. The same can be said for watching the news. These are challenging and quite harsh times.
So how can we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get a spring in our step?

The following should help.

1)     Be thankful for what you have

It’s very easy to moan about the day to day chores that we have to do, people who get us down, rude people in London but what about sparing a thought for all the wonderful things we have in our lives. So thank you for wonderful friends, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, food, house, job, health service, peace etc. Each and every morning write a list for everything  you are grateful for. It can be a short list of 10 things taking under 5 minutes or even a page long. It doesn’t matter – the important thing is to actually feel gratitude for what you have. It also makes you realise how lucky you actually are!

2)     Exercise and more exercise

One of the best ways to be motivated and put yourself into a positive frame of mind is to exercise at least for at least 30 minutes per day. This releases endorphins, clears the mind and makes you re focus. You can even brain storm whilst on the stepper or running machine. If you are feeling tired or lethargic this is again one of the best ways to change that state of mind.

It is even better if you can go for a run outside, enjoying the peace and tranquillity, the beautiful park, you will feel recharged and wonderful after.

3)     Start small

Been putting off that task because you’re spending too long procrastinating? Has it reached that point where it really needs to be done, deadlines due? Just do it in small bits. Imagine that feeling when it is actually complete and you don’t need to worry about it any more. Reward yourself with a mini treat after. Avoid all distractions in the meantime. Divert the phone if need be, get off the internet (one of the worst distractions) and start the job, a little each day goes a long way.

4)     Think big

Whilst you may start small have a big vision and keep that in mind. Starting small means you are closer to the end result. This will in turn motivate you and help you reach your final goal.

5)     Act enthusiastically

Even if at this point you are not feeling the motivation, just pretend you are. Pretend you are feeling happy and have completed the job in hand. Once you act enthusiastically you will be enthusiastic, this will in turn motivate you.

6)     Get help or delegate some of the work

A problem shared is a problem halved. Life is so much more fun when you share. If you are having problems getting started talk over some of the issues with your colleagues, they may be able to share some of the burden. He / she may even get you motivated again so you once again find your mojo!

7)     Get some advice/ have a mentor

Talk to someone who knows about the job in hand. Ask for the benefit of their experience, get some ideas on how you can proceed. Their advice will be helpful and motivate you. 

8 )     Have a daily plan

Do a little bit more each day. There is no point to start motivated and not follow up on any action points tomorrow. Have a daily plan and tick off each point once completed. Write yourself a plan for the next day. Find your energy and enthusiasm grow each day.

9)     Have lots to look forward to.

Make arrangements to see friends so you always have things to look forward to. Pamper yourself too. Book yourself a massage, theatre tickets, football or rugby tickets. Do whatever makes you feel great.

10) Have visual goals

It is helpful to have visual goals. Whatever that is you are working towards, make it visual. It maybe something material like a car, or a vacation you have been looking forward to for the longest time. Take or cut out a picture of it and post it at a conspicuous place at work or at home where you can see it often. So that when you feel discouraged, this will remind you of your goal and will help you keep your focus.

Written by Alexandra Abrahams, Dating Expert